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Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)


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16 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Sorry for posting that last night,my wife went out,to many wines,sorry again,just a stupid day

That doesn't excuse the fact she is abusing you NLL! 

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She went out,wine and sun,1 to many,I shouldn't have posted that,it's unfair to people on here as an ocd forum,I should just keep it to that,I really do apologise for any extra stress it puts on people,lynz and honest,please don't pull your support away totally,you both been great for me,

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Wine and sun doesn't cut it......and it isn't an isolated incident.  Could you imagine say, if a bloke went down the pub every Friday night, came home, gave his Wife a black eye because he thought she'd flirted with the barman?  Do you think people would say "It's just 'cos he'd had a few, he's a nice guy really"?   No they'd say it was abuse, domestic violence.  Regardless of the things that have upset her, so is this.  She has/had a right to be upset at affairs.  It's understandable she doesn't want to hear "details" of any fantasies.  It's not reasonable she doesn't accept the role of your OCD, that she is ignoring your fragile mental health, that her actions are party to that distress.  She is an adult and she has choices......to walk away, to educate herself, to seek support or counselling to help her process her own emotions, anger management, addressing her own relationship with drink.  This us abuse, physical and emotional.  It's not about you shutting up and "not telling" anyone.....that's something most victims of domestic abuse do.  You tell her it stops and if it doesn't you'll do something about it.  Your OCD, your misguided guilt is making you accept something as deserved when it isn't 🙁

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I wouldn't call it domestic abuse,and she is such a lovely woman,damaged by me,on a positive she'd going the gp on Tuesday and recognised her ways,and needs to recognize her pain and deal with it different,and believe it or not 8 still want to confess

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2 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I wouldn't call it domestic abuse,and she is such a lovely woman,damaged by me,on a positive she'd going the gp on Tuesday and recognised her ways,and needs to recognize her pain and deal with it different,and believe it or not 8 still want to confess

Hi NLL,

I don't have experience with this sort of situation, but I know it must be so difficult, and I am so sorry you are going through this.

(I hope I word all this okay, if not please let me know! I am always happy to change my wording or anything at all, anything to help)

I understand it is difficult for you to call it domestic abuse, but as you said your wife is physically, and I believe verbally, attacking you, that is unfortunately abuse.

Like some people said above, is there anyone you and your son can stay with for a bit just to separate from this situation?

No matter what you think/say the reason is for her abusing you, that doesn't make it okay. That I think is the thing to realise, not why she's doing it, but the fact that she is doing it is wrong, and you shouldn't go through that. 

Your wife needs professional support for any mental heath problems she has, but no matter what she should not abuse you. 

Like some people have said previously, this is not something people on this forum can deal with. The police and domestic abuse charities/organissations can help.

There is some information here, and you should go to the police too:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

 

Again, I am not an expert and have no experience with this, and this is just some support that I hope is helpful but it is not a guide. 

I am truly wishing you the best, with both this situation and your OCD. I am sending you strength and support NLL ❤️

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My wife is a lovely caring person who has been very hurt by me,we spoke this morning about it,were moving forward in a kinder way, honestly she is very loving but in pain,the wine didn't help,I'm ok,I shouldn't have posted that,I will only post about ocd issues, thankyou lovely People for your support,my son is happy and doing well,we will not let him be affected,he's my world, thankyou all,I'll keep it to my mental health and that's it

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Your wife can play the regret in the morning card all she wants - without real supported intervention by trained professionals and a lot of work on both your parts you are going to revert into this pattern.  

This entire thread has been you or her drinking and becoming emotional which results in suicide attempts by you and violence and aggression from her.

It's untenable and regardless of your attempts to steer the conversation back to your OCD so you can continue to carry out compulsions on this forum this is not something that can be put back into a box and ignored.

 

 

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2 minutes ago, ocdjonesy said:

Your wife can play the regret in the morning card all she wants - without real supported intervention by trained professionals and a lot of work on both your parts you are going to revert into this pattern.  

This entire thread has been you or her drinking and becoming emotional which results in suicide attempts by you and violence and aggression from her.

It's untenable and regardless of your attempts to steer the conversation back to your OCD so you can continue to carry out compulsions on this forum this is not something that can be put back into a box and ignored.

 

 

Fully agree with this.

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It's much more complex,there is also a lot of love,alot of caring,our children are doing amazing and emotions can do what they do,I shouldn't have wrote about it and I apologize for the concern I've caused,I think I've magnified it,we don't drink that much at all but sometimes just want to let our hair down and it can go tits up like for anyone,I really appreciate all the support here,I do,but Im doing everything I can and my wife has agreed also so those are positives.

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No mate it’s not going tits up the way it can for anyone you are deeply in denial.  Having three pints or a bottle of wine on a Saturday night and then eating all the valium you have in the house or biting your husband is not normal.  Stop insisting other people look at the situation the way you do.

A person who gets violent when they drink should be letting their hair down in a different way and not continuing to perpetuate a cycle of co-dependence and abuse by drinking and assaulting her husband.

The same is true of a person who becomes dangerously suicidal when alcohol is involved.

You’re both adult human beings who are responsible for your own triggers and if you don’t take a long hard look at the reality of your life and work towards identifying those triggers and then avoiding or mitigating for them things are not going to get better.

I can’t give you any other help than that.  In my opinion it would be irresponsible of me to do otherwise.  Other people might not agree and that’s fine but I will not be complicit in helping you pretend your marriage isn’t deeply dysfunctional to the point if endangering human life.

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Seriously if we were looking at this situation from the point  of view of a psychiatric assessment it would be asked if either of you were a danger to yourself or others and you both are.

She’s a danger to you and you’re a danger to yourself.  

And I am looking after my own mental health and putting this thread down and walking away for the time being.  Good luck to you I hope you can take on board what’s been said to you over the course of the day.  And good luck to anyone else trying to get through to you.

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I've had a shift,I'm sick of feeling **** about myself,I care to much about everyone else's emotions,I'm going to learn not to care,why bother,perfect judgement minds,like I don't judge myself enough, honestly,**** in the brain,bad man,dirty man,I've had enough.,I will wear my viking beard with pride.

 

Probably best to lock this thread,I won't be back

 

 

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1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

perfect judgement minds,like I don't judge myself

No-one is judging you. We're all just concerned and worried and want to make you see how bad things are at the moment so you get some help. Also I have to protect my mental health as well and reading anything about domestic abuse is quite triggering and upsetting for me so that's why I need to take a step back. I'm not a mental health professional, just a fellow OCD sufferer who is trying my best to help others when I can.

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37 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

reaching out

That's what we're here for :)

But you need to use us to get your mind onto other things instead of using the forum to do yet more ruminating. After all, you do enough of that on your own, right? :D

So when you need company why not come on here and chat about something else. Work, hopes for the future, favourite recipes - whatever you like as long as it isn't the stuff you ruminate on.

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Just had a major breakdown,scratching my face and bending my fingers back,I have rang the doctor who told me to ring recovery who said the would ring crisis but didn't,I rang crisis who said ring recovery.

The safe plan today is to meditate,watch a movie and go for a walk.

I can't take the need to confess my past fantasies and I know if I confess I will get a minute of peace,mess my wife up more and all sorts of other things will take its place,I am so done feeling this way, confession won't help anything,it will make it worse but I feel I have to

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