My OCD compulsion is causing me to change my phone number constantly. How do I stop?

[Anthony]

This is going to sound crazy...My OCD has been so bad the last few months, that my compulsion is to change my phone number to make the thoughts go away. I can't change my number every day, so I will go a few months in between and then give in and change it again. I just changed it a little over a week and now my OCD is kicking in high gear I have suffered from this compulsion over a decade ago and now it's been back for the last year and a half.

This is ridiculous and people think I'm insane and/or a drug dealer for changing my number so often. I had to come clean to a few people who I otherwise wouldn't have told, about my OCD due to this issue. It is also annoying to have to go into all of my accounts (for my bills, apps, etc) and update my contact # each time I give into this compulsion.

I've been using an analogy the last week from a Ted Talk I watched about OCD called "Starving The Monster" and have been telling myself that each time I give in, I am feeding the monster and it's growing stronger, as mentioned in the Ted Talk. I feel like that analogy isn't working today and could really use some support.

I'm even considering disconnecting my phone and just having people contact me via social media messaging and email rather than call/text until I get this compulsion under control and have a phone number like a normal person. Or even going back to the hospital (was hospitalized in 2017 for a month) until there is some relief.

Edited January 31, 2023 by Anthony

[DRS1]

10 minutes ago, Anthony said:

This is going to sound crazy...My OCD has been so bad the last few months, that my compulsion is to change my phone number to make the thoughts go away. I can't change my number every day, so I will go a few months in between and then give in and change it again. I just changed it a little over a week and now my OCD is kicking in high gear (probably  and is telling me if I don't change it again I'm going to act out on these thoughts. I have suffered from this compulsion over a decade ago and now it's been back for the last year and a half.

This is ridiculous and people think I'm insane and/or a drug dealer for changing my number so often. I had to come clean to a few people who I otherwise wouldn't have told, about my OCD due to this issue. It is also annoying to have to go into all of my accounts (for my bills, apps, etc) and update my contact # each time I give into this compulsion.

I've been using an analogy the last week from a Ted Talk I watched about OCD called "Starving The Monster" and have been telling myself that each time I give in, I am feeding the monster and it's growing stronger, as mentioned in the Ted Talk. I feel like that analogy isn't working today and could really use some support.

I'm even considering disconnecting my phone and just having people contact me via social media messaging and email rather than call/text until I get this compulsion under control and have a phone number like a normal person. Or even going back to the hospital (was hospitalized in 2017 for a month) until there is some relief.

Hi, welcome to the forum. I guess the best question to ask is, what is the worst thing that could happen if you don't change your phone number? And secondly, what is your goal here - to rid yourself of thoughts or to stop compulsions?

[Anthony]

2 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

Hi, welcome to the forum. I guess the best question to ask is, what is the worst thing that could happen if you don't change your phone number? And secondly, what is your goal here - to rid yourself of thoughts or to stop compulsions?

Ideally, my goal would be both. My obsessions revolve around Harm OCD and POCD. I guess my fear is that if I think of these things for too long, I will eventually "snap" and act on them, even though I've suffered from this since I was 13-14 (I'm now 32) and never have nor do I want to. Sometimes my OCD will tell me "yes, you want to act on them" even though I know the real me doesn't want to and the thoughts torment me.

I changed my number for a somewhat-legitimate reason and then again when I stopped talking to a friend of mine, which was probably unnecessary. I then changed it again because someone I was talking to an app was weirding me out. I could have just blocked these people but my thinking was that I had to change my number. Then as I kept doing it, I felt like the number "felt wrong" or was "contaminated" because it had likely been used by someone before, so I ended up researching ways to try and get a "fresh/new/clean" number. Eventually, one day I was updating my number in the system at work and I had a bad thought at the same time, so I thought that my number was "linked" to this thought and the thought wouldn't go away until I changed my number again. Normally, this obsession would go away within a few days or a week at most, but it lingered for months. I eventually caved in and changed it again a little over a week ago as mentioned in my original post. Now, yesterday my brother repeated my number to me and as he did I tried to block out any bad thoughts and ended up having one in return. Now I'm thinking I need to change it again, but I know this will continue until I put my foot down for good. I was doing pretty good up until last night when my brother mentioned my phone number and then the cycle of thoughts was triggered again.

[DRS1]

43 minutes ago, Anthony said:

Ideally, my goal would be both. My obsessions revolve around Harm OCD and POCD. I guess my fear is that if I think of these things for too long, I will eventually "snap" and act on them, even though I've suffered from this since I was 13-14 (I'm now 32) and never have nor do I want to. Sometimes my OCD will tell me "yes, you want to act on them" even though I know the real me doesn't want to and the thoughts torment me.

I changed my number for a somewhat-legitimate reason and then again when I stopped talking to a friend of mine, which was probably unnecessary. I then changed it again because someone I was talking to an app was weirding me out. I could have just blocked these people but my thinking was that I had to change my number. Then as I kept doing it, I felt like the number "felt wrong" or was "contaminated" because it had likely been used by someone before, so I ended up researching ways to try and get a "fresh/new/clean" number. Eventually, one day I was updating my number in the system at work and I had a bad thought at the same time, so I thought that my number was "linked" to this thought and the thought wouldn't go away until I changed my number again. Normally, this obsession would go away within a few days or a week at most, but it lingered for months. I eventually caved in and changed it again a little over a week ago as mentioned in my original post. Now, yesterday my brother repeated my number to me and as he did I tried to block out any bad thoughts and ended up having one in return. Now I'm thinking I need to change it again, but I know this will continue until I put my foot down for good. I was doing pretty good up until last night when my brother mentioned my phone number and then the cycle of thoughts was triggered again.

So your goal here is partially unattainable. You can't not have intrusive thoughts. To do that would not be human. Your objective here should be to change how you react to the thoughts instead and in doing so over time by cutting out compulsions you will care less about all the things you are overly worried about now. Changing your phone number is quite a tedious compulsion by the sounds of it and is what ultimately is keeping all of this going.

[Anthony]

22 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

So your goal here is partially unattainable. You can't not have intrusive thoughts. To do that would not be human. Your objective here should be to change how you react to the thoughts instead and in doing so over time by cutting out compulsions you will care less about all the things you are overly worried about now. Changing your phone number is quite a tedious compulsion by the sounds of it and is what ultimately is keeping all of this going.

Yes, the worst part is associating my phone number with these thoughts, which I no makes no sense. But I keep thinking to myself "anytime I have to think of my phone number, write it down, give it to someone, etc, I am going to think of this particular disturbing thought" and that changing my number will make that go away. When I know that relief will only be temporary until it happens again and again. You're right that it's tedious, and it's annoying for others and not only me. It's embarrassing to have to keep telling people I have a new phone number.

[DRS1]

Just now, Anthony said:

Yes, the worst part is associating my phone number with these thoughts, which I no makes no sense. But I keep thinking to myself "anytime I have to think of my phone number, write it down, give it to someone, etc, I am going to think of this particular disturbing thought" and that changing my number will make that go away. When I know that relief will only be temporary until it happens again and again. You're right that it's tedious, and it's annoying for others and not only me. It's embarrassing to have to keep telling people I have a new phone number.

So what can you do about it? Can you intentionally think of that disturbing thought and bring it up now? How about exaggerating it and making it the worst possible thing imaginable to you and then just allowing yourself to sit with it and not do any compulsions in response?

[Anthony]

1 hour ago, DRS1 said:

So what can you do about it? Can you intentionally think of that disturbing thought and bring it up now? How about exaggerating it and making it the worst possible thing imaginable to you and then just allowing yourself to sit with it and not do any compulsions in response?

Some of the thoughts revolve around POCD and I just can't bring myself to think about them intentionally. Sometimes I wonder if I do think of them on purpose as a way of testing my reaction to them, though. But to sit here and consciously think of them intentionally is not something I can do, especially some of the horrific images that intrusively pop into my mind sometimes.