Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou hal,that's good advice,I try to just let it be there buts suffocating 

[snowbear]

NLL, I've been forced to remove your post from a moment ago. We can't allow you to continue to use the forum as a place to carry out compulsions - including the compulsion to verbally beat yourself up.

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, snowbear said:

NLL, I've been forced to remove your post from a moment ago. We can't allow you to continue to use the forum as a place to carry out compulsions - including the compulsion to verbally beat yourself up.

Agree

I've been out all day so haven't watched the thread but we will now remove any posts that are simply compulsions or expressions of self-loathing (which is another compulsion)  We're here to support you, not to help you self-destruct and worsen an already difficult situation.  Wishing you a better day tomorrow 

[Nolightleft]

All the advice is don't confess and the anxiety will lessen,mine just gets worse and worse and worse to crippling me with other things popping up to confess all the time,I do not see when it will ever lessen

[gingerbreadgirl]

13 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

All the advice is don't confess and the anxiety will lessen,mine just gets worse and worse and worse to crippling me with other things popping up to confess all the time,I do not see when it will ever lessen

You've been told this many times nll. The anxiety will not lessen because you're doing so many other compulsions

[Nolightleft]

I just can't stop it,I just cant,ruminating,the images,the guilt,the shame,why oh why did I think those things willfully 

[Nolightleft]

Sorry to everyone who's tried to help me on here,so sorry I've wasted your time,I just can't see OCD as the problem,I see my fantasies as the problem,sorry I've wasted all your time,I just can't see it,I can't not see myself as ok for thinking what I have, thankyou for trying though,you are good people 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's true

[Charley]

38 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's true

THIS!!

Thoughts are NOT facts!! 
Don’t believe everything your mind tells you, you are not your thoughts/fantasies. 
You are above them. Approach your thoughts as an observer. Say that was an interesting thought, so what? Then carry on engaging in something outside your thoughts like an activity/chore/work and try and fully immerse yourself in that (mindfulness). The goal is not banishing the thoughts, just acting indifferently to them and your anxiety will exponentially decrease, providing you keep up your indifferent attitude. It will feel counter productive as your thoughts are screaming at you to be heard, but that’s all they are. Thoughts! How liberating is it to know we are NOT our thoughts/feelings/sensations!!! 

[Nolightleft]

Thanks

[hazel]

I think it's difficult when someone is in crisis for them to take on board advice from someone either in recovery or an ex sufferer.  All comments are absolutely well intended, but I don't think NLL is in the right headspace for it to go in. Imo, he needs professional intervention. 

Sorry, NLL . Didn't mean to post like I'm talking about you! 

[Nolightleft]

Managed to get out to a street party,my poor wife just broke down and said she doesn't feel good enough for ,crushed me..

If anyone is on this sight and suffers with the awful confessions please try harder than I did not to,it absolutely destroys relationships,I feel so ill with it all and ironically still want to confess more

[Myownworstenemy]

6 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Managed to get out to a street party,my poor wife just broke down and said she doesn't feel good enough for ,crushed me..

If anyone is on this sight and suffers with the awful confessions please try harder than I did not to,it absolutely destroys relationships,I feel so ill with it all and ironically still want to confess more

My therapist told me the other day that everyone is different. Exposure doesn't work for everyone. I managed to get rid of the anxiety but it turned into guilt. I was then trying to get rid of that feeling by confessing. I asked hypothetically when should someone confess? He said to examine my reasons to confess. If I'm doing it to get rid of any kind of feeling don't do it. If it's a moral thing that you think the other person should know then yes. All of mine if I was truthful was to make myself feel better. 
 

I also didn't think not confessing was working. He said "how did I know?" I explained that the guilt and shame was still there, he told me that I'm not measuring levels as to the extent of my feelings. So they may have come down, but I'm just viewing them all as still there. 
 

this week he has me keeping a mood diary as to if I'm stronger than my ocd v if it's stronger than me. He said I'll begin to see how it changes. Like when you said you managed to go to work etc. He said that's good, you are winning even if you don't feel like it. 

[Nolightleft]

I've woken up with a crippling memory,after I cheated on my wife with her sister about a year later I drunkenly lead on her sisters bed when she was asleep for about 2 seconds until startled and got up,my wife knows I stumbled in her room but not that I lead on the bed for a second,and another time I moved my leg in her direct,don't know if it was to play footsy,these things happened over a decade ago,is this still OCD as it was actions and because they were should I tell my wife,and I know it's disgusting behaviour 

[Hal]

24 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

...is this still OCD

A good rule of thumb is if in doubt treat it as OCD. Try to press the pause button (anchor yourself in the here & now) and think about the advice you've been given for how best to handle these nasty moments. Now the question is...what are you going to do next and for the rest of the Bank Holiday, please don't waste it making yourself more ill by getting drawn into the disorder's games. 

[Nolightleft]

Thanks hal 

OCD aside I look back on my life and the way I've treated my wife really is unforgivable,not only actually cheating but then laying on the bed years later,what could my intent,of been,it's all unforgivable,the confessing fantasies about them to,I was given a gift with my wife and I should have treated her like a queen,not the way I have,I honestly don't know why shes with me and to make it worse even if I confessed more I think she would stay but it would kill any spirit left.

I really want to now confess this laying on the bed and the fantasies,it's just piling and piling up

 

[Caramoole]

NLL this isn't going to help you at all.  All that's happening is you're transferring the confessions and rumination into writing these posts.  I know it's hard but you need to try your best to identify what you're doing and then try to change those responses. Even with a therapist these are the sort of things you'll have to work on and that work ultimately has to come from you.  So what are you going to do today to try and change this a bit.    Tte last couple of posts have been left in place but if you carry on using this simply for confessions and detail, then we will have to remove them.  Try and turn your thinking away from detail and back into what you can do to change this

[Hal]

Leave the thoughts re intent alone... come on NLL we really can't continue like this going over and over it all. I'm sorry but I'm very close to locking this thread, the way you're using the forum is doing so much harm. 

[Nolightleft]

Is this just shifting theme then and not need confessing even though it's something I did,I'm tired,still trying to push for therapy,haven't even had first assesment to get back in secondary care yet

[Nolightleft]

I'll try and treat it as OCD,it's hard with the emotions of guilt because there are some things I've written that have genuine guilt,I can't work out what I should feel genuinely guilty about,fantasies maby,laying on the bed yes,liying yes,or not I don't know but I have huge guilt 

[Hal]

6 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'll try and treat it as OCD

Please do, it will make such a difference to how you're feeling. Not immediately, it will take time to feel well again, but you will get to that place if you implement all we've suggested. But only you can turn this around, no amount of advice is going to make any difference unless you knuckle down and do the work.

8 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I can't work out....

However hard it is...you have to stop yourself from trying to work it all out.

That's the key to this NLL, push through the doubts & feelings and keep shifting your focus. 

[Nolightleft]

I will try,I'm very scared this has come back because of the history of it,I thought I'd moved on,I confessed I had fantasized about her sister and ended up in hospital,she rang the hospital and demanded I tell her how many times,I said once but it was more and I stuck to it,it went eventually,I can't believe it's come back

[Caramoole]

You're still going over and over this in your head trying to work it out.  Stop trying to.  If you don't you'll make yourself more and more I'll.  Get yourself out of the house.  Take your Son to the park.  Walk down the street, talk to someone walking their dog, smile at an old lady, make someone's day.....but keep your mind on what you're doing, keep bringing yourself back to the moment.....again and again and again.  You don't need the answers to any of these questions.  You have to put the work in NLL

[AKing]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

I will try,I'm very scared this has come back because of the history of it,I thought I'd moved on,I confessed I had fantasized about her sister and ended up in hospital,she rang the hospital and demanded I tell her how many times,I said once but it was more and I stuck to it,it went eventually,I can't believe it's come back

have you read brainlock?

[Nolightleft]

I have read it thankyou,always feel my theme doesn't relate,I know it's stupid,because my fantasies weren't intrusive,although I get my thoughts about fantasies are.

I try caramoole,I try to not respond to the images,the emotions connected make this so hard,

I've managed to meet family,and hold a conversation,I'm back to work tomorrow and I'm terrified,every second I have images of past fantasies of sister in law, really got a battle to contend 2ith