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  2. Thank you Angst, yes it has been quite quick- we just had one day of viewings in August and will be moved in a couple of weeks. I'm finding the move incredibly difficult and unsettling though and not knowing where we'll finally end up is bothering me a lot! How are you? Are your house repairs and general moving prep going okay now?
  3. Sounds like you had a bad day. But here's the thing, if you want to get out of this rut then when you have a bad day you must draw a line under it and mentally start again the next day with the belief you're still moving upwards and forwards. Good that you went for a walk and got some washing done. Keep up that 'achieve something every day, however small' thing going! I'm not in the least surprised anti-sickness medication has no effect. Probably neither would anti bowel-movement medication or anti bowel-cramp medication. Why? Because this is all your gut responding to your mental state, its not about physical gut problems. You know that already, I'm sure. But reading your posts it sounds as if you treat every bowel symptom as if it was gut-related rather than coming from the brain. (If you want the science of how it works, your gut and brain interact through the vagus nerve, one of the most powerful nerves in the body. The more stressed you allow yourself to become the stronger the gut response.) What I'm saying is you need to begin reacting to a bad gut day by thinking more about how to relax and reduce your anxiety than you think about dealing with your gut. Break the cycle where worrying about your gut being bad causes worse gut symptoms which makes you worry more about your gut... It's hard to believe until you gain some experience of stopping it just with your mind, but the cramps, wind, frequent bowel movements and nausea are all under your control. Get your brain out of worry/reaction mode and into 'it's ok, this is unpleasant right now, but I'm fine, I'm going to simply relax and this will settle' mode. Try observing yourself as if you were an outsider. It will help you notice how your gut gets worse because you're worrying that you won't cope. Have some relaxing 'distractions' at hand for when your gut gets bad. As soon as the gut kicks off you go into 'chill out' mode. Breathing exercises, meditation, stretch and relax your muscles, do something fun, or get on with a necessary task of daily living. Any time you get drawn back into thinking about gut or toileting, deal with the practicalities without fuss, refuse to get stressed about it and get back to 'chill mode' asap. Aim to get to a point where you can mentally stay in chill mode even while you take a break to go to the bathroom. (It will take a few weeks at least to get there - don't despair and don't give up!) As well as your gut being driven by your mental state, the same is true for the nausea and dizziness. Again, practice observing youurself as if you were an outsider. Notice how your breathing quickens and gets shallower when you feel sick or dizzy. Correct it by slowing your breathing down and taking fewer, deeper breaths with your diaphragm. That will reduce the nausea. If the dizziness persists, go for the breathing in and out of a paper bag routine. That's enough for now. Something to get you started! Remember - you can do this. Baby steps to start, but as long as you don't give up you will get there.
  4. so i should ask my therapist about it , and i’m gonna find these books for sure . thank you for being nice to me🥺♥️ i cant have conversations about this with anyone and im really happy to join the forum. i will share my state for sure🌱
  5. Nicola, in some places ERP is the only treatment offered for OCD but it's like eating the icing without the cake. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the gold standard treatment for OCD. Yes, ERP is part of the behavioral side, but so too is reducing compulsions. The cognitive part teaches you to think differently about the thoughts so they don't upset you so. The cognitive part is the cake, ERP the icing.
  6. It might sound illogical, but you achieve certainty by NOT trying to be sure. When you stop looking for proof and evidence (stop doing your compulsions) the 'horrible thing' stops feeling so hugely horrible. Once you've got it back in perspective you stop fearing you did it. NOT staying focused on the 'I might have, what if?' eventually gives you the confidence/ feeling of certainty that you didn't.
  7. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain, Nikola. That sounds absolutely horrible. But I hear some really good news--the really good news I hear is that you haven't tried ERP! And ERP, to be frank, works. So you haven't given the very best treatment a go, yet--that's tons of reasons to be hopeful. I think you'd probably also benefit a whole lot from a book called Brain Lock, which really walks you through how specific parts of the brain misfire to cause OCD symptoms, how ERP works in a very concrete way, etc. That makes ERP a whole lot easier because resisting obsessions and compulsions is way easier when you have a really specific understanding of where those things are coming from.
  8. Hello Thanks for replying. I was getting help in the past. I had nearly 25 CBT sessions but I don’t think it was with the right therapist because I only found out after that the main treatment for OCD is ERP and we didn’t do that. This was in 2019 since then it’s got much worse. I also got physical problems now like incontinence and back problems. I don’t eat properly. I can’t cook because I will have to wash whatever I’m using and that takes me ages. Last time it took me 2 hours to cook a simple pasta meal. Have really bad skin problems from the washing - both of arms and hands are dark red and skin is peeling of. I’ve tried 3 SSRIS all on maximum dose but they didn’t work. Now they put me on Clomipramine which I’m going to start this week. If that doesn’t work then don’t know what I’m going to do, so hard to hold on.
  9. Hi Nikola! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, that sounds really difficult and unpleasant. Are you getting any help for your OCD at present?
  10. Useful thread just registered. Wow Belanna that was last from sale to moving. I think having a removal company in to do the packing will reduce the overall stress for you all.
  11. Ah......I notice you are in Iran. In the UK we always use CBT, a psychological therapy rather than psychoanalysis. I don't know how much it's used in your country. There are also some excellent self-help books that can be used very succcessfully on your own. Two in particular are Break Free From OCD Available Here at Amazon or OCD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks and related Depression Available Here Also, the forum here offers good support and advice for self-help. Perhaps you could share how your OCD affects you, what type of rituals you are doing etc if you feel able. As for your English.....It's just fine. I have complete admiration for people who can communicate so well in another language. I couldn't
  12. Thank you Yes, I always find it very difficult to get going, especially if it's a task that my OCD makes a nightmare (most tasks basically).
  13. I want to start by just being able to manage the things I could manage 6 months ago. I have no idea where to start now I'm in this deep. Had a really bad afternoon/evening yesterday after a reasonable morning. I don't understand why or how these things have got so bad now. I thought I was making some progress but it was the worst anxiety type attack I've had so far this year. I had to have a second shopping delivery from a relative. Stocks were low at the first shop so they dropped off the chilled items and popped to another shop afterwards. In my 'normal' mind, it shouldn't make any difference, it was only a few extra items so very little bending and lifting, and they're not coming indoors, just leaving it for me to bring in...I don't understand why it would make any difference? They messaged asking if I needed the items or could wait until next week...I was on the loo at the time as it happens, and as soon as I replied with 'need them today if you've got time' my bowels instantly cramped and my throat started getting 'damp' and catchy (weird explanation but I honestly don't know the name for it!). Quickly finished in the bathroom and thought I'd do the washing up as a distraction and pre-empting that I may not be up to it later. Within seconds of starting to run the water my bowels were on the move, reflux and belching had started, I was clenching and squirming but trying to breathe and calm but in that moment nothing seemed to be working. Forced myself to continue washing up, albeit in a much more splashy erratic manner than usual than usual, repeatedly swallowing and feeling a bit wobbly and dizzy by now. Dried up and straight in the loo for another urgent BM (making that the 8th BM visit of the day at 4pm! How am I ever meant to go out around that...I barely even eat anything!!) and the nausea was very strong by this point. Anti nausea med doesn't appear to have made any difference here. Whole body shaking and vibrating, not able to breathe properly or calm my heart rate. After that ferocious BM there was a sudden gurgling like someone unblocking a drain and the nausea reduced noticeably, but still way above manageable levels. My guts were painful and shifting etc for the rest of the night, couldn't do any of the other tasks I'd planned, did manage to cook some dinner but could only eat a tiny amount, kept having to urinate every half hour, and the shaking and nausea etc didn't stop. Knock on effect of that is that I couldn't get enough calories in yesterday night to have much energy today, and couldn't sleep much either, so that's knocked todays plans. I couldn't take any OCD risks/exposures with food yesterday as I felt so bad I just needed to take the safest option to try and get something in and then try and get through the night until daylight when I find things a bit easier to deal with. It's made me think that I really couldn't manage a visit from a helper or support worker now and shouldn't even risk trying to drive at the moment knowing how quickly this can come on and I would have been in a hell of a mess if I hadn't been at home with access to a toilet and water etc at the time. If this is the sort of the thing that SSRI's are likely to cause for a week or two, I've got no chance of that. On a slightly more positive note, despite still shaking and feeling rough this morning, I'm still hoping to have a short walk this afternoon, and will put the washing machine on while I'm out but I'm not planning any more than that at this stage.
  14. @PolarBear thank you for your quick reply. I know rumination is a compulsion and by me continuously thinking about it, I’m basically just feeding the thought and it’s making it seem so much more real each time. How can I ever know I didn’t do this horrible thing I’m scared I’ve done? I don’t want to say what the thought is because I don’t want to bring it to life, but I can never be certain and that’s what gets to me more than anything. Then when I feel like this, I just self destruct. I push everyone away because I don’t want them to be around me because I feel like I’m a disgusting person. I don’t feel like deserve all the good things in my life anymore. I want to stop thinking about it but I don’t know how. Even when I’m at work I’m thinking about it, there’s no escape from my own head
  15. No so weird I've had the same thought just yesterday! I don't know so I use the washing machine as usual. It's good enough for everyone else.
  16. @Caramoole Thank you for the welcome, it is an honor for me♥️ I changed 3 therapists! cuz they suggest medication in the first session, and I was afraid of taking the drug and thought I should not become addicted to the drug at this age!! until the symptoms became very annoying and I trusted the last therapist. and now I have been taking Asentra for 2 months. none of them suggested me about CTB, although I insist on psychoanalytic sessions and I follow the sessions. Thank you for your attention and reply i appreciate ♥️
  17. Sounds great. Amy thoughts of extending to areas I the south east?
  18. We had the first session via Zoom. I stayed for the first 10 mins and then left him to it. He didn't stop talking which I think was a good sign. Just background stuff I think. Afterwards he went to bed without getting anxious about whether his hair or the bedding was dirty (the usual thing). Next week they're going to start talking about distraction techniques. Fingers crossed. I will keep you posted.
  19. Hello I have a few doubts and obsessions about doing the laundry which drive me crazy. Here is one of them. I know it might seem weird but these doubts feel so real. It feels like a thousand bullies and you feel so powerless. You get new obsessions/doubts/fears or the old ones become much worse and then you have a whole set of behaviours to control them. You get constantly exhausted/fatigued from thinking about the obsessions/doubts and from the compulsions. This particular one is washing clothes inside out. So if for example I put a t shirt or any other garment (trousers, shirts, bedsheets, underwear etc.) in the wash inside out will the outside of it get washed is well and vice versa? I I have fears that whatever side I put it in - outside/inside out the other side won’t be cleaned. I also have doubts/fears if the pockets will be washed.
  20. Last week
  21. Thank you both for the advice. I will definitely try to remember that for tomorrow’s cbt session. I did my homework this week which was going and sitting on a bench and sit through the anxiety. Some days were better than others. I find getting tired makes me feel worse too. I like obsess I am going to go mad. It’s a horrible feeling.
  22. Good luck DJ1000. Wishing you a peaceful half term x
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