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Worried I touched someone…


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I was in a place and I got this overwhelming intrusive urge, my mind all over the place my hand was stretched out my mind plays tricks on me sometimes but I’m really unsure this time. Is there anyway I can check cctv or something? But even that kinda scares me… really struggling with this now 

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3 hours ago, welterwhite said:

I was in a place and I got this overwhelming intrusive urge, my mind all over the place my hand was stretched out my mind plays tricks on me sometimes but I’m really unsure this time. Is there anyway I can check cctv or something? But even that kinda scares me… really struggling with this now 

Checking the CCTV would get you where exactly? Reassurance and reduction of anxiety and uncertainty temporarily with the long term effect that you end up reinforcing this faulty logic to OCD as something you need to worry about? You can be unsure but in fact no one can be sure or certain (there are no 100%'s)

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5 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

I’m losing the plot 

When you say 'losing the plot' can I ask what is the plot?  What are you looking for?  In terms of OCD, what are you looking for?

I would hope that you are looking to be in a place where you are more in control of you life and your OCD has less control.

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You want reassurance, which you feel will quell the anxiety you feel. It won't. Even if you looked at video, OCD will not let you be sure.

The way forward is to leave this alone. Refuse to debate this with yourself. Get your mind on other things.

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I don’t think I can get to see the cctv and tbh it may raise suspicions that may cause a problem in if itself if my hand was going all over the place even if I never touched anyone I don’t really know what to do because I’m so worried over this although it has been like 3 days now 

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2 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

I don’t think I can get to see the cctv and tbh it may raise suspicions that may cause a problem in if itself if my hand was going all over the place even if I never touched anyone I don’t really know what to do because I’m so worried over this although it has been like 3 days now 

Have you read our responses before you have confessed in this post? There's pretty good advice from @northpaul and @PolarBear there that I think is really worthwhile trying to take onboard

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9 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

I did read it but I worry this is different it was very intense and very confusing

"but this time it's different" is a major tactic OCD uses to keep you trapped. It doesn't matter if it's different. If it feels intense and real, how does that necessarily make it true? Can you not experience feelings and sensations that aren't exactly what you would want?

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If it helps I get thoughts of touching people and get it can be upsetting. The scary one is the intrusive thought of touching a child inappropriately, which as you can imagine makes me feel awful. I do ritualised to negate the thought, but I'm also trying to let them pass. So you're not alone and it helps to remember you it's OCD. Also, I found it helps totryntonthink what would be the worst thing that would happen. My therapist said it'd probably just be the person you touched thinks you're a bit odd, and if they're upset you can always apologise and explain you have OCD, and most likely they'll understand. Try to take the sting out of it by letting it play out in your mind and letting it tire itself out rather than seeking a solution.

I hope you can work through this and feel better soon x

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Can’t seem to let it go not good in my mind there’s a lot more going on I have a lot of memory problems and bad impulse control from having a covid infection in the brain, my brain insight is very bad because my memory is bad and my I have cognitive distortions. It’s been 3 days but I want to ask for cctv but cctv may look weird because of my hand positioning and stuff if they will even let me look this is too much I live with this everyday and get no sympathy 

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49 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

I just punched myself in the face 10 times I love being mentally ill

How's that working for you?

Listen, you can't have access to the video, even if there is video. You have no valid reason. The store manager would think you're off your rocker. Seeing the video would be just another compulsion and it won't make the problem go away.

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1 minute ago, Caramoole said:

What do you think about the comments that have been made?

I think they are great, but I think there’s a few things happening here that need to be taken into account. The first thing is since I had what I think was a covid infection in my brain 2 years ago. I have been left with “functional neurological disorder” and I feel I have short term memory problems aswell as cognitive distortions. So imagine ocd now imagine ocd based on “false memories” without clear thinking to the degree and now imagine it with a distorted memory that can’t be relied upon almost as if one was drunk. And ocd then playing on that issue. This makes it incredibly difficult for me not too indulge in rituals as I genuinely feel like I’m rolling the dice on what is real, secondly that day I felt the urge a lot and did actually stretch my hand out because I tend to do that to Keep it in the same position moreover, I’ve had involuntary movements in the direction of what my brain is focusing on because of how much I’m focusing on it and because of a lack of impulse control, which further makes me feel it’s plausible something happened. This illness is torturous, and so are the other comorbidities as they compound the problem for me that i feel this looks more like psychosis than ocd. I don’t know what to say really. I’m overwhelmingly shook up And depressed. Apart of me wishes I never went out that day, but then we are told not to shy away from these things so I don’t know. 

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10 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

The first thing is since I had what I think was a covid infection in my brain 2 years ago. I have been left with “functional neurological disorder” and I feel I have short term memory problems aswell as cognitive distortions. So imagine ocd now imagine ocd based on “false memories” without clear thinking to the degree and now imagine it with a distorted memory that can’t be relied upon almost as if one was drunk.

You state that what you think was a Covid infecrion has left you with 'functional neurological disorder'.  Can I ask you if this has been Medically diagnosed?

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12 minutes ago, northpaul said:

You state that what you think was a Covid infecrion has left you with 'functional neurological disorder'.  Can I ask you if this has been Medically diagnosed?

The functional neurological disorder has yes also possible long covid has aswell I.e brain fog etc 

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22 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

The functional neurological disorder has yes also possible long covid has aswell I.e brain fog etc 

 

51 minutes ago, welterwhite said:

So imagine ocd now imagine ocd based on “false memories” without clear thinking to the degree and now imagine it with a distorted memory that can’t be relied upon almost as if one was drunk. And ocd then playing on that issue. This makes it incredibly difficult for me not too indulge in rituals as I genuinely feel like I’m rolling the dice on what is real,

I hear what you are saying and yes I can see that your diagnosis will have some effect on your management of OCD.  I have Cerbrovascular Disease and that does affect how I manage my OCD.  The standard OCD advice has to be taken with caution.  Some things I do need to check because I really cannot remember what I have done.

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5 minutes ago, northpaul said:

 

I hear what you are saying and yes I can see that your diagnosis will have some effect on your management of OCD.  I have Cerbrovascular Disease and that does affect how I manage my OCD.  The standard OCD advice has to be taken with caution.  Some things I do need to check because I really cannot remember what I have done.

Navigating that is tough tho and can sometimes leave me in an endless loop 

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5 hours ago, welterwhite said:

This makes it incredibly difficult for me not too indulge in rituals as I genuinely feel like I’m rolling the dice on what is real,

I hear you, I do. I get it that you (and Paul) have some very real memory problems that make challenging your OCD difficult.

However, lots of people have additional diagnoses/ problems that make challenging their OCD difficult. ASD, depression, PTSD, social factors... the list is long.

The thing that makes it hardest for ALL of us  with OCD to resist indulging in rituals is the skewed OCD thinking!

 

OCD is not a problem with memory.

OCD is having a problem with the way you think and behave.

The disordered thinking part is where you tell yourself there's a problem that needs fixing/ certainty.

And the disordered behaviour is the ritiuals you do (eg. checking, testing your memory) to try to get that fix/ certainty.

 

On 29/05/2023 at 21:35, welterwhite said:

I just punched myself in the face 10 times

Just for the record, that's pretty disordered (and immature) behaviour too. :dry:

Did it help? No. Stupid thing to do. But hey - you'll know better next time and won't behave that way next time you get frustrated, right? :)

 

So, where do you go from here? How do you start to unravel this torturous illness with all the add-on complications you mentioned?

Simple. Challenge the disordered thinking at the root of the problem.

1. You had an intrusive thought (not a problem, everybody gets them) :)

2. You reacted to it by trying to rule out any wrongdoing (the start of the problem) :unsure:

3. You allowed the desire for certainty to turn the 'rule out any wrongdoing' into an obsession (now it's a problem) :(

4. You behaved in a way that compounded the problem - compulsive checking, memory testing, focusing on the obsession over other (normal) things etc :wallbash:

 

So, go back to the original thought and reframe it. 'So what if my hand stretched out? It's not important.' :)

Sure it feels important. You want certainty. But the thing you're actually worrying about is just the result of screwed up wonky thinking. It's not important. Even if you did stretch out your hand there's nothing to fix. 

What you're doing is like having an intrusive thought about a purple elephant and then spending the next 3 days worrying whether the purple elephant is going to eat all the cheese in your fridge. :eek: 

So try to get a grip on that initial wonky thought. Learn to dismiss them the instant they happen. Before they become an obsession/ become a problem.

Where you slip up and accidentally let a purple elephant (intrusive thought) get under your skin, you can still remove it by tackling your behaviour.

Resist the compulsions. Stop looking for a fix. Stop trying to get certainty.

No matter what additional difficulties we each have alongside our OCD, treating the OCD is always the same.  Challenge the problematic thinking. Change the problematic behaviour.

It isn't always easy to do, but it really is that simple. Even with a million and one personal complications added on top. :)

Ready to give it a go?

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