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Sorry anst,are you saying are they fantasies,I'm a bit confused as you say intrusive thoughts are unwanted and unacceptable,my fantasies at the time were not in acceptable,sorry I'm just confused 

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8 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I know this sounds warped but my intrusive thoughts were created by me because I fantasized in the first place,if I hadn't had the fantasies I wouldn't have the intrusive thoughts,I have images of my own creations,if I hadn't created them maby easier to accept

I was replying to this post. 

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57 minutes ago, Angst said:
9 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I know this sounds warped but my intrusive thoughts were created by me because I fantasized in the first place,if I hadn't had the fantasies I wouldn't have the intrusive thoughts,I have images of my own creations,if I hadn't created them maby easier to accept

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Most of my intrusive thoughts centre around harm coming to my children, so by your same argument my intrusive thoughts were created by me because I had children! There's nothing wrong with having children just as, as many others have repeatedly told you, there  is nothing wrong with having fantasies.

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3 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Sorry anst,are you saying are they fantasies,I'm a bit confused as you say intrusive thoughts are unwanted and unacceptable,my fantasies at the time were not in acceptable,sorry I'm just confused 

This line of questioning/reassurance is doing you no good, it's the area you need to work on.

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25 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I know caramoole,im a mess

You're not a mess, it's just OCD is keeping you in a loop. There's no reason that in time you can't break out of that loop, but it does take positive and proactive actions to break out of a loop. Sometimes we need help of course to break the loop, and so I hope yours comes soon. 

I have been doing this a long time now, and sometimes, just now and then I do ask people if the support they are getting through peer support groups or in this case the forums is still helping, or temporarily more of an hindrance. Support groups can for some become negative if and an hindrance in moving forward by allowing the loop to continue if the same posts are happening daily with no positive actions being learned from the groups.  That's a question only that person can answer perhaps, but it's always a good question we should look to answer honestly.

That's not to say groups/forums can't help in the future, especially if the recovery journey is yet to start, the support from groups/forums can help that person further down the line perhaps.

It can be helpful to seek advice about our thoughts and voicing/writing those down can be cathartic knowing not alone, and that's where a support group or forum is helpful, and if the person is getting that, great carry on.  But if they are used to perpetuate obsessive thinking or seeking reassurance as some do, at that point I sometimes encourage people to think if the support group/forum helping or hindering them at this time and if time away to focus on reading self-help books or doing therapy if able to access is a better use of time at the moment.

So when posting about our obsessions, are we doing so because it helps, or because we seek advice on how to handle, or are we posting because it's almost become part of a compulsive cycle in itself. 

It's also important to surround yourself by people who uplift us, which is true all of the time but especially at times of troubles. Not just those who agree and share their own troubles and don't offer input to help you, instead surround yourself by people whose focus is helping you, even if at times the advice is hard to hear or act on.... those people generally have your interest at heart and have your back. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

 

7 hours ago, Ashley said:

You're not a mess, it's just OCD is keeping you in a loop. There's no reason that in time you can't break out of that loop, but it does take positive and proactive actions to break out of a loop. Sometimes we need help of course to break the loop, and so I hope yours comes soon. 

I have been doing this a long time now, and sometimes, just now and then I do ask people if the support they are getting through peer support groups or in this case the forums is still helping, or temporarily more of an hindrance. Support groups can for some become negative if and an hindrance in moving forward by allowing the loop to continue if the same posts are happening daily with no positive actions being learned from the groups.  That's a question only that person can answer perhaps, but it's always a good question we should look to answer honestly.

That's not to say groups/forums can't help in the future, especially if the recovery journey is yet to start, the support from groups/forums can help that person further down the line perhaps.

It can be helpful to seek advice about our thoughts and voicing/writing those down can be cathartic knowing not alone, and that's where a support group or forum is helpful, and if the person is getting that, great carry on.  But if they are used to perpetuate obsessive thinking or seeking reassurance as some do, at that point I sometimes encourage people to think if the support group/forum helping or hindering them at this time and if time away to focus on reading self-help books or doing therapy if able to access is a better use of time at the moment.

So when posting about our obsessions, are we doing so because it helps, or because we seek advice on how to handle, or are we posting because it's almost become part of a compulsive cycle in itself. 

It's also important to surround yourself by people who uplift us, which is true all of the time but especially at times of troubles. Not just those who agree and share their own troubles and don't offer input to help you, instead surround yourself by people whose focus is helping you, even if at times the advice is hard to hear or act on.... those people generally have your interest at heart and have your back. 

 

 

 

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Before you have your cheep shots at me Ashley I can I just remind you I’m a fellow struggler and feel very sad and disappointed that the ceo of this charity feels the need to lower his self to say such things about a forum member 

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21 minutes ago, bluegas said:

Before you have your cheep shots at me Ashley I can I just remind you I’m a fellow struggler and feel very sad and disappointed that the ceo of this charity feels the need to lower his self to say such things about a forum member 

Dare I say that's a pretty paranoid post with a lot of reading between the lines!!  Ashley has been making similar comments for nearly twenty years and although you've taken this personally, the content is sound advice.

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Perhaps it’s my ocd reading between the lines but I think that was personal I may not be able to offer any advice and I’m the first to admit I accidentally make it about me sometimes but I’ve only ever tried to help If the only help I can offer is my understanding!!   Im not that bright but I’m not completely stupid either maybe a simple private message to me firstly to check I’m ok and secondly just suggesting what I could do different!!  

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Having said that I’m beginning to think I am just a unintentional trouble maker I was kicked out of a group called ocd recovery by rob bray because I dared to challenge his methods ! I think ocd has just made me bitter and probably not a nice person! But I can’t help but get upset and frustrated when I see advice like go for a walk ,, distract yourself simply let it go move on!!  I’ve even seen people in here say and this was another rob bray classic that meds are not necessary!  I do feel like a one man army fighting against the world but so much more needs to be done for ocd sufferers! It’s a chronic condition with very basic treatments that are not fit for purpose imo ! I dunno maybe easier just to suffer in silence as no one’s ever asked for my opinion I just can’t help but give it I’m just losing the will to wake up every day with this vile disorder 

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9 minutes ago, bluegas said:

Perhaps it’s my ocd reading between the lines but I think that was personal I may not be able to offer any advice and I’m the first to admit I accidentally make it about me sometimes but I’ve only ever tried to help If the only help I can offer is my understanding!!   Im not that bright but I’m not completely stupid either maybe a simple private message to me firstly to check I’m ok and secondly just suggesting what I could do different!! , 

The thing is that a private message wouldn't be applicable because the comments were of a general nature, not a swipe at you personally.  As I mentioned, comments like "The advice you need to hear, isn't the always the advice you want to hear" are what has been said for 20 years.  Sometimes I think people think 'Oh, it's alright for them, they've no idea how I feel"  trust me, I have for many decades.  I've begged for reassurance, I've thought I was insane, I've been unable to get out of bed, eat, wash etc etc but it's because of this and because of the mistakes I've made that I'm desperate for others to get to that place too. :)

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13 minutes ago, bluegas said:

I may not be able to offer any advice and I’m the first to admit I accidentally make it about me sometimes but I’ve only ever tried to help If the only help I can offer is my understanding!!

Hi blugas.  I can see that, and when I have  just seen on your profile brief that you have been on the forums since June 30, 2009 then I would suggest that you probably know more about OCD than you think.

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9 minutes ago, bluegas said:

Having said that I’m beginning to think I am just a unintentional trouble maker I was kicked out of a group called ocd recovery by rob bray because I dared to challenge his methods ! I think ocd has just made me bitter and probably not a nice person! But I can’t help but get upset and frustrated when I see advice like go for a walk ,, distract yourself simply let it go move on!!  I’ve even seen people in here say and this was another rob bray classic that meds are not necessary!  I do feel like a one man army fighting against the world but so much more needs to be done for ocd sufferers! It’s a chronic condition with very basic treatments that are not fit for purpose imo ! I dunno maybe easier just to suffer in silence as no one’s ever asked for my opinion I just can’t help but give it I’m just losing the will to wake up every day with this vile disorder 

I can't agree with you if I don't agree with you....and I don't on much of it.  I do agree that OCD is a vile disorder.  I do agree that there's not nearly enough support for sufferers (although much more these days)  Much of that "basic treatment" is much more effective than you'd think if people can get through some of the fear factor and start using it but often they don't and you can't improve by doing the things that keep you stuck in this chronic cycle.  I've no idea who Rob Bray is but I also agree that OCD can be overcome without medication, I am one of them.  We all....you, me, Ashley, forum users all want the same outcome for everyone and that is to beat this disorder and feel well

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I love reading your comments because you are very straight talking and, quite often, say what I'm reluctant to write for fear of being in the minority and 'getting it wrong.'

I'll just be standing behind you holding your coat while you have a scuffle. 🤭

I think also, that a lot of your posts have a touch of  humour in them, and people probably don't realise you're struggling because of this. Just my opinion. 

But I absolutely agree with @northpaul that you probably know more about OCD than you realize. And if the 'gold standard' doesn't work for you, then who's to argue?

I also dislike the 'going for a walk phrase.' I sometimes walk 10 miles a day and my head's still messed up.

 

 

 

 

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Thanks hazel I think people are cut from different cloths and some relate to others better than others I’m sure in real life we would be good mates because I do feel like you got a really good understanding of me and just see I mean no harm but can also see how desperate I am ! I’m pretty much the same I go to work every day  I have a manual job on the outside I look like I live a normal life with distractions coming out my ears but when you feel like **** because your mind is torturing you ! You know it’s not because your not trying hard enough it’s because we suffer with ocd and there is not a treatment yet available to help me But I’m glad I got people like you who can just accept that and not make me feel silly or stupid because I can’t seem to master all these techniques that seem to help others

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15 minutes ago, hazel said:

I also dislike the 'going for a walk phrase.' I sometimes walk 10 miles a day and my head's still messed up.

It doesn't always have to be literal, substitute many things but it's about doing something, anything to break the cycle and sometimes it can create the tiniest of footholds that can make a difference.

I endured OCD for two decades, putting up with it, being tormented by it, spending every day with a brain consumed by it.  What I didn't know then was I spent my days engaging with it, fighting it, thinking, ruminating, doing endless compulsions.  My fight, my hard work was actually keeping that fear constant and I know, it's such a hard existence

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22 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I can't agree with you if I don't agree with you....and I don't on much of it.  I do agree that OCD is a vile disorder.  I do agree that there's not nearly enough support for sufferers (although much more these days)  Much of that "basic treatment" is much more effective than you'd think if people can get through some of the fear factor and start using it but often they don't and you can't improve by doing the things that keep you stuck in this chronic cycle.  I've no idea who Rob Bray is but I also agree that OCD can be overcome without medication, I am one of them.  We all....you, me, Ashley, forum users all want the same outcome for everyone and that is to beat this disorder and feel well

Maybe your just one of the lucky ones ! But there’s no way I’d even be here with out medication! I might agree antidepressants can just about take the edge of  and do adventually  stop working! But I’ve lost count on the times I’ve had no choice but to take a diazepam just to give me  just one hours rest bite!   as a 6ft big strong man having to admit that sometimes I rely on medication is hard enough on it’s own but to read anyone can over come ocd with out medication is just insulting and degrading! Best we agree to disagree 

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1 hour ago, bluegas said:

Before you have your cheep shots at me Ashley I can I just remind you I’m a fellow struggler and feel very sad and disappointed that the ceo of this charity feels the need to lower his self to say such things about a forum member 

I haven’t made cheap shots, it was a suggestion I have made to two different people this week, one on the forum one off it, in both cases I had their best interest at heart to encourage them to think about best use of resources for their own well-being. 

Shoot me an email if you wish to chat, but let’s try and keep topic on focus for NLL. Again, that’s not personal just forum etiquette I have tried to do for 20 years. 

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Lucky????  Hmmmmm....now that could be construed as offensive 😉

7 minutes ago, bluegas said:

there’s no way I’d even be here with out medication! I

I wouldn't be here with it!  As for Benzodiazepines, I was repeat prescribed them for 12 years and then (thanks to government guidelines) was suddenly told I had to come off them.  That was a two year battle of a Hell that even OCD didn't come close to.

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to read anyone can over come ocd with out medication is just insulting and degrading! Best we agree to disagree 

I'm not suggesting you should, I'm just saying it isn't impossible.  

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Just on Benzodiazepines when the subject comes up I try and post the following for forum newcomers.

Benzodiazepines are not recommended for OCD treatment. They are used for general anxiety, but NICE recommend use in crisis just for short periods of 2-4 weeks at a time. The NHS state that Benzodiazepines also start to lose their effectiveness after this time.

 

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I don't think it's wise to make life changing decisions when you're in such a crisis but I do think your Wife could probably benefit from some professional help herself to help her understand properly what's going on here.

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