Lynz

Hi Nick and welcome to the forum. What you describe is textbook 'harm OCD' type thoughts. I'm sorry you’ve been suffering with this for such a long time without getting help. The good news is it's never too late to tackle your OCD. Have you tried any treatment or therapy so far? I can see you’re waiting for therapy at the moment. Is this through your local IAPT/talking therapies service? In the meantime while you are waiting for treatment I would encourage you to check out some self help books. 'Break Free From OCD' is a good one, as is 'Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder'.

You can refer yourself to NHS talking therapies direct. You don't have to go through your GP. You can find your local service here - https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/ I'm sorry your GP has been useless.

This is not a helpful response. The OP has not done or searched for anything illegal at all, as the act in pornography has not actually been made illegal yet in the UK. Laws aren't applied retroactively either.

I say this with kindness but it sounds to me like you are extremely mentally unwell with OCD to the point where you can't function in any way at all and it is my opinion that you need intensive treatment, ideally in a hospital environment. Do you have a social worker, CPN or any other key worker? I note you said you've reached out to various agencies but it's not clear whether you have an ongoing relationship with them or if you're just on your own.

I agree. I think it's highly unlikely that anyone will have taken them for OCD on this forum as I think they've only been researched during trials, so a very small number of people may have taken them for OCD during these trials but that's it. They are not currently available for use by the public so the only way people on here will have taken them (I'm assuming) is illegally, or if they've travelled to another country where they're not illegal, which I don't think anyone here would be advocating.

By the way I just noticed from your location that you're from Liverpool. Me too! Although I live in West Lancashire now.

I think you have to be careful talking about psychadelics. In the UK (where OCD-UK is based) psychadelics are currently illegal for all uses whether medical or recreational. My own personal view is that there should be more research conducted on psychadelics to see whether they can benefit people for medical reasons, and if so then they should be available but tightly controlled.

When I was applying to uni I got my clinical psychologist to write me a letter outlining my issues and what support I might require which I then forwarded to the disability support team, so I didn't need to go through my GP at all. I found the support really helpful. I was assigned a learning/support mentor who I checked in with every month for the entire course and she was able to help me stay focused or problem solve, or sometimes she was just a useful person to vent to and that helped me feel better. I was also given extra time for exams and extensions for assignments if I needed them. I'm sorry your GP hasn't been helpful or supportive. Are you able to change GP surgeries by any chance? I've changed mine a few times when I've encountered GPs who weren't very good or unhelpful. Good luck with uni too. I went to uni twice and did 2 degrees 10 years apart. I loved both of my uni experiences. What are you planning on studying?

Glad to hear things worked out OK in the end. I'm the same with not being able to sleep in a bed that is uncomfortable. For me it relates to my pain issues so it can exacerbate that and means that I just won't sleep. Going away is difficult but I try and mitigate it by staying in hotels that I know I've slept well in before, and staying with family where I know the bed is comfy! My husband is the complete opposite and could sleep standing up but unfortunately I'm not like that at all

Is there something else you could do next time when you get these bouts of rage? Perhaps get an actual punching bag that you can keep in the garage and use that to take out your anger on instead of treasured items. There are other ways to manage this though and I echo the suggestion of learning coping and de-escalation skills.

Hi Bev. I just thought I'd jump in here. You can find what are called 'loopable' songs on Spotify etc. Where you can set them to endlessly loop and they won't cause that skipping sensation. Some playlists are designed to blend for example a good one is 'Sleep Music for Deep Sleeping'. You play it from the first track and don't have shuffle on, and it can play all night without you noticing the skipping. Alternatively you can search for noises e.g. '10 hours rain sounds' which don't skip. Some sleep apps like Loona, Calm, or Medito have music on there which you can set to play for a few hours or no time limit at all. Loona is good for that and the music part of the app is free without a subscription.

I would email them in the first instance requesting they extend your sessions due to the fact that you need further support. It may be that your treatment has been outsourced to a private provider which would mean that they are more strict with funding than if it was solely NHS provided. You have a right to have treatment for as long as you require it and the NHS Constitution states this - 1. The NHS provides a comprehensive service, available to all. It is available to all irrespective of gender, race, disability, age, sexual orientation, religion, belief, gender reassignment, pregnancy and maternity or marital or civil partnership status. The service is designed to improve, prevent, diagnose and treat both physical and mental health problems with equal regard. It has a duty to each and every individual that it serves and must respect their human rights. At the same time, it has a wider social duty to promote equality through the services it provides and to pay particular attention to groups or sections of society where improvements in health and life expectancy are not keeping pace with the rest of the population. 2. Access to NHS services is based on clinical need, not an individual’s ability to pay. NHS services are free of charge, except in limited circumstances sanctioned by Parliament. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/the-nhs-constitution-for-england/the-nhs-constitution-for-england However mental health services can be a bit of a postcode lottery. What may need to happen if they refuse to extend your sessions is contact your GP to reassess your current mental health needs. The GP can then help challenge the decision. You can also request a formal review or appeal of the decision through PALS. Ask for a clear rationale for refusal of treatment and if the reasons are funding related rather than clinical then you have grounds to challenge this. You (or the GP or an advocate like someone from OCD-UK) can escalate to the ICB (integrated care board) and submit a formal complaint to them if refusal of treatment risks harm or breaches their duty of care. And trying to get a friend to take over your support is laughable. They need to do their jobs and support you properly. If all of that seems overwhelming then definitely contact the charity as they can also advocate for you.

Hi Robin I don't understand how they can decide that you can't have any treatment anymore due to lack of funding. Surely that is not based on clinical need? What is their guidance for you to prevent a relapse? Perhaps the charity can help you access treatment and overcome this funding situation. I would email OCD-UK directly.

NLL we know all this already. You've told us every last detail of this to death. What is your aim in endlessly posting about this on here? It can't be for reassurance as nobody is giving it to you. You can't confess to your wife so you want to confess to us but it doesn't work like that and it will never make you feel better. Name one thing you can do right now to refocus your mind. Even if it something simple like watch something on TV or play your guitar. Aim to do that for 1 hour and park your OCD worries during that time. Then come on here and tell us what you've done during that hour.

I would say it's most likely to be the medication you're taking rather than the OCD itself. It is more characteristic for the mind to be racing as soon as you wake up when you have OCD as your brain 'remembers' what it was that it has been obsessing about. Sometimes you can have low mood/depression that co-incides with OCD which can make you feel like your head is a bit foggy. Having said that not everyone's experiences will be the same so it could be your OCD that is making you feel like this or something else altogether like long covid for example (I'm not suggesting you have long covid I'm just using it as an example of something that can make your head not feel right). If you suspect it could be your medication and if it is bothering you then I would discuss it with your GP or whoever prescribed your meds. Sometimes the dose can be tweaked to manage side effects or you could be put on a different med altogether.