Pranjali

Hi snowbear, Thanks for your response. Yes I'm trying to make peace but am unable to figure out how long do I have to battle this out. I know it is a constant process but some thoughts stay for too long and are too real.

Any comments?

Hello everyone..as some of you here know I have OCD. Like many, my themes keep changing and one of them is that of pedophilia. Sometime back I saw a photo of friend, hugging her child and as you may infer this was a trigger for the chain of unsettling thoughts. Thoughts which made me feel yet again that I had misbehaved with my nieces in the past. The state that I am in I am so scared to touch a child. I feel if I do touch a child, my next subsequent thoughts are of pedophilia which makes me feel sick in the stomach and leaves me unsettled. Oh that phase is horrible! My question is - if someone with this disorder and this theme wishes to bear/raise a child, how does one do it? I mean it feels impossible because this disorder is a major obstacle. At this moment, it is stopping me and I am not sure if there will be a good time. Thanks for your suggestion in advance. Stay safe.

And this?

What would you advise to a person who really did?

I feel like I did

If I say yes, you will ask for evidence like last time and I have none.

But this time it is different right? Isn't watching child porn illegal and wrong?

I wait for replies from @dksea @PolarBear @gingerbreadgirl and others. Should I tell the police?

I don't know..I am thoroughly shattered.

I tried looking for incognito activity history tracker but the process is too complicated. I don't deserve to live.

Should I go to the police and tell them to get me arrested?

I think I looked up for child porn websites. I feel like a pedophile. This cannot be OCD. This is wrong. This can only be pedophilia.

Folks, how do you find if thoughts are actually real, true and not just thoughts OR are they only thoughts which seem real? Any experiences/insights/tips on if there is a way out to distinguish the two? Thanks for your time.

Thank you everyone for your support and responses. I have similar feelings today too after having driven..but today I did not go back and check. And now I am ruminating! ? Which seems difficult to get past. I watched PB's video as well. But guess practice is the key to let go..