Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[bluegas]

Ocd makes you think it’s wrong!! Even if it’s wrong people do wrong stuff all the time they just can accept the guilt and move on where as we can’t ! I said this before and shoot me down for the reassurance but just trying to add perspective but some one I know who deals with pedofiles and there behaviours told me 1 in 4  “normal  “men fantasise about sex with kids now **** knows where they get stats like that from but that  makes me you and every other geezer who knocks one out to woman no matter how closely related or rough as like angels! Your biggest job is changing how you see this 

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou mate,trying to enjoy the sun,lol enjoy,popped to a pub garden,used to love it,just can't feel anything but guilt

[PolarBear]

NLL, don't let Howard's inept advice sway you. As many people have told you, your problem has NOTHING to do with fantasies. Your problem is OCD.

Focus on fixing the problem. 

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou p ,I needed that

[PolarBear]

Just now, Nolightleft said:

Thankyou p ,I needed that

Now go do something fun. And have an ice cream. Or chocolate! 

[Nolightleft]

I'm sat in a pub garden,had a couple of pints,I'll leave it there, really hard to communicate but I'm trying to live some sort of normality,just trying to do things my ocd stops me doing,or work,going out,I almost stop when it hits,I don't eat or wash or anything,

[Nolightleft]

Went out yesterday messed up,didn't say a word,Mrs said how boring I am,went out today, really made an effort,that's not right,can't win, really need to focus on me but it's hard as we do everything together,if I could just get rid of these images life would be ok

[gingerbreadgirl]

19 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Went out yesterday messed up,didn't say a word,Mrs said how boring I am,went out today, really made an effort,that's not right,can't win, really need to focus on me but it's hard as we do everything together,if I could just get rid of these images life would be ok

Your wife really needs to give you a break imo

[northpaul]

21 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

really need to focus on me

A suggestion for you.  Why not try to talk to someone else and focus your attention on other people?  A warm Bank Holiday weekend - the pub must be full of people.  Looking outwards and not inwards I find helps my OCD.

[hazel]

21 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Your wife really needs to give you a break imo

Agree wholeheartedly

[Nolightleft]

I think this Illness destroyed,sharing things in the head,and the awful drunken cheating I did,I should be able to lay on the bed without being bitten,punched,beer poured over my head,I get the pain of hurtful confessions,and I put up with it because I think I deserve it

[DRS1]

3 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I think this Illness destroyed,sharing things in the head,and the awful drunken cheating I did,I should be able to lay on the bed without being bitten,punched,beer poured over my head,I get the pain of hurtful confessions,and I put up with it because I think I deserve it

I think it may be time to consider removing yourself from that situation NLL. Abusing you is not okay. The relationship sounds toxic. What you deserve is not abuse! If you can try and stay with someone else temporarily or contact a relevant organisation to see what can be done. It's not a good relationship if she is abusing you. It's not one you have to stay in.

[gingerbreadgirl]

My viewpoint has been for a long time you would be better having some space from your wife. 

[Nolightleft]

I know,I told her about INTRUSIVE thoughts years ago I had about my dad amum and. Sister, everything has murged in her her head,feel sorry for her but she will say go fk your mum and your sister and her sister and her niece,and because I have to be honest I have to tell her my mum and sister were I trust e but other people are welcomed  and wanted,I just can't shut my mouth,it's not her fault,I've driven her crazy

[Symps07]

9 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

 

Symz I don't think I was addicted to fantasizing,I just did it ,didn't feel addicted to do it

Perhaps not but I can see it's the evaluation of having had these thoughts that you are stuck on.

I get it. 

With me it's not the fact I had sexual thoughts, it's that I questioned what they meant and how they reflected on me and who I was (and also, that I can't always control them or let them go).

It sucks that your mental health team isn't much use. I've been trying to get a hold of my GP all week for a referral to be tested for adult ADHD, but can't get through due to so many calls and when I do, all appointments have gone

Can you self reffer to see a counsellor?

 

 

[Nolightleft]

Councillor doesn't help,I'm thinking maby becoming a monk,all my troubles are around sex,all my early life I could pull anyone I wanted,sorry but that's how it was,now I'm just a mess because of my sexual mind

[ocdjonesy]

Your wife is abusive.  It doesn't matter what you've done to 'deserve it'.  You'd both be better off either separated or in counselling for your issues (including substance dependence since alcohol seems to be involve in a lot of your fights).  Your relationship is entirely dysfunctional and if your son is living with you two I worry for him caught in the crossfire as he no doubt is.

 

Edit for some allcaps clarity : YOU ARE IN A DOMESTIC ABUSE SITUATION AND YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THAT.

Edited May 27, 2023 by ocdjonesy

[snowbear]

16 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Councillor doesn't help,I'm thinking maby becoming a monk,all my troubles are around sex,all my early life I could pull anyone I wanted,sorry but that's how it was,now I'm just a mess because of my sexual mind

Give us a call from the monastery, NLL. Because becoming a monk won't sort your OCD. The problem has nothing to do with sex or fantasies. 

The problem is how you're reacting to your thoughts.

Years ago you were able to fantasize and not be upset by it. Why? Because your thinking was different.

The rights and wrongs haven't changed.  Back then you just didn't obsess over right and wrong.

Keep the focus on getting your thinking back to normal. 

 

Paul gave you some excellent advice:

4 hours ago, northpaul said:

focus your attention on other people  A warm Bank Holiday weekend - the pub must be full of people.  Looking outwards and not inwards I find helps my OCD.

  Scientifically proven to work. 

Focusing outward on other people switches off the rumination network in the brain and switches on the caring, nurturing network instead. And boy do you need some self-care and self-nurturing right now!

Perhaps too, set you focus a little further outside the home circle than you have been doing. So not your wife (you can fix that later when you're well again.) Maybe look up some old friends you haven't spoken to in ages? Or just try some people-watching in the pub garden as a distraction. It all helps.

[Nolightleft]

Our son has know wind of it at all,he's doing great,it's a mess I know,I confessed stuff again and again and it's given my wife what already was an underlying  I'llness room to erupt,booze is not the proplem with this,it's all to do with confessing **** I shouldnt

[ocdjonesy]

No it's to do with your dysfunctional marriage and your wife's physical violence and emotional abuse.  She spits on you and bites you.  That's assault.  She could face very serious consequences were she reported to the police for it.

I highly doubt you'd advise a loved one to stay in a similar situation.

[Nolightleft]

I know,I have given her a mental illness from telling her stuff she doesn't want to know,over messed her up,I think the best thing to do is leave for her sake,but when I try she begged me to come home,this is no-one elses problem , thankyou all,I need to go away for a while x

[Lynz]

This is where I'm going to have to tap out I'm afraid. I find the descriptions of the physical abuse you are subjected to very distressing especially with a child involved and I think this is above an OCD support forum's pay grade. We are not a domestic abuse helpline, social workers or the police which is what it sounds like you need, NLL. If I may be frank your wife sounds nuts and you'd be best off well away from her.

As a former child health worker, children always know when there is domestic abuse in the home. It is impossible to hide it from them. Even newborn babies whose parents are in an abusive relationship can be affected by it. That's why it's so serious.

I also hope you get help for the OCD too but I think this situation with your wife is more urgent.

Edited May 27, 2023 by Lynz

[Nolightleft]

My child is not affected at all,he is our world,yes dynamic is hard because my wife also has thought action fusion,, believe it or not we are seen as a very respectable couple,we just need to work on it,please don't pull yourself away lynz, you've been an Incredible strength to me over the years

[Nolightleft]

Also he's nearly 17,he sees nothing,we are not that cruel

[ocdjonesy]

Nope sorry, your marriage is dysfunctional and needs addressing.  I don't see your current home life as being capable of supporting your recovery.  I'd be incredibly surprised if you could make any sort of progress in dealing with your OCD when you're continually belittled, verbally abused and physically assaulted by your partner.

Your situation is incredibly unhealthy and I agree with Lynz, way above the paygrade of a forum.