Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[Caramoole]

Hang on in there & keep going.  I know it might not seem so to you but you've shown a massive shift today.  Don't expect or worry about the urges being there.....or even if you gave way, it's to be expected, you won't beat it in a day......but keep going.  Well done

[Nolightleft]

Unbelievable urge to confess this morning,trying to think of all the reasons I shouldn't 

[Nolightleft]

Really bad this morning,at work,remering hundreds of fantasies I've had feel so guilty about them,I can't show my wife who I love any affection because I feel so bad

[Nolightleft]

Desperate to confess,so desperate,don't feel I can live without 

[DRS1]

23 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Desperate to confess,so desperate,don't feel I can live without 

You know yesterday you did so well. You proved you didn't need to confess. It's not any different now. Keep going!

[Nolightleft]

So many dirty fantasies,I honestly cannot understand why I let them happen,I'm filled with disgust,I only want to be with my wife but I feel like a fraud and a pervert,I just can't see them as normal,and why people who don't even come close to my wife,part of me must just like the gutter,I don't see how I could ever have been ok with such erotic vile stuff

[DRS1]

3 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

So many dirty fantasies,I honestly cannot understand why I let them happen,I'm filled with disgust,I only want to be with my wife but I feel like a fraud and a pervert,I just can't see them as normal,and why people who don't even come close to my wife,part of me must just like the gutter,I don't see how I could ever have been ok with such erotic vile stuff

Come on NLL, this is just another compulsion!

[AKing]

What wholesome thing can you do now to distract you. You've come on here but thats not particularly benefitting you, its almost a smaller version of confessing to your wife etc.

Accept the thoughts are there but instead of reacting with rumination and guilt go and do something, play a game on the computer, read a book...anything for just a few minutes and break this cycle.

If you really want think, 'I won't react now but I will in 10 minutes' and then do something. After 10 minutes see how you feel but even just getting a 1 minute, 5 minute or 10 minute break is a great start in building your mindfulness up

[Nolightleft]

I'm really wondering if it's a problem fantasizing and ocd as an excuse again.

I read that alot of married people have all sorts of fantasies,I feel so much guilt,there must be something to perverse and definitely shouldn't be about known people or I wouldn't feel this much guilt.

[Symps07]

Could the 'fantasizing' be a compulsion?

When I used to get a sexual thought about an attractive woman or man, I would engage it and even masturbate which led to me feeling anxious and ashamed.

It's taken me a long time to realise that it is acceptable to be attracted to someone but you can leave it at that and move on with your life without analysing those thoughts.

I now treat those initial fantasy thoughts just like OCD thoughts and not engage with them and I feel so much better.

[gingerbreadgirl]

14 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm really wondering if it's a problem fantasizing and ocd as an excuse again.

I read that alot of married people have all sorts of fantasies,I feel so much guilt,there must be something to perverse and definitely shouldn't be about known people or I wouldn't feel this much guilt.

Come on nll. You've been doing really well don't slide back x

[DRS1]

53 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm really wondering if it's a problem fantasizing and ocd as an excuse again.

I read that alot of married people have all sorts of fantasies,I feel so much guilt,there must be something to perverse and definitely shouldn't be about known people or I wouldn't feel this much guilt.

If you felt overly happy all the time even when you should be sad, does that the feeling is accurate NLL?

[Nolightleft]

Hi syms.

No I don't believe they were a compulsion,they were places I went in my head as me and my partner were not intimate,I know have intrusive images and guilt from fantasies as long as a decade ago and 2 years ago,I just never realised what I was doing was bad because I dismissed them,they've come back to haunt me as they were really out there and about in appropriate people,I've confessed to some witch caused my wife pain only to remember and be replaced with ones I forgot

[Nolightleft]

So do I never fantasize anymore syms

[DRS1]

8 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

So do I never fantasize anymore syms

NLL, can you look at what you've written and think about what you are really trying to get from that post?

[AKing]

3 hours ago, AKing said:

What wholesome thing can you do now to distract you. You've come on here but thats not particularly benefitting you, its almost a smaller version of confessing to your wife etc.

Accept the thoughts are there but instead of reacting with rumination and guilt go and do something, play a game on the computer, read a book...anything for just a few minutes and break this cycle.

If you really want think, 'I won't react now but I will in 10 minutes' and then do something. After 10 minutes see how you feel but even just getting a 1 minute, 5 minute or 10 minute break is a great start in building your mindfulness up

you must have missed this post....

[Nolightleft]

Hi asking

I've been at work trying to focus on cooking

I don't know what I am trying to get from that post,I haven't considered before that I was compulsively fantasizing,I just thought I was doing it or sometimes I would think stuff,I just don't know,because no-one speaks about this stuff,I don't know if it was excessive,I just feel sick that I love someone and have thought these things purposeful,in my reassurance seeking with work mates over the years I haven't found anyone who said that they don't,but it doesn't make a difference,years ago we even had a discussion about fantasies,one bloke mentioned what he called the unmentionables,all the men there said they did,from sister in law to mother in law ,to a man's niece,yet they can live happily,there wives aren't destroyed by it,they just get on,I should have held myself at a higher standard and not let myself imagine these things just because it's meant to be so called normal,I just think I took mine to far with the sick thoughts I enjoyed

[Nolightleft]

Also symps,when you say you don't engage with fantasy thoughts does that mean you managed to not have them or not take them to pervville or you do but it doesn't bother you,it's to late for me,I should have learnt to do that and realized there would be consequences 

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

should have learnt to do that and realized there would be consequences 

What you need to learn is that this is OCD and you've slipped back down the slippery snake into the pit of ruminating & looking for reassurance.  Try and recognise what's happening here and do your best to get back to the plan like yesterday.  This is going to happen so you need to be ready & do your best to change the dialogue into something more positive 

[Nolightleft]

Had a meeting with recovery,

Clueless lot,I explained about confessing to my partner and googling,the phyicatrist said so I have no compulsions,I had to explain it to them the got it in the end,I also explained that I don't think I had the correct treatment and mentioned Oxford,they sort of brushed it off and said they want to see what avenues they can go down,I'm going to stay on my drug for 2vweeks then revaluate,my care coordinator was there also,he said a strange thing when he asked if when I do get a therapist would I want a woman or a man, probably a man because you never know who can get distressed,this is my new one by the way,I'm at the back of the list because I discharged from edmr therapy before so they need to make sure I'm ok to have it,???,why did I feel ok,I said my ocd hits then sometimes goes,it was strange they almost raised eyebrows about fantasies I've explained on here,,just another day in the hell of getting help,still think I'm a disgusting pervert,they said can they help my wife,I told her,she just said no because shes to embarrass of the things I told her, everywhere I turn another brick wall

[Nolightleft]

I told them about the getting caught masturbating and threesome fantasy,I could tell they didn't like it, people on here are supportive but probably because they must, everywhere I turn in the real world people are disgusted,wife,help,I honestly believe I am a disgusting pervert

[Caramoole]

Just out of interest, do you know what your care co-ordinators qualification is?  Are they a psychiatric nurse or something else?

[DRS1]

51 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I told them about the getting caught masturbating and threesome fantasy,I could tell they didn't like it, people on here are supportive but probably because they must, everywhere I turn in the real world people are disgusted,wife,help,I honestly believe I am a disgusting pervert

A big exception, your previous therapist maybe?

[PolarBear]

17 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Unbelievable urge to confess this morning,trying to think of all the reasons I shouldn't 

This is the wrong approach. You can't win an argument with OCD. So don't argue. Just continue with your day.

[AKing]

Polarbear is right

Remember if you fight a car by hitting it head on you will lose every, single time. However if you step aside and let it past you win and get out of the conflict.

The same applies to OCD, fight it head on and you lose, let teh though slip by and ensure you do something for 1 minute or 5 that you enjoy and you will start to see small gains.

It won't be instant but you have to recognise when things go right.