How do I stop assisting soo much?

[Ben101]

Hello, 

My girlfriend has had OCD her entire life but i didn't find out about it until I moved in with her over a year ago, she has compulsions over brushing her teeth for long periods of a time, she won't go to bed as she has a "clean" spot in the sofa that I'm not allowed to sit on as she sleeps there every night, we can't have people round as she'll wipe everything they've touched ones they've left and feels uncomfortable, she says I have to wipe her clean with anti bacterial wipes before she goes to bed. She goes through anti bacterial wipes and soap like there's no tomorrow and I just can't cope with it, I get bossed around and If I ever try to talk about it she starts to cry or gets angry saying I need your help otherwise I can't sleep or feel comfortable and if I try to talk to her about stopping as I don't think I should be accommodating she starts crying and does the same again, I don't know what to do as it's all too much for me, she's on seratonin but refuses to have therapy as she's done it her whole life and says she finds it pointless, I've been through therapy to help with my depression through this but I don't think I can take anymore and don't know what to do. 

[DRS1]

1 minute ago, Ben101 said:

Hello, 

My girlfriend has had OCD her entire life but i didn't find out about it until I moved in with her over a year ago, she has compulsions over brushing her teeth for long periods of a time, she won't go to bed as she has a "clean" spot in the sofa that I'm not allowed to sit on as she sleeps there every night, we can't have people round as she'll wipe everything they've touched ones they've left and feels uncomfortable, she says I have to wipe her clean with anti bacterial wipes before she goes to bed. She goes through anti bacterial wipes and soap like there's no tomorrow and I just can't cope with it, I get bossed around and If I ever try to talk about it she starts to cry or gets angry saying I need your help otherwise I can't sleep or feel comfortable and if I try to talk to her about stopping as I don't think I should be accommodating she starts crying and does the same again, I don't know what to do as it's all too much for me, she's on seratonin but refuses to have therapy as she's done it her whole life and says she finds it pointless, I've been through therapy to help with my depression through this but I don't think I can take anymore and don't know what to do. 

The only way this gets better is for her to stop doing these compulsions. Right now you are accomodating all of her compulsions, especially because (and rightfully) it makes her upset. However, what you need to do no matter how hard it is, stop providing that accomodation. When you think it sounds like OCD, don't do accommodate and explain why you can't accommodate because you want her to get better.

 

Medication is only useful if she has the skills to deal with OCD from a therapy point of view too. It's why medication by itself is not a recommended course of treatment and has to be in conjunction with therapy. 

 

Just because therapy didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work now. There are a variety of factors that could cause her to not do well in therapy. Was it the appropriate therapy (CBT with ERP), did the person treating her know about OCD properly, was she ready to try therapy (i.e. was she ready to take the risk that OCD was wrong and if not therapy progress doesn't happen by itself, there is no go to a professional and they can fix it for you. Like all mental health problems it's only us that can fix it for us)

 

Beyond that, there's nothing that you can do, it's up to her to decide if she wants to get better or not and take the risk of doing therapy again