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About Gemma7

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  1. That's great Wonderer, really happy for you, keep up all the good work and thanks for the inspiration
  2. Hi Jodes Just to clarify the compulsion in being scared to be active, is avoiding being active, it's labelled generally as avoidance. It's very common in all types of OCD. People avoid places, people, doing certain things, even thinking things leading to thought blocking. It's really easy to not realise they are compulsions because you get so used to not doing certain things it becomes a habit. Being intentionally aware of your breathing is a checking compulsion, designed to make sure of something I imagine. If you aren't active because of fear then you miss out on the chance to find out that when you are active nothing that you fear happens. Avoidance therefore continues the belief that it is necessary to avoid activity to stay safe. The fear keeps you inactive and so the belief and awful fear continues. That's what you learn in therapy with the support of your therapist. It's ok that you don't know what all your compulsions are yet, just take it one step at a time
  3. Hi Jodes, welcome to the forum Sorry that you are struggling at the minute but it seems like you've done everything you can up till now to make sure you overcome your problem It is possible to overcome this just like any type of OCD with the key thing being to look at what is maintaining your problem. What behaviours are you doing to make you focus on your breathing? It may be various checks, like listening to your breathing, or asking or looking for reassurance, you also mention that you are scared to talk, so maybe you are avoiding things that affect your breathing. All OCD compulsions feel like they are protecting you in some way but in fact they are the real problem. Have you looked into self-help? I used the book Break free from OCD to start tackling my problems alone and there's no reason why you shouldn't do that while you wait for therapy Because you've just started taking medication, keep in mind that it can take time to adjust, so if you start challenging your OCD, take your time and be kind to yourself. Also, take a look at these pages on the OCD-UK website for things to do while you wait, and also how to get the most from therapy when you get there. https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/preparing-for-ocd-therapy/ https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/getting-the-most-from-therapy/
  4. Take a look at this section on accessing therapy in Scotland on the OCD-UK website. https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/accessing-ocd-treatment/accessing-ocd-treatment-through-the-nhs/scotland/ You're very wrapped up in all this OCD thinking. Cleaning and replacing doesn't work you've shown yourself that many times so you're going to have to change your behaviour using CBT. This is typical inflated responsibility in OCD, if you see something then you feel responsible to do something about it. You really need to start tackling these OCD problems because they will only get worse.
  5. Yes it's a very hard cycle to break but it's possible So you wash things but they still feel dirty, is that what you are saying? Do you act like they are dirty? By avoiding them, thinking about replacing them etc. If yes then the reason the feeling stays is because you maintain it with other behaviours. It's not perfectionism, it's just that OCD tends to demand more and more until cleaning doesn't feel enough and replacing feels better. It's just all compulsions and all feed OCD. Why won't your doctor refer you for CBT? Are you in England, if you are, you can self-refer to your local IAPT. It might be that the CBT you had wasn't of a good standard or the therapist wasn't right for you, so trying again is important. Like I said, getting a good understanding of what is causing your problems is key to getting rid of OCD.
  6. Hi Phil Have you had CBT or are you currently having it? I really think that you need some structure to help you deal with your problem. I have contamination issues myself and therapy has helped immensely. Washing your hands doesn't work, in the short term you might feel clean but it ends up where you need to wash more and more and more. The type of exposure therapy you describe is not exposure. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is used as part of CBT, you expose yourself to your fear and then don't do any compulsions at all. So in this instance you would touch your door handle and then refrain from washing your hands and use them completely normally. Your solution was closer to torturing yourself, which was to touch things but then not continue as if everything was fine and use everything as normal. This is an easy mistake to make and I've done it loads of times, you're not alone there If you can't access therapy at the moment then self-help is a must, Break free from OCD is the place to start.
  7. I have mixed feelings. I like Nadiya, I thought she was really honest and brave I thought what therapy they showed was good and I thought the things she did were excellent. It also showed how hard it is and how long it takes to recover. What I didn't like was the fact that Nadiya got the best therapy in the country, yet that was not explained. Therapy for an average sufferer does not look like that at all. I also wish the serotonin claptrap would go where the sun doesn't shine and not feature at all. Talk about medication fine, but leave out the backward theory. I also think it fell into the similar trap that often happens where mental health problems are 'caused' by an obvious event. Of course this is true for some, but not all, and i think this can make it hard for people who feel they have had no adversity in life. I also feel like the programs at that high school were good but when i was young i definitely wouldn't have spoken up. I needed general psycho-education not one on one. And I wasn't keen on Paul saying anxiety makes you sharp. Yeah, makes you sharp at stuff that stresses you out!
  8. Hi GBG I might not be reading this right but I'm not sure this is the answer. At least I'm not sure targeting that fear is the answer. You have various beliefs about you as a person that you compensate for with behaviours. I believe it's these beliefs and behaviours you need to challenge. Exposing yourself to the idea of someone disapproving of you seems wide of the mark to me.
  9. Yes you don't care about anything that suggests you should change your behaviour. Clearly it's very threatening to you to even consider challenging these safety behaviours, that's why you're ignoring reasons, explanations, whatever you want to call them. Can i ask why you think this isn't OCD? Because it's impossible. You can't purposely be a 'good person', because it'll make you over focus on what is good and bad and basically put you in the situation you currently find yourself in. Again you're trying to make sure of something with your actions, just like in OCD. The moment you give up caring if you are good and bad and just behave how you think is best in any given moment without much thought, is when you'll start to be confident with who you are. You can't live with OCD when you feed it all the time, it will always be there. You need to take control off OCD, it’s the only way to accept it.
  10. The same way every sufferer changes their beliefs, by identifying what they do that builds their belief and changing their behaviour. What is it you do that builds this belief? And what have you changed? If the answers nothing, then why are you expecting to feel any different? Again with fault. Who is analysing fault here but you? You don't get it, things happen, you don't need to keep apportioning blame. You think your default behaviours are hurtful, you have no evidence for this. Your actions are trying to prevent something from happening that might never happen, sounds a lot like OCD. Also, when are you meant to disengage as a solution to fighting OCD? CBT is a doing therapy, you don't just leave stuff and hope it goes away. This is simply confusion between actively not ruminating and simply doing nothing, you need to DO something if you want to overcome this, even if that's sometimes not doing something like rumination.
  11. Maybe it's time to look at CBT again then. You really need help and support to overcome OCD so you can go out and not need to keep a check on your behaviour.
  12. Hi Alex, You're going to have to let this go to feel better. Going out and then asking for reassurance is not the best strategy because OCD always manages to find a way to doubt and that's exactly what's happened in this situation. What if your friends weren't looking? etc. Are you having or have you had CBT for OCD?
  13. That's brilliant Malina, it's always good to hear stories of success. Well done you
  14. Hi there This sounds like typical OCD, where everything gets very confusing and where you seem to doubt almost everything. You really need good structured CBT with a CBT therapist. Are you having CBT at the moment? You are doing a lot of compulsions, checking compulsions such as checking for arousal, clearly a lot of thinking (rumination), as well as avoidance. You're doing all of these things to make sure you aren't attracted to children because you really don't want to be, but the compulsions are what are adding to your self doubt and belief that you are a pervert. Despite how you feel you're just an OCD sufferer, a very typical one and you're struggling. If you need some help now try the self-help books Break free from OCD and Pulling the trigger. They are really good, with the second having a personal account of someone who worried about harming people and shows their recovery. Both are excellent self-help books with tips on how best to tackle OCD. It isn't easy but you can overcome this
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