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  2. One of my compulsions is wiping excessively after a number 2. As a result, I end up taking 1 hour in the bathroom every toilet trip. My fear is not cleaning myself completely, thus staining my underwear/clothes and smelling of poop. Living this way is physically and mentally draining. I’ve even developed a bad habit of regularly holding in my pee/poop because I’m too tired for the work ahead. I’ve recently incorporated wet wipes into my regimen and use them to wipe as well as toilet roll. I fold some toilet paper and place the wet wipe on top. The toilet roll serves as a protective base to prevent any contact with my faeces. Should I just use the wet wipes alone (without the protective base of toilet roll)? Should I use wet wipes at all when wiping? Before my ocd I would only use toilet roll to clean myself, however my mind now persuades me that I am unclean unless I use a bunch of wet wipes too. Due to the excessive use of toilet roll and wipes, i block the toilet everytime. How do you guys wipe after taking a dump? I know its TMI therefore there’s no pressure to answer at all. However, I would like to take notes on how to wipe in a way that’s not so time consuming and honestly exhausting. I miss the days where I could be in and out of the bathroom in 10 minutes.
  3. Yesterday
  4. That's more like it Let's hope you don't have to wait too long
  5. It’s an extremely common OCD theme, I have it myself. Unfortunately the only way to stop the thoughts or any false memories you may be having is to stop trying to resolve them, because you will never come to a clear resolution. This is much easier said than done, as I struggle with it myself. Hope you feel better soon!
  6. I think the exact same thing and that is definitely the OCD talking.
  7. Hello I’ve been on and off the forum over the years and right now I’m really struggling. I’m not going to say what about just because I don’t want to get into a rumination cycle. I keep try to just let the thoughts and “memories” pass by and redirect my focus on something else, but as we all know this is easier said than does. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and hope everyone is doing okay 🙂
  8. You know what's funny? (Not haha funny obviously) I suffer from harm OCD and one of my many obsessions on this theme is the fear that during my party days when I was a teenager and in my 20's that I committed a crime while I was drunk which I have no memory of (due to being drunk). I can tell right away from reading all your posts over the past year or so that it's clearly OCD and nothing more but I'm not able to look at my own situation as objectively. Whenever I speak to people who have a similar theme to mine and I hear their story I can always see quite clearly that's it's OCD but I can't see that when I look at my own situation. Perhaps it's a case of not being able to see the wood for the trees. I don't really have any advice as I'm struggling myself at the minute, I just found it interesting that people seem to have no problem identifying OCD in other people but struggle to do so in themselves. Maybe we need to take a step back and ask ourselves how would we view the situation if it was happening to someone else?
  9. I'm glad others can relate, it's nice to know there are other people out there who understand what it's like. Let's hope this is the year we can all be strong and do what needs to be done to kick OCD's butt 🙂 I turn 40 on Friday and I refuse to enter another decade of my life being held hostage by OCD.
  10. I'm really sorry today's been so bad, this is one nasty thing to have to deal with isn't it. I might have made going against the anxiety sound like the simplest thing in the world to do, I know it isn't...it's far far from easy. But if you can hold-off carrying out any compulsion for even as little as 5 minutes...that's a massive win for you and a move in the right direction to keep building on day by day. I *hate* what this disorder does to us, and I really hope tomorrow's a bit better for you.
  11. But it hasn't helped you Cora, and that information has been given many times All that it is doing is assisting you to stay stuck. I do know that your therapist would not encourage or recommend that you sought support in this way. Quite the opposite, which is why I think that you should concentrate on the work that you're doing with her
  12. We always think everyone else doesn’t have our problems but really a lot do. Anyone who has ocd and finds this website is truly very fortunate. There is a wealth of good information and advice on this debilitating disorder.
  13. Absolutely not. Neither a professional nor any of us will tty to convince you that your thoughts are false. That isn't what we are here for and it would be helping you with a compulsion. There is no answer to your question that will satisfy you. Such is the reality of OCD. The only way forward for you is for you to STOP trying to answer the question.
  14. Cora, I told you quite some time ago that if you ever raise an issue that doesn't sound like OCD, we'll be honest and up front with you. Dozens of times, you've raised an issue here, telling us you don't think it's OCD. We've patiently told you, every time, it is OCD. But we're done playing this game. No more. It is not helping you.
  15. @Caramoole, I don't want to be rude, but I would like to ask. Reading this: doesn't it sound like it's a problem much more worse and serious than OCD? I am not saying that this is not OCD, but I'm thinking that if someone else would share with me the same things I've been sharing with people on this forum for the past year, I wouldn't know how to react.
  16. Thank you caramoole. I think I could cooe if it was a different subject but what i am going through is my worst fear and for it to be true I just wouldn't want to live. As soon as this started 17 months ago I went straight to the doctor, it was awful as i felt i needed to tell him what i was feeling and and what i felt like i had done. I was afraid of being frowned upon but it was okay and I was relieved after doing so. I told my family the, employer and closest friend exactly what i thought and felt. I needed s to explain everything. Eventually I seen a psychiatrist who referred me onto a mindfulness course. I felt that it wasnt the right kimd of help i needed. I am now on a waiting list for CBT which I cant see being anytime soon. What i really want is to sit down with someone, professional and let it all out. Explain what im feeling, how this all come about, what ive been doing to help reassure myself which doesnt last long. I feel I need to explain step by step of my story and for them to challenge me to prove that i have not done this horrible thing. Does this make sense? Anyway i will try and stay positive and move on. I feel like there should be a certain time in the future when this will come to end, that's why im counting down the daya bit realistically its just my head making up this **** and i believe it. Thanks for listening
  17. I think that for now, you need to work with your therapist Cora. It isn't really going to help you at the moment using the forum to keep repeating the incidents or for people to keep offering reassurance. It's good that you have the support from a professional. Often they will ask you not to use other methods (like forums) whilst undergoing therapy as it can confuse matters. If you're really troubled perhaps you could contact her for some advice.
  18. Look Chris,my heart goes out to you because I know how much this hurts, I know how real & frightening it is but above you have just written the most comprehensive list of everything that OCD is. It doesn't take much reading around.....here on the forum, internet articles, books to read over and over that these are "exactly" typical symptoms of OCD. You can probably see that in others but not in yourself, because when it's yourself it feels too scary, too real. But it's a risk all of us have to take at the beginning of our journey. Not changing how you deal with it isn't achieving anything.....it's not making the pain stop, it's not saving you. I don't know if you're receiving any professional help at the moment but if you are, be as strong as you can and give the therapy the benefit of doubt, even in the face of fear....there's really nothing to lose. If you aren't getting any advice please go and have a chat with your GP
  19. Thank you, @malina, @Cas24, @Caramoole and @MarieJo. I'm not denying that part of my problem is OCD, especially when it comes to my fear about being attracted to children, but I'm not sure that what I'm experiencing these days is still OCD - it just doesn't feel like it. Today I'm feeling like I'm going crazy, really. I feel like my fear that I'm an abuser has come true. I was playing with my boyfriend's dog and things seemed pretty normal: there were barely any intruisve thoughts and feelings. But then, of course, the peace and calm of my mind were destroyed by a memory. I remembered that there was a time, about a month ago, where while I was playing with him I was feeling very strong groinal responses. The reason why I'm worrying is because I didn't stop. I didn't stop playing with him and that scares me. That happens all the time, I've realised. Carrying on with actions while experiencing these groinal responses feels like acting on thoughts/urges, and I'm saying that because they increase, in a very strange way, my desire of wanting to carry on with the respective action (in this case, rubbing his belly or giving him kisses). So now my questions are: maybe my problem is not just OCD; maybe I also have an impulse control problem; or maybe I have a tendency in being an abusive person? Also, there's something else I could use as proof for all this. Last night my boyfriend and I stayed up all night watching scary movies. In one of the movies, Sinister, people were killed in some terrible and frightening ways and even though I felt bad for them, I couldn't help feeling some sort of sick joy. I've noticed that I've been having the same feeling regarding this subject for the past year, and it's getting worse and worse. Out of curiosity I've asked my boyfriend if he feels the same or if he ever did and he said he never did. And that scares me. I really don't know how I'm supposed to ignore this and pretend like this feeling it's not part of who I am and what my true core values are. Yes, I did. I'm seeing her again next Tuesday.
  20. I’ve joined this group today and the first thing I read is really helpful! Thank you Snowfairy for writing your post, I really identify with it and thank you for the replies, really helpful and reassuring.
  21. Because i cant dismiss these feelings of fear and guilt. I feel confussed. Im afraid to dismiss it just incase it is true.
  22. I really, really dont know. I hope it is but i just can not accept it because if i try im afraid it will bite me in the back.
  23. Hello All Ive done well and have not been to this forum for a while but the worry is getting bad again. So here goes. Is it ocd when you are fixated on a thought that you have done something so taboo but have no memory or proof? Is it ocd when the worry that at comes with this thought takes control of your life. Worrying day in and day out fearing the worst is going to come? Is it ocd when the initial thought i had, had actually been triggered by seeing the word CP and now its escalated into something mkre serious? Is it ocd when you believe in this thought as the feelings that come with it convince you that you must have done something wrong as why would you be feeling like this otherwise? Is it ocd when you believe that you have done this thing you catastrophize what horrible and life changing things that will certainly come your way because of it? Is it ocd when you believe its not ocd? Is it ocd when you try and find any little proof that you havent done this thing? Is it ocd when it tells you "you have done this horrible thing but you dont remember it because you could have a split personality or something silly like that? Is it ocd when your senses and thoughts are more alert and and active when something to the nature of you initial thought comes up? Eg - see a news story or something in the paper in relation to what your thought is telling you what you have supposed to have done? Is it ocd when ive been feeling like this everyday for 17 months worrying and catastrophizing over something that i have no memory of. It it ocd when you are counting down the days to nothing? Eg "if i had done this horrible thing, then surley the police would have been here by now" I understand i shouldnt think like this as its making me belive i have done this thing but counting away the days brings some relief. Is it ocd when you try and find evidence that you couldnt have done this awful thing, find some but then that just fades away and the worry comes straight back. Is it ocd when you want to google question regarding my horrible thought for some certainty but you wont because of the nature of your ur thought? So to sum up how on earth have i come to this. Yes ive had ocd from and early age but not this kind. This then tells me this must not be ocd as i havent experienced this type before, only the constant checking and repeating things for the past 25 years, nothing like this. Is it ocd when im getting comfort writting this?
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