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  2. Thank you for your replies. I have tried to get help externally but the professionals feel u need to sort out my domestic abuse past in order to move forward. I’m looking at a long waiting list again. I’ve managed to go to a mother and child group with my SIL so it’s helped having someone else there but when I come back home then it’s just me and my thoughts again.
  3. I learned that OCD lies exaggerates or creates revulsion (e.g. urine, vomit) and to a non-sufferer our OCD intrusions are worthless nonsense they wouldn't give any time of day to. So I learned to use "The Four Steps" concept of Jeffrey Schwartz to first label an intrusion OCD, re-attribute it to OCD, refocus away without responding by carrying out compulsions, then revalue to show myself that my true character values remain intact. Eventually I learned mindfulness, which enables me to step away from obsessing and compulsing, and simply be in the present in the moment.
  4. When you have the thoughts, what do you do next? If you're trying to answer the thoughts or figure them out, that might be why they keep persisting. It's tough, but try just letting them exist. You can't really stop thoughts occurring, certainly not through sheer force of will. So, let them be. Keep doing your own thing and try to give them less attention. Again, tough. But that's the best course.
  5. PolarBear

    Frustrated by the circle

    What you call the circle is the OCD trap. You get intrusive thoughts. They bother you. You think you have to do something about them (compulsions). Nothing gets resolved but your actions lead to more intrusive thoughts. And round and round you go. The ONLY way out is to stop reacting to the thoughts. Stop freaking out. Stop the compulsions.
  6. I have pure O, I'd that term is okay to use. Because of my social setting, I am totally surrounded everyday by things which are central to the themes that bother me, objects, people, locations. Nothing bad has ever happened. I've never lost control. I seriously doubt that anything bad ever will happen. I prove it all wrong again and again, just by living my life. Yet thoughts persist and I'm stuck in a loop. I often think what would happen if I did this, what would people think of me for having these thoughts, how would my life be different if I didn't have this. I'm stuck. Please share some advice.
  7. PolarBear

    Confused.

    Simply, yes. OCD lies, all the time.
  8. PolarBear

    Doctors appointment

    Your second paragraph is you ruminating. All those questions you asked don't have to be answered. Stop trying to answer them. That's where you get into trouble.
  9. PolarBear

    Being a parent

    Sounds like symptoms of anxiety. I would get checked out by your doctor but it is likely anxiety causing it.
  10. Not talking about big strategies or theories, but what are the little things that help you deal with this? I love sports, working out helps raise my spirits and I like the "tired" feeling afterwards.
  11. I suffered with this for many years and have every sympathy with you but it sounds like you are on the right track. It is possible to get past. I think it's a natural response to feel anger in a situation that triggers a fear that you are going to act in a way that goes against your core values. It's a fight or flight response. About 15 years ago I was in a very bad place with OCD and remember feeling angry with my loved ones (who my OCD was saying I would harm). They wanted me to stay with some close relatives (to look after me for a few days) but my OCD was saying I would harm them too if I went to stay. So whichever choice I made I was going to harm someone I loved (that's OCD for you). I was very angry about that because I was very very scared and couldn't run away (metaphorically or physically). Also is it possible you think you have the thoughts about harm because you are angry with the person you are afraid of harming? This was another way my OCD got me into endless compulsions. Before I was diagnosed I used to think I was having thoughts about harming certain people because I had some hidden anger towards them, utter nonsense. Hope that is helpful.
  12. That's encouraging to hear Yep my understanding was it's not for OCD but for addressing some entwined issues. Did you have it alongside OCD treatment, i.e did it come up whilst being treated for OCD as something that could help you? Cheers
  13. Thanks for the suggestions, I think the audio recording is my next step.
  14. When we learn through CBT that our agonising intrusions are really just worthless nonsense to non-sufferers - things they would waste zilch time on - we can make progress. Here are two examples, from my own teen and younger years, of how an OCD intrusion really is just silly worthless nonsense. I dropped a florin (a two shilling piece from pre-decimal days) in a Woolworths store, and it rolled right under the display cabinets, out of my reach. It would be the equivalent of 10 P I think. So it wasn't a significant loss, and I just let it be and left. Then I started obsessing about that coin. Could it cause damage or danger where it was? Should I contact Woolworths and have them remove the display cabinets and reclaim my "threatening" florin? After a few hours of pointless ruminating I applied what I now know to be a behavioural experiment to this issue. And I didn't know then that this was OCD. I considered the evidence for and against my florin causing a threat. And of course the answer came back no threat at all. I immediately stopped the ruminating, wrote off the value of the coin and forgot the whole thing. In modern CBT we use evidence in a behavioural experiment to test whether we think what OCD is saying is true, as opposed to us worrying that it is true. Some 48 years ago I applied that concept without knowing I had OCD, or that that would become an important tool in tackling OCD. And over the years I did so a few times. The other example involved a stay in a hotel in Holland as part of a school trip. I inadvertently dropped a spot of cigarette lighter fuel on the sheet in my room. I didn’t think any more about it at the time. But when I got home I had the thought that that speck of lighter fuel spilled on the sheet had caused the hotel to burn down! I had the compulsive urge to find a way to contact the hotel to check they hadn't burned down. At this point I sat down and thought this out and realised the intrusion was complete and utter nonsense. Having satisfied myself of that, I immediately stopped ruminating and forgot about the whole thing. This "behavioural experiment" approach to tackling an OCD intrusion - is it true or are we just worried it might be true - is for me a powerful tool in the CBT armoury, and features prominently in the book "Break Free From OCD", co-written by OCD-UK patron professor Paul Salkovskis.
  15. Honestly I have the most graphic sexual fantasies about people I like all the time. Not just that but I have romantic ones too, e.g. I daydream about marrying Cillian Murphy and living in a wee cottage in the west of Ireland with our 5 dogs (), but really, I adore my partner and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. (I've just shown him this post and he's now laughing at me!) Your fantasies are completely normal and are nothing to feel guilty about. Your problem is that you have OCD which distorts reality, so that your mind equates harmless fantasies with cheating, or is making you believe that it means something significant about your relationship when it actually does not at all.
  16. I think that's probably the same for a lot of us that haven't recovered. I've just read your posts here and I can clearly see OCD. Everybody's minds wander and fantasise. That's not your problem, it's the meaning that you attach to it. Your OCD blows it all out of proportion and your regret and distress is the result. Your mind wandering has no bearing on your relationship, find me a person that doesn't fantasise. I have and it means nothing about my feelings towards my husband, because it's not my theme. My advice would be to stop thinking about this as best as you can, keep a check on your ruminating, no confessing and no googling etc. Do something nice and let yourself off the hook, because there is no hook. Be kind to youself.
  17. No, but you can dump it. When we stop giving belief to, connecting with, or carrying out compulsions about OCD intrusions, they lose power and frequency. You have to work hard to cross the gain line beyond which the OCD starts to lose power. But when you do, the process becomes easier and easier, the gains greater.
  18. OCDhavenobrain

    Is this common.

    I am not sure I got it right but do you ask if it is common to never getting satisfied no matter what reassurance you get? The answer to that is a clear YES. That is why I really think that therapy is extremly important, where your therapist and you put you in situations where you expose yourself. I don't think forum really helps, do not hate me here, but I think that therapy with ONE person is the only way to go. Or the person with OCD will get confused about which advice he/she will follow.
  19. battlethrough

    I know im a pain but im so in need of help

    I read other posts and can see clearly ocd,but for me,even reading back it doesn't seem straight forward,more a cycle of letting my mind wonder then regretting it
  20. battlethrough

    Is this common.

    Everything you have written is textbook ocd,I can't sort myself out but I know we have to try and learn to tolerate uncertainty ,and that's a huge mountain to climb because ocd will want certainty,sorry I can't be more help
  21. battlethrough

    I know im a pain but im so in need of help

    I know I'm frustrating on here,I tried to not bother people but it's becoming unbearable,I have waited so long for therapy,does my post seem that I am actually not very nice or that I can't really love my partner if I could think such things,sorry,just desperate
  22. As you can see, i am at my whits end and i know i shouldn't be scrolling through the internet, i know i am looking for reassurance but boy is it hard not to. I have found that when i find something that is reassuring and i know what i have read is even more concrete proof that my thoughts are my ocd and not my desires or something i want to or will act on and are infact very common in ocd , yet my mind will not accept it. In fact knowing the anxiety i am feeling is a good indicator that these thoughts are the total opposite to the person i am because the things i fear terrify me and a person who was the type of evil person i fear i could be wouldn't be concerned with these thoughts in the slightest ? I don't think there was a question in there but can anyone relate to this?
  23. Fair point. Man I hate my OCD. Can I sell it on eBay?
  24. Why should I? Apply that criteria and I would be washing myself all day every day against all kinds of " threats". There are only my wife and I at our home. Do we care about each others bodily fluids spilling on us in some way, around the home, in the shower or toilet? No. Why? We are intelligent people, and we see no fear or threat. We don't have OCD whispering a false, exaggerated or revulsive core belief in our ear.
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