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  2. Ah thanks guys. We're all getting there slowly but surely. Keep positive its absolutely possible to recover!
  3. So after feeling like I finally got myself into a good place my mental health has been really good over the past couple of months. I've now started CBT and I don't know if it's because I'm having to tell my therapist about all my obsessions and intrusive thoughts and it's bringing them to the forefront on my mind again but my anxiety has been through the roof and my intrusive thought about having committed a crime is back. I've been reading back my own advice and trying to follow it. I know what I need to do but I'm finding it really difficult not to pay any attention to the thought and ruminate and check my memories. I've only had 3 sessions of CBT and my anxiety is the worst it's ever been. Will this last the for the full 12 sessions? I feel kind of cheated as since Xmas I've actually been doing a lot better and now I feel like I've gone back to where I was before. I know therapy isn't easy but I can't bear the thought of feeling like this for the next several months. I keep telling myself that I don't need to go over the thought as I managed to get rid of it before by not giving it any attention but it's so hard, my mind keeps saying: "are you sure you don't need to check and make sure it really is nonsense?" I'm trying really hard to be strong. Has anyone else experienced this when starting therapy? My mind is saying: "why has it come back? It must mean something if it's back". Is it normal for intrusive thoughts to go and then come back at a later date?
  4. And can someone please explain to me again how this is ocd and not genuine guilt,and not to harshly, I know I'm a pain, really lost
  5. Just a last bit of advice then I'll go, if she ever brought it up and asked why it doesn't add up, should I say or just keep it as is to not cause more distrust
  6. Thanks I have downloaded it 👍
  7. Today
  8. OK resurance sorry just screwed in the head atm, 10 year old lie destroying me, hope it goes
  9. I do worry that the lies I told is how she dealt with it, therefore I didn't give her the correct info to heal, oh I don't know,how can I see it as not important when it feels like the most important piece of misinformation on my mind
  10. hope you manage to make progress Lozxm I'd really recommend checking out that book if you get chance (break free from ocd by paul salkovskis). x
  11. Thanks Ashley I can confuse myself in an empty room so don't worry about that haha Yeah the main thing that bothers me in my life is the thoughts and it has done for years... that's why I came to therapy in the first place. I'm gonna stick it out and see what comes of it first, possibly go private if I'm not happy. Thanks again for your help👍
  12. Yes I agree with AnxiousAnnie you are very inspiring and show massive strength in being able to laugh it off.
  13. Thanks guys for your input and I do understand it is frustrating what happens but I do agree with Dksea that the child is a priority but I would prefer if Social Services had an understanding of OCD. For example the lady that called to me last Wednesday openly admitted to having no real knowledge of OCD. I find that astounding to be honest. It made me feel uncomfortable about talking about my thoughts but I did my best to explain even when my own doubt was creeping in as you can imagine. Actually yesterday I had a surprisingly good day after such a traumatic day the day before. I wanted to ask you what you think about what is going through my head since if you don’t mind. So basically they called my OCD- ‘OCD with thoughts of a paedophilic nature’ so I found hay very disturbing as I never call it that and my thoughts aren’t fully that. Yes they aren’t nice but not very detailed. Anyway my partner came in from work quite upset that they called it ‘OCD with p... thoughts’ and he said he would like to explain to them that it is not really that. I told them I did explain that to the lady as best I could and especially as the horrific questions she was asking me are thoughts I would be horrified to have. Anyway my partner triggered me to feel upset over this as he was saying those aren’t your thoughts and you have not done anything. I was angry and said listen please don’t say that as that triggers my OCD and it’s better not to argue whether I’m guilty or not what works for me is if I just don’t argue with it and thinks it’s OCD and that’s it. I had intrusive thoughts then saying I was guilty but also had thoughts were I thought these thoughts that are worrying me were during rumination etc.. Anyway I feel a little shaky and unsure about this when I was doing pretty good after my traumatic day and wasn’t spending time on my worries. What do you think of what I said to my partner and any thoughts I would greatly appreciate thank you!
  14. Please help! I am feeling so desperately lost with this condition. I don’t know what to believe anymore, I am so close to just letting it win and hiding away from everything and everyone. It has totally taken control of my every minute - the intrusive thoughts about my fiancé and our relationship are just never ending. The fact I totally lost my libido after my father died last summer is only fuelling the fire. i have been to see my psychiatrist and she put me back on an SSRI, although we have to work up to the right dosage. But I feel like since I started taking it this week, my OCD and related anxiety as increased ten fold. Is that a thing? I think I remember her saying before that it gets worse before it gets better but I am really really struggling to cope. It feels like I am drowning and I have almost lost all hope of ever being ‘rid’ of this condition. my father used to be the person I spoke to in moments of OCD desperation, but I no longer have him and so the feeling of being alone and lost is just increasing. As much as my friends and fiancé are so supportive, I don’t think they fully understand and the fact my intrusive thoughts are all about my relationship with him means I am terrified of telling him! How can I break the cycle of compulsions when the intrusive thoughts come so thick and fast I almost can’t get away from them? i have not yet considered exposure therapy and I am not sure I understand how it works. Has anyone else done exposure therapy for intrusive thoughts OCD (in particular relationship OCD)?? Thank you so much for keeping supporting me in trying to tackle what we all know is a cruel condition that is the enemy of happiness.
  15. Hi Lauren, I do understand and hopefully we're not confusing things for you. My gut feeling from what you describe is the therapists understanding of OCD is not there, OCD saps peoples confidence and self-esteem, but it's the actual OCD that is the problem. You could give her a couple more sessions as you suggested to see if things get better, but my thought is it may be time to ask for someone with more experience of treating OCD (seeing she's not labelled OCD). Good luck whatever you decide to do
  16. She did talk about cbt. The beliefs that were suggested were about my self esteem and self worth not specifically related to the individual intrusive thoughts... She said I have these obsessional thoughts as a result of triggers that relate to my low self esteem and belief of not being good enough. Then in turn she said to face my fears. It kind of made sense I supoose I'm just a bit confused of how to go forward and don't fully understand everything yet. Early days eh 😅
  17. I think this is the beauty of the C part of CBT, whilst it doesn't make facing our fears any less easy, it does ensure we understand the beliefs behind our thoughts and why we need to do the exercise and in theory should help with the anxiety post exercise. I also would argue nobody with OCD should ever be 'told' to face their fears. Good therapy is a collaborative effort between patient and therapist who agree therapy exercises together at the right time and at the right level of exposure for that person at that time.
  18. You've been a good friend on here gbg, I do appreciate your time and patience x
  19. Every relationship and every human being has imperfections, little mistakes/falsehoods/flaws or whatever and your partner will be no different. The key is to not let these be big ones which is what would have happened if you didn't tell her about the cheating. But you did. The rest is detail. When you're with her and it pops into your mind don't dwell or ruminate, just leave it alone and force your mind onto something else no matter how difficult. It can feel like you're forcing your brain kicking and screaming but it gets easier. You will never ever be able to solve this through compulsions, whether ruminating, confessing or reassurance seeking on here. You must leave it alone.
  20. Thanks gbg I think because she brought it up I feel like I confused her more because she never understood how I said I'd stopped it but never carried on, I don't know maby she didn't believe me anyway, feel like a deceiver but your correct, I can't confess, it would be selfish, hard to distract myself when I'm with her though x
  21. Wow it sounds like you're doing amazing! Very inspiring to those of us struggling.
  22. Thanks Nikki That's one of the only ways I stay sane honestly.. I'll have a chuckle to myself going "wow that was a wild one... jeez" Yep for me it's just been no compulsions and thinking about the thoughts differently that has taken the bulk of the crippling anxiety away!
  23. Your partner clearly loves you and she'll love you for all the amazing qualities you have. She doesn't expect you to be perfect, none of us are. You did the honourable thing in telling her. The rest is just scuff kicked up by ocd it doesn't matter, leave it be, whenever you find yourself thinking about it nudge your attention onto something else. Eventually it will fade.
  24. Bloods haven't shown much other than high ferritin which is odd. Neuro appt in late June.
  25. Don't know what I did there I am in so much pain, my partner cuddled me last night and ask what's wrong, I just cried, it took everything not to confess but now I feel guilty because it was to bad to tell her the truth, she deserves better
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