Jump to content

Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)


Recommended Posts

39 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Thanks for all your help

 

Tomorrow I'm going to try and not put anything on this forum

I'm going to try to not Google about fantasies.

I'm going to try to just concentrate on work

I'm going to try to not indicate to my wife I have more to tell.

If I fail I apologize.

I'm goin to try and change my internal dialogue.

I'm going to try to not fight the universe and accept things for what they are

This is a great plan. And don't worry if you fail. You just try again the next day and keep working at it until you get it 😊

Link to comment
  • Replies 1.6k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

2 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Thanks for all your help

 

Tomorrow I'm going to try and not put anything on this forum

I'm going to try to not Google about fantasies.

I'm going to try to just concentrate on work

I'm going to try to not indicate to my wife I have more to tell.

If I fail I apologize.

I'm goin to try and change my internal dialogue.

I'm going to try to not fight the universe and accept things for what they are

yessss!!!! This sounds great! And don't worry, there is no such thing as failure, even making this plan is a big win. Take baby steps, best of luck tomorrow.

Link to comment

Great job with the plan NLL. As other posters have said… there is no such thing as failure

you have many many supporters cheering you on!!

IMHO…keep a daily victory register.  You can also refer back to it when feeling down. Maybe you can post it here for inspiration to other members 

Edited by Lifewillbegood
Link to comment
9 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Thanks for all your help

 

Tomorrow I'm going to try and not put anything on this forum

I'm going to try to not Google about fantasies.

I'm going to try to just concentrate on work

I'm going to try to not indicate to my wife I have more to tell.

If I fail I apologize.

I'm goin to try and change my internal dialogue.

I'm going to try to not fight the universe and accept things for what they are

This a great start mate your an inspiration you really are 👍

Link to comment
10 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Thanks for all your help

 

Tomorrow I'm going to try and not put anything on this forum

I'm going to try to not Google about fantasies.

I'm going to try to just concentrate on work

I'm going to try to not indicate to my wife I have more to tell.

If I fail I apologize.

I'm goin to try and change my internal dialogue.

I'm going to try to not fight the universe and accept things for what they are

 

Yes! Yes! Yes!  :yes:

This is what we've been asking of you NLL - you have devised a plan and show willing to give it a go. Nobody can ask more of you than that. :)

I hope today goes well for you. :clover:    But if you do struggle just remember this is a learning curve. Nobody starts their cooking career by winning Masterchef. You start with the basics and build on it. And that's ok. :)

Link to comment

I'm trying my very hardest,I haven't been compulsively googling about sexual fantasies on rocd sites and Reddit,I use it for that second of reassurance,so my brain is on full attack,it's throwing stuff from years ago,including fantasies I had about her sister,witch I part confessed to years ago,just not the content, and 1 time when lead on her sisters bed drunk,I thought I'd buried these things,I'm with all my might trying to treat it ALL as OCD,be it real event,moral equivalents, scrupulosity,I'm really trying hard to treat it all as OCD,it really is going for it just because I've not been googling,and of course it's trying to push all the stuff from years ago as that would harm my wife the most,trying to stay strong withought confessing or crumbling to the floor in tears

Link to comment
8 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm trying my very hardest,I haven't been compulsively googling about sexual fantasies on rocd sites and Reddit,I use it for that second of reassurance,so my brain is on full attack,it's throwing stuff from years ago,including fantasies I had about her sister,witch I part confessed to years ago,just not the content, and 1 time when lead on her sisters bed drunk,I thought I'd buried these things,I'm with all my might trying to treat it ALL as OCD,be it real event,moral equivalents, scrupulosity,I'm really trying hard to treat it all as OCD,it really is going for it just because I've not been googling,and of course it's trying to push all the stuff from years ago as that would harm my wife the most,trying to stay strong withought confessing or crumbling to the floor in tears

Keep going. It will throw everything at you. Just push through, grit your teeth and refuse to go there.

You're doing so well nll and you are strong and you can do this. Keep going. Keep treating it ALL as OCD no matter what it throws at you. 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl
Link to comment
18 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm trying my very hardest,I haven't been compulsively googling about sexual fantasies on rocd sites and Reddit,I use it for that second of reassurance,so my brain is on full attack,it's throwing stuff from years ago,including fantasies I had about her sister,witch I part confessed to years ago,just not the content, and 1 time when lead on her sisters bed drunk,I thought I'd buried these things,I'm with all my might trying to treat it ALL as OCD,be it real event,moral equivalents, scrupulosity,I'm really trying hard to treat it all as OCD,it really is going for it just because I've not been googling,and of course it's trying to push all the stuff from years ago as that would harm my wife the most,trying to stay strong withought confessing or crumbling to the floor in tears

One thing that helps me when I manage to put it into practice is a tip from a psychologist, which is to put the ocd urgencies in the "ocd box". You put your concern there and say that you'll solve it later, because now you're busy with something else or too lazy to discuss it with the ocd. Then you put it in your "mental ocd box". It turns out that most of the time I forgot what the thought was. Or so many showed up that day that I couldn't deal with all of them later. In this they were losing importance. Funny how me talking to you could be me talking to myself. But in my case I think it's much, much worse. But that is beside the point now. Try this. I don't know if the forum admins can validate this idea or not. Sometimes we may want to try to help and hinder in another way, right? But it helped me a little bit to resist when I was doing well.

Link to comment

Thanks,I could try that approach,I've tried many,just nearly finished a very busy shift,I get very anxious in service and then I see my wife who I work with and just get a huge pang of guilt but I managed to just about get through work,I've got to try and see it like a revolving door,

 

Do u mind me asking 

euelice why you would think yours is much much worse ,I ,if that's what you meant or is that just what OCD does to all of us personally and try not to get tricked,

Link to comment
16 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Thanks,I could try that approach,I've tried many,just nearly finished a very busy shift,I get very anxious in service and then I see my wife who I work with and just get a huge pang of guilt but I managed to just about get through work,I've got to try and see it like a revolving door,

 

Do u mind me asking 

euelice why you would think yours is much much worse ,I ,if that's what you meant or is that just what OCD does to all of us personally and try not to get tricked,

Because mine is pocd and I have a daughter. Even if I wasn't a mother, it would be awful. But imagine me being a mother and feeling like the worst thing a mother could be? For example, liking costumes or not doesn't make you a bad person. It's a matter of personal values, taste, preference, etc. But in my case, if my doubts turned out to be real, I would be the worst person a human can be. If you ask me what's more serious? Kill someone or be a p***, for me the answer will always be a p***. And I don't even have the option to run away from my triggers. I have to face them 24 hours a day because every day I have to be a good mother to my daughter as if nothing was going on inside my head. It's almost like a constant torture session. Thank God I never did anything wrong, but I'm afraid. I'm scared to death to talk to my family about this. I never spoke. I spoke to my doctor recently and he said it's ocd. But I'm struggling to convince myself that it's just ocd and not a dark side of me.

Link to comment

It's whatever one we are feeling at the time I suppose,I had pocd in my twenties,it took away my dreams of traveling,I was living away and it hit,I had planned to travel the world for 10 years ,cheffing as I went but instead I ended up back in Britain locked in my room for 3 years,strangely when I look at pocd they were intrusive and I see it as not as bad because I'm stuck in this theme,either way horrible cruel illness

Link to comment
30 minutes ago, eualice2 said:

Because mine is pocd and I have a daughter. Even if I wasn't a mother, it would be awful. But imagine me being a mother and feeling like the worst thing a mother could be? For example, liking costumes or not doesn't make you a bad person. It's a matter of personal values, taste, preference, etc. But in my case, if my doubts turned out to be real, I would be the worst person a human can be. If you ask me what's more serious? Kill someone or be a p***, for me the answer will always be a p***. And I don't even have the option to run away from my triggers. I have to face them 24 hours a day because every day I have to be a good mother to my daughter as if nothing was going on inside my head. It's almost like a constant torture session. Thank God I never did anything wrong, but I'm afraid. I'm scared to death to talk to my family about this. I never spoke. I spoke to my doctor recently and he said it's ocd. But I'm struggling to convince myself that it's just ocd and not a dark side of me.

It's the worst theme for you, but it's no worse than anyone else's. The problem that you will be having is you are trying so hard to fight against a thought, literally a whole lot of nothing. It doesn't mean anything. However, by trying to constantly fight against it, you aren't making anything less likely to happen or convincing yourself that it would never happen, you are merely continuing the cycle of compulsions which only makes OCD worse.

 

As weird as it sounds, stop trying to fight OCD like you have to defend your own character and sense of self. That's what keeps you stuck. Once you do that, it gets easier.

Link to comment

I reckon DRS1 speaks a true in his paragraph. Certain themes in OCD do seem to be involved in identity, character or sense of self. In my case with my theme(s) and my tag I don’t care. I suffer from anxiety about things going wrong in the material world and I do not want to be held responsible for things going wrong specially if they involve health or safety threats to individuals. So I do my best to stop them happening.

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm trying my very hardest,I haven't been compulsively googling about sexual fantasies on rocd sites and Reddit,I use it for that second of reassurance,so my brain is on full attack,it's throwing stuff from years ago,including fantasies I had about her sister,witch I part confessed to years ago,just not the content, and 1 time when lead on her sisters bed drunk,I thought I'd buried these things,I'm with all my might trying to treat it ALL as OCD,be it real event,moral equivalents, scrupulosity,I'm really trying hard to treat it all as OCD,it really is going for it just because I've not been googling,and of course it's trying to push all the stuff from years ago as that would harm my wife the most,trying to stay strong withought confessing or crumbling to the floor in tears

Honestly this is to be expected at first. You have been self-soothing your anxiety for ages by doing compulsions all the time. You have now decided to reduce the compulsions you are doing in your plan that you wrote out here, so because of that your anxiety will have shot up as you're no longer doing any compulsions. However if you stick with your plan then this anxiety will reduce.

I know it's not quite the same thing but I think it's a good analogy - think of an addict who is withdrawing from a substance. At first when they stop using their brain goes berserk with withdrawal symptoms as it is no longer getting the hit that it is used to, however if they hold out from taking whatever it is they are addicted to then these withdrawal symptoms pass as the brain gets used to not having it. OCD is a little bit similar in that you are used to doing the compulsions to relieve the anxiety but if you stop them then your brain goes "ahhhhh!" and bombards you with intrusive thoughts/images/feelings whatever it is and your anxiety levels go up as you are no longer doing compulsions to reduce the anxiety. If you continue to not do compulsions then the anxiety will reduce. It won't happen overnight but it's a long-term thing and it can be hard work, however being OCD-free and getting your life back is worth all of the effort.

Link to comment

Where do I sit in that,because mine is nothing to do with worrying about making something less likely to happen,mine is just guilt for things I've purposely thought or done,this has always been my battle with OCD,because it's just guilt ,shame and distress from things I've actually thought or done so I always think I use OCD as an excuse,not fitting the mold,and actually does say something about my moral character,as these were actions,IE laying on wife's sisters bed drunk for 2 seconds when she slept,and creating scenarios of things with people,that isn't something away from my moral compass,that is me diverting away from it .

Link to comment

You have developed an obsession that you are a horrible, perverted person.

The actual things you've done are done, they can't be changed.  All we can do from anything in life is learn from it. It might not be wise getting really drunk so you don't know what you're doing.  It probably wasn't wise having an affair with your Wife's Sister, despite the lack of sex.....learn from it.  It isn't a problem engaging in fantasy, that's your business.

Don't mix the event with the now.  This is a result of OCD, of rumination, of compulsions.  Stick with the plan 🙂

 

 

Link to comment

I will stick with the plan.

Just to clarify,it was an awful drunken night and I told my partner the day after, unfortunately I then did the stupid thing of telling her years later I had fantasized about her,crazy thing is it all meant nothing,I felt gross for what I did,and the fantasies were unimportant at the the time,then years later yet again led on the bed of hers,it's crazy because I don't even like her,I was a fool, obviously anyone reading can see I don't deserve my wife at all,I feel guilty for staying with her but she knows most things but I feel I need to keep telling more details,I've made a mess of the gift I was given by my wife and don't feel I deserve her ,and rightly so,I have no clue why she loves me and stayed with me

Link to comment

Hi NLL

Can you elaborate on the positive things you did today. This could be things on the plan that went well (even for few hours, minutes) and other things also. 
Feel free to describe in detail. I do believe this will also provide motivation/inspiration to other readers 

Link to comment

Managed to not Google about fantasy guilt for most of the day but caved in at night,it's ridiculous,I no I won't find an answer,I google stuff like married men do you fantasize about other woman,98 %,of articles on phycology or reels on chatrooms say absolutely but there will be some who say never not if they love there wife ,and of course it doesn't help,I ask the same question about women,they don't seem to as much and in more emotional way rather than visual,

Sorry went off on one,I have managed to cook for 100s of people a day with many compliments about my food and praise from boss whilst feeling like hell inside

Link to comment

I can't tell you how much I admire you going to work in, what I assume is, a high pressure environment, and cook for hundreds of people. I don't think you give yourself enough credit NLL.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

Managed to not Google about fantasy guilt for most of the day but caved in at night,it's ridiculous,I no I won't find an answer,I google stuff like married men do you fantasize about other woman,98 %,of articles on phycology or reels on chatrooms say absolutely but there will be some who say never not if they love there wife ,and of course it doesn't help,I ask the same question about women,they don't seem to as much and in more emotional way rather than visual,

Sorry went off on one,I have managed to cook for 100s of people a day with many compliments about my food and praise from boss whilst feeling like hell inside

Well done! That was great you held off googling during the day :) eventhough you did in the evening, it’s definitely progress that you managed to fight the urges to google about it throughout the day. It shows you are capable of getting through this and you are going to come out the other end and be okay :) well done with work too! I can’t imagine doing that as a job it sounds so stressful but it does sound like it’s working as a good distraction for you 

Link to comment

Thanks for your kind words,work tomorrow,hard when you wake up at 2,dreading bank holiday,find it so hard when the sun is shining,as if you should be happy and make an effort,I find the rain and darkness slot easier,upped meds,got to stick to it and see,still have an army of images and failings attacking but still here for now

Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...