Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[Nolightleft]

for those who read my post last night I'm sorry,I shared to much,as you can see I'm pretty messed up,sorry for everything 

[Lynz]

You have nothing to be sorry for. We just want you to get better.

This is a new thread and a new opportunity for you to make it into a positive outlet rather than filling it with ruminating and compulsions.

So why not start today? What 1 positive thing can you do for yourself today such as going for a walk, relaxing, doing a hobby or whatever you're into? Post about that here and tell us about it. For example if you go for a walk what things did you see outside? Take time to notice what is going on around you in the present and tell us about it on here.

[eualice2]

25 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

para aqueles que leram meu post ontem à noite, desculpe, compartilhei muito, como você pode ver, estou muito confuso, desculpe por tudo 

Hi, I didn't read your whole post, just some parts. I've been to that place where you are, and sometimes I go back there from time to time, but I manage to get out. In addition to going to the doctor and seeking a lot of guidance on how the ocd works, it was the welcome and the events here on the forum that helped me. One phrase I always remember is "take a leap of faith". And that's literally it, because the way you are at the moment it's impossible to find a solution with the "reason" so to speak. It's a time when OCD emotions are in full force. So you have to listen and put into practice all the advice you've been given, even if you still can't believe it. At the time of crisis, we think using the "ocd glasses". You have nothing to lose if you try to follow the advice of the forum staff. Please, try. If I could improve, so can you. And I can assure you that I hit rock bottom with those thoughts.

[ivybasil]

You have nothing to apologise for! We're here to support you. As eualice and Lynz have said, this is a new opportunity to make positive progress. 

What is a small thing you can do today to make a change? 

At rock bottom you have two choices: start looking for the small handholds to climb out of the hole you're in, or keep trying to dig further into the rock. They're both going to take energy, but I can promise you it's going to be rock all the way down. The energy is better spent by climbing up!

[Nolightleft]

I'm really sorry to post,because I keep saying stupid stuff my wife lost it and asked me how many women I've fantasized about since being with her,I said it's not like that,I was forced to swear on my son's life,now I feel triple awful,I don't know what to do,I hope this post doesn't get blocked,this is not a slagging off of my partner this is a situation created by me and not being able to move on,I felt like saying I've fantasized about hundreds but that wouldn't have helped so I had to lie

[ivybasil]

3 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm really sorry to post,because I keep saying stupid stuff my wife lost it and asked me how many women I've fantasized about since being with her,I said it's not like that,I was forced to swear on my son's life,now I feel triple awful,I don't know what to do,I hope this post doesn't get blocked,this is not a slagging off of my partner this is a situation created by me and not being able to move on,I felt like saying I've fantasized about hundreds but that wouldn't have helped so I had to lie

Have you ever been to any of the OCD-UK support groups? I'm wondering if you might benefit from coming along - even just to listen (you can be anonymous if you like!) to hear others talk about OCD and the impact it has and how to get through it. Being in a room (even virtually!) with others with OCD can be hugely helpful. 

I'm also wondering how much your wife knows about OCD? It can take a huge toll on the people we love and perhaps it would help if she had access to some resources about OCD. Could you both attend one of the support groups together? She'd also be welcome to attend on her own if she'd like to learn more about how best to support both you and herself through this difficult time. 

[eualice2]

I'm pretty sure you're confessing A and your wife understanding B. She has no way of knowing the dimension of your suffering and the reason for all these confessions that are only causing harm to you, because she doesn't have OCD. She may be demanding these details because maybe she thinks it's really important, when it's NOT! I don't know if you understood what I mean. But see how the more you handle ocd the wrong way, the more problems it causes? If when we go to seek treatment we have to look for professionals, whether doctors or psychologists, we have to look for those who have studied the subject, how much more will a person who does not have OCD understand it. And it may think you're talking about something important, when it's JUST OCD hurting you. Making you and your family suffer with unimportant and unnecessary explanations.

[Hal]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

....but that wouldn't have helped so I had to lie

I think you need to be honest with yourself about the underlying motivation for telling the truth. Most people, dare say if not all, tell white/kind lies in all sorts of situations and relationships. To me, it seems like you're using this need for absolute truth to support and justify the compulsion to confess to your wife. She knows by now everything there is to know NLL...and ultimately this need not to lie is just going to keep you stuck. I can't be online until later this evening, but I really hope if you are on the forum this afternoon you try to use it in a way that supports you rather the disorder. 

[Nolightleft]

Hi,my wife does understand OCD,well maby,I don't know how much,I'm putting honesty first,can't stand lying but I'm put in a position where I have to,got work tomorrow,don't know how the hell I'll get through it,can't afford not to

[Nolightleft]

Also my Mrs said your not one of those men who imagine having sex with every woman you meet are you, unfortunately I am,I don't like the fact,I've tried to rein it in but when I'm ok it happens,does that make me such a bad person,

Sorry another **** post,fk this life

[northpaul]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

Sorry another **** post,fk this life

NLL, when I see a post like this I only have one piece of advice for you and is very similar to advice you received from various people in your previous thread that has been locked.

I really do think you need to get help by phoning the Crisis Team, 999 or go to A&E.

I hear what you say about you cant afford not to go to work but I will ask 'can your afford to not get better?'

[gingerbreadgirl]

8 minutes ago, northpaul said:

I hear what you say about you cant afford not to go to work but I will ask 'can your afford to not get better?'

I absolutely agree - getting better should be your absolute number one priority right now nll. X 

[h011y]

14 minutes ago, northpaul said:

NLL, when I see a post like this I only have one piece of advice for you and is very similar to advice you received from various people in your previous thread that has been locked.

I really do think you need to get help by phoning the Crisis Team, 999 or go to A&E.

I hear what you say about you cant afford not to go to work but I will ask 'can your afford to not get better?'

I agree. You deserve to get the help you need and those services northpaul quoted are there to help you and want to help you. 

 

I'm wishing you all the best

[Caramoole]

Ashley made this pot on your other thread last night

Quote

 

I am just going to add to this thread, that if you do ever find yourself in crisis out of hours and can't talk to a GP or your local mental health services each part of England will have a 'Crisis Resolution and Home Treatment Teams'. The aim of the service is to offer treatment and care in an individual’s own home as an alternative to hospital admission.  This is not OCD treatment as such, just crisis support.

I believe this will be your local service. 

https://www.awp.nhs.uk/our-services/community-services/adult-intensive-bristol-bristol-crisis

 

 

 

[Caramoole]

https://www.awp.nhs.uk/our-services/community-services/adult-intensive-bristol-bristol-crisis

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou all,I know the crisis team and they know me,I know secondary care,primary care, Samaritans know me very well,so does every other helpline,I'm done with this wo

[Caramoole]

How's that medication making you feel?  Think honestly....do you think the medication has really upped your anxiety or do you think it's all the rumination and thinking that's getting you wound up?

[Nolightleft]

Full of anxiety x

[Ironborn]

I am not one to always effectively apply all the advice people give me. But the rumination with you is strong as it is with me. You need to redirect your thoughts everytime you ruminate.

[Nolightleft]

I'm trying to not respond to the images of memories of past fantasies but I can't my body and mind just go into shock,I'm so so ill

[ivybasil]

Have you spoken to your doctor about the new medication since you started taking it?

There are things that can counter side effects and there are other meds you can try. They won't all make you feel so anxious. It took me a while to find the dose and combination of meds that works for me but it's a collaborative process with your doctor. 

Can you give them a call today?

[Nolightleft]

I'll rind,I'm so suicidal,I can't live with the guilt of fantasies 

[ivybasil]

Calling them is the right thing to do. You're making the right choice. You can do this, and we're here to support you!

Do let us know how you get on!  

[Caramoole]

47 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'll rind,I'm so suicidal,I can't live with the guilt of fantasies 

You lived with your fantasies without guilt before they became the target of your obsession, just as many people do.  The fantasies aren't the problem, your OCD is.  Keep on doing your best not to engage with these memories and also, try not to get into discussions with your wife about them.  Her behaviour is perhaps understandable but not helpful.  If you continue to feel as you do, reach out to your GP, your crisis team or get yourself to A & E.

[Nolightleft]

Is there ever a. Good time to confess,my wife said I've been fantasizing about every woman haven't I for 17 years,I said no,I feel like I should just let it all out