Joewest439

Hi guys, Has anyone got any tips on refocusing the mind when it's under attack from the urge to ruminate? I keep digging myself out of this vicious cycle (at great effort), only to eventually fall to the increasingly strong doubt that creeps back in. The annoying thing is, I'm not even doing much wrong. I'm not trying to think about the obsession. I'm trying to distract myself. I'm recognising that it's OCD. It's as if it's not even a choice - I am a passenger, at the mercy of the doubt. I reached a point yesterday where I almost felt rid of this obsession (somehow), but when the doubt creeps back in, even a tiny bit, I feel incapable of thinking of anything else. I can't seem to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. It's an inevitable downward spiral.

I feel your pain my friend, it's horrible. The tricky thing for me at the moment is the pressing fear that this obsession will never fade. Trying to move on and take control but that fear sits there. The fear of it staying could even make it do so. It's as if that's the obsession it's now mutating into? I tend to write it down when I 'see' how unimportant the obsession is. Honestly, I must have written books by now. I find that when I recognise the fact that the obsession isn't important, as soon as I move on enough to forget the enlightenment, doubt creeps in and I have to read what I wrote to remind myself. It's a trap. It's odd because all my previous obsessions did eventually feel 'resolved', they then went away, but I suspect the only reason they did was because new and unrelated obsessions would then take their place. This isn't happening with this one at the moment, so I feel at a disadvantage. I find myself longing for brand new obsessions, just for the sake of variety, but it's not happening.

I get it, I have achieved this before on a few occasions. It's going to be hard to do it after about 7 weeks straight of rumination, but I will not falter. It can be difficult to sit with the anxiety tha goes with ignoring the urge to ruminate, as this often feels like avoidance, which apparently is not good. It's hard to not go down the path of rumination without some small sort of reassurance, or giving the obsession further power by desperately trying to ignore it. I think that the best course of action is to gently change the subject in ones head. Can any of you relate to this point?

Thank you both for your helpful words. I get what you mean about seperating obsessions from compulsions I think. Would you say then that the urges to ruminate are in fact compulsions themselves? Or are the urges to ruminate there because the obsession remains unresolved? I try to remember that it's still a compulsion, but then I feel that the obsession is nevertheless still unresolved.

I do eventually continue to ruminate over it, but only after a day or two of the lingering anxiety gets to me. I then panic over the feeling that it'll never go away, and hence end up ruminating. I suppose it puts me back at square one then? I do still perceive the obsession to be possibly true yes, as it remains unresolved, seen as I'm stilll uncertain (and suppose always will be) what exactly went through my mind at the moment in question. Yesterday I finally managed to process the notion that even if my obsessive fears are true - it doesn't matter. So what if I got really angry, etc. This shut up my doubts for the day, but by bed time the unspecified anxiety had sneaked in again. Unfortunately this lingering feeling often continues even in my sleep, so by morning, it was all over me. Even after I had initially been so very sure the obsession doesn't matter.

Hi everyone, I wanted to get some opinions on the anxiety that occurs when we resist the urge to ruminate. When I stop ruminating about the actual content of an obsession, I find that the obsession still clings onto me, apparently indefinitely. It is not so much that 'thoughts' are going through my mind, it's more like unspecified anxiety, that hangs over me like a cloud. Like the obsession feels 'unresolved'. I'm not even entertaining the fears, but in fact am trying to focus my attention elsewhere. I have heard that it's best to let the thoughts just be, but I find that this pretty much then becomes rumination. Can anyone else relate to this feeling of clinging anxiety when trying to move on?

I tried that earlier today, a sort of acceptance even of the worst case scenario, and it worked, for a little while, but as soon as I began other activities - the cloud of doubt returned. It's hard to answer it, as it isn't a particular thought, but a feeling. The worst case scenario in this case though would probably be more along the lines of 'was that a psychotic impulse, not OCD?' I have experienced loads of intrusive thoughts from this same type of trigger many times before and since this one, it's like the OCD latches onto minor anger, and induces the intrusive thoughts, and then that is mistaken for true desire. Surely other people out there have these sort of triggers too? I can't imagine it fading, which in turn makes me intolerant of it's lingering presence.

I hear you. Believe me I've tried telling myself exactly what you've said, literally making myself process the words, but it's like there's a shield blocking me from accepting the information, it makes sense to me but it just doesn't sink in, even though I sort of acknowledge it. The odd thing is, this is the first time I haven't eventually been able to get certainty, wether it takes seconds, hours or weeks, I usually reach a satisfactory conclusion. The problem I seem to have is tolerating the unspecified doubt when it randomly washes over me, even if I go days not giving in to rumination - I eventually freak out about it still hanging over me.

Hi all, I wanted to get some opinions on long term stuck thoughts. In a nutshell, I've spent the past 6 weeks obsessing about the same moment. I experienced a trigger, my dog leapt from my arms quite suddenly, causing understandable irritation, my OCD latched onto it, and I've been trying to gain certainty that it wasn't 'real anger' ever since. This trigger has happened before many times so I'm surprised I haven't been able to obtain satisfaction. It's like I've overthought it too much now. I have tried every sort of method I can think of. 'Working it out' (which often actually results in quite strong certainty it was an intrusive thought, but doubt later creeps in). Mindfulness / CBT feels like a distraction, thus making the topic feel even more important. Avoidance, recognising that I have OCD, telling myself that I don't need certainty - they all just don't seem to cut it. I have revelations where I realise the whole thing is ridiculous , but once I lose momentum - the doubt takes hold once again. It's as if I'm a passenger and I don't even have a choice about how I feel about it. I feel like I don't know which way to turn, I can't seem to be able to commit to one method. Each way of thinking about it seems to contradict the other ways, even when they're both true. Important bit: The problem I have is that the presence of the apparent importance of the thought seems to just sit there like a rock in my mind, I'm not even ruminating, not even entertaining the topic, but it just sits there, even in my sleep, more like a feeling rather than thoughts. I am having thoughts of suicide because of this, as I now cannot imagine being rid of it at this point.

Thanks both. It's interesting, I find that whenever I 'try' to let it go and move on, I do so by justifying it in some way first, wether it's reassuring myself that it's not real, that it's just my OCD, that it's probably fine etc. I find that this always results in doubt - because I'm letting go by specifying to myself why I should do so, and doubt will always take hold of whichever reason I use to justify letting go. It seems the key is to just bear in mind the truth of the matter, rather than specify it. Successful letting go for me seems to be when I am unresponsive to the doubt / worry, rather than reassuring myself. I suppose this is the difference between letting go, and reassurance. Especially when you've overthought something so much that you can no longer recognise how basic the worry is. You can't see the forest for the trees.

Hi guys, Can anyone relate to thought checking? A constant pressing need to know exactly what went through ones mind, even weeks ago. I'm quite sure I know what the thought pattern was, but the uncertainty is causing severe anxiety. I feel I need to get to the root of the problem and detach the importance I've placed upon the thought, but how can I do that if they aren't sure what they actually thought? Maybe I should accept the tiny possibility of the worst case scenario?

Thanks for your input, I'm sure we can relate. I've decided today to give my OCD the boot once and for all. Won't be easy, but gonna go for it. Not going to respond to it on any level. Call it an experiment lol. I'll let you lot know how rough the ride was in a few weeks!

Hi guys, I wanted to get some opinions on thought analysis as a compulsion. I have been obsessing over the same thought for exactly two weeks now. Basically, something minor physically annoyed me, and my OCD latched onto it, almost like an 'awareness' of the irritation, as if I felt dread from the inevitability of it triggering my intrusive thoughts, like an expectancy. Can anyone relate to this? Also, can people relate to being unable to move on from such thoughts, without clearly defining precisely what went through their minds at the time?

Hi guys, hope everyone is doing well today. I thought I'd get some opinions on something I'm currently experiencing, something I haven't encountered before. About ten days ago, I experienced a pretty typical moment of OCD. I spent well over a week trying to work out wether I had an intrusive thought, or wether I had a genuine angry thought that my OCD made a big deal of. It took me about 9 days to finally convince myself that whichever one of the two it was - It doesn't matter. That appeared to be that, but it appears that this topic is now so ingrained into me, it doesn't want to fade away. Even though I've realised that it was either an intrusive thought, or just normal anger that my OCD made a big deal of, my mind is now doing the old 'what if it wasn't OCD?' routine. This is a tiny level of uncertainty which even I think is redicilous to ponder. I know getting back into ruminating about this topic is the thing to avoid, but it's just sitting in my mind like a rock, even when I'm doing my utmost to distract myself etc. Perhaps I'm just not being patient enough, but it just doesn't feel unresolved yet, even though I've realised that the specifics of the topic don't matter. I keep telling myself that it's my OCD that's trying to come up with ways to pull me back into the trap, but it's as if I'm so used to this particular topic, it's stuck to me like glue. If I knew it would fade eventually, I'd feel fine about it, but it hangs over me all night even if I don't think about it in detail! It's only been a couple of days since I accepted that there's no danger either way. Am I just not being patient enough?

Excellent points there. It's so important to bear in mind that there is no real danger. I've been refocused on reality about 24 hours now. Had to fight off the urge to ruminate a few times, including now. I find the urge seems to just come at me gradually, in waves. But I know I have to avoid the trap of going into the specifics of the topic on my mind, and be content with knowing it was probably just OCD, whatever it was.

Well said, as always. The pursuit of certainty is an unwinnable battle. There have been more difficult obsessions than this in the fairly recent past that I've been able to shrug off, this one is harder I think because it's been in my head almost a week now, so seems so important. It was actually fairly moderate at first. I always find myself worrying 'what if it's not OCD this time' or 'what if the initial thought wasn't intrusive', but I know that even if the thought wasn't OCD, the resulting obsession with it certainly is.

Thanks for the reply. I have tried to stop analysing it, but I find that even if I move on - all it takes is a moment of considering the topic to set off the process of doubting it again. I can cope with knowing it was OCD, or knowing it was justified anger, or even knowing it was a combination of both. But not knowing WHICH it was - it's driving me mad.

I'm having serious trouble letting go of the urge to ruminate at the moment. For the past week, I've been intensely obsessing about a moment that I'm not sure wether it was me experiencing natural anger, or wether my OCD took over from the trigger and made me 'feel' like I was angry. MY OCD SEEMS TO HIJACK NORMAL ANGER / ANNOYANCE TRIGGERS AND I CAN'T TELL WHAT'S REAL. Honestly, it's pure torture. I reached a point the night before last where I found the strength to move on from this obsession, without having to clarify what actually happened. All day yesterday I was like a new man. In the evening, doubt started to creep in, minorly at first, but it grew and grew. I avoided ruminating for a long while, but the feeling of it being 'unresolved' just hung over me like a black cloud. I had a driving lesson just now, and had to pull over and pretend I felt sick in order to have a mini reassurance period. Even after that, I couldn't even postpone the topic in my head. I couldn't focus and made mistake after mistake. I have my first driving test tomorrow, and this is ruining everything. The fact that I still don't know exactly what happened the day this obsession occurred seems to be preventing me from moving on, no matter how disciplined I am. Every time I try to be strong, I get scared that this particular thing will be hanging over me forever. I really need help at the moment. Telling myself that 'it's probably just my anxiety / OCD anyway' without getting into the futile struggle of analysing the specifics just doesn't seem to be working.

You are right. I reached a point the night before last where I found the strength to move on from this obsession, without having to clarify what actually happened. All day yesterday I was like a new man. In the evening, doubt started to creep in, minorly at first, but it grew and grew. I avoided ruminating for a long while, but the feeling of it being 'unresolved' just hung over me like a black cloud. I had a driving lesson just now, and had to pull over and pretend I felt sick in order to have a mini reassurance period. Even after that, I couldn't even postpone the topic in my head. I couldn't focus and made mistake after mistake. I have my first driving test tomorrow, and my anxiety is ruining everything. The fact that I still don't know exactly what happened the day this obsession occurred seems to be preventing me from moving on, no matter how disciplined I am. Every time I try to be strong, I get scared that this particular thing will be hanging over me forever. I really need help at the moment. Telling myself that 'it's probably just my anxiety / OCD anyway' without going into the futile struggle of the specifics just doesn't seem to be working.

Yes I could feel the OCD latching onto me instantly I think. It happens, but is so hard to spot at first. It's not just the compulsive ruminations that come later, but also the immediate impending anxiety that comes with the minor annoyance. I really need to learn to ignore such things. I always give in to the urge to ruminate because I fear a thought may never go away, but that's never happened to me so far, I'm pretty sure a thought has to fade away eventually, if rumination is avoided?

Hi all, I wanted to start a discussion on intrusive thought triggers, and recognising them. Sometimes I can't tell wether something external genuinely annoys me first - and THEN my OCD takes hold, or wether my OCD just takes hold of the situation immediately. For example, I was holding my dog whist I was standing up last week, she became suddenly excited upon hearing some one else entering the house, and as a result, rather vigorously burst away from my arms. The motion was very unexpected, and would have startled most people. I remember that my intrusive thoughts definitely began to take hold of me once it happened. Like the sudden motion was the trigger. Since it happened, I've been constantly ruminating wether I initially felt real anger at first or not. I literally can't decide if my immediate reaction was 'me' or a typical intrusive feeling. I think this trigger has happened before, but can't quite be sure. Anyway I'm going out of my mind here, so any similar experiences shared would help.

Thanks everyone for your advice, it means a lot. I feel I have not explained things perfectly, which is my own fault. Yes I do feel the normal obligation to respond with anger after some sort of annoyance (ie the door). But the completely unprovoked urge to harm something and the compulsive enactment of actually doing it, also happens. I mentioned that I was afraid of doing it to a living thing, but the truth is, this has already happened, I just couldn't bring myself to say, through fear of lack of understanding. Again, it's not triggered by anger, but purely an intrusive obsession, which I fight and fight, but sometimes my body physically reacts and does the unthinkable. I can't go into further detail than this but the regret and anger I feel at myself later is indescribable. And when it does happen - it is not something I enjoy doing, I just do it. I have in fact permanently isolated myself from the being in question recently, in order to prevent it from happening again. My priority is to avoid causing harm. Although I do not believe that it is 'Me' doing it, I would expect most people would not believe that. As stated above, OCD sufferers have intrusive compulsions to harm people / creatures, without acting upon them. And we also have intrusive compulsions to harm objects, but often do act upon them. It appears it's possible for these things to cross over for me. The difference of course is that it's unacceptable to harm live things, which is why I have distanced myself.

Hi guys, I wanted to get some opinions on harm OCD and more precisely - acting out upon it. I know the general consensus online is that OCD based intrusive thoughts very rarely (if ever) result in the sufferer actually physically acting them out. Unfortunately, I seem to be an exception. I expect most replies to this thread will be along the lines of 'perhaps you have some other disorder on top of your OCD', but I must insist that I do not believe this is the case for me. The violent impulses, which I've had my entire life, occur in a typicallly OCD style, they are intrusive, they are automatic, they are compulsive, they are not true anger. Moreover, I would describe myself as a deeply good person. Nevertheless, I find myself increasingly acting upon them. For example, if I were to bang my elbow slightly on a door, even if it didn't actually hurt, I would feel an almost inescapable need to strike it back. It's almost like an obligation. Even if I can't be bothered, I do it. It's as if I'm put on auto pilot momentarily. Sometimes there isn't even a trigger, sometimes I simply just do it, almost as if I'm testing myself, like I don't trust myself. And when I lose control - I'm not myself. The impulses to strike out overwhelm me and it tends to result in my body physically and automatically complying, rather than a calculated and planned effort to do so. It's like violence is in my mind, presumably because of my OCD intrusive thoughts, and my body complies accordingly. It's just worrying because I'm starting to not trust myself around valuable things, even people. Anyway I'm not expecting countless replies of relatability, but who knows. Thanks in advance

Yeah it's unbelievably hard at times, I genuinely wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's actually a life or death situation really because it's so restricting, and I feel I'm in a race against time to overcome it before most of my life is over. I do believe that ignoring the urges to ruminate is the ONLY way to conquer it, as even a half a second spell of telling ourselves that it's just our OCD, is in itself an act of reassurance. However, I think it's important to realise that this doesn't happen to most people.

Thank you all for your words, I can relate to all of you. Sometimes I am able to let the compulsive ruminations subside, depending on the strength of the thought. I find it very difficult to let go of an obsessive thought without some sort of mental reassurance, even if I only 'half defuse' it. Also, it depends on what I'm up to at the time. If for example I'm just about to go on a night out, or play sports, or have food, basically anything that a stuck thought could spoil, I just can't stand the urge to ruminate hanging over me, so I feel a more pressing need to get 'clear' first. I believe my urges to work thoughts out comes from a period of my childhood where my pure OCD first developed. I didn't know what was happening to me, no one did, so I became out of control in the belief that my random thoughts defined me. This is probably why I feel I need to defuse my thoughts, otherwise I risk going down the same road again by not knowing why this is happening to me. It's like I don't trust myself. I have no idea wether people can relate to this.