Zelda

@Itsoknottobeok so glad to hear this. And getting to this point still makes a difference even on the days when you slip up. Don’t get me wrong, I have many of those!! But I also have this bank of wonderful things that have come from on most days, not allowing OCD to organise my life and make my decisions. Small things and big. for me i don’t think there is a version in which I am 100% better without having to work at it either - or at least not any day soon. But where I am at the moment is such a world away from where I was that I am ok with that. wishing you so well!!!

For me a big part felt like a decision to take the risk and follow the treatment plan of CBT. It came on kind of suddenly- like wait, am I really going to live my life, controlled by the possibility of doing myself harm until my life gets smaller and smaller just to avoid it? And Isn’t that actually the real danger? That all the compulsions and planning and avoidance will guarantee me a miserable life? Hadn’t the worst case, practically speaking, actually happened? Or take the risk that maybe i am not all that unique, that every fear or thought is kinda the same as everyone else’s, maybe other people have got a better grasp on the way through this than I did in that moment, and I even if not, maybe I deserved to try live a better life than the one I was living. While I work at it every day, it remains a risk worth taking. so I guess between sessions for me it was trust that I had made a decision which deserved as much of my energy and commitment as the compulsions!

@Wilf244 I understand your feelings. I had 12 NHS sessions (as above was suggested a few more would be good) and I remember feeling very worried I would be rushed out. Yet in practice, the final few sessions were really helpful to put some tools in place that made me feel ready to try work through things each day on my own. I would suggest highlighting your concerns around this and discussing how the therapy will come to an end in one of your sessions now. I’ve also considered going back at different points and heard from others here that you often don’t go to the back of the list so to speak.

Hi @GreenPumpkin. Just to say I think separate to the supplements you already have some good tools here in terms of self understanding and compassion and insight into the magical thinking. You know it’s just a plant really, but you also know this is a rougher patch due to all the changes (hormonal but also just emotional with exciting things on the horizon). You know you’ve had better patches, and will again. My therapist told me a key thing is how we bounce back from the bad days. I work on ‘ok, ok ideally I would have avoided losing two days to this compulsion. But i don’t have to lose tomorrow ruminating on it now!’. Life changes and uncertainty generally spark rough periods for me too. I sometimes think it’s that I don’t know what to do with nervous energy? In any case- it’s ok you had a wobble, and you sound like you know how to come back from it!

I find it helpful to think through what I might get back as well. In deciding to take the leap I gain the potential for time, for enjoyment, for space to let my mind wander. As @malina has said, it’s never straightforward. But you mention your frustration now - consider also the potential joy in days not spent doing the same old compulsions or telling yourself how terrible you are. Yes you will feel uncertain, but pretty soon you start to get the feedback and benefits that make pushing against that uncertainty worthwhile!

I agree that it may not be helpful for engaging with each intrusive thought, however when I had a low sense of acceptance that my thinking was OCD related this was a helpful exercise. In this sense, it was a way into exposure and other tools as it helped me to question the underlying premise of my behaviours at the time - that I was a dangerous person, that I would ruin everything if i didn’t respond to the thoughts. Theory b here being I am a careful person etc… much more evidence for this. Broadly speaking I come back to this message all the time when struggling. However, I agree it can be unhelpful for dealing with the thoughts themselves - for example when it comes to calculating the risk of a fire or spreading illness I am rubbish, and A/B only starts me ruminating more!

I agree that it may not be helpful for engaging with each intrusive thought, however when I had a low sense of acceptance that my thinking was OCD related this was a helpful exercise. In this sense, it was a way into exposure and other tools as it helped me to question the underlying premise of my behaviours at the time - that I was a dangerous person, that I would ruin everything if i didn’t respond to the thoughts. Theory b here being I am a careful person etc… much more evidence for this. Broadly speaking I come back to this message all the time when struggling. However, I agree it can be unhelpful for dealing with the thoughts themselves - for example when it comes to calculating the risk of a fire or spreading illness I am rubbish, and A/B only starts me ruminating more!

Hi there, I don’t have any thoughts on diagnosis, difference between the two but can I suggest the book Break Free from OCD: Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with CBT? I used this while awaiting access to therapy and it was helpful to see that I was not alone as well as explain some of the strategies for addressing the anxieties and behaviour (like checking). Even without a diagnosis, you can treat some of the experiences you are having or start to address the behaviours. my therapist also focused on this rather than defining whether it was/wasn’t OCD

Thanks @howard, @Busy Fool and @deValentin. I appreciate all of this. I am trying to address my health more generally which might help me too - immunity etc. I generally apply this approach to checking (what would others consider reasonable in particular). In this case I have just struggled to know if I try it all once as a variety of fears have come on at once - ie should I focus on eating more because this has an immediate impact on health if OCD is left unchecked, or hands because this can easily get out of control. Or struggle through dealing with all at once even if I get ill. So do I do the cbt ladder type thing or just start addressing all. but I suspect from your replies I might be better off addressing the obsession not the compulsions, so all at once. Thank you!

This is so kind @Handy. I’ll search the forum for more of your constructive posts…

Hello, I don’t typically struggle with contamination themes and in the past have probably been more relaxed than most! I struggled a during covid (but more from a harm to others perspective). New context is I have been getting ill really often these last few years. And here’s where ocd finds its way in. I find myself checking food or avoiding eating. Feeling like my hands are unclean when I have been in public, but also planning my days around potential illness or checking for signs of illness (usually making me feel unwell). I can see where this is going and just hoping for some tips. What should I focus on here in terms of addressing this early: food, hands, plans. What is reasonable in the context of ongoing illness?

So great to hear it went well @Heartly. It’s an achievement to push yourself and even better to be rewarded with good things

Try to remember this is a great move overall for combatting your OCD. If you struggle at times remember that the overall focus is your enjoyment or participation in a social event that means something to you. Try and bring your focus back to where you are and why if you have a bad moment. Wishing you so well and agree with Handy that the anticipation is often worse than doing it!

yesterday I lost over an hour having broken my rule around checking twice. As soon as I gave into the doubt I was trapped. Missed the event I was planning to attend which was really important to me. It’s so frustrating. Particularly when, as you say, you have been better at it before and feel the stakes are high. When I finally decided to leave the house (important to remember it is a decision we are in control of) even with overwhelming anxiety, i just kept walking. What always amazes me is the anxiety eases within less than ten minutes. It spikes here and there for about thirty minutes, but I just have to wait it out and slowly but surely other thoughts distract me and eventually I’m on my way. So today I have resolved: make the decision (again and everyday) to check only twice. know that it will get intense, and then pass.

I also have a tendency to search my past for wrongs (always more black and white, without compassion for myself than others). Like you, I lived whole years, feeling undeserving, neglecting my responsibilities, health because I ‘deserved it’. For me, eventually and with therapy it came down to a choice of paths (not to suggest it wasn’t a long road to get there). Path 1: I continue to punish myself for an event I can’t quite remember, put my life on hold until I can gain certainty I will never achieve. Path 2: decide to follow the steps outlined by others who currently have a better capacity to assess the situation, trust that they are not doing this for any other reason than it might work, continue to follow them even on days when it feels impossible or like moving backwards. only through the second did I get the perspective I needed and was seeking. The ‘event’ is now one I can think of without anxiety. It rarely comes into my mind at all.