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Hi All, 

I (30f) have been suffering with anxiety and panic disorder since 2018. Having entered into CBT at the beginning of last year, going through all the levels, it wasn't until I reached the highest intensity it was highlighted that I didn't just have anxiety and panic disorder but infact OCD. 

It has taken me a while to wrap my head around OCD and being truthful, I still don't fully understand. Shortly after finding out I had OCD I was at the end of Therapy and it has taken me months to try and pick myself up from that. 

I actively struggle each day with my OCD and find it even more problematic trying to help my family and friends understand when I don't myself. I guess am looking for support and understanding. I have noted a few terms used within these forums I.e. theams, but again being new to all of this I'm unsure of the categories I fall into. 

I have recently signed up for more therapy, however, I'm unsure of what good that will bring as I will start at the bottom again. (No fault of anyone, but it did take nearly a year to discover I do infact suffer from OCD) 

Having dealing with all of this since 2018 I feel like I lost myself all those years ago and I don't think she will ever return. 

I guess what I'm hoping for by posting on the forum is a little help to understand, maybe some guidance on how to better explain to loved ones and work and possibly some hope that things will infact become more manageable. 

Maybe this is the wrong place to be posting. It has taken 5 month for me to have to courage to even seek support groups, search for forums such as these. (All of this is out of my comfort zone, routine and fear that by me posting will make someone's day worse ) so please be a little gentle. 

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Hello Jewiz and welcome to the forums.

3 hours ago, Jewlz said:

Maybe this is the wrong place to be posting. It has taken 5 month for me to have to courage to even seek support groups, search for forums such as these. (All of this is out of my comfort zone, routine and fear that by me posting will make someone's day worse ) so please be a little gentle. 

If you wish to talk about OCD then this is a good place where you can share your experience of OCD and listen to others who also live with OCD.  One good thing I note from your post is that you have had some CBT therapy.  What did you learn in your therapy and is it helping you?

Feel free to join in with the forums - you have made your first step and that is a good start.  🙂

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Hi Jewiz,

Welcome to the forum :welcome:

4 hours ago, Jewlz said:

I actively struggle each day with my OCD and find it even more problematic trying to help my family and friends understand when I don't myself.

A good place to start would be if you try to explain to us what you think OCD is. Pretend we know nothing and give it your best shot. :)

Then we can help you correct any misunderstandings and maybe give you the words you need to explain it in simple terms to your family and friends.

4 hours ago, Jewlz said:

I have recently signed up for more therapy, however, I'm unsure of what good that will bring as I will start at the bottom again.

Having dealing with all of this since 2018 I feel like I lost myself all those years ago and I don't think she will ever return. 

I can see why you're disillusioned with therapy. A year to work out you have OCD! Sheesh! :dry:

But you're not starting from the bottom again. This time you're having therapy specifically for your OCD. So that puts you a few rungs up the ladder already. :)

 

Similar thing with feeling you've lost yourself and won't ever be the same person again. You're right, you won't ever be the same person again. :no:

But you will find a new you. And like her. And live a good life as her. :) Why would you want to go backwards when the new you will have everything the old you had plus a whole pile more - new insights on life, new understanding of yourself and others, more empathy, more compassion, knowledge of what OCD is and the skills to overcome it.

Returning to who you were is waaay over-rated. :laugh:

Jump in with your current understanding of OCD and any questions.

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On 25/05/2023 at 20:44, northpaul said:

One good thing I note from your post is that you have had some CBT therapy.  What did you learn in your therapy and is it helping you?

Hi Northpaul

Thanks you for taking the time to respond and your warm welcoming.

I don't feel like I got the time to fully explore much surround my OCD most of what I know is self research. I do however, believe it was beneficial in the fact that it brought the discovery of my OCD and has provided me with a diagnosis other than just general anxiety and panic disorder. Working through processes of those just didn't feel like it hit the mark. It has allowed to do look into things further and led me to understand that it is treatable and I am not alone. I did some research into statistics and I was shocked at the figure of how many people deal with OCD in the UK alone. Therapy has help me better understand why I am the way I am, just hoping further CBT will allow me to concentrate on how to better manage the symptoms. 

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Hi Snowbear, 

Thank you for taking the time to reply. 

On 25/05/2023 at 21:30, snowbear said:

A good place to start would be if you try to explain to us what you think OCD is. Pretend we know nothing and give it your best shot. :)

Okay. This is what I find hard because I can only explain what having OCD means for me. I have tried to explain it as follows. 

OCD is having thoughts and feelings that are uncontrollable and unwanted. This leads the urge to complete intense repetitive behaviours. Completing the compulsive behaviours brings a sense of security/safety and control. To not do these feels too much of a risk, as the routines and behaviours are to make sure the unwanted thoughts and feeling do not come true. 

On 25/05/2023 at 21:30, snowbear said:

But you will find a new you. And like her. And live a good life as her. :) Why would you want to go backwards when the new you will have everything the old you had plus a whole pile more - new insights on life, new understanding of yourself and others, more empathy, more compassion, knowledge of what OCD is and the skills to overcome it.

This is a beautiful way of looking at things, thank you.! You're so right.! This is exactly the way I need to start viewing life right now. 

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Hi @Jewlz

I just want to say you're so brave. It has taken me much, much longer than yourself to reach out and accept I have ocd. To do this in a matter of months/a few years is so courageous. I struggle with my nearest and dearest understanding too. They find it hard, understandably, and also I think on some level they don't want to accept it because they'd have to then also accept they didn't see it and weren't there to support me at the start. But I am so good at masking my ocd that I am often mentally depleted at the end of the day, which does wonders for my social life! If they had known as long as I have I'm sure they would have helped. Sadly I kept it to myself for far too long. Well done to you for having those conversations x

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22 hours ago, Jewlz said:

OCD is having thoughts and feelings that are uncontrollable and unwanted. This leads the urge to complete intense repetitive behaviours. Completing the compulsive behaviours brings a sense of security/safety and control. To not do these feels too much of a risk, as the routines and behaviours are to make sure the unwanted thoughts and feeling do not come true. 

 

This is an excellent summary of OCD. :yes:

You could go on to explain further;

Everybody gets unwanted (intrusive) thoughts and feelings. For example have you ever stood on a bridge and suddenly had a thought that you might jump off it or push the person beside you off? It's scary! It's the opposite of what you're actually wanting at that moment, but the thought/image /feeling is there.

When someone hasn't got OCD they are able to accept it's just a thought, not what they really want to do, and they easily dismiss it and move on. 

When someone has OCD they find it harder to separate having the thought from reality. They can't stop thinking about it (obsessing over it) and they get a really strong feeling they have to do something to prevent it, or do something to atone for having such a 'bad thought'. That's where compulsions come in.

OCD is a disorder of thinking and behaviour.

So the themes can be about absolutely anything. You might obsess about one thing (theme) or many.

And you recover from OCD by learning how to get your thinking back on track (cognitive therapy) and learning to react to the stimulus/ thought differently (behavioural therapy.) aka CBT. :)

 

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