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How can i move on when i work with my wife and a women i fantasized about, im triggerd all day everyday, i cant see how it will ever disappear when im reminded, the urge to confess is overwhelming

Hi everyone... Long time, no see... Things are going reasonably well for me at the moment. My mate Marcus John Kim is currently working on a website to showcase their books... I'll let you know, all in good time. In the meantime, they are available on Amazon as books, or kindle as electronic files. The two novels are really pleasant reading too, with a bit of young love in them too. Tomorrow our grandchildren come to us for a few hours. We have crisps, cans of pop, and biscuits... It won't calm them down, but hey, we are blessed with wonderful grandchildren, all individuals in their own unique way. I've inherited another cuddly toy... I may be in my sixties, but they are nice and colourful to have around the house. And oh so lovely to handle. I do most of the cooking in our house, and now we actually have a new cooker, it is a learning curve. A short time ago I did a thin crust garlic bread with cheese on top. It was only in for a very short time, but still came out like a biscuit! When I was at work, I used to make rhubarb crumbles... Sometimes the top came out like a manhole cover! On the times I did get that bit right, I would use the wrong grade sugar, and it would be like chewing half-set concrete! I have started watching Russell Howard on youtube. He has a brilliant take on the events and situations in the world, and he can be very funny... A great mood lifter. As do several people I know, only one person drives the car, and my wife is our lead driver. I actually prefer to just sit and watch the countryside and houses going by, wondering if one day we'll have something special of our own. It is good to see lot's of people taking part on the forums, it is by chatting to each other that we can really try to help each other along. This OCD is an absolute B. I will look in from time to time, I'm up to my neck with studying now. It is not something I'm used to, so it is difficult to time-manage it all... Speak again soon hopefully. David

Hi, did anyone expirienced this as well ? What I mean is when I think of a person or a thing that caused me trauma or high anxiety suddenly my brain brings good memories to this bad thought. Is this a part of intrusive memories or brain’s defensive mechanism ?

Yestrtday,I was finding it hard to stop ruminating.so I said I'm just going to get on with my day and if I need to ,I'll allow myself half an hour this evening to go over it. And because I got busy when the evening came the trigger had passed. I think knowing I would be able to ruminate later freed me from doing it, but the distraction removed the trigger. Will be using this method from now on.

Thanks caramoole Unfortunately i dont think my wife will ever see it as ok, i have tried showing her phycolagy articles about how commen it is. It really is hell, like a revolving door, my brain will focus on one person ive fantasized about, then that person goes to the back of my mind only to be taken place by another,work colleague,sons ex, a mate of hers, whatever, its a constant revolving door, i didnt realise i was fantasizing so much, its as if ive lived a lie for 20 years and my wife thinks im better than i am, i will be having exposure therapy but im scared as it may involve fantasizing and thats my theme,sorry to go on, just dead inside

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. You said it. You prove it.

If you don’t have OCD would you still get these thoughts? Sure, people that don’t have OCD get unwanted thoughts.

And you know this because of what? What is your evidence? Can you elaborate? OcdUk does talk about personality disorders.

You said you are uneasy and that you don't feel good. Those are normal feelings to have when you have OCD.

i realize it look like i was looking for reassurance but no i actually dont understand polarbear's comment.

what you mean polarbear? i dont understand. do you mean the feelings i get watching video are normal with ocd?

Completely untrue.

It's not your fault, but you don't understand OCD. Talk to Cora, who is convinced she 'likes' thoughts of abusing people and dogs.

I think the reason that you cannot find a satisfactory explanation is because we are viewing things from a fundamentally different perspective. The way I see it is that your behaviour is completely normal and that you haven't done anything wrong. You were doing a normal behaviour, got a weird thought and believed that you needed to stop this normal behaviour as a result of the thought, but decided to continue doing it, which is fine because it was all normal and your weird thoughts are the result of OCD. There is nothing to explain other than the fact that you got some intrusive thoughts and gave them way too much meaning. You think that something meaningful happened and you want an explanation as to why it happened. But it's impossible for anyone to give you an explanation because the only one who sees this event as meaningful is you. I'm sorry I don't want to give reassurance with this post but I really can't stress how differently we view these situations and you are in the minority with your interpretation of what is happening. It's like if you were to ask me why the sky was green today, I couldn't possibly explain it to you because I never saw the sky being green, I always saw it as blue. I could tell you that you saw a green sky because something was wrong with your eyes or your view was distorted in some way, but I could never give an explanation about why the sky would turn green. You could protest and be 100% certain that you saw a green sky, it was very real to you, but nobody else saw what you saw. Do you see where I'm going with this? Also, I hope you know that we have a great deal of compassion with you, I just think people are being quite strict because you have been in a bad place for so long and people want to see you getting better!

Normal feelings that go with OCD. Can feel like you are not in control. The good news is that you can gain control back.

Hobbies really can be such an involved beneficisl distraction that we get totally immersed in them and it breaks the connection to the OCD. I am actively currently seeking out some locations, subjects, and compositions with a view to entering my camera club's competitions. I have been so involved in this project, the driving to the locations, seeking views, setting up my equipment, and trying different settings and effects, that it has been impossible for me to get distracted by anything else- it's been truly a brilliant, really happy, time. We all have hobbies or interests to which we can devote a little time. So when you next plan to do that, look to do it with all your focus, really get stuck into and excited by, a project, however small. You will likely be very amazed at the result.

I have found dressing well, spritzing some male perfume and wearing some male jewellery to be a big morale-booster. Had on some Chanel "Bleu" today which is a wonderful fragrance and made me feel terrific 😊 Many of us are so fortunate to have partners/spouses who understand what we are going through and why, and support us without aiding the OCD. They are the salt of the earth, and we are so so fortunate.

Awwww of course you do. I’m on 20g Sertaline with abilify of 15mg. It’s so cruel when you can’t enjoy your child with this wretched disease. I have experienced that so many times I can’t tell you friend. But if it wasn’t my daughter OCD would fixate on something else that’s for sure x

I know, so difficult especially when ocd makes us doubt everything. it’s a sneaky thing. Yes - I am on Setraline 100mg which I have actually forgotten to take so better do that now, thanks for the reminder. I’m not sure if it’s working just yet. It’s my first time taking medication - I’ve always declined the offer when my doctor has suggested it but this time my relapse has been really bad and I just want to get better for my baby so I’ll do anything that may help me.

It’s really important not to take them seriously isn’t it? It’s so disappointing when we relapse. Are you on any meds? Mine seem to have stopped working.

Hmm - watching a TV show in which people get makeovers /transformations ?! I quite enjoy those and there is a segment dedicated to clothing. I like queer eye and I’m sure there are a few others.

I didn’t see it from this perspective either and if anything I thought having an image means it MUST have happened or it increases the possibility - then my therapist asked me to imagine myself opening my front door and she asked me what I see - to which I replied, an image of me opening the door :D.

Yes I got an image and I understand that repeated images and feelings don’t mean anything.

Hey @Benny No experience of this but just wanted to say hope you’re doing okay and make sure your GP has scheduled in a review (to check in on how you’re doing on this medication) with you if not already done so - it’ll be a good opportunity for you to ask them any questions you may have too.

So I’m in recovery stage I have time to fill during the day between school runs. I used to use my time SHOPPING spending money! Money I didn’t have. I’d buy lots for my children online then spend time sending stuff back. this had benefits as it used up space in my brain. I felt happy purchasing. I had purpose to my days. It was my comfort - avoidance from dealing with my problems. Anyway I got myself in debt which caused further problems. Anyway I’ve stopped doing this now and since before Christmas have been trying to cope with this empty space in my life. I was wondering if anyone had a similar story. or any ideas how to fill this space in my head so the OCD hasn’t room to grow. My shopping wasn’t an addiction just something I felt safe doing. I need something similar that doesn’t involve money. Lol. maybe a personal shopper (but from home) lol.