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  2. My best explanation for my OCD Having an evil tv inside of me that I can't stop watching and doesn't turn off.
  3. It sure is Mark and it is different to normal ocd but it is still ocd. We have to just take it one day at a time. It will slowly get better. Try not to avoid doing things just because you ocd say too. You need to fight the thoughts and try not to do too many can compulsion. It is hard but can be done.
  4. Today
  5. Perhaps you could write your friends and family a letter, to explain how you are feeling. Don't feel ashamed of your ocd.
  6. Cora, I'm so sorry that you are having such a horrible time. I think that a lot of people with OCD have thought of dying or hurting themselves because this disorder can be incredibly hard to live with, but please remember that you are a wonderful person, you have so much to give and you can get better. You may not believe this right now, but I'm 100% certain of it. If you have moments like these, there are lots of places you can reach out like Samaritans, this forum and of course your therapist. Stay strong, we are rooting for you and you will overcome this!! / It sounds like a good step changing your therapist. Keep in mind that, even if one of her patients has not expressed the concern that they do not want to get better, doesn't mean that your problem isn't just another intrusive thought. Sometimes our thoughts or worries are pretty specific and don't match up to other people's thoughts, yet that doesn't just throw OCD out of the window. I would say this fear you're having sounds pretty standard OCD. Remember, OCD is a doubting disorder - it makes you doubt things, yourself, your beliefs, your intentions. In this case, it's making you doubt whether you want to get better, there is nothing unusual about that when you consider the nature of the disorder. The thing about your brother - avoiding being with him is another compulsion. The more you avoid contact with him, the more you will have these thoughts. I don't know if you have been introduced to ERP at all. Maybe that is something to ask your therapist about as well. Stay strong Cora
  7. I have seen a few people say, ‘if you think it is OCD, it probably is’. I think from what you describe it sounds like it is OCD. Are you speaking to any professionals?
  8. A while ago I had this really really intense intrusive thought, which was really distressing and scary. My ocd told me if I wanted the intrusive thought to stop for a couple of seconds and if i didn't want the intrusive thought to come true, I needed to do a compulsion of saying a rude thing about a loved one (which isn't true and I don't think)to myself in private. I gave into the compulsion because the intrusive thought was unbearable and said the thing, as my ocd wouldn't leave me alone until I did. I feel awful because of this compulsion as I would never want to say rude things and it makes me feel really really upset and guilty. Should I feel guilty from this compulsion? ,(I know reassurance seeking is bad).Thankyou for reading.
  9. Really struggling

  10. Or this country either, but this never started as a race riot, it was peaceful protest. Whilst the riots need to stop, America (and the rest of the world) must not stop protesting until social injustice is resolved. I fear the healing won't fully begin in the US until there is a change at the top. Other presidents have been weak on this issue, but non have stoked the flames of discord, driving division like the current incumbent.
  11. Hi everyone, I'm new here. i have a 19-year-old son showing a lot of similar traits to Nevergiveup's son. He has been diagnosed and is on medication and therapy. My main concern is the amount of time he spends in the bathroom, up to 3-4hr at a time every day. He maintains some of this is due to issues with his bowels and has to sit on the toilet for ages. Now he's on meds for that too. My concern is that he thinks there's nothing wrong with spending this much time in the bathroom. At the moment, his life consists of bathroom and playing on a games console. Nothing else. I am very worried. Any advice would be appreciated. Ali
  12. Thank you for all the response they’ve been very helpful!
  13. Race riots are not new to America, there have been many. Presently people are on edge because of quarantine fatigue & unemployment, etc. so quick to ignite. But this one like previous ones will clear up too.
  14. God this is so gross and I hate it but I can't deny the feelings I get in my groin, it feels like im turned on and not exactly like what my other groinal responses feel like. I only get this "turned on" feeling when I think of something phallic or something vagina like and this applies to animals genitals too. Do you think this is some lizard brain part of thinking of something sexual? I have no and I mean NO desire to ever do anything sexual to animals and I dont even know if I am able to think of them sexually, its kind of like thinking of a wall sexually. I can't be a zoophile I just cant see a life where im able to live like that, I can't get past this feeling I get in my groin whenever I see anything related to genitalia. Also it feels like I want to be into this sometimes and that I don't want it to be OCD but I do I really want it to be OCD and this scares me a lot, can anyone else relate to this or something? How can I not want it to be ocd I need it to be, I cant be attracted to animals I just cant be
  15. Hi J, It is very good! I like the singer, the lyrics, & video, but particularly like the catchy lyrics "I count to ten (then I start again) - I lock the door (then lock it some more)". I also like the way you have layered so many lyrics together starting at about #2.45. It reminded me of when my OCD was really bad and how difficult it is to concentrate on external things when you have so many thoughts & questions firing through your mind, like psychological noise drowning out what really is important.
  16. Yesterday
  17. You are not a monster. I really do think you are struggling to get out of a bit of a downward spiral currently. It is clear how much these thoughts cause you distress which proves that you do not actually want to hurt your brother. Try to not place too much importance on these thoughts. They are just thoughts. The importance you are placing on these thoughts is making your body react in the way it is. Take it a day at a time, you can do it!
  18. I find sometimes just knowing others know what I go through helps
  19. When I think of animals mating or something sexual in nature like that, I get a turned on feeling in my groin but I always just brushed it off because I figured I was just feeling that because animals mating is sexual in nature and my lizard brain was just reacting to that. But now I have full fledged beastality OCD I don't know if its even ocd, I want it to be I think but sometimes it feels like I don't want it to be ocd but I dont understand. Ive always loved animals and I never thought of them in a sexual way, it always made me feel uncomfortable but I do get a feeling in my groin when I think of them now. When I looked up zoophiles, they mentioned that they were sexually turned on by animals and my gut reaction was "im not like that" but how can I know im not? Sometimes when I think of these horrible things involving animals it feels like I want to masturbate but not to those intrusive thoughts, how can I know whats a fantasy and whats not?
  20. Madchoc, I hear you. I've been really needing my Mum a lot lately and have spent a couple of days sobbing down next to her grave. I wish I could talk to her about this stuff and have her tell me it's all going to be okay. I think for many of us, lockdown has been a disaster, because of course, there is no distraction and it's just so hard. I know what you all mean; we can't go out and stretch our legs properly and do things that help us feel better. We're all kind of stuck inside with fixations and it's frightening, I know. You're going to be alright. Just keep going. We love you. C x
  21. Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing okay. As you can see I'm back. I'm sorry if this is becoming annoying but you are my only help at the moment. I have recently decided to work with a different therapist; I really liked the previous therapist but I don't think that we were doing the appropriate work as there was no major/important positive outcome during 7 months. I hope this decision was a good one, but we shall see soon. Today I had my introductory session with my new therapist. The conversation went very well, but there was a moment when I asked her if she has ever met people that doubt the fact that they want to recover - this being one of the many things/thoughts/beliefs I'm currently struggling with - and her answer, which wasn't too clear, made me doubt loads that what I'm dealing with is not OCD, but paedophilia and incest. I might be wrong, and I hope I am, but she didn't say she has indeed worked with people with similar thoughts, which now scares me to go through therapy as it feels that I would be a waste. I apologise if I'm exaggerating this but I don't know how to interpret this information. Now to the gross part (I apologise beforehand for any discomfort this might cause you): My body reactions/sensations, that can come together with thoughts or just by the themselves, have had a greater intensity for the past week. They are so strong that it feels that I'm seconds away from hurting my brother. I also get a weird sensation similar to tingling when my thoughts play in my brain. Just earlier my brother was hugging me and touching my arm; him being so close to me triggered an immense urge to hurt him, it even felt like the right thing to do. For some reason I moved on much, much quicker than the other times. But now I'm back at ruminating as I think this is a red flag. I'm really scared to be alone with my brother. I don't trust myself. And sometimes I feel like I DO want to harm him, or any other child. This happens all day long, from the moment when I wake up to when I go to bed. It always goes like this: Do I want to hurt my brother or not? If I did hurt him, would I enjoy it or not? Do I feel like I want to harm him now or not? I never get a clear answer such as: No, I don't wat to hurt my brother. It's always foggy. My brother is growing up so fast and you can see that every day. He's really cute and sweet, but there are moments when I look at him and I can't tell if I'm thinking this because this is just normal sibling love or because I'm attracted to him. Sometimes when I look at my brother I even get an increased amount of saliva in my mouth, which I think it's disgusting as it's almost a sign of attraction; I don't know why this happens but it does, and it's weird and I want it to stop. I'm confused and I can now say that there is nothing left from the normal relation I once used to have with my brother. No more of the caring sister. Just a perverted deviant. I want to leave this house so I don't have to see my brother every day and hurt him just by looking at him but unfortunately I can't at the moment, and this is killing me. I'm really, really sick of all this. I had a moment today when I was ready to attempt suicide as it felt as the only way but I can't do it. Not now at least. It would cause major problems. But I can't do this anymore. I can't deal with these terrifying urges anymore. I don't know what all this is but I want it to end. As soon as possible. I'm really tired of being a monster. I am a monster... Thank you so much for reading this!
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