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gingerbreadgirl

OCD-UK Member
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Everything posted by gingerbreadgirl

  1. This is how everyone with ocd feels and it's bloody horrible. The thing is though you can help it even if you think you can't. You can be willing to feel these uncomfortable feelings and decide to just invite them in.
  2. So you did a compulsion and now you feel bad - kind of simple really. No point not confessing to your wife or here if you just go and do it somewhere else. If someone with contamination ocd washed their hands in the kitchen instead of the bathroom do you think that would help with their ocd
  3. Ah nice that you grew up in such a musical household - that must've given you a bit of street cred at school! 😁
  4. How long have you played guitar nll? Have you ever played in a band?
  5. Love these ideas. I find lego is great for this (although expensive!) especially if I listen to something at the same time like a podcast
  6. I really hope nobody engages with this nll as I think this thread has on balance made things much worse for you need to get on top of how you're using the forum x
  7. Nll you know this is reassurance seeking, and a compulsion that's keeping you stuck x
  8. Is your wife aware that you're suicidal? I do not understand why she cannot park her feelings about it for the time being. If the person I loved was in this much distress I would say or do anything to ease it and sort anything else later. I just do not understand the motivation here at all. That aside, The best thing you can do is stop talking about it altogether including hinting at it or saying things indirectly about it - this will be good exposure for you as well
  9. Nll please please please don't do anything rash. I promise you this is just ocd and it's absolutely warped your brain. Please talk to the crisis team. Maybe think about medication. You won't always feel like this. If you can't think about you then think about your wife - think about how much incredible pain that would cause her.
  10. Disagree with this fully. She can ask you not to tell her but that's it. She can't control what you think about she has no right. You can think whatever you want to think about all day long and it's none if her business. What if she believed that you shouldn't eat a meal without her? Would that be right? Would she be allowed to demand that no matter how hungry you are you have to eat with her? No she wouldn't. I think your wife has a lot to answer for here - sorry if this sounds harsh but I was put in a similar position by my ex. She could calm things down a lot. It is honestly quite ruthless to let this carry on like this. I know she is not responsible for your ocd and that reassurance is not good - but she could offer you a lifeline here, a way back to shore.
  11. I agree that medication might be something to think about. Honestly I know reassurance doesn't help but your wife could so easily calm this down somewhat just by saying "I don't care what you've thought about it doesn't matter" makes me quite cross that she doesn't say it when I'm quite sure she knows what you're torturing yourself over and that you're in hospital over this. I could never allow someone I love to suffer like that no matter what my beliefs are.
  12. Nll, the number of times you have said "but the problem with me is..." - you enjoyed the thoughts - they were fantasies not just attraction - you deliberately had the thoughts - they were about XYZ subject Etc etc etc. None of these are the problem. Can you accept that?
  13. Nll it sounds like you are already repeatedly confessing, maybe not the details but you are saying things to your wife knowing/hoping she will surmise what you're talking about and reassure you, but she doesn't so on it goes. You're doing so many compulsions and as you can see it is getting worse and worse and worse. As someone who has been down the confessing path it NEVER brings the relief you want - temporarily maybe but there's ALWAYS another thing and it grows and grows into a monster. You 100% do NOT have to feel this way you can be happy and enjoy your life and put this behind you but that will NEVER EVER EVER happen through confessing or any other compulsion. Please please take a step back from this x
  14. So... I don't know if this is helpful to say, but as someone who doesn't have this type of ocd, I wouldn't find this a big deal at all in any way. Having lived in the city centre I have regularly encountered vomit outside where I live. Sometimes it just happens there and then, the body does what it does and it's not very nice to have to get out of the car to vomit. I would probably feel sorry for the person more than anything. Would maybe find it a bit icky but certainly wouldn't give it much thought beyond that. Just wanted to give an alternative perspective
  15. Thinking of you @Nolightleft, hope you are OK x
  16. NLL, am I right in thinking that you have periods of time when OCD doesn't bother you too much? If so, what sort of thing generally happens when you start to feel better? Is it something that distracts you or whatever?
  17. I get huge spikes in anxiety following hard exercise and always have done. To me it is worth it - I know to expect it and I know to go easy on myself following a particularly intense workout. This makes sense to me as there is a release of adrenaline, the body is placed under stress. I find the opposite after more gentle exercise, if I go for an easy run I feel calmer afterwards. I suppose it's about finding that sweet spot and what works for us as individuals, and also finding that trade off.
  18. ?? And keep coming back to this, no matter how strong the anxiety, no matter how alarming and urgent it feels, keep letting go over and over
  19. Can you try and challenge this black and white thinking you've got going on? This idea that you are wrong/awful/the worst person ever - and your wife is right/the victim/completely good, etc. in reality there is a huge spectrum in life. On one end you have, say Fred West and Hitler, and on the other end like Nelson Mandella or whoever. And in between you have all 8 billion people on earth. Where do you think that puts you? Do you think you are up with Fred West? or rather somewhere near the middle like the rest of us? A man who has enjoyable sexual thoughts, that's it. You've not murdered anyone, not cheated on your wife. you've literally had some enjoyable thoughts which felt good in the moment and affected absolutely nobody - just like most of the other 8 billion people on earth do frequently. Do you think that such a middle-of-the-road man deserves to live in continual torment which feels worse than death? Or is he basically good, basically on the middle of the spectrum, basically like most of the rest of us? I know what I think. Also, you are not the cause of your wife's insecurity. OK yes the confessing may have triggered these feelings. But there are lots of other people one earth who wouldn't have reacted like this. in another relationship, the same confession could have caused many different reactions. Some people might say "don't be silly everyone fantasises, i fantasise about XYZ", or they might say "i get that you fantasise but I'd rather not know the details" or they might laugh and find it funny, they might feel relief they aren't the only one to have taboo fantasies, they might even want to discuss and take it further in the bedroom. My point is - there are many possible reactions to your confession, your wife's is not the only one and nor is it the right one. Just a few thoughts about your black and white thinking, ways to chip away at your habitual thought patters. I know it will feel wrong - but feelings are not always accurate. You can try to take a step back, breathe, and look at it a different way.
  20. I agree with this. I think you should walk away from the conversation and calmly refuse to engage. I agree with caramoole I believe this behaviour is abusive and also quite ruthless given she knows you are suffering, and also that you are so in thrall to her point of view that the idea of lying to her is making you suicidal. I don't believe you should have to put up with this and your wife ought to know that she risks losing you if she continues to push this line of questioning.
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