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  1. This is absolutely amazing well done you x
  2. Hi cub I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I see so so so many compulsions in your posts and the things you report. And you think that if you just did enough compulsions you would get some answers. This isn't how ocd works. You will never know if god wants you to do things. Maybe he is sending you signs which you are ignoring or misinterpreting. Maybe you are getting it all wrong. Maybe maybe maybe. The reason you feel so bad is purely because of your compulsions. The more you do then the worse you feel. And you are doing a lot of compulsions . You must embrace the fact that yes maybe you are a bad Christian. And then carry on anyway. Do things which make you uncomfortable and full of doubt. Then do them again and again and again. It's the only way. What you are doing right now will never ever ever work.
  3. this would be a massive compulsion petal you need to leave this alone x
  4. I also can't add to the great advice here but just wanted to say I'm so so sorry, this must be absolutely dreadful for you, I can't imagine how much pain you must be in. BUT, as others have said, this is absolutely in no way your fault. Your partner will have had painful issues to deal with but they were his issues and you are not obliged to stay in a situation which doesn't make you happy anymore. Sending hugs xx
  5. Happy happy birthday cub!!!! 🎉🎂🎁🎊🍰🍾 The thirties are the best ☺️☺️ although you may find your knees mysteriously start hurting for no good reason I know you're having a hard time right now but it won't always be like this. Just got to hang in there and spot ocd when it's up to its dirty tricks. Xx
  6. So so sorry about your dad bt. Best wishes xxx As for the thoughts - same old same old ocd. Don't engage.
  7. Hi saz Nice to hear from you sounds like you've been doing incredibly well and you should be really proud of yourself. These thoughts will pop up from time to time. Shrug your shoulders and carry on. You don't need to give them your attention. Xx
  8. Hi Gerard i'm sorry you're having such an awful time. When OCD strikes like this it really is the pits. Although I haven't experienced this exact same thing, I have had similar with my ex partner, whose demeanour I monitored closely and felt it determined whether I could relax or not. As I'm sure you know it isn't a healthy way to be, for you or your wife. Have you had CBT in the past for this? If so could you revisit what you've learned, and if not could you look into it? It sounds like the main way you are fighting your OCD is to try and not engage with rumination. This is a very important part of the picture but it isn't the whole picture. So say you turn round and you tell your wife you don't love her, and your marriage ends as a result. What is it that scares you about this? Obviously it would scare anyone, but what is it specifically that scares you? I think getting a handle on this is a big part of getting down to your core fear around this. So as an example, with my ex-partner my main fear was that if she was annoyed with me it meant I was a bad person - this was my big fear, that I was bad, immoral, evil even, and she was my gauge of that. So once I established that, I could do little exposures which targeted my fear of being bad - eg. tell a little fib at work, or a myriad of other things which I ranged in order of how much anxiety they caused me. Once I realised that the fear was being bad, I could find lots of different ways to target that using exposure. Your fear might be different - but it's worth thinking about imo. There's also the cognitive side. There are so many aspects you could look at with this, and it's worth getting a CBT book. But as an example - there are a number of potential cognitive distortions going on here. One of which that jumps out is black-and-white thinking. Your marriage is either perfect or it means you don't love each other. No in between. This is very extreme, unrealistic thinking. I'm sure you know that logically, but don't feel it deep down. Also - it seems like there is a fear of losing control, i.e. you will do something you don't want to do (tell your wife you don't love her.) This sounds not dissimilar to people who fear they will freak out and stab someone or whatever. Everyone has thoughts like this (whether they have OCD or not) but people with OCD treat them as serious. Could you do an exposure round this i.e. say something to your wife that is a little hurtful, or a little unfair or a little untrue or whatever, just enough to nudge your anxiety in this direction but without going all the way to the nuclear option. also - are there other compulsions you're doing aside from ruminating? Do you ask your wife for reassurance (either overtly or subtly)? Do you ever google anything eg "what makes a good marriage" or whatever? Do you say nice things to her with the express purpose of keeping her in a positive mood so you can relax? OCD can be so sneaky and so many compulsions can needle their way in. They're just a few of my thoughts - hope some of them help or at least make some sense! be kind to yourself - this is a tough time for anyone let alone with OCD thrown in the mix. GBG x
  9. Hi redvelvet I can identify a little with this. I have some compulsive habits which I struggle not to do and if I don't do them it's like the sensation becomes unbearable. I am not afraid of some outcome - except I suppose that the sensation of not doing the habit will be intolerable. I think it is not a million miles away from tourettes - and I think all these things are related anyway. The squishing the mouse Button thing I can totally understand. I don't have an answer as such. I think when the urge strikes to do this thing with your ear - just try and sit and observe the sensation for a few minutes. Your brain will urge you to act on that sensation but it doesn't mean you have to, although I know it reeeeally feels like you do. Just allow the sensation to be there. Maybe write it down when it strikes, keep a diary over time. Observe it with curiosity and go and do something else - it may feel like you have to force yourself kicking and screaming. But it's about breaking that association between the sensation and acting on it. You have reinforced the belief "if I have this feeling then it means I have to act on it". But you can gently dismantle that belief if you repeatedly act in another way. Not easy by any means. Polar bear touches on habit reversal and I think that is part of what I'm trying to say. When the sensation strikes, learn to respond in a different way over time. Have a go-to response. Eg when you get the urge to do that thing with your ears, maybe see that as a cue to do something completely different (make a cup of tea, sing the national anthem, whatever ) - and do that thing instead every time the urge strikes. It will be HARD. But the theory is eventually you reverse that habitual reaction. Also - be kind to yourself. Don't berate yourself for this. You didn't ask for this. It is so so so haaaard to overcome this sort of thing. Good luck. Gbg x
  10. excellent post Ashley. It is quite unbelievable what is happening at the moment in the states although I know racism is by no means unique to the US.
  11. oh man what i would give to eat one of these right now!!
  12. Am voluntarily listening to Westlife.  Send help. 

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. gingerbreadgirl


      Must be suffering from some kind of brain injury! Or maybe a symptom of coronavirus?  

    3. Gemma7


      I've got 'world of our own' stuck in my head now :headslap:

    4. gingerbreadgirl
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