ChrisB

The concept that people can have false memories surrounding real events doesn't mean that every memory you have is now real. It's your OCD latching onto something semantic, that's all. Recognise what's going on and leave it be.

You can have false memories about something that actually happened, is the point. If you have lunch, but misremember what you ate a week later, you still had lunch.

I think at the heart of this, you'd benefit from trying to tackle your reactions to the anxiety. With the train, for example, it sounds like you're acting the right way by staying with the anxiety, but I'm guessing you're doing a lot of rumination afterwards about how you felt, which is reinforcing the idea that it's worth listening to. If you can attack the cognitive side, it should help. Put it this way- you can be scared and do what you want to do. You've proven that to yourself. You can also work on not fearing the anxiety itself.

From the sounds of things, everything you're doing outwardly and physically is spot on. You've got to watch out for the rumination though. Now you've got the physical compulsions under control, next step is to try and get at the mental ones. Clearly, you're still worrying over what might happen next time, which means that presumably, you're going over things in your head a little too much. And the tracking of what you touch after is also something you're going over in your head to do. All of that stuff reinforces in your brain the idea that there's an issue. Keep doing what you're doing but try and cut down on or delay the cognitive stuff before and after. Easier said than done, I know, but that's when you'll start to see the progress. Teach your brain that there's not an issue and it'll stop making it one.

It doesn't really matter what's normal at this point. You have OCD and want to get better, that's the important thing. Throw normal out the window and do what you've got to do. Maybe the two of you need to make a pact. You'll stop the confessing and she'll support you in doing the ERP, whether that's indirectly or otherwise. And if it's becoming an issue, she can let you know. If you both know where you stand, you can support each other, instead of perhaps feeling like you're inconveniencing the other.

Yeah, that's not uncommon. I've certainly had times where I've done something that challenged my OCD and not gotten the instant feeling of achievement that I'd been expecting. I'd say I got more out of those situations in hindsight, when I could look back and realise what I'd accomplished, instead of having it hit me immediately. Really pleased to hear you've decided to do the work and that you managed to do so well right away.

I'm afraid this is all just ruminating and reassurance seeking at this point. You need to read back through this thread and take the advice on board to get better.

So, here's the thing. You don't stop thoughts. You stop the actions and that stops the thoughts. It's not an overnight process and it's not an easy one. But that's what you do. From reading your post, you have the thought and you end up getting reeled in by it, one way or another. The checking and the ruminating gives it weight, so the more you can cut down on that, the less weight the thought will carry. You've gotten to a point where this thought registers as important. If you can find the strength to say, okay, right now I need to tackle the OCD and get better and maybe the rest will work itself out, that can only benefit you. Put your age and where you feel you 'should' be to one side. You are where you are and that's what really matters right now. Invest in what the CBT taught you and told you, tell yourself that getting better is THE most important thing you can focus on right now, because it is and try to cut out the OCD actions, the ruminating and the checking, as much as you can. If you can get back into therapy and work with someone on a guided ERP plan to help you through it step by step that'd be cool. If not, I'm guessing you know the key points from the CBT and what to avoid. One other thing I'd say is, where you're at right now, the thoughts will keep popping up, certainly at first. Remember that that's okay. Don't let that dissuade you or dispirit you. Stick with it. You don't have to feel like you need to stop them or escape them, all you need to do for now is work out what they make you do to try and stop them and work on stopping those actions.

I know it's a cliché, but short term pain, long term gain. You have this feeling. The thoughts cause you distress. All noted and understood. Getting better involves feeling all of that and changing your behaviour. Next time you speak with your therapist, bring up the part about letting the thoughts pass by and ignoring them and ask them, "how?". They can advise you on things to do to help. But at the end of it, getting better is going to involve feeling what you're feeling and doing healthy actions to ensure a healthy future, not finding a quick fix to stop the feelings for a day. Or less. You don't have to be lead by any of these feelings or thoughts.

If you were addicted to smoking and you had a cigarette every time you felt nervous, somebody saying "you don't need that cigarette" wouldn't cure you of your addiction. Stopping smoking would. Buying one more new phone is going to be like buying one more pack of cigarettes.

Replacing things hasn't helped you. It's why you're here. That's the thing. Think of it like this. Say you got in a lift and as the doors shut, your brain thought "this could get stuck". If you got out of a lift every time you had that thought, you'd be walking up and down a lot of stairs for no good reason. You don't have to LIKE going in lifts. You don't have to feel completely calm in every lift you're in before you can set off. You go from the bottom to the top, the same as everyone else, whether you're anxious or not. And eventually, you'll realise that the worrying isn't worth it. You really need to work on this with someone, cognitively. Your brain is blowing all of these things out of all proportion and now, it's about teaching your brain how and how not to deal with it. Replacing is teaching it things that will only keep you stuck.

You're definitely going about things the right way. I can see why the sleep thing is an issue. So long as your therapist thinks you're doing okay, I'd stick with it, with the obvious caveat of keeping an eye on your general well-being. If the sleep isn't showing signs of improving, then I'd bring that up with them and you can work out where to go from there. But hopefully it'll work itself out as the anxiety begins to lose it's strength.

In which case, you know what to do to break that chain. And, you know you're able to do it as well. So surely it's worth it? Noticing that your OCD is saying that is fine. You don't have to respond to it. Finding something that's a better use of your time than listening to it or conversing with it and doing it is okay.

It doesn't matter if other people would or wouldn't. They don't have OCD, so it wouldn't affect them going forwards either way. Any reason or rumination you come up with for chucking or replacing stuff isn't going to help. If you replace stuff now, what's that going to teach your brain for when the next time it happens is? And the next? Teach it the right way and teach it by not doing what it's saying.

You say if an item isn't cheap you won't replace it, so there's the proof right there, you can not replace something and you'll cope. I don't think your therapist trying different techniques is a bad thing or a sign that it's not going well. So long as you stick with it and trust in what you're being told, trying different things is perfectly fine. You should probably work together on a plan to deal with this specific issue and how to manage not throwing stuff out. Personally, I'd say, put the clothes on. Wear them. Go out in them. Sit on whatever you want to sit on in them. Considering where you're at though, you'd probably be best advised speaking to your therapist on how to do that in a more gradual and manageable way.