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Mcajshaw

Bulletin Board User
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    158
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About Mcajshaw

  • Birthday 18/02/1983

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Pure "O", Bad thoughts, anxiety, fear of Christianity

Profile Information

  • Location
    Bedfordshire
  • Interests
    Sports

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  1. Hi Robbie Can't help too much as I'm not sure what the best advice to give is. But your themes of both sexual identity and religious themes seem to mirror mine, I just posted about sexuality/attraction half an hour ago! Just posting this to encourage you if I can. Understand exactly why you didn't want to play footy tonight, but why not try and galvanise yourself and go out for a run or something instead. It won't solve your problems of course, but it might help you. I wish you all the best and remember things can improve and there is no reason going forward why they cannot for you. Best of luck mate and keep plugging away.
  2. Hi All I have posted a few times over the years regarding my constant rumination and confusion about my attraction to females and males and constant rumination and checking of attraction (never had a serious girlfriend in my 30's now) and been on a hamster wheel as Polar Bear rightly put it off trying to understand myself and genuine confusion about sexuality. I realise I need to step up my game again in terms of not checking and ruminating over the subject (looking at instagram, facebook, TV to check for attraction etc) and try to leave it alone from an OCD perspective which is always tough. However , I also know that psycho-sexual therapy is available by referral on the NHS and given my age and the length of time this has gone on I feel it might be time to at least give this a go (if my GP approves) and see what I can achieve with it, alongside my strategy from an OCD perspective. My question really is, has anyone else who has ruminated and obsessed about sexuality sought help also through Psycho-sexual therapy, and, if so was it was beneficial alongside implementing OCD CBT strategies. Many thanks
  3. Hi 7zurg, Sorry to hear of your struggles. And do not worry about your English, it is excellent. I've been suffering from similar things to you, I believe if we continue to do the same checking and rumination we will not make any progress. Perhaps you would like to read the post I made and the replies I got to help you also:
  4. Thanks so much to both Chris B and PolarBear, very clear advice and practical instruction. As an OCD sufferer you kind of know deep down what needs to be done but it can help so much when someone else sees it from a different angle. Thanks so much to the both of you, I will keep re-visiting your thoughtful replies. You will have seen Polarbear that in my original post I included a quote from a previous post from you in reply to somebody else, sound advice for sure. Thanks again to you both, Cheers Jon.
  5. Hi everyone I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 35 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now. I had ten sessions of CBT this summer two years ago, and I know I need not to check and look at photos etc but it is so so hard. Also how can I stop thinking about the subject even if I am not checking, ie the ruminating about who I am? I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. The reverse happens and I look at women and worry I am not attracted to them as much as a straight man would be. I do not seem to care much for breasts like most guys do which is a trigger for me to ruminate. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I couldn't tell you if I am straight, gay, bi-sexual, a-sexual but it is making my life so tough at the moment! I can find a guy with a 6-pack on instragram attractive, but I am not sure if this is gay or just being able to see that someone good looking and air brushed and spending their life in the gym looks good. (again ruminating whilst I type this, you get the picture). I have read lots about HOCD (excuse the acronym) and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety. I know I shouldn't check and analyse but it seems it be on mind morning, noon and night and I can't escape it. I have self-referred to the NHS once more to try and have a final crack at overcoming this as I know it is possible as I found with my OCD for intrusive thoughts in my university days where myself and my therapist worked so well together and made huge progress on a different subject matter. This subject I have ruminated, googled, and analysed for a decade and I am still stuck. I panic because life goes quickly and I am not getting anywhere. I genuinely do not know my orientation and feelings and such like and I need some good advice and even a kick up the bum and I know this is always the best and most informed place on OCD to get that. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and hopefully you will have some good advice for me. Enjoy the weekend guys and keep smiling :-) Best wishes, Jon. P.S - I read a quote from PolarBear to another person's post on a similar theme that I looked at on here this morning. I think it is a great quote and one I definitely need to take on board: "Keep doing the same things you have been and you'll be doomed to that twilight zone forever".
  6. Hi everyone I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 33 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now. ** I had ten sessions of CBT this summer and I know I need not to check and look at photos etc but it is so so hard. Also how can I stop thinking about the subject even if I am not checking, ie the ruminating about who I am? I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I couldn't tell you if I am straight, gay, bi-sexual, a-sexual but it is making my life so tough at the moment! I have read a bit about HOCD (excuse the acronym) and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety. I know I shouldn't check and analyse but it seems it be on mind morning, noon and night and I can't escape it.
  7. I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 33 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore. I definitely have sexual orientation OCD which which I have begun CBT. I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I couldn't tell you if I am straight, gay, bi-sexual, a-sexual but it is making my life so tough at the moment! I have started to receive CBT for this, but it's the very early stages and any practical steps to stop checking/thinking would be helpful. An additional question I have is this...I am on a few dating websites (Match etc), but not sure if trying to meet girls or analysising my attractiveness to them is a good idea in this stage of my journey. I often doubt my attraction to women, and sometimes specifically to breasts which guys seem to obsess about. But at the same time I am 33 and if I am a straight guy then you never know I might someone, so it's a difficult one. If I just come off them, is that just more avoidance? Should I left the whole thing of sexual orientation alone full stop and come of those sites, or will that not help? Any thoughts/advice much appreciated. Jon
  8. Remember the thoughts are causing you some much distress because they are not the sort of thoughts you would choose to have. This is OCD talking not you. If you were happy with the thoughts, you would not be upset. I suffered badly with Pure O thoughts before CBT. You need to do your best and say "Hey I'm going to let that thought come in my head and pay it as little attention as I can. It's only a thought". And in turn time, OCD will find that actually you are no longer being bullied by these thoughts, you can let them flow through your head and out of the other side. It will take time, but you can do it my friend. Persevere with your CBT and do your best, Keep going mate.
  9. Thanks so much for all for your thoughtful replies, I am just going to print this thread to keep for me to read. Thank you all again.
  10. Hi everyone I don't tend to post on here much now as I was one of the lucky ones who received excellent CBT and help and for the most part overcome my Pure O OCD intrusive thoughts, though it does come back in times of stress for me. I take 20mg Fluoxetine twice a day to help me. However at the moment I am as low as I have been ever with a problem that has been going on for many years now. I don't know if it is entirely OCD but it is certainly a large part of it I think. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now. I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 31 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore. I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I couldn't tell you if I am straight, gay, bi-sexual, a-sexual but it is making my life so tough at the moment! I have read a bit about HOCD (excuse the acronym) and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety. I'd love to hear about some practical steps I can take to assist me going forward. Sorry for the long post and thanks again. I went to see my GP this week and he has sent a letter to the local mental health services which can hopefully offer me some assistance, but it could be a while before I see anyone I imagine.
  11. Just revisited this thread again guys and just want to say thank you
  12. Would definiely recommend running, maybe print a schedule off the internet and do it 3 or 4 times a week and challenge yourslef to run a 10k in 3 months time if you are new to it. You'll look better, feel better and most of all it will lift your mind. I get very down with my thoughts, depression, OCD and always feel better for it even though I have low times when I don't go for a few weeks. You have inspired me to go this evening after my dinner at the gym, and I will think about your post as I do my miles :-) Good Luck.
  13. Hi everyone I don't tend to post on here much now as I was one of the lucky ones who received excellent CBT and help and for the most part overcome my Pure O OCD intrusive thoughts, though it does come back in times of stress for me. I take 20mg Fluoxetine twice a day to help me. However at the moment I am as low as I have been ever with a problem that has been going on for many years now. I don't know if it is entirely OCD but it is certainly a large part of it I think. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now. I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 31 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore. I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I have read a bit about HOCD (excuse the acronym) and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety. I'd love to hear about some practical steps I can take to assist me going forward. Sorry for the long post and thanks again.
  14. Thanks for your kind and thoughtful replies guys - appreciated :-D
  15. Hi everyone I don't tend to post on here much now as I was one of the lucky ones who received excellent CBT and help and for the most part overcome my Pure O OCD intrusive thoughts, though it does come back in times of stress for me. I take 20mg Fluoxetine twice a day to help me. However at the moment I am as low as I have been ever with a problem that has been going on for many years now. I don't know if it is entirely OCD but it is certainly a large part of it I think. It is making me very depressed, costing me hours of my life thinking and ruminating and to my mind has no resolution in sight. It goes on and on and I thought it's time I ask for advice because it has been a very private problem that has stayed in my head in many years now. I'll start by giving a little background. I am a 31 years old male and have never had a relationship which I understand is very unusual. I go on dates and the online stuff and try and meet people but haven't found anyone yet. I am sociable, friendly decent person with no ties. I am constantly confused by the idea that at times I may find men attractive. I'm not sure If I really do, or if it's just in my head, I become so confused and tormented by it all that I really don't know what is going on anymore. I seem to spend lots of time on many days, looking at photos of people and celebrities on instagram, facebook and the internet to see if I find guys attractive, or how I feel about them shirtless. I will click on a friends facebook page and click to friends of theirs I do not know to look at the photos of all their friends too. I'll look at people when I am shopping and get anxious if I think I find them attractive. I know looking and checking is very much a reassurance method and a way of checking things. Other days I am convinced I am straight and someone who is just totally confused by everything. But I really do not know. And a time when most people have had several relationships, and some married with babies it's hard to get to this time of life and still not know yourself. I have read a bit about HOCD and much of it seems to ring true with the obsessing and anxiety I am experiencing around my personal life. I was just hoping by posting on here, someone might be able to give me some practical advice of how I can help myself and get to the bottom of this. I've some bad times with the OCD but I have never felt so low as I do with issue which gives me many dark thoughts and hours of ruminating and anxiety. Sorry for the long post, and perhaps somebody kind enough can offer some help going forward :-)
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