Ironborn

Ive been wondering something. What if my behaviour as a dad (which i have posted about before on this forum) has caused my son to do this. Does that mean i am te one responsible for the kid getting touched by his genitals actually is my fault by proxy? I have to note that my behaviour that you can read about in the post before has improved tremendously my wife also has said that my relationship with my son has really improved alot.

Well i think i might not have been clear. but i meant to say that my son was the one who ecnouraged another kid to do such things. i guess its right that its probably due to my own experiences from my childhood that i am projecting right now.

Hello everyone, I'm here because I'm struggling with something and I'm unsure how to handle it. I've been dealing with OCD for some time, and I've often discussed it on this forum. Recently, an incident occurred this week that I can’t seem to move past, despite others telling me it's not a big deal. The issue involves my eldest son, who just turned six. At school, he told a classmate to touch another classmate’s genitals, seemingly as a dare. The classmate did this, and the child who was touched reported it to the teacher. Following this, the teacher informed the parents of the children involved, including me. I was quite shocked and am unsure how to handle this. My son is truly a sweetheart. He's incredibly loving, and there's absolutely no malice in him. When we got home, I talked to him about it, explaining that it's never okay to touch another person's or child's genitals. In this instance, it was with clothes on. I explained that genitals are private and should never be touched without consent, emphasizing that this rule applies to both boys and girls. In this specific situation, it involved his male friends. I made it clear that it’s not okay to do it himself or to encourage others to do it. He seemed to understand this very well, and I saw that he grasped the seriousness of the issue after we talked. After our discussion, I asked if this had happened before or if other children had done this to him. He said that other kids had done it to him too, in a way that no one saw. I asked whether this was in his class or at the after-school care, but he couldn't remember. I asked him a few times to try and remember, but he couldn’t. However, each time I asked if other children had touched him, he confirmed it, and at one point, he even made a pinching motion with his hand to demonstrate how it happened. Now, here’s the core of my problem: I don't know what to do with this information. On one hand, I feel ashamed as a parent that my son did this. I feel sad for my son because I’m wondering how such a loving and empathetic child could do something like this or encourage it. What troubles me the most is the constant fear that this will escalate into something more serious and that he might change into someone without a conscience. I have some idea where this fear stems from. It connects to experiences I’ve discussed on this forum before. When I was about six years old, I had a similar experience. My cousin once asked me to touch her, and later, I did this to my younger brother several times (he is 3.5 years younger than me). This remains a source of shame and guilt for me, even though I’ve talked to my brother about it and he assures me that it wasn't a big deal and that I don’t need to feel guilty. Despite this, I still do feel guilt and I now worry I’ll see my son the way I see myself: someone to be ashamed of. I'm afraid that I'll start viewing my son differently. This is absolutely not what I want. Many things are going through my head, like whether I could have done something to prevent this, if I should have handled things differently, or if I should have done something. Because I had a very difficult childhood due to neglect, mental abuse, and my mother’s issues with addiction, I fear that my son may now go down that same path and that this might be the first signs of it, and that he might have a problematic childhood. The fact that I haven't accepted what I did as a child makes it hard for me to accept what happened this week with my son. This is not what I want, but I feel like that is how it's unfolding. I did immediately look online to see if this behavior is normal. I found that it’s apparently quite common at this age because children are discovering different parts of the body, find it exciting and engage in actions around that, including touching others, themselves, or showing others. Because this is such a sensitive topic for me, I’m not sure how to handle it. Furthermore, I came across posts online, for instance on Reddit, with titles like “My 5-year-old daughter was sexually abused.” In these posts, it was a similar situation where a child touched another child in a certain way, and many commenters labeled it as sexual abuse, essentially branding a five- or six-year-old child as a criminal. I now feel like that label is hanging over my son, and I don’t know how to handle this as a father. It even got to the point where I saw a comment saying that if children do this, it could only happen if they are abused at home. That abuse is actually one of my OCD themes, where I have worried about whether I may have done something wrong with my children. Because of that comment I read, I began to question whether I had done something wrong that led my son to act this way. I would really appreciate it if you could share your perspectives on this issue and what you think I could or should do.

I mostly have eating and hunger pangs when my anxiety goes up. Im an emotional eater. Not sure if my meds play a part into that aswell.

Hey man, hit-and-run OCD sounds really tough. I know how it feels, it's no fun. Driving with OCD is like going through a minefield while juggling chainsaws. Every bump or pedestrian becomes a potential disaster. And the constant checking - mirrors, dashcam, scratches on your car. It's like your brain has an annoying gremlin constantly screaming "BUT WHAT IF?" It really drains your energy. Something that helped me was learning to live with uncertainty. Maybe I did hit someone, maybe not. I'll never know for sure, and that's... okay? It took a lot of work with my therapist, but it helped. Have you thought about talking to a therapist who gets OCD? They might have tricks to deal with those thoughts. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay? You're dealing with a tough form of OCD, and the fact you're still driving is pretty impressive. You're stronger than you think. Hang in there, you got this!

Well the relevance is that my ocd is always trying to confince me i am bad person. And now i have done something really bad.

Hello everyone, I have a question and I'm struggling with a situation. We have two cats at home, a brother and sister, whom we've had for almost 10 years now. We love these cats dearly. Until yesterday, I've always considered myself a true animal lover, and I've done much to match my actions with my words - for example, I've been vegan for about 7-8 years, and I try to be as considerate as possible regarding animal welfare, health, and everything related to it. We've been living in our current house for 2.5 years. After moving here, we immediately noticed something concerning: there's a very territorial cat in the neighborhood. Over the past 2.5 years, this cat has frequently been around our house, regularly spraying everywhere and, more importantly, terrorizing both our cats. This has happened regularly, and these encounters are always very intense. In my assessment, our cats aren't as strong as this male cat who keeps terrorizing them. Some time ago, this cat even managed to sneak into our house and attacked our cats, resulting in serious injuries - we found blood throughout the house. In short, this cat regularly terrorizes our pets. In the past, when fights broke out, I could usually chase away the other cat by making loud noises. However, last night, we heard terrible screaming coming from our garage roof (which is about 9 ft high). I quickly climbed onto the flat roof through a window and saw the other cat cornering and attacking our cat. At first, I yelled to scare him away, but he didn't move and continued attacking our cat. Then, in a moment of built-up anger from recent events, combined with adrenaline and a protective instinct for our cat, I swung my fist and hit this cat in its side. The impact caused it to fall off the roof, but it landed on its feet, sat there for a moment, and then quickly ran away. My wife saw that cat today, sitting calmly on its owner's couch at home. I'm very upset about this because this behavior is completely unlike me, but at that moment, I felt I had to do something. I know people, including you perhaps, might condemn me for this. In hindsight, I could have handled it differently and didn't need to hit him in the side, but I just didn't know what else to do at that moment. I didn't have any objects with me to push or ward off the cat, so this was my reaction. Since this happened, I've felt like a monster, an animal abuser. My veganism and other efforts for animal welfare now feel like a lie. I hit an animal that is many times weaker than me with considerable force - not because I wanted to, not at all. But still, I feel like I'm truly a bad person now. I've searched online for similar stories of people trying to protect their pets from other animals by using physical force and potentially painful actions to ward off the attacking animal. These people are called monsters and abusers online. They also say: 'You should see it like it's a child - if your child was being hit or attacked by another child, would you, as an adult, attack that other child? No? So why would you do it to a cat or dog?' Are there people who can offer me some perspective on this? Although I know what I did wasn't okay, I notice this is perfect fuel for my OCD, as my OCD often revolves around causing pain or harm to other people and animals. I'd like to hear your thoughts, even if you want to condemn me - I'll have to accept that.

I'm trying to find motivation, inspiration, a reason to start and get better. But everything I think of just gets shot down instantly in my head. Also, I've had so many bad experiences with professionals inside the healthcare system, not just for mental health but also physical health, that it has made me very critical of it, and as a consequence, I feel like OCD therapy is just rubbish. I feel my belief in healthcare has been stripped away, and therefore I don't feel anything can help me anymore. I'm bound to be walking with this forever. Throw in a lot of existential, meta, and nihilistic OCD views, and you have got my current situation. I have been thinking of maybe joining a church and becoming religious, maybe that will give me meaning? I hate that I don't find the meaning anymore from my 2 kids and wife, what is wrong with me? Been battling this disorder for 10 years now, but I feel it has come to the point where it has given me the ultimate insight, one that has shown me that I can never get out of it again because getting out of my current state is just something we as a society seem to think is normal. Who knows what is really normal? What if being anxious and passive and nihilistic is actually what we should be like? Another problem I'm facing is that I feel I've reached a point where I've tried everything and exhausted all knowledge, making it impossible to return to my unknowing self. I also have the idea or feeling that I've reached a state where I can no longer get enough motivation to make something of myself. I don't even know why I'm posting this message or doing anything at all. I think somewhere I hope that it can still go away or that things will get better. Even as I'm writing this right now, those doubtful thoughts are immediately surfacing again. Then I immediately feel feelings but also thoughts, and also just a kind of presence that says it doesn't matter and that everything is meaningless anyway, and that I know the truth of the universe and where the universe is just that nothing matters and that everything is flat, tasteless, and has no added value. All these thoughts keep going through my head.

Thoughts like; maybe i don't want to recover anymore? Or why do we want to get better? Is it a conditioning of the mind to be and feel like billions of other people on this earth? Who says that is the way? What is the way? Do i really love the people close to me? What does that mean? Etcetera etcetera etcetera it takes all the motivation and strength away to recover from this or even moreso believe in recovery and feeling The urge to recover

Thank for your responses. However, I'd like to add that sometimes I also experience the following: I often find myself trying to imagine and feel what it would be like to feel 'normal' again. But when I do this, I'm overwhelmed by fear and a sense of distance. It's as if I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and where I need to be is on the other side. There's no rope or bridge, and the gap is over 100 meters wide. I know I need to make the jump, but it feels impossible and terrifying. Has anyone else felt this overwhelming fear when trying to imagine feeling 'normal' again? How did you manage to bridge that seemingly impossible gap? Any insights or experiences with this specific aspect would be greatly appreciated.

I'm reaching out in hopes of finding others who might relate to my experiences or offer insights. I'm dealing with a complex interplay of OCD, depression, and existential anxiety, and I'm struggling to make sense of it all. Here's what I'm experiencing: I have OCD with various manifestations, along with episodes of depression. I find myself in a cyclical pattern where, after a few weeks, I start to remind myself about my depressive tendencies. This reminder seems to trigger a cycle that actually makes me feel more depressed or at least more aware of depressive symptoms. When this happens, I often experience feelings of nihilism and existential dread. I try to think about my family - my two young boys and my wife - to find motivation or a sense of purpose, but this strategy often backfires, making me feel even more anxious and depressed. I constantly check my feelings, wondering if they're depressive or anxious. At the same time, I fear that my feelings of anxiety and panic might spiral out of control. I think about my emotions and thoughts on a meta-level, which means I'm not just experiencing feelings, but I'm also constantly analyzing the fact that I'm experiencing them. There's an existential component to my struggles, a fear of depression and anxiety itself, and a sense that this might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps most frustratingly, I often have feelings, thoughts, or sensory experiences that I can't explain or put into words. I feel like I've never heard of these before, which leaves me feeling deeply misunderstood. Does anyone else experience something similar? How do you cope with this complex web of symptoms and experiences? I'm particularly interested in hearing from those who've found ways to break the cycle of meta-cognition and self-fulfilling anxiety. Any insights, shared experiences, or strategies would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for your time and understanding.

Hey everyone, Some of you might remember me from a post I made last September about my struggles with teasing behavior towards my son. For those who want to refresh their memory or didn't see it, here's a link to that post: I wanted to give an update and share some new concerns that have been consuming my thoughts lately. First, I want to say that I've been working hard on changing my behavior. I've been much more mindful of how I interact with my kids, and I can honestly say things have improved significantly. The teasing and competitive games have gone down alot, and our relationship feels a lot healthier. However, I recently came across some information that's triggered my OCD in a major way. I read that there's growing scientific evidence linking childhood stress and trauma to physical health problems later in life. This hit me hard because my oldest son, who's now 5 and a half, has been dealing with some serious health issues. For the past few years, he's had a lot of respiratory problems - asthma-like symptoms, frequent illnesses, looking pale, and the worst part is that in the last 9 months alone, he's had pneumonia three times, each requiring antibiotics. Logically, I know there could be other factors contributing to his health issues. Due to complications, my wife couldn't breastfeed him, and I've read that breast milk carries more antibodies and beneficial components that formula just can't replicate. He also spent 10 days in the hospital with RSV when he was just over 3 years old, which certainly didn't help. Plus, until two years ago, we lived in a house with a lot of moisture and probably a fair amount of mold. But despite knowing all this, my OCD fixates solely on my past behavior. I can't shake the feeling that I'm primarily responsible for his health issues. My mind keeps telling me that even if these other factors played a role, my behavior certainly didn't contribute to making him healthier, and therefore it must be my fault. Now my mind is spinning with guilt, convinced that I'm responsible for his health issues. I can't shake the feeling that my past behavior has caused him permanent damage and led to these physical problems. It's gotten to the point where I have trouble looking him in the eye without breaking down in tears. I know logically that there could be many reasons for his health issues, but my OCD latches onto the worst-case scenario and won't let go. I'm consumed with guilt and fear that I've caused my son lifelong suffering. Has anyone else dealt with similar guilt or intrusive thoughts about their children's health? How do you cope with the fear that you might have caused your child harm, even unintentionally? Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening,

Ive posted about this before, About 17 years back when i was 18 or just turned 19 i met a girl who told me she was 16. We drank and went back to her friends house together with a friend of hers and a friend of mine. I ended up in her bed since there had been alot of physical attraction between us 2 and also some alcohol i guess. we had sexual intercourse no actual p into v penetration but i did lend her a hand if you get what i mean. the next day she told me i looked familiar and i discovered she l actually was in the same class as my brother. I asked her age again and she said she said she was 15 instead of what she told me the night before(16). I figured things were weird so I broke of communication with her. She tried several times after that night to make avances on me in the same bar couple of times after the first night. She once actually succeeded and kissed me while i was blackout drunk and woke up to someone (her) kissing me. she seemed way to unhinged and overall very mentally unstable (which i sadly enough did not really notice that first night we met which seems to make sense i guess?) i just kept breaking all communications. Back then we did not have all these mobile apps etc btw. i found out she is actually 3 years and 2,5 months younger then me. in our country sexual activities with minors under the age of 16 is always illegal and considered a form of rape i guess? I've had this topic several times but this time really went into the laws and found out i am a a non convicted sex offender. My worst nightmare has come alive. Help me please what do i do? i have a wife and 2 young sons whom i love so much. But i don't know what to do. I feel like running myself in to the police is the only right thing to do. 2 years ago when i also had this topic i looked het up on Facebook and asked her about it. She felt extremely sorry for me that I'm hurrying about this so much. And she had zero I'll feelings towards me from 17 years back. but power laws day that even if a minor under the age of 16 is consenting it still is illegal since they can not really consent. good to note is this night had happened approx 2 months before she would turn 16 (legal age of consent).

Hello everyone, I've experienced various concerns over the years, but lately, I'm struggling to tell if my worries are due to OCD or just typical concerns. Briefly, my wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for almost 10. Despite challenges, we've stayed together because we knew we wanted to be with each other. Here's a quick rundown of our journey: We met when I was 19 and she was 17. Early on, she was quite jealous, influenced by her upbringing in a family affected by infidelity. Meanwhile, I was immature, maintaining contact with other women but not physically cheating. After serving in Afghanistan, I returned with trauma, which I personally don't fully acknowledge. I used party drugs on weekends, which led to fights due to my dishonesty about it. One night, under the influence, I kissed another woman, leading to intense guilt and self-punishment. This guilt spiraled into depression, during which I sought emotional connections online, which was essentially emotional cheating. Eventually, I confessed to my wife, especially as our wedding approached, which was a tough period for us. Despite confessing, my self-punishment continued, marking the start of my OCD symptoms, though I wasn't diagnosed until years later. Our relationship hit a breaking point when my wife wanted a divorce and I discovered she had been seeing someone else, though we eventually reconciled. We now have two sons and have been managing as a loving family, but I constantly doubt the trust and truth about her past affair. My current struggle involves dealing with these ongoing doubts and fears: Accepting that I may never fully know the details of her past affair. My intrusive thoughts and actions, like checking her social accounts, driven by a desire for truth and family unity. Despite advice to leave, my love for her and our family's happiness during a recent vacation make me question such drastic steps. My main question: Could my persistent doubts and fears be a manifestation of OCD, and how can I cope with them? Despite our past, we've tried to maintain our marriage, which I believe sets a positive example for our children. I'm torn between what I want and what's best for our family, especially considering financial security and the potential impact of divorce on our children. How do I navigate these feelings, and is there a way to overcome this turmoil without resorting to divorce? PS: Currently, our family enjoys a harmonious and loving dynamic that has been strengthened over time. My wife and I share a profound connection, marked by a significant reduction in conflicts and an increase in mutual understanding and respect. This peaceful coexistence has not only benefitted our relationship but has also positively influenced our children. Our two boys, who are the center of our world, thrive in this environment of love and stability. They are a constant reminder of the strength and resilience of our family bond. Together, we navigate life's challenges and celebrate its joys, creating a nurturing and supportive atmosphere for each other. This current dynamic is a testament to our shared commitment to maintaining a loving and united family.

Somewhat difficult i guess. My birthday is on the 2nd day of Christmas. Alot of the time people would not come because they had their own holliday to celebrate. Up until i was 8 i have no memories of these holidays because i lived with an severely alcoholic mother who mentally screwed me up big time (ar the time it seemed normal). After that when child protection services took me away and housed me with my father i do have some recollections of Christmas but not many of them were joyfull thanks to a mentally abusive girlfriend of my father. The better holidays were in my adult years with my wife, but since ocd and mental illness came into my life it has always been a period of stress and anxiety. I dont even know why they just make me feel like i want to enjoy them so bad and therefore the opposite happens.