Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[northpaul]

This is copied from the forum guidelines:

Speak your mind freely, but please be sensitive to the feelings and opinions of others - you might not always agree, but you can agree to disagree and even debate with each other in a polite, respectful and peaceful manner.

[Angst]

3 minutes ago, northpaul said:

This is copied from the forum guidelines:

Speak your mind freely, but please be sensitive to the feelings and opinions of others - you might not always agree, but you can agree to disagree and even debate with each other in a polite, respectful and peaceful manner.

A debate would entail a consideration of the points raised by Hal. There was no debate but condemnation. 
 

Hal is an unpaid volunteer. I agree with him that there is no problem in sending your concerns to the management.

[Caramoole]

It is unfair to say that NLL hasn't and isn't been supported at all times, in many ways.  However, throughout this period of distress (and others) a great deal of advice regarding personal safety and well-being has been given on every occasion.  Apart from the services of the NHS it was recommended he contact the Samaritans for support.  They are trained specifically to support someone in crisis and who may be feeling suicidal, we are not.  We also have the well-being of other sufferers to consider.  In these situations many can find it extremely distressing.

NLL's use of the forum was spiralling out of control and doing much more harm than good at the time and I believe the thread may have been locked for a short time to allow things to settle rather than escalate even further, which was what was happening.  

We cannot be what everyone may wish us to be.  We are largely here to raise awareness, share information and support sufferers towards recovery with that knowledge.  Although we do our best, we aren't a forum to deal with acute crisis.  It is also not fair to expect volunteers and other users to support in a way that we feel is harming rather than helping.

The help & suggestions may not be what people want to hear.....but ultimately they are the building blocks that are necessary.  I've been in places where I've literally been told to get out of bed & clean my teeth.....and yes, even go for a walk and I know how impossible that can feel.  Luckily I had family that urged me to do that.

[Nolightleft]

Hi all,I've got to say blugas was correct about it being an only outlet at the time,I understand reassurance is not a good thing but in the depths it's the only thing to carry you until you can get to that place of understanding,it goes against all OCD knowledge and I understand it's not helpful but when your in a churchyard with a load of pills that little bit of reassurance can be a life line,I get it,I really do it's a trap but just sometimes in the dire midst of it the silence could be more damaging than the reasurance,it's such a tricky one,either way blugas and hal who this discrepancy is the center of in this I believe,have both as well as many others been a life line,on a positive I'm managed to shower,eat,and managed a whole day at work,nearly broke down but managed a shift

[hazel]

Well done NLL. That's such a massive thing.

[bluegas]

21 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Hi all,I've got to say blugas was correct about it being an only outlet at the time,I understand reassurance is not a good thing but in the depths it's the only thing to carry you until you can get to that place of understanding,it goes against all OCD knowledge and I understand it's not helpful but when your in a churchyard with a load of pills that little bit of reassurance can be a life line,I get it,I really do it's a trap but just sometimes in the dire midst of it the silence could be more damaging than the reasurance,it's such a tricky one,either way blugas and hal who this discrepancy is the center of in this I believe,have both as well as many others been a life line,on a positive I'm managed to shower,eat,and managed a whole day at work,nearly broke down but managed a shift

Cheers my mate 

[bluegas]

2 hours ago, Angst said:

A debate would entail a consideration of the points raised by Hal. There was no debate but condemnation. 
 

Hal is an unpaid volunteer. I agree with him that there is no problem in sending your concerns to the management.

Well instead of condemning me why not report me to the management then

[Caramoole]

I think it needs dropping tbh

[bluegas]

4 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I think it needs dropping tbh

I can agree with you on that 

[hazel]

Same. Move on everyone.

[hazel]

4 hours ago, bluegas said:

Thanks you hazel I did try and send you a message to say thanks for your support as it really dose help but it would not let me but thank you !

Np, bud.

[snowbear]

3 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

on a positive I'm managed to shower,eat,and managed a whole day at work,nearly broke down but managed a shift

Yay! NLL  

These efforts you're making to 'normalise' things will pay dividends in time. Keep up the good work.

[AKing]

14 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

on a positive I'm managed to shower,eat,and managed a whole day at work,nearly broke down but managed a shift

You should be very happy about this, build on it and recognise the really positive achievement.

[Ashley]

17 hours ago, bluegas said:

I don’t agree how it was handled no !! 
I don’t use the forum like nll I’m lucky enough I can use my wife and the odd mate he’s made it clear this forum is his main outlet! At the end of the day no harm was done will I ever understand why a thread was locked to someone in clear distress no !!! 

I am sorry you don't agree with how we handled. With thousands of threads a year, we moderate a tiny amount, and always for valid reasons. At a guess it's perhaps less than 0.5% that get moderated. But whenever we do, someone is not happy, which is fine, perhaps other forums may be for them. What I will say is we moderate this forum with a light touch, and have done for twenty years now and always with the welfare of individuals and/or the wider forum in mind. 

However, some facts to reiterate what Caramoole and others have already mentioned and then we can leave it here as far as this discussion goes.   

1. We are not a crisis service.
2. When we moderate or lock a thread it is for a very good reason, and not something done lightly. Most of the time it's because a thread is going around in circles and is becoming more of a compulsion than a solution.  Sometimes the reasons we moderate may not be obvious to the wider forum, but because of reasons we are aware of but the forum might not be.  Sometimes threads are locked for a few hours simply to let emotions cool down and clearer thinking to prevail.
3. Locking a thread isn't the same as banning someone. So a user is able to start a new thread if they really needed to for support, as I believe happened in this discussion.
4. If you wish to discuss forum moderation email ashley@ocduk.org

 

[bluegas]

Consider myself told!!  just wish I had as many replies on the numerous occasions I’ve posted asking for help my self perhaps I’m just bitter but you won’t hear from me again !

[hazel]

23 minutes ago, bluegas said:

Consider myself told!!  just wish I had as many replies on the numerous occasions I’ve posted asking for help my self perhaps I’m just bitter but you won’t hear from me again !

[snowbear]

58 minutes ago, bluegas said:

 just wish I had as many replies on the numerous occasions I’ve posted asking for help my self perhaps I’m just bitter

There's always a choice of more than 1 way to interpret things. Why don't you choose to see the fewer replies you get as people being able to see that you've 'got it'? Then you can feel proud of yourself instead of feeling bitter.  

Remember:

 interpretation > feeling

We are all free to choose to interpret what happens to us/ what we think in a way that creates a good feeling rather than a bad feeling.

[bluegas]

1 hour ago, snowbear said:

2 hours ago, bluegas said:

 

There's always a choice of more than 1 way to interpret things. Why don't you choose to see the fewer replies you get as people being able to see that you've 'got it'?

I really haven’t thou ! Lovely words thou 

[foreverobsessing]

@bluegas I’m not very active on the forums and when I come on it’s often when I am trying to feel less stuck in life with my ocd and less alone. If I’ve come across a post of yours I have likely not replied because I’m cautious to reply unless it’s something I know I can give the best advice for, as well as using the forums when I am usually at a low point myself. I am sure though that even if you don’t get many replies, that there are many people still reading your posts and feeling similar to you or relating in some way but just not knowing what advice to give/ just giving you the space to get your thoughts out/ not in a space to give advice themselves. Please know that people do care about you though  x

[hazel]

25 minutes ago, foreverobsessing said:

@bluegas I’m not very active on the forums and when I come on it’s often when I am trying to feel less stuck in life with my ocd and less alone. If I’ve come across a post of yours I have likely not replied because I’m cautious to reply unless it’s something I know I can give the best advice for, as well as using the forums when I am usually at a low point myself. I am sure though that even if you don’t get many replies, that there are many people still reading your posts and feeling similar to you or relating in some way but just not knowing what advice to give/ just giving you the space to get your thoughts out/ not in a space to give advice themselves. Please know that people do care about you though  x

Excellent post @foreverobsessing

Absolutely echo everything said. 

Come on @bluegas stay

 

[bluegas]

6 hours ago, Ashley said:

44 minutes ago, foreverobsessing said:

@bluegas I’m not very active on the forums and when I come on it’s often when I am trying to feel less stuck in life with my ocd and less alone. If I’ve come across a post of yours I have likely not replied because I’m cautious to reply unless it’s something I know I can give the best advice for, as well as using the forums when I am usually at a low point myself. I am sure though that even if you don’t get many replies, that there are many people still reading your posts and feeling similar to you or relating in some way but just not knowing what advice to give/ just giving you the space to get your thoughts out/ not in a space to give advice themselves. Please know that people do care about you though  x

That’s lovely of you to write this and it’s not really Aimed at forum members In particular ! Tbf im pretty rubbish at replying myself because I don’t feel I have much positive to add! Probably sounds like double standards but I think every member of the forums Hierarchy have had something to say to me about this situation  when at times I’ve been desperate for a few replies to my own distress! !! Story of my life I should just be seen but not heard   ! Pretty much like life it’s all political 

 

3 hours ago, snowbear said:

There's always a choice of more than 1 way to interpret things. Why don't you choose to see the fewer replies you get as people being able to see that you've 'got it'? Then you can feel proud of yourself instead of feeling bitter.  

Remember:

 interpretation > feeling

We are all free to choose to interpret what happens to us/ what we think in a way that creates a good feeling rather than a bad feeling.

 

2 hours ago, howard said:

I've only been dipping in and out of this thread occasionlly but I agree with some of what I think you are saying.

There is a hierarchy; OCD-UK admin and volunteers, those who pay a subscription to be members, and the punters. That's just the way it is even if they pretend different.

When I said I thought you were the only one who really understood NLL's predicament. C called it 'nonsense', but she just saw the 'what' I said, not the 'why'.

It's just that if NLL is talking about suicide, or is just so desperate he is talking about suicide, then just knowing there is one preson out there who understands can make all the difference. Nothing worse than feeling completely alone. So just keep being his supportive friend.(ignore the others).

I was just trying to construct a virtual safety net for NLL. I also while he was calm tried to explain the real consequences of suicide for his family.

I think one problem is that NLL when not in therapy,  uses this forum as part of his cycle of thinking, so locking the thread for a while just stops him spiralling.

 

 

 

44 minutes ago, foreverobsessing said:

@bluegas I’m not very active on the forums and when I come on it’s often when I am trying to feel less stuck in life with my ocd and less alone. If I’ve come across a post of yours I have likely not replied because I’m cautious to reply unless it’s something I know I can give the best advice for, as well as using the forums when I am usually at a low point myself. I am sure though that even if you don’t get many replies, that there are many people still reading your posts and feeling similar to you or relating in some way but just not knowing what advice to give/ just giving you the space to get your thoughts out/ not in a space to give advice themselves. Please know that people do care about you though  x

 

44 minutes ago, foreverobsessing said:

@bluegas I’m not very active on the forums and when I come on it’s often when I am trying to feel less stuck in life with my ocd and less alone. If I’ve come across a post of yours I have likely not replied because I’m cautious to reply unless it’s something I know I can give the best advice for, as well as using the forums when I am usually at a low point myself. I am sure though that even if you don’t get many replies, that there are many people still reading your posts and feeling similar to you or relating in some way but just not knowing what advice to give/ just giving you the space to get your thoughts out/ not in a space to give advice themselves. Please know that people do care about you though  x

 

[Lifewillbegood]

The thread seems to have gone off topic! On a positive front it seems less posts from NLL. I assume this is in continuation of yesterday where NLL had a positive day. Do share your positive stories also!

[Nolightleft]

Blugas,I've always felt your are strong, we've chatted in pms and you still get yourself out of bed and be the man I wish I could be,you have an amazing wife who doesn't interrogate you or question you to despair,I think when I've read your posts you still come across with serious metal,I think I come across as someone who has no metal left and desperate,that's the only reason I can think why you don't have the replies.

[Nolightleft]

I think the desperation that I feel have created a storm,throw a pebble in a pool you get ripples,that energy has fed others suffering and I'm sorry for that,yet again I will say everything blugas has said I appreciate and respect,despite this that and the other tbh he's saved me from falling in that abyss,and many others on here,but we can all relate to themes as we are human and get relatively,themes are different,the OCD structure is the same,pocd,harm,contamin,and I understand you shouldn't see it as anything but OCD but themes all have Thier own emotions 

[Nolightleft]

Don't know what else to say,bugas pm me,ocds a **** and I think you maby obsessing over comments on here,still OCD ,could be wrong but I do, comments I've had in the past have sent me away from peace seeking,not recently btw years ago