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Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)


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Just now, Nolightleft said:

I wish I could be ok with it,everyday I remember another one,and they are so bizarre,I've broken my wife,I haven't confessed more but I just can't keep my mouth shut,I just can't,it's a desperate attempt to make her see it's normal but the people I fantasized are not,they are to close to home

:wontlisten:  You're not listening.  You can come up with a billion more it doesn't matter......But you have to try your best to use some of the methods to break this cycle....you just need to start.

Did your Wife ever see the doctor herself?

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Recovery and all my shrinks,doctor, people on here have all sad the guilt is the problem,not the fantasies,why am I unable to understand this and put them in the past,I'm going to lose my wife,she'd dead behind the eyes,and I'm not capable of supporting her because I'm so messed up with my own head

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In fairness, she's played a fairly big role in making things worse by her own inability to understand.

3 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

why am I unable to understand this

Because at that moment you are so caught up and stuck in the cycle of doing "all the wrong things" that it's like throwing rocket fuel on a raging fire.  You can't put a fire out when you keep throwing fuel on it :(

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In all fairness to her,conffesing about her sister and adult niece is enough to mess anyone up,and I know it doesnt work,when I confessed about her sister I felt I needed to say how many times and content but I didn't,when I did about her adult niece the flood gates opened and hit me like a tsunami,I honestly think if I hadn't done them my life would be so much easier,I wouldn't be plagued with this,Christians do it,the discipline themselves and don't commit adultery in the mind

Edited by Nolightleft
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32 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Christians do it,the discipline themselves and don't commit adultery in the mind

I'm not sure where you got this idea from but it's categorically false. Some Christians might see fantasising as a sin but do you still think they don't actually do it? Christians are still human like the rest of us and they commit all manner of "sins" every day. In fact Catholic belief says that we are all born sinners, and while you should try your best to not sin if you do sin then you can confess to a priest and all will be forgiven. Some types of Christians go to the other extreme and believe that we should never commit any sins otherwise we will go to hell. As you can see even Christians and other religious people differ in their beliefs widely.

Also there is no such thing as "adultery in the mind". I'm pretty sure nobody has ever been allowed to get a divorce under grounds of "adultery in the mind", there has to be actual physical adultery for it to count.

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4 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I don't know at the moment,my wife has lost the plot because of me

Hi NLL, 

 

You said you rang the recovery team: have they given you a plan or anything like that? Have they said what they are going to do to try to help? 

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7 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Really don't know what to do anymore,I won't go into details but I'm out on the street,no money,no anything,don't confess anything to your better halves,my life is screwed

Hi NLL, 

 

You should go to A&E or call 999. You are clearly in distress and you need help NLL, you need to let them know how bad you are and that you need help. 

 

I truly hope everything goes well for you NLL and please try and keep yourself safe, I am sending you so much strength ❤️

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21 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

but I'm out on the street,no money,no anything,don't confess anything to your better halves,my life is screwed

Do you know of any night shelters or any other safe places to go?

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4 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

No,I know I shouldn't have confessed fantasies in the past,and I've held off others but Jesus you have no idea 

NLL, are you at a safe place? A&E? Have you called anyone eg. 999, your crisis team etc? 

We want you to be safe and okay. 

I hope you are okay, and I am sending you strength and my best wishes ❤️

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3 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

The Samaritans  116 123

Give them a call

Please do NLL, you need some support and someone to talk to who can give you the help you need ❤️

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1 minute ago, Nolightleft said:

I have to be here with her,I can't get away today

Do you mean with your wife NLL? 

If you are both struggling you can both get help, please ring any of the numbers above ❤️

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10 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Had to stay at home,wife is being a bit kinder but desperate to confess this guilt to her

Hi NLL, 

 

I'm glad your wife is being a bit kinder to you. Remember, if she isn't being kind to you, you get away from that situation, stay with someone else if you can. 

 

I hope you're doing okay after last night? Is there anything you can do to distract yourself today? 

 

I'm sending you my best wishes NLL ❤️ 

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