New here - really need support please

[ajc4]

Hello

I am male aged 60 and in UK.  I left the army 9 years ago and because of the way I was treated have PTSD anxiety but OCD has become a bigger and bigger part of it.  I am getting to the really hard to cope stage.  My OCD focusses on things around my home - for example, tiny plaster cracks behind radiators. where ceilings meet walls, outside render etc.  All of this is cosmetic and superficial but it scares me and I just can't leave it alone.  I have to fill and repaint immediately I see anything and I am hyper vigilant.  My wife is running out of patience so I just wait until she's not here to do a job which of course is then rushed so not as tidy as it might be.

I sometimes obsess over money and looking at spreadsheets although this has been easier but then the OCD transfers onto the stuff I just mentioned. 

I hope someone might read this and say hello because I feel very frightened and very alone.

[DRS1]

21 minutes ago, ajc4 said:

Hello

I am male aged 60 and in UK.  I left the army 9 years ago and because of the way I was treated have PTSD anxiety but OCD has become a bigger and bigger part of it.  I am getting to the really hard to cope stage.  My OCD focusses on things around my home - for example, tiny plaster cracks behind radiators. where ceilings meet walls, outside render etc.  All of this is cosmetic and superficial but it scares me and I just can't leave it alone.  I have to fill and repaint immediately I see anything and I am hyper vigilant.  My wife is running out of patience so I just wait until she's not here to do a job which of course is then rushed so not as tidy as it might be.

I sometimes obsess over money and looking at spreadsheets although this has been easier but then the OCD transfers onto the stuff I just mentioned. 

I hope someone might read this and say hello because I feel very frightened and very alone.

Hi and welcome to the forum. Have you had therapy for OCD before?

[ajc4]

I've been having therapy and support from my GP for the Anxiety but I now think the OCD is the biggest issue.

[Wanderer]

Welcome to the Forum! And, thank you for your service in the armed force. 

Have you been diagnosed with OCD? It certainly sounds like you're struggling with OCD. 

The thing you have to remember about OCD is that compulsions keep it going. It's a circle. Doing compulsions reinforces to obsession which, in turn, reinforces the urge to perform compulsions. 

It seems to me that your compulsions are to fill in cracks etc. You need to work on stopping that. 

For me, the best way to deal with OCD is to simply not engage with it. Recognise any urges/thoughts and feelings that you find distressing as OCD and then try your best to move on and get on with your day. Easier said than done, I know. But over time, these urges start to lose their power. It's all in how you react. 

Again, it's not easy and it takes a lot of will power and determination. Sometimes, I like to tell people it's like a leap of faith. People can think "but it is a real worry, I do need to solve this, it's really important". It isn't. You just have to make that leap of faith and try not to engage with it. 

In the mean time, perhaps speak with your GP about how you feel and tell them you think you have OCD. Discuss with them your options going forward. But take on board what I've said and try your best to disengage from it.

Wishing you all the best. 

[DRS1]

31 minutes ago, ajc4 said:

I've been having therapy and support from my GP for the Anxiety but I now think the OCD is the biggest issue.

Good. It would probably do a lot of good to go back to your GP and tell them that you think you have OCD as you ideally want the right treatment for it. Talk therapy unfortunately doesn't work for OCD like it perhaps would for anxiety or depression traditionally.

[ajc4]

That's all really helpful, thank you so much.  I am so glad that I joined this forum now.  It really helps to be accepted and understood.  It's right what you say about thinking 'it's important I must do it now'.  I do feel even writing it down to go back to at some point may help the OCD to lose its grip a little.  At the moment I feel that if I don't fill in a hairline crack or tidy some paint up (or whatever it is) that I've missed something really important.  My eldest son (31) tells me to treat it like a school yard bully demanding your dinner money - don't hand it over!  Gosh it's hard though and feels very scary indeed!

[NickB]

Hello AJC,

Firstly, you are NOT alone, not at all. We are here, although I only joined today! And like the person who gave the advice said, "try to ignore the temptation". I know it isn't easy at all. I have health anxiety OCD and it is debilitating however, I am trying to find a path to recovery and whatever I discover, I shall pass along. I also think you CAN DO IT !! If I can get on a positive road, so can you !! And believe me, I've discovered I am quite the negative thinker - which I intend to change.

Now, I am going to go cycling (again) because my OCD has become so bad I actually have severe insomnia, can you believe it. So my plan is to knacker myself out and TRY not to take these awful very powerful sleeping pills I've been given (fortunately I only have 3 left as they can make you addicted!!). I mean, what a life hey ! hahahah We have to laugh.

As I was cycling today, i made myself laugh by saying "I'm going to get better even if getting access to the treatment kills me" - then I realised what I said ! hahahha let's smile together

[ajc4]

Nick, thank you, that's very funny - and we do need to laugh.  I was born in the West Midlands and have always been an Aston Villa supporter.  Maybe the stress of that hasn't helped my OCD/Anxiety!  Hope you enjoyed the cycling.

[hazel]

Hi ajc,

Fellow Brummie but now living in Devon. I was an Albion season ticket holder before we moved down here. I think supporting any midlands team atm is definitely a sign of some form of MH issue

H

[ajc4]

Hi Hazel

Nothing wrong with staying with your team whatever.  First tie I went to Villa Park was 1969 and we were in the old 3rd Division!  We beat Bristol Rovers 3 - 1 

I am feeling really desperate now about my OCD - I feel afraid all of the time.

[hazel]

Hi ajc,

I don't remember the very first game I went to. I was made to go with my older sister. I do remember it being 50p to get in!

I also remember, one boxing day, West Brom played Villa at our place. Coming out onto the Birmingham Road, in the middle of a massive crowd, a rock was thrown and hit me square on the bonce! Probably the smallest person there and it hits me! Ended up at Sandwell Hospital to get stitches, where I was working as a Medical Secretary at the time. This caused much amusement from the Drs there.

Back to OCD. What are you afraid of? I'm happy to chat if it'll help.

H

[ajc4]

Hazel that would be great but how do we do that?

[hazel]

Just through the forum. There's always people here to chat and offer advice. I sometimes think it's comforting to read about other people's experiences to know that we're not alone - however unique we think our obsession is. 

There are excellent people on here (Polar bear/Caramoole/Snowbear, Admins and Mods) who offer such wise and knowledgeable words. 

There are also zoom meetings run on a Tuesday evening and Thursday morning, if you would prefer to actually talk to other members. I know you have to register to book a place. Hopefully someone else can provide a link or it can be found on the main website. 

H

[Scarter]

On 23/01/2023 at 12:19, ajc4 said:

Hello

I am male aged 60 and in UK.  I left the army 9 years ago and because of the way I was treated have PTSD anxiety but OCD has become a bigger and bigger part of it.  I am getting to the really hard to cope stage.  My OCD focusses on things around my home - for example, tiny plaster cracks behind radiators. where ceilings meet walls, outside render etc.  All of this is cosmetic and superficial but it scares me and I just can't leave it alone.  I have to fill and repaint immediately I see anything and I am hyper vigilant.  My wife is running out of patience so I just wait until she's not here to do a job which of course is then rushed so not as tidy as it might be.

I sometimes obsess over money and looking at spreadsheets although this has been easier but then the OCD transfers onto the stuff I just mentioned. 

I hope someone might read this and say hello because I feel very frightened and very alone.

Hi,

I'm a similar age to you and we've just discovered that my husband has OCD. It sounds similar to yours.

We're new to this, but two things that I can recommend (if others with experience agree):

1. Get your wife to read up on OCD and find out how she can help you.

2.I found some guided meditation for OCD on youtube. I set up the bedroom with calming lights, scented candles and hubby goes in each evening for an hour (with the dogs) and just relaxes and listens. Early days, but one in particular he said made a major difference to how he felt. He doesn't remember anything about the video, but just felt much better. This won't work alone, but it might help you to relax and feel better. This is the one he liked, but there are loads to choose from:
 

EDITED: Link to hypnosis session removed. Hypnosis is not a recommended method for overcoming OCD. Better to stick to simple relaxation videos for the anxiety and learn how to apply CBT for the OCD.

Edited January 28, 2023 by snowbear
remeved You Tube video link

[snowbear]

On 27/01/2023 at 19:24, hazel said:

There are also zoom meetings run on a Tuesday evening and Thursday morning, if you would prefer to actually talk to other members. I know you have to register to book a place. Hopefully someone else can provide a link or it can be found on the main website. 

You can find the support group information and registration here. 

[njb]

Hi ajc4.

Smart move opening up. Whether it's cracks in wall, spreadsheet, attracted to slippers it's all equally terrifying to the sufferer and it's all same old ocd. I can see same behaviours from your post, can feel you itching to do the DIY for the relief. All totally wtf at same time. We're all suffering same disorder just different themes.

So many useful forum users and info available here. Knowledge is power so get that insight into ocd and how it manifests in you. The hard bit is applying healthy skills and practises but keep going. It can get better.

All the best.

 

Njb