malina

It's okay, I think that when people are in a lot of pain they don't necessarily think about everything they are saying and that is fair. No harm done

Have you brought up these concerns with the therapist?

Hi Jess, thanks a lot for sharing your story, it's always wonderful and encouraging to see someone who is getting better. I hope that you continue to make progress! :)

I guess doing exposures is the way to go, but maybe getting started on this with your therapist is a good idea. You can discuss this with them and come up with a plan for the types of exposures you should do. For the time being, I think keeping busy is a good idea but don't drive yourself crazy trying to fill every moment. Sitting with the thoughts is a good idea, just let them be and try not to respond or engage. I know it's hard but you can do it!

To be fair, I think they have to do some sort of safeguarding assessment when it comes to harm themes. I do think it is responsible to do this but it should be done in a sensitive way that doesn't make you feel like they think you're a danger to yourself or others!

I get you and I don't think it's offensive necessarily but I just see this attitude in some people that OCD is like an easy way out, that it's so much easier than whatever they imagine their problem to be or that it's not "bad enough" so it can't be true. I guess what I was trying to say is that it's not really an easy way out and that getting it "fixed" isn't an easy thing.

I'm sorry that the week has been so terrible. Maybe getting some help isn't a bad thing, I know it's an uncomfortable feeling that others notice when something is wrong but at the end of the day, it's okay to let your guard down sometimes. You're really struggling and you don't seem to have any support but you need it, we all do. I think the numb feeling you're describing in emotional/mental exhaustion. You've been dealing with so much that you just don't have the energy left to ruminate or worry. This feeling is awful but it won't last forever.

Hey Koala, you're absolutely right that this is one of the reasons that it's hard to stop the repetitive thoughts. I do the same thing and it's hard not to when you get a distressing thought or you somehow feel that something isn't right, your natural reaction is to try and understand it. The problem is that the thoughts aren't really logical and you could spend forever trying to figure them out and it'll just make you think more and more. It's important to let go, you don't have to understand everything that happens to you.

That sounds like a good plan! There is so much more to life and to us as people than just this disorder.

Hey Madchoc, I know how terrible this feels! You absolutely can feel normal again, but it takes a lot of baby steps to get there. You need to start taking some steps to challenging your OCD. You did so well the other week by not washing your shower after your husband got the plants taken out. You need to do more of this xx

Agreed, that is a very good point.

Roy, I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling. Just know that you have given all of us such incredible advice. Your help, insight and kind words have meant so much to me and I'm sure to many other people. I have no doubt that you will get back on track very soon! Good luck with the GP!!

I'm really sorry that you experienced this @BM94. I personally had a horrible experience when I first sought help for my OCD, I have the same issue as you (mine is about self harm), I didn't know I had OCD and went to see a university counsellor who completely panicked and thought I was going to hurt myself. It was the worst thing he could have done and it's not until I got to see a psychiatrist that I actually got a diagnosis and then saw a specialist that helped me. So, I am very careful about what information I reveal to people, especially GPs because I don't think many of them understand. I usually give minimal information until I am referred to a specialist and then I know I can tell them anything without them freaking out about it.

You've apologised and I don't want to come across as being harsh here, I feel bad for you and don't want to sound like I'm telling you off but I just couldn't not respond to this. You are not just "simplifying" it, you're completely minimising a disorder that is debilitating to many people. I've seen this many times before in my own life, where people think that you have an anxiety disorder, so it's not that bad, you're just nervous and you can get over it. You say you're addicted to this forum but I feel like you don't really read anyone else's posts because if you did, you'd surely realise how much pain and sheer agony people are in. It's not a problem that can be fixed just like that, we are dealing with a chronic condition that will last our entire lives, people can indeed learn to manage it and be symptom free but many people suffer for years. Moreover, the therapy is very difficult, people who take medication have different responses and some people remain stuck for long periods of their lives, unable to cope. In short, living with OCD is sheer hell and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I understand what you are saying, that OCD would give you an explanation for your experiences and that it would mean this wasn't your real nature, so that would be preferable. That is fair enough. But you have to also realise that many people with OCD have these same sexual experiences that you do, they understand that it's OCD and still have to fight tooth and nail to get better. The reason I'm saying this to you is that you don't accept the possibility of it being OCD, because you think that is the easy way out. What I'm trying to say is that it really isn't. From your list of bullet points it looks as if nothing has actually happened. These are the same things that you have been describing for months and are all your own thoughts and feelings, but in the external world nothing has actually happened or changed. I completely understand that it seems to you like some groundbreaking revelation has happened but to the rest of us it just comes across as more of the same confusion. Moreover, the thoughts and feelings you describe are things we have read from other people on this forum or even felt ourselves, so to us it still seems like OCD. I know you don't have OCD, you have said it a million times and I'm going to stop arguing with you, but frankly I still can't see anything different between what you describe about yourself and someone who has OCD. So you say you don't know what to do next. I think that you need to dissociate these sexual feelings you get from your sense of self. You keep describing this as your "true nature" and saying that you are not the person you thought you were. In reality, there is much more to you than these unwanted sensations that you are experiencing. Why should you punish yourself or not be the person you wanted to be because you have feelings and thoughts that you never even asked for. You need to stop responding to every emotion or feeling that you experience. Just accept that you get unwanted feelings and live your life regardless. Again, I say all of the above with a great deal of sympathy. I know you're in a lot of pain and none of this is easy for you.

Good for you for resisting Googling!! I think you’re doing great and having a spike in anxiety is sadly completely normal. It’s tough, for me having a break from anxiety seems to make it all seem entirely new when it returns. But this feeling lessens over time, you have longer stretches where you feel okay and the spikes become less bad. Hang in there and keep going! You’ve got this!