Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[ocdjonesy]

30 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Finding intimacy so hard,just cuddling this morning I had stepson s ex and 2 other women's faces just in my head,I hate it.

I feel I've ruined everything,the thing I'm finding really hard is if I had harm or other themes the thoughts wouldn't be to the grain but because I chose to fantasize I created this 

Yes, this is a problem that's common in OCD.  It does tend to intrude on physical and emotional intimacy.  I know it happened to me this weekend.  Trying to have sex and continually picturing my gran dying earlier in the week.  It's a thing and it's **** that it happens but it's not unique to you or your particular focus and you need to realise that and try to move past it.

 

[Nolightleft]

Thanks jonesy.

That must be distressing,I think what adds an extra layer of guilt is the images I get are of people I have actually sexualy fantasized about,not just random people,

[ocdjonesy]

Yeah and what adds an extra layer of guilt and shame for me is thinking about my dad during sex- which happens regularly too.  You keep saying the same things over and over about what you think the problem is only you're not thinking you're compulsively repeating the same thing over and over again and remaining stuck in the problem.

Sorry to say that thoughts about people you fantasised about might always pop into your head during intimacy.  Just like thoughts about my family or the fact I'm going to get a UTI or bleed after sex because I have cervical cancer will probably always pop into my head during sex because I have OCD.  So you have to do the work to realise that the thoughts don't matter and try to stay present in the situation instead of letting the thoughts derail you.

They're called intrusive thoughts because they intrude on what you're doing.  It's literally in the name.

It's just how it is.  It doesn't mean anything other than the fact you have OCD and you need to realise that.

Edited June 7, 2023 by ocdjonesy

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

I'm trying,I just can't get over seeing the fantasies as the problem,because of the content and whose in them,there lots I haven't felt guilty about,and like I've said my wife is one of the 2% who doesn't have any so that makes it even harder

 

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

I think what adds an extra layer of guilt is the images I get are of people I have actually sexualy fantasized about,not just random people,

Yes, we know that.  So, knowing that these compulsions are making the problem stick, what can you try to do to change thus?

[Nolightleft]

Been off work ,lost so much money,have to go back tomorrow,AGAIN,just dreading it

[Nolightleft]

How do you take that leap of faith,every part of me said the fantasies are the problem,everyone else apart from my wife say the guilt is,htf do I take that leap of faith 

[Nolightleft]

Just hitting a wall,spoke to my care coordinator today,everytime I mention Oxford specialist center they put their walls up,I don't get it,it's all because I had 17 sessions of EMDR but discharged because of various reasons,I said have you spoken to my last therapist,he said I'm at the back of the list because I need to work on the edmr stuff and what they want me to do is finish that line of therapy before they look at Oxford, honestly it's a joke,I know what I need,useless  ,it's almost like the therapists pride is hurt because they haven't helped,I was promised ERP alongside act,I have never had so many walls put up for help,I'm disgusted,my care coordinator said I need to deal with him as the middle man,I said can he get hold of my old therapist,he said he would try but doesn't know if he will contact me,forget them

 

Tomorrow imringing my GP and explaining everything and they can refer me to Oxford rather than deal with these absolute morons

[h011y]

 

4 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Tomorrow imringing my GP and explaining everything and they can refer me to Oxford

I'm so sorry your care coordinator has been so unhelpful, and I am so glad you are ringing your GP! That is a really good step forward to take, you should be proud of yourself.

I hope it all goes well for you NLL

 

[Lynz]

14 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Tomorrow imringing my GP and explaining everything and they can refer me to Oxford rather than deal with these absolute morons

Good idea, NLL. Sorry you've had to deal with idiots in trying to get referred. That seems to be the norm now sadly in a lot of medical fields. I hope you manage to get it sorted out with your GP today.

[Nolightleft]

I'm fighting a war here,spoke to go about Oxford,she said she does think south Glos funding would pay for that as it has to be in county,I will have to speak to recovery again but I'll be honest,I'm just banging my head against a brick wallthey want me to have care but I have to prove I'm worthy for secondary, people with the money for private are so lucky,this is why I lose hope,I was with PTS because of the state I was in,put in secondary,they know my history but insist I work on the CBT I was taught that's not effective in ocd

[Caramoole]

You say it's not effective in OCD and that brings it back full circle to the debate that was raging yesterday.  It very much depends on the type of CBT you were given and whether the therapist was experienced enough to deliver it.  Have you spoken with Ashley about accessing care?  It certainly seems the support you've been given lately hasn't been adequate given your current state.  But you also have to be brutally honest with yourself as well as to whether you've tried to apply any of the techniques rather than just enduring how you feel

[foreverobsessing]

When I had CBT with erp I had some good results but ultimately it was stopped as I wasn’t responding well enough to it as I was getting too distressed. Later it was realised I also have another mental health condition that they were unaware of at the time that was limiting my progress. My CBT with erp was also done virtually, therapist was in training, I was still adjusting to different medications, had ALOT of life stressors, etc. 

However now, I am able to put what I did learn in CBT and exposure work into practice somewhat easier. I also had 0 faith in CBT practises and exposure work but have found that sticking with it it has very slowly started to click in my brain.

sorry if this isn’t helpful to hear, just trying to shed some light onto the therapy in the sense that it doesn’t always work straight away and that it can be really bloody stubborn, and by all means I’m not ‘cured’ or close to it but it can be helpful 

 

 

Edited June 8, 2023 by foreverobsessing

[Nolightleft]

I do try to use things,

Theory a and theory be.

Ask how useful and how I progressed after a time with rumination.

The revolving door.

But it just doesn't help,when if comes on it's just to powerful

[Nolightleft]

Also to see thought or fact,if thought then just thought and if fancy iss the intensity of the guilt justified.

If you make so many so called minor mistakes would that equate to a major one

[Nolightleft]

Just want to thank everyone on here for Thier support over the years,I truly hope you find your way out of this dungeon and wake up one day with a mind of peace,I think maby the key is to not try anymore but that takes time

[Lynz]

2 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I think maby the key is to not try anymore but that takes time

You are correct here. The trick is to not do anything whenever you get those distressing thoughts and just let them be. This takes practice and is difficult to do at first but it can be done, and the more you practice doing this the easier it gets.

[Spicypepper]

1 hour ago, Lynz said:

You are correct here. The trick is to not do anything whenever you get those distressing thoughts and just let them be. This takes practice and is difficult to do at first but it can be done, and the more you practice doing this the easier it gets.

Personally I feel irresponsible when I’m going about my life and not attending to my obsessions. Which is a good thing… you feel irresponsible and like you HAVE to answer the thoughts. But it’s good if you’re focusing on your day to day life in my opinion. 

[Nolightleft]

Really struggling.

My 16 year old son was arrested last night,been at the police station all day,inlm trying to get it out ,and can you believe it even with all this going on in the background is me needing to confess fantasies 

[Caramoole]

3 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Really struggling.

My 16 year old son was arrested last night,been at the police station all day,inlm trying to get it out ,and can you believe it even with all this going on in the background is me needing to confess fantasies 

That just shows how powerful these obsessions can be.  Hope you get things sorted.

[Nolightleft]

Really don't know what to do,my anxiety is so high ,I have all this going on and am being bombarded with images and wanting to confess

[DRS1]

24 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Really don't know what to do,my anxiety is so high ,I have all this going on and am being bombarded with images and wanting to confess

It's okay to be bombarded with images and the urge to confess and especially in this scenario I'd expect OCD to be heightened even more than it usually is. It doesn't mean it's easy to deal with cause it is not but try for even 60 seconds to sit with all that anxiety and just experience it. Notice how it feels and where you feel it. Just observe it. Notice things in the room you are in. What is in the room, what does it look like (colour, texture etc.). It's mindfulness sure, but in a way it's going to allow you to even temporarily focus on something whilst still experiencing that anxiety.

 

Anxiety isn't a dangerous feeling. It's very much overwhelming but it can't hurt you.

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou,it is hurting me physically,I will try,my head is just full of self created filth

[Nolightleft]

14 hours waiting in a police station,Jesus,this has tested me beyond belief,being there for my son with OCD anxiety,images from fantasies like a forest fire,just got home

[snowbear]

Sounds like a stressful day, NLL. So be kind to yourself. Get to bed and try to get some sleep without beating yourself up over anything.

[Nolightleft]

Really struggling with the need to confess today,it's going on and on,I feel it's to only way to stop the guilt and pain, yesterday was a tough day and today it's really hit me