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Why wont anyone believe me?


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Hi all. This past week ive spoken to different pdocs who are specialized in ocd aswell 

I've visited the hospital yesterday and had an 75min long talk.

I explained that at this moment i feel i might be a danger to my children.

I told her that i somehow catched the idea or my 'core values' have changed into thinking that if i (unnoticed)!murder my children it will protect them from any suffering, wnd that im worried about it because when i actually sit and think about it i dont feel anxiety and it feels and seems like this is my ACTUAL believe. I told her to lock me up, asses menof im going to do such things, but all she kept telling me is that because therebis also ocd involved, it cannot be seen as a real threat. She says that the idea comes from a good place 'wanting to protect your loved ones' but kept saying ' you don't want this' but im just really not sure if i can say the same anymore. I do keep trying to convince myself of reasons why one should not do it, but all that keeps popping up is: they would still suffer. Its extremely black and white, i know.

But everytime I try and disprove the thought it feels like im just keeping myself away from the truth, like burriyng my head in sand.

So alot of times im presenting myself this thought; if i could press a button right now, and my ocd would be gone and me and my family would just live life happily would i press that button? I would like to believe I would push that button but everytime i imagine the situation i just dont feel that true overwhelming feeling i would push it. 

 

I now feel i need to change my core believe about suffering and life. But how do i do that?

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You don't feel any anxiety about it because you're doing a compulsion by sitting thinking about it.  That's what's stopping you from feeling anxious.  The more time you spend ruminating about this is more time wasted on an intrusive thought.  You've had this 'I'm a danger to my family and should be locked up' obsession going for months now and instead of using your energy to move past it you're pouring it into keeping it going.

It would probably be wise to engage with your mental health time to figure out where the core belief of you 'as a threat' to your loved ones come from in order to address and challenge that thinking.  In order to do that you're going to  have to look at addressing your past and the trauma you carry from it.

I know I've sad that to you about 20 times by now but that's all I have for you.  You have an opinion of yourself as dangerous to your loved ones that is based on skewed thinking and you need to address that to move forward.

I'm sorry you're interpreting that as being not believed but that's again, a product of your thinking about the subject.

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1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

I now feel i need to change my core believe about suffering and life. But how do i do that?

I agree with ocdjonesy.  You need to continue your engagement with your mental health team to look at your wider mental health issues.

1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

but all she kept telling me is that because therebis also ocd involved,

I cant say what else is involved in your mental health issues but from this statement it appears that OCD is a part of the issues you have.  It is important that you keep engaged with your mental health team and get help for the wider issues you have.

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30 minutes ago, ocdjonesy said:

You don't feel any anxiety about it because you're doing a compulsion by sitting thinking about it.  That's what's stopping you from feeling anxious.  The more time you spend ruminating about this is more time wasted on an intrusive thought.  You've had this 'I'm a danger to my family and should be locked up' obsession going for months now and instead of using your energy to move past it you're pouring it into keeping it going.

It would probably be wise to engage with your mental health time to figure out where the core belief of you 'as a threat' to your loved ones come from in order to address and challenge that thinking.  In order to do that you're going to  have to look at addressing your past and the trauma you carry from it.

I know I've sad that to you about 20 times by now but that's all I have for you.  You have an opinion of yourself as dangerous to your loved ones that is based on skewed thinking and you need to address that to move forward.

I'm sorry you're interpreting that as being not believed but that's again, a product of your thinking about the subject.

 

14 minutes ago, northpaul said:

I agree with ocdjonesy.  You need to continue your engagement with your mental health team to look at your wider mental health issues.

I cant say what else is involved in your mental health issues but from this statement it appears that OCD is a part of the issues you have.  It is important that you keep engaged with your mental health team and get help for the wider issues you have.

I am doing the best i can to get help. Our mental healthcare is being overrun and its extremely hard to find anyone.

Meanwhile i have to wait weeks to get some help and crisis support wont take anyone in. Unless youre a so called real danger which they dont think i am.

 

Anyone got any advise for some online help maybe? Im even considering help that im not insured for (help from uk or other countries).

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What sort of help are you looking for exactly?  We can point you to a bunch of self help resources that are listed on the OCD UK main website.  The usual books and conference videos are all there for you to take a look at and try to use to plug the hole until you make to being able to talk to someone professional.  But you seem to think you need some kind of inpatient care that isn't available to you which may or may not be true or a part of your current psychosis/murderer obsession.  I'm not a professional so I can't come down on that either way.

As for help outside your country that's a tricky one - a lot of practitioners aren't licensed or insured to treat anyone outside their own country and I'd frankly be quite wary of anyone who said they were.  Mental health services are also equally swamped in the UK and in other countries and I hate to tell you but you currently have a lot more help from official medical channels than I do and a lot of other people do.  You're at least getting hospital appointments - I can't make it past my GP to see anyone at a hospital despite several attempts to be even be diagnosed.  Private practice is also equally busy.  There just aren't the number of mental health professionals that are needed at the moment.

So that's just leaves us with asking - what do you think would help you right now?  

 

Edited by ocdjonesy
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19 hours ago, ocdjonesy said:

What sort of help are you looking for exactly?  We can point you to a bunch of self help resources that are listed on the OCD UK main website.  The usual books and conference videos are all there for you to take a look at and try to use to plug the hole until you make to being able to talk to someone professional.  But you seem to think you need some kind of inpatient care that isn't available to you which may or may not be true or a part of your current psychosis/murderer obsession.  I'm not a professional so I can't come down on that either way.

As for help outside your country that's a tricky one - a lot of practitioners aren't licensed or insured to treat anyone outside their own country and I'd frankly be quite wary of anyone who said they were.  Mental health services are also equally swamped in the UK and in other countries and I hate to tell you but you currently have a lot more help from official medical channels than I do and a lot of other people do.  You're at least getting hospital appointments - I can't make it past my GP to see anyone at a hospital despite several attempts to be even be diagnosed.  Private practice is also equally busy.  There just aren't the number of mental health professionals that are needed at the moment.

So that's just leaves us with asking - what do you think would help you right now?  

 

well I'm seeking help to transform this belief I've had for a week now into one that's in line with how I thought about it before. Which is strange, because I never thought about this specifically before.

 

So I am looking for someone who will challenge this new belief with me, because no matter what I do and whatever reasons I come up with, they feel no match for this new belief.

 

it feels with everything I do that I'm going against my better judgment, and fighting something that shouldn't be fought because it's the 'right' thing to do.

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22 minutes ago, Ironborn said:

So I am looking for someone who will challenge this new belief with me

Do you mean a professional (therapist)?  The person you mentioned at the hospital sounds very good, and gave you some very good advice. 

 

23 minutes ago, Ironborn said:

well I'm seeking help to transform this belief I've had for a week now into one that's in line with how I thought about it before. Which is strange, because I never thought about this specifically before.

Sadly that's how OCD grabs us sometimes, it comes from nowhere, but it will nearly always fixate on what is important to us the most, in your case your children.    Hopefully a good therapist will help you, although transform your thoughts to prior this week is the goal, technically it's not really what we do with OCD.  The thought you had is horrific for you because you care so much, but it's something other parents without OCD will have had at one time or another. But those without OCD are able to dismiss such thoughts and don't ponder them more than a moment or two, sadly with OCD we fixate on them and then feel guilty for having such thoughts and then feel that we are likely to cause the thing because we had the thought in the first place.    In therapy they will help you understand the thoughts and learn to giver a different perspective on thoughts just being thoughts and not indicative of intent. At that point they lose strength and significance so when the occasional thoughts pops into your head, they no longer bother you or impact you. 

Stay strong, you can move on from this :)

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Ironborn, as your theme changes you post, this is the one, this is it, what am I going to do now and then that anxiety clears up & then you get another theme.  This probably has happened a hundred times.  Do you see the pattern?

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