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  1. Today
  2. taurean

    Dealing with shame

    Hi cub Coming back to feelings of hurt and resentment at being held back by your mental issues whereas others can progress, I identify with that. It was certainly true for me. I had the qualifications and experience to be a Director with my own department, but not the mental health to be able to do this. So I decided to make the best of what I could do, and exchanged some client work for training and mentoring others - I thoroughly enjoyed that, plus it wasn't stressful. So there may be some way that you could ask for them to rejig your work to make it more fulfilling without adding stress. 
  3. taurean


    Oops sorry Skippy posted onto wrong thread. Will copy over to cub's. Roy
  4. dksea

    Long post

    I'm not sure that girl likes me, I better not ask her out. I'm not sure i'll get that job, I better not apply. I'm not sure I won't get hit by a car on my way to work, I better not leave the house. I'm not sure my food isn't poisoned, I better not eat it. I'm not sure I won't get struck by a stray meteorite if i get out of bed, I better stay here all day. I'm not sure I won't have a heart attack if I move, I better stay perfectly still. Being sure is an illusion, a useful illusion, but an illusion. There is ALWAYS a possibility something can go wrong, something won't go the way we expect, etc. It may be a big possibility, it may be a small possibility, but its always a possibility, its written in the laws of the universe that you can never be 100% certain of ANYTHING. The point is you have to make choices anyway. If you don't, choices will be made for you, by other people, by circumstances, by random chance. So either you choose to do something, or you are giving up control. Do you see the highlighted parts? "What if?" "Its a possibility." "Am I really." It all doubt, and its all utterly typical of OCD. Your symptoms and behavior match up perfectly with someone suffering from OCD. Is it possible you don't have OCD? Sure, as I said above, its impossible to be 100% certain of anything. But the odds that this is OCD are extremely high. You are essentially saying to us "Look, I know you guys are saying there is a 99.99% chance this is OCD, but theres this 0.01% chance its not, so I'm gonna just not gonna accept it. Your biggest hurdle right now is that unless you are completely sure its OCD, like no doubts at all, you are not going to get help for OCD. But if you have OCD, its likely you will never feel 100% sure. You've trapped yourself in a loop. Its like saying "unless I know 100% I will get my dream job, I'm not going to apply for my dream job", its a self defeating position because you can't get the job unless you apply, but you won't apply unless you know you'll get the job! You can keep waiting for things to change, keep asking yourself these same questions over and over, keep taking the same approach that you have been for years without any success. Thats your choice, its your life to live, but i'd say its not a very healthy or rewarding approach to take. Or you can listen to what we are telling you, you can make a choice to do things differently, and hopefully change things for the better. It all starts by making a choice, choosing to treat this as OCD even though you feel doubt, and to continue to treat this as OCD even though you will probably keep feeling doubt. If you do that there is the strong possibility of improving your life. Its up to you, make a choice, or let life choose for you.
  5. leif


    That's great Skippy! so great that you're feeling better--you've put the right things in place so it makes sense Hopefully that increase in meds will help you as you start your cbt.
  6. leif

    Worrying all the time

    are you able to do some positive things to distract from the worries? play some nice music, watch some good comedy, do some art?
  7. leif

    bad day

    Sorry you're having a bad day vi. me too Try to keep those compulsions at bay-- don't try and chase the thoughts of contamination away, but resist the compulsive hand-washing... I'm telling myself similar as I'm having the same sort of day! I'm trying to just get on with my day doing positive things while those contamination fears hang out in my brain... wishing you well!
  8. Sounds like a perfect excuse not to do the work you need to for recovery.
  9. PolarBear

    bad day

    You're washing your hands like crazy, but everything still seems dirty. So... how's all that handwashing doing for you?
  10. Yesterday
  11. so my house mate has a cold sore, which she keeps touching and then touching things in the house and its just sent me off and I can't stop washing my hands and it feels like everything is dirty and I can't clean it and im not clean and im panicking a little bit vi
  12. It will be a good exposure. Maybe explain to your Mum that you're struggling (possibly as a result of all this stress with your Dad?) and things might seem a bit strange for you. Don't feel alone; it's good to reach out for support and help and you're doing a good thing here. C x
  13. Nothing will change without the work. OCD will always find a reason not to do the work.
  14. So, for some reason, when I do exposures (making things contaminated), my groinal responses really increase. My dad is ill and will be going into the hospital for ~4 weeks, maybe more or less, but I want to stop exposures. My worst intrusive thought is sexually assaulting my mom, and the fact that my dad has been around kind of acts as reassurance, like he would be able to stop me. Of course I don't think I'm actually going to do this and it's just OCD. But I want to hold off on exposures because this will increase my groinal responses around my mom which is terrifying. On the other hand, I want to start doing exposures because I want to live my life. I guess the fact that I'm home alone with my mom is actually a good exposure? I shouldn't avoid sitting up on the couch and watching a movie or whatever, which is probably what I would do. Or not go upstairs at all.
  15. Coffeecake

    can it start off like this ?

    Asking "what if?" and doubting are clear indicators for me when I have intrusive thoughts. Leave them be, and remember that you can't think yourself out of a hole you think yourself into.
  16. I know right, oversleeping was not even the biggest problem for me, it was this dreadful condition I got in when I haven't slept enough, it could crawl on my skin and my concentration was totally gone if I didn't sleep enough, and enough was too much. I was convinced that I just needed more sleep than others but that wasn't true, it turned out. Just want to say that this could be due aging, people need different amounts of sleep depending where in life they are, but this seems unbelievable to me because this change happened just when I had weaned off myself. Being emotional blunted was nothing I thought about then, I do now however, it most definitely happened in my case. I have been thinking about if me going on SSRI in my early adulthood/late teens could be due to me not being able to live with my emotions and that I turned to SSRI, just as I have turned to compulsions to relieve myself of anxiety for all my life. I have always had big problem accepting life and uncertainty in general, yea that most definitely has been my case, there are just so much with life which can scare you if you are a human. That last part is why I am really interested in enlightenment. Enough of my ramblings. Sad thing is that everybody needs to test for themselves if one is able to go off SSRI. MY advice would be to overcome OCD with therapy if you want to take it up a notch after you are recovered that is fine, go off them. I went off them before I got better. Have been off now for 1 year, before that I was tapering for maybe 4 years, had my worst time ever (OCD-wise) 2017/2018 so I didn't do as I teach,
  17. I agree, tapering off slowly is the way to go on antidepressants, but having said that, I come off of Prozac relatively quickly, in the belief that I built up a tolerance to them having been on them so long. Having had very little in the way of withdrawal symptoms, & no increase in OCD/depression, I am all the more convinced that I have had a condition called ADT tachyphylaxis (AKA Prozac poop-out effect). I too were over sleeping on them!
  18. My psychiatrist doesn’t think I have OCD! Moreover I don’t think he feels anyone does.

    1. taurean


      I think he may not be experienced in OCD. 

    2. daja


      Maybe yes.

    3. Avo


      I agree with Roy, to say nobody has OCD suggests he/she does not have experience of the condition. I would try to not get too hung up on what has been said Daja. 

  19. PolarBear

    can it start off like this ?

    It's just everyday OCD. You get an intrusive thought. That causes you to freak out and get anxious. You respond with compulsions. Simple. Understand this and learn from it. You can conttol how you respond to the thoughts. Watch your compulsions. Stop trying to figure out if the thoughts are true.
  20. Hi Bluegas, I stopped taking them because I had to sleep a lot or I felt horrendous, 9 hours and still was tired and if I got like 5 hours well the day was over. Nowadays I can go with 5 hours, overall I need 7 hours. I can relate to you feeling what you feel because I felt the same, things didn't seem to excite me that much, and now in hindsight I have to say that the effect on me had to be pretty big, because I went for some years without motivation to do anything, and I felt good about it.. Was on and off (mainly on) for about 10 years. I stopped because I had intense OCD and didn't saw the point in taking the medications if I didn't even get any benefits. I have a theory that medication can be used as a help (it gets easier to overcome OCD) but if you let yourself slip you will be in the bad spot anyway, with or without medications. Have been off for maybe 1 year and going back on SSRI is not an option for me, even when I feel bad I don't see it as an option. But be prepared, because it can take years to come off, 17 years is a long time and you will probably need some time to get off it. But withdrawals are very individual, some people don't even get them, others (like me) need to taper for a long time. OCD+Pills-Therapy= bad spot OCD-Therapy= bad spot EDIT: I forgot the threadmaker, if you tapering off to fast you will very likely get withdrawals and depression and anxiety are two effects which can happen! It is pretty common that people who stop gets depressed and thinks they need it for life when it's just because you are tapering off too quickly. My advice to you would be to taper off really really slow. It is not before you have tapered off slowly you really can say that you can't live without medication.
  21. taurean


    Hi cub Coming back to feelings of hurt and resentment at being held back by your mental issues whereas others can progress, I identify with that. It was certainly true for me. I had the qualifications and experience to be a Director with my own department, but not the mental health to be able to do this. So I decided to make the best of what I could do, and exchanged some client work for training and mentoring others - I thoroughly enjoyed that, plus it wasn't stressful. So there may be some way that you could ask for them to rejig your work to make it more fulfilling without adding stress.
  22. Can't stop worrying about silly things, my health anxiety is playing up too, keep having pains in my left arm and convinced I'm having an heart attack! Due to all the stress I'm under. Just so scared and cant stop worrying.
  23. Hi yes I would say ido as I don’t really feel anything happy or sad .. when on pills where as now I seem to be going from feeling very happy to very dark hole sad !!! Really don’t want to take pills every day thou ..
  24. OCDhavenobrain

    Advice for living in uncertainty?

    Wonderful post. I find OCD to be a little bit ironic, because while we are worrying very much about certain areas, life goes on, we are lucky that our body functions on its own because sometimes you can get a feeling when you have had a period of obsessions when you are wondering how you ended up at this place in one piece, you have been so very stuck in your head. The OCD tells you that YOU HAVE to worry about a specific area, the thing is that this is NOT true, not true at all, that's our problem. Uncertainty is not your problem. Look back at your old obsessions, because you have them, how do you feel about those obsessions today? Act towards your current obsessions like you do towards your old ones. Edit: How do you stop it eating your text, damn, not the first time, I should know by now.
  25. my obsession is cheating OCD , whoever i hug , later on it tries to convince me i kissed the person . none of them have ever been true but its starting to confuse me now . My intrusive thoughts have started off with WHAT IF alot of the times then created a false memory . Recently they have started off with Did i just , or did i ? , is this still considered doubting a situation ? much appreciated , alex .
  26. taurean


    It's a step in the right direction, Skippy. Maybe see if you can build on it by practising refocus away to benefial involved activities. And shifting to in the present in the moment thinking (mindfulness) takes us away from that part of the brain where we obsess and compulse, and into a benign area where we are totally wrapped up just in the here and now immediately around us. This can break that chain of constant ruminations. All the best Skippy Roy
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