PolarBear

Ryukil, I am pleased you seem to be getting something out of therapy. It's taken you a long time to muster the courage and go. Well done!

Your mind is making a mountain out of a molehill. There's nothing there to think about. Yes, your mind is setting off an alarm. Yes, your anxiety shoots up. Yes, you feel guilt. But it's all fake. It's all a big lie conjured up by a part of your mind. You've told us all what happened and we, every one of us, see nothing to be concerned about. What we do see is your response is way out of proportion to what happened. It's way over the top. Par for the course with OCD. In addition, you must learn that doing compulsions amplifies the bad place you find yourself in. Compulsions make everything worse. Give yourself permission to leave this alone. It's not worth the turmoil you are in.

You have to become okay with not getting it right. What if you didn't fully understand something? You think everyone else fully understands every show, every bit of dialogue? Watch your shows and put the rrmote down.

In a nutshell, the cognitive side is about changing the way you think about intrusive thoughts. Right now you take them seriously, freaking out, ruminating and doing other compulsions. You can teach yourself to not take the thoughts seriously, to treat them as the lies thry always are.

Based on previous advice, what do you think we'd say?

The point is, it doesn't matter. That you thought something when you didn't have OCD is immaterial. You had lots of thoughts free of OCD. Good, bad, neutral. They're just thoughts and they mean NOTHING ten minutes later, let alone 30 years. We are not going to engage with your OCD and debate with you the merits of that thought. Because it doesn't matter. Treat it that way.

You are using this forum as a sort of reassurance. You come here and tell us about your latest obsession. You tell us it's not OCD. You get reassurance by well meaning but unknowing users. You are given advice. You never take the advice. Then you go quiet for a time, until you come back and start the whole thing over again. This has been going on for years! It's got to stop. You are doing yourself a disservice and abusing our assistance. I will not engage your disorder anymore. I encourage others to do the same.

You let it go by letting it go. Tell yourself it's okay not to ponder over it. You can ruminate over this for as long as you want but you won't get anywhere, except further into a black hole of anxiety and thinking.

Classic OCD that you are fixated on a thought you had 30 years ago. Let it go. There is nothing to figure out.

An intrusivr thought is one you don't want thst pops into your head. Now you can be triggered by an object, place, person or event, but it's still an unwanted thought thst pops into your head.

Every sufferer wants it to stop. Guaranteed you are doing compulsions and that's what is keeping the OCD engine running. You need yo both work on stopping your compulsions and working on ERP to challenge your disorder.

I know the thoughts are scary but doing compulsions just makes them worse. Avoiding her is a compulsion. It would be best to interact with her as much as you can.

It's called magical thinking and it's just another OCD lie.

You went to a doctor. A doctor! You were told it is nothing. Now you want to tslk to your boyfriend to see if he thinks you should worry. Your boyfriend! Is he some kind of infectious disease specialist? Do you see how nuts this is? You want reassurance. You want someone to tell you that your constant worrying and anxiety is justified. Well it's not. It's all faje. It's a lie. And what you do not understand is that you are keeping that lie alive by doing compulsions. It's that simple.

Um, no. That's giving you an out from your anxiety and giving in to your obsessions. There is no valid reason to get tested. Other people have told you not to worry. That wasn't good enough. A doctor told you the same. That wasn't good enough. Now you want to get tested. What if that's not good enough? I've seen it before. Get tested, test comes back negative. Because you are fixated on it, your mind comes up with new obsessions, like they tested to early or didn't test right. So you want to get tested again. This won't stop until you stop it. Your compulsions are driving this.