Robin43

Thanks @Lynzand @snowbear. I really do feel so alone with this and it is such a bad time that I have relapsed. I have learned skills and they did review my blueprint but they agreed at the minute, I need support to implement it...they suggested a friend but I know that is not enough to pull me through this. They didn't give me any written reminders or leaflets and I don't know what to do-do I just let them discharge me the way I am feeling now or do I email them, even though I know that they have said that it won't be extended beyond?

Hello everyone Sorry it has been a while since I have posted on here. I have been receiving tertiary level treatment since November 2022 on the NHS. Obviously in more recent times my sessions have tapered off, seeing my therapists once every 2 or 3 months approx. Unfortunately now I have reached the end of my allocated funded NHS sessions at this tertiary level NHS treatment centre with my final session being last week. But the problem is I am currently in the midst of an awful OCD relapse, almost back to square one since Easter and living in a state of non-existence. I don't know what to do because I now have no support and I doubt if there is any way I can ask for more sessions but I literally am alone with all this again and I am really fearful for my future.

Thanks @PolarBear, I do credit you for how my recovery is going also. You have a slant of tough love which I definitely need. If someone is too soft with me I don't listen but you are always to the point and I definitely need that.

Thanks @snowbear, you probably won't ever know how much a couple of different posts you wrote to me a couple of months ago were a turning point in my recovery journey and I will never, ever be grateful enough to you. The journey continues, it is still very difficult but I am doing my best and that is all I can do.

Thanks @snowbear, I really appreciate that advice. I am currently working hard on all the advice you and the other forum members gave me a couple of months ago, including @PolarBear and many others. I promised I was not messing about and I really wanted to change. So 2 months on from that, I have committed not to live everyday on the sofa in a state of non existence. I have also started back to my hobbies-cross stitch and getting out walking and exploring new places-today I visited a folk museum and a transport museum which I really enjoyed. I have also been meeting up with friends and keeping connected with them. Finally, I went for an interview for a Mental Health Peer Educator role and was successful. It is only 10 hours per week but that is a lot for me given I have never had a permanent job for the last 12 years because of my severe OCD. Unfortunately as expected my OCD has really not liked this change of circumstances and I am struggling with old thoughts and images coming back again mainly to do with radiation which hasn't bothered me for a few years. I am desperate to check, and use other safety seeking behaviours. So far I have refrained but the anxiety and fear inside me is like nothing else. I am afraid if I use SSB's I will end up relapsing and back on the sofa again 24/7. I still have the Dementia worries rampant in my mind also so I am struggling a bit at the minute.

Thanks @deValentin, really appreciate that advice.

When in recovery, are there ever any times when it is ok to carry out a safety seeking behaviour if the belief in the thought and the accompanying anxiety are unbearable, or will this put me at risk of OCD relapse?

Thank you @howardfor replying and for all your advice-it has been much appreciated.

Thank you @snowbearI very much have taken your comments on board. I am committing to my treatment and I will update you in due course.

Thanks @PolarBearso is that really the main way to change the cognitive side of my thinking?

@Lynzthanks for taking the time to reply, I hope you are feeling ok. What you have pointed out is extremely relevant, however I am really sorry to hear about your friend. I think this could be a very useful point that you have made in helping me understand that other people have real increased risks of things but they put them to the back of their mind and get on with their lives.

Thanks @PolarBearfor replying-can you tell me please your suggestions for changing how I interpret and react to this real increased risk of CTE?

@snowbearthank you for your reply. Do you know what is ironic-my therapist said these exact words to me about six months ago, so if you are both saying it, it sounds like you are all right. I have started to look at positive psychology this weekend, I am going to look at it further. It sounds like a glass half full approach to life. Is there any specific things I can do with the cognitive things that are crushing me 24/7 like there is no point in doing x, y or z because you are going to die in 5 years from CTE or you should google about CTE etc to find answers? What should I do with these thoughts when they are there the whole time that I am doing the behavioural work and eventually after a few weeks I end up giving up because they are so relentless, so frightening and they wear and crush me down.

Thanks @howardfor taking the time to reply to me-I really do appreciate it. These seem like two really important statements you have made. OCD imagination has created a very bleak future for me and I really need to stay rooted in the present. I know OCD thrives in the past and the future. It can be so difficult though to keep attention in the present. I also think your lifestyle tips are very important too and I am going to see how I can incorporate these into my life small steps at a time.

That's ok @Lynz, I know you mean the best and I hope your recovery continues to go well.