gingerbreadgirl

Hi Carlleo sorry you're still struggling. have you ever read Pulling the Trigger by Adam Shaw? He talks in detail about his harm OCD in there, and how he overcame it in conjunction with his therapist (who co-writes the book.) if you haven't read it I think you might find it really helpful!

This is a massive achievement and you should be really proud of yourself! I'll look forward to hearing about others' successes

I think it's think more than possible to recover from ocd with cbt alone. Meds help some people get a handle on anxiety and cbt but it's cbt that really does the heavy lifting. It sounds like you would prefer not to take meds (i may be wrong?) - but if that's the case there's absolutely nothing that says you have to take meds.

this is a fantastic set of goals thanks for sharing!

Maybe you are - a risk you have to take

Yep maybe you'll hurt your brother by using your cellphone. Or maybe you have an infectious disease you're unaware of that might hurt him, or maybe he'll get in your car one day and you'll make a driving error and crash the car and paralyse him, or maybe you accidentally put antifreeze in his drink instead of vodka and he'll die, or maybe you'll make him a meal with some carcinogenic ingredient in it, etc etc etc. My point is life is full of risk. The biggest risk you face right now is letting ocd destroy your life.

This is absolutely nothing to do with science and everything to do with ocd The only way through this is to stop researching and leave it be. There are a thousand risks every single day that you think nothing of. This feels very important to you because your ocd has focused on it.

Hi Ollie I don't have much useful to say except I know what you mean, I also find it incredibly difficult to relax, especially recently, and resort to sleeping tablets to knock myself out at night. My thinking is that "trying" to relax (eg meditation, yoga etc) can be counterproductive (don't know if that's controversial). But getting wrapped up in thinking about something else - e.g. playing a difficult game, or doing a jigsaw, or something which involves active concentration - can be more relaxing as it takes you out of your worries but without that being the ultimate goal. I'll be interested to see what others say about this x

This is absolutely amazing well done you x

Hi cub I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I see so so so many compulsions in your posts and the things you report. And you think that if you just did enough compulsions you would get some answers. This isn't how ocd works. You will never know if god wants you to do things. Maybe he is sending you signs which you are ignoring or misinterpreting. Maybe you are getting it all wrong. Maybe maybe maybe. The reason you feel so bad is purely because of your compulsions. The more you do then the worse you feel. And you are doing a lot of compulsions . You must embrace the fact that yes maybe you are a bad Christian. And then carry on anyway. Do things which make you uncomfortable and full of doubt. Then do them again and again and again. It's the only way. What you are doing right now will never ever ever work.

I also can't add to the great advice here but just wanted to say I'm so so sorry, this must be absolutely dreadful for you, I can't imagine how much pain you must be in. BUT, as others have said, this is absolutely in no way your fault. Your partner will have had painful issues to deal with but they were his issues and you are not obliged to stay in a situation which doesn't make you happy anymore. Sending hugs xx

Happy happy birthday cub!!!! 🎉🎂🎁🎊🍰🍾 The thirties are the best ☺️☺️ although you may find your knees mysteriously start hurting for no good reason I know you're having a hard time right now but it won't always be like this. Just got to hang in there and spot ocd when it's up to its dirty tricks. Xx

So so sorry about your dad bt. Best wishes xxx As for the thoughts - same old same old ocd. Don't engage.

Hi saz Nice to hear from you sounds like you've been doing incredibly well and you should be really proud of yourself. These thoughts will pop up from time to time. Shrug your shoulders and carry on. You don't need to give them your attention. Xx

Hi Gerard i'm sorry you're having such an awful time. When OCD strikes like this it really is the pits. Although I haven't experienced this exact same thing, I have had similar with my ex partner, whose demeanour I monitored closely and felt it determined whether I could relax or not. As I'm sure you know it isn't a healthy way to be, for you or your wife. Have you had CBT in the past for this? If so could you revisit what you've learned, and if not could you look into it? It sounds like the main way you are fighting your OCD is to try and not engage with rumination. This is a very important part of the picture but it isn't the whole picture. So say you turn round and you tell your wife you don't love her, and your marriage ends as a result. What is it that scares you about this? Obviously it would scare anyone, but what is it specifically that scares you? I think getting a handle on this is a big part of getting down to your core fear around this. So as an example, with my ex-partner my main fear was that if she was annoyed with me it meant I was a bad person - this was my big fear, that I was bad, immoral, evil even, and she was my gauge of that. So once I established that, I could do little exposures which targeted my fear of being bad - eg. tell a little fib at work, or a myriad of other things which I ranged in order of how much anxiety they caused me. Once I realised that the fear was being bad, I could find lots of different ways to target that using exposure. Your fear might be different - but it's worth thinking about imo. There's also the cognitive side. There are so many aspects you could look at with this, and it's worth getting a CBT book. But as an example - there are a number of potential cognitive distortions going on here. One of which that jumps out is black-and-white thinking. Your marriage is either perfect or it means you don't love each other. No in between. This is very extreme, unrealistic thinking. I'm sure you know that logically, but don't feel it deep down. Also - it seems like there is a fear of losing control, i.e. you will do something you don't want to do (tell your wife you don't love her.) This sounds not dissimilar to people who fear they will freak out and stab someone or whatever. Everyone has thoughts like this (whether they have OCD or not) but people with OCD treat them as serious. Could you do an exposure round this i.e. say something to your wife that is a little hurtful, or a little unfair or a little untrue or whatever, just enough to nudge your anxiety in this direction but without going all the way to the nuclear option. also - are there other compulsions you're doing aside from ruminating? Do you ask your wife for reassurance (either overtly or subtly)? Do you ever google anything eg "what makes a good marriage" or whatever? Do you say nice things to her with the express purpose of keeping her in a positive mood so you can relax? OCD can be so sneaky and so many compulsions can needle their way in. They're just a few of my thoughts - hope some of them help or at least make some sense! be kind to yourself - this is a tough time for anyone let alone with OCD thrown in the mix. GBG x