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About OB1

  • Birthday 15/04/1974

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    Running, cycling, walking, photography, films, sailing, reading..

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  1. Hi Ollie I can also relate to this, I'm having a wobble right now and it's similar in that I feel ok one moment and the next it's all terrible. It's like being on a rollercoaster and it's hard to focus but as gbg says we have to let those thoughts be, I'm still practicing a "maybe yes and maybe no" answer to my current fears and then trying to refocus on what I'm doing and carry on as normal, it's so flipping hard but we can do it.
  2. Since Friday things have been really up and down, I've been to work on Saturday and am really trying to face this down. I just would really like to sleep as it's been really difficult. I was given some sleeping pills and Propranonol which are 10mg to be taken 3 times a day but it's not touching the knottiness in my stomach. I'm going to try to get some of those Altoid mints later hopefully that will settle my stomach a little bit. I got out yesterday and spent a good afternoon with a friend which made me feel better and did some DIY when I got home, I'm really trying to carry on with life normally but there's a strong urge to run away (I know this is OCD telling me there's danger when it's not there). I didn't go to work today as I barely slept again but I'm going to go back Wednesday, tomorrow I have an EMDR session so have the day off. My intrusive thoughts are still all over the place, really battering me, switching to new but related themes about being assaulted, I'm doing my best to let them go and focus on what I'm doing. Not really sure what else to say but I just wanted to reach out.
  3. Thanks, i’m trying the breathing techniques, i’ll try the peppermint idea too, my stomach had been pretty uncomfortable tbh so worth trying.
  4. Hi Everyone I just had the most horrendous panic attack on my way back from work. I've not really had one quite that bad before so it was pretty awful as many people on here will know. My thoughts were also racing all over the place, every intrusive thought popping in, I was trying to let them go or just agree with them. I'm at home now with my feet up on the sofa watching some easy tv. I feel a lot calmer thankfully. Does anyone have any other tips?
  5. Really great post @taurean thanks for taking the time and effort to share. I really like your analogy @dksea
  6. Hi Polar Bear & Frankie I have the same problem right now and really get how you feel @frankie and I really appreciate this @PolarBear. I'm doing quit a bit of habituation via an audio script at the moment but just on one theme. In your example above did you write down all the compulsions for each item on the list too? Thanks
  7. Hi everyone I thought I'd update on how things are getting on. So I've been listening to my script about someone breaking in and being murdered in bed now for almost a month and my anxiety has definitely come down quite a bit, I'm actually nodding off when I listen to it!! That's got to be progress! Sleep wise I've still been up and down, some nights better than others. Last night was very bad as I was triggered by the guy down the road shouting at 1130 at night. My anxiety went through the roof and didn't budge. Today I've phoned in sick because I just want to give myself a break (trying not to beat myself up about this). I'm having lot's of thoughts about someone discovering my scripts which are pretty graphic and anyone reading them may judge me badly and that also leads back to my fear of being murdered in bed (typical OCD ). I'm resisting urges to check around that, for example I write a lot of stuff down on paper and then bin it after ripping it up, I then get very anxious about putting it out in the bin in case someone goes through my rubbish. I have mental checking compulsions around that with images of my rubbish being blown about and someone picking it up or the horrible neighbour searching through my rubbish bag. The good news is I am managing to keep going with normal tasks like painting my house, going out for walks with friends and working but there's a constant nagging feeling of SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN. This is the bit that sucks me back in! As for my mental wellbeing I've been more emotional than normal and am finding it difficult to feel positive and there's a lot going on in my head which is all over the place sometimes, more than I'd prefer so I've decided to see my doctor and talk about going back on the meds for a bit because I'm also concerned about depression creeping in. I'm starting EMDR in a few weeks time too which is going to be a challenge (my therapist thinks this could really help me with my fears of being attacked), I really hope so. Thinking about going back on the meds is tempting me to beat myself up and part of my worries is that it's a compulsion of sorts. I keep having mental arguments about taking meds again telling myself I'll be ok and sometimes I really feel like I don't need to but when I have bad nights like last night it makes me think I need to have that support on that side of things arrggh!! I hope everyone had a good weekend and as ever thanks for reading.
  8. Hi BelAnna I find it very hard to refocus and accept the thoughts (I'm still learning) but am wary of using it as a compulsion as the other posts have also indicated. I guess we're just trying to shift our thinking behaviour into a different direction but there's a sometimes overwhelming urge not to let go because our OCD brain tells us it's dangerous/risky... Things that I 'get lost' in tend to be physical like off road running or mountain biking where my mind and body are fully engaged in the moment as they say or editing a film or taking photos. On a similar topic one of my favourite books is called Finding your Element by a guy called Ken Robinson, he talks about why it's important to find the things that you feel engaged by (also known as being in the zone). I think it's very relevant to OCD/mental health as whenever I'm in my element (the zone) there's no space for OCD. I found it very helpful in general mental health/life development.
  9. It all makes perfect sense to me. Its OCD. I don't have kids but my fears revolved around hurting anyone in my sleep and that included other peoples kids if I stayed over at a friends or relatives or even went flippin camping! Its OCD and it plays on our worst fears. As DKSEA says OCD is lying to you, that's what it does Watch out for compulsions on this. I used to do the following: Think it through (24/7). Try to remember something (visual mental checking). Look for signs I've done something horrible to the person. Avoid staying with people. If I did stay with people I put things in the way of my door and then checked for signs in the morning if anything had moved. My god it's absolutely tormenting! You will never get the answer you are looking for, all you will get is more uncertainty guaranteed. This all happened to me before a diagnosis of OCD and if I'd known what I know now I would practice at dropping all of those behaviours and carry on normally. It's really really hard but you can do it and you will have a life
  10. Hi Helen Sorry you're going through it, me too right now but there is definitely hope. Although I'm having a difficult time now, there have been many good times where OCD has taken a back seat and I've been able to do some pretty amazing things that most people without OCD haven't even done. We have to work at getting on top of it and one day getting over it. CBT & ERP is defo the way forward, I'll add self knowledge and I'm beginning to remember the value of the support on this forum from fellow sufferers. I admit I'm still learning but I'm determined to get there and I will, so will you Take care
  11. I think it's working a treat Ashley. The stuff I'm seeing on Twitter is really amazing. I plan to share some information on FB later this week too and have already broken down some barriers with a friend about my OCD. If I can get 1 person to understand a bit more than the usual themes about OCD then it's worth while. Good work
  12. Sorry to hear this is so bad, I had a similar topic many years ago and did many compulsions. Let it go, do what the others are saying, the rest is noise. Don't give up, you CAN do it .
  13. OB1

    Working and OCD

    I work a full time job, it's a profession which is quite demanding sometimes and there's a fair amount of uncertainty which OCD loves!! I'm very grateful I have a good job and am able to work, I know what it's like when OCD takes that away from you, it's happened to me a few times. I'm taking a more active approach to getting rid of my OCD at the moment which means I'm anxious a lot and my sleep is suffering but the challenge of doing this whilst meeting deadlines, dealing with clients and doing a job that is good enough (but not perfect) is really tough. The line between living a functional working life whilst tackling OCD or not sometimes feels very fine. I try to be self compassionate when I don't meet my often high expectations and I guess that is an opportunity to learn and grow in itself. I think the 9-5 working culture for everyone needs to change for one, it's Victorian, but that's something for later. Back to work!!
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