Summer9173

Thank you @ocdjonesy You’re right, I know I am living in the future, I’m just scared as I really struggle to do things on my own. I do also experience agoraphobia which makes things ten times difficult, but I am also aware that doing this will also help. My manager declined helping me with putting reasonable adjustments in place for the transition, as he said that I already have reasonable adjustments in place at work, so I have emailed HR requesting to speak with them. I’m really not trying to cause a fuss, I just need support with this transition. it makes me upset that in work I’m being seen as ‘picky’, just because I struggle with my mental health - & that’s working in the NHS! I have taken today off sick to process everything without getting more overwhelmed. I am going to make a plan of what I would like to request, even if it’s small, to management to help aid me with this transition. Do you think that’s a good idea?

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post @snowbear, I do really appreciate all of your advice. I am very excited for the lodge stay, which I never would have said in a million years last year! I think I need a nice little break away from the hustle and bustle of life. I know change can be hard, and sometimes I do get stuck in worst-case scenarios. I’ve learnt with my therapist that being neurodivergent, change can feel like a huge obstacle and cause a lot of emotional distress, I think that’s why I find it really difficult to also navigate things like this. I think i’m just upset because I feel like my worries are being dismissed by people around me who do not understand, and that’s also really overwhelming = I catastrophes. To keep remaining positive of this move, I really need to suggest to my employer the possibility of reasonable adjustments to help me with this change. I’m not trying to be picky, but even adjusted start times would really make an impact to how I’m feeling. Do you think that’s me being picky? And what would you suggest I could request to help me through this transition effectively? Unfortunately, I have had to take today off sick I feel like such a let down, but everything was just becoming too overwhelming, I need a day to process everything without work also being in my ear and how ‘excited’ they all are for this move. I will be back in tomorrow, but I’m going to use today to reflect and hopefully come up with a few ideas of how the trust can help me individually with this transition. I have been thinking that the change will help me get used to working in a completely different town, it’s just going to be difficult getting to that place and that’s where I’d need the right support with this, without feeling like I’m being judged or overreacting - which I know my colleague things I am doing exactly that.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I had this specific knife theme really badly last year, it really is so rubbish sending lots of hugs. One thing that helped me massively was getting used to the word ‘knives’ or ‘stabbed’ or any word like that, even if it was writing it down or saying it out loud until I became fairly desensitised to them types of harm words. Then I started looking at photos of knives, but started off with plastic knives and would do this everyday until my anxiety went down by half. It’s an absolute pain doing it every single day as homework, but as annoying as it is, it really does help. Then I moved onto the metal cutlery knives and then super sharp ones. I still do get a little anxious over the super sharp ones, but these ERP exercises really helped me and it’s nothing compared to what it used to be. I know my therapist also suggested some people even write down a story involving them, knives and other people and keep it in their pocket, but I was never ready to that as I was too anxious, but apparently there’s loads of ERP exercises when it comes to knives in general. The urges really are horrible, I get them with other harm OCD stuff like pushing someone over etc, but it really is all OCD trying to convince you that’s what you want to do. Even when I get them now, it really is so difficult to let them be, especially when the ‘urges’ are really heightened.

I just also wanted to mention that our teams move to a different office space at this other hospital would have to be at the end of March/start of April time, so it’s not giving me much time to prepare myself either. I know exposures to our fears is the best possible thing for OCD and also Agoraphobia, but I really do think this is too much for me at this moment in time.

Hey everyone, It’s been a while since my last post, but I am doing quite well and managing my OCD. I’ve also now got a three-month-old puppy who’s definitely keeping me busy, lol! I’m also actually heading to Suffolk this Friday for an overnight stay at a cabin lodge park with my partner. It’s not too far from Essex where I live, but considering I haven’t been away like this since 2019, it feels like a big step for me. I wanted to share this milestone with you all, as I’ve been a member here for years, and it’s taken me such a long time to get to this point in my recovery. I really am so proud! I’m also very excited for this getaway too, which I didn’t believe I’d ever say in a million years lol! That said, the past couple of weeks haven’t been easy at all. My puppy had to stay at the emergency vets for two nights because she caught kennel cough. I honestly thought I’d lost her—she’s like my baby. Thankfully, she’s doing so much better now, but I know this has put me under quite a lot of stress, as I am the main person who cares for her. Then, today at work, my manager called me and five other colleagues into a Teams meeting. Long story short, the hospital’s plan to close is still going ahead, even though we were told back in October/November time that this would no longer be happening? I am mentioning this because I work just a five-minute walk from my current hospital. I also joined in 2023, and yes, the 2025 closure was part of my contract, however, plans for my job search were then put on hold when we were told the closure was off. Now, we’ve been informed we’ll be moved to a different hospital! about a 40-minute bus ride away there and back (as I don’t drive due to my OCD, agoraphobia, and anxiety.) I’m not very familiar with this new hospital, but it is the main one in my area, so some of my family members have stayed and been treated there in the past. The whole thing has come up very very suddenly, and we’ve been told we need to vacate our current offices by the end of March. I’m honestly feeling so overwhelmed. A busy hospital would trigger my sensory overload due to my ADHD, and it would make my harm OCD worse, especially in a busy environment with so many poorly patients. My agoraphobia would also be triggered by needing to take public transport and not knowing the area or hospital too well. I also live in a small village, where the buses only run once an hour and I’d have to be at work by 8am, but sometimes the buses don’t come if there’s bad weather or traffic. I feel really stuck and just want to cry. I hate feeling trapped and overwhelmed. To make matters worse, I’ve got such ann unsympathetic manager. When I expressed my concerns to him, he responded by email saying, “it was in your contract that you’d eventually be moved,” without acknowledging my fears and how badly this sudden move would effect my mental health. He also mentioned that if I disagree with the change, all five of us staff members, including himself, would go through a 30-day consultation, which he described as “putting immense stress on the team” and “unnecessary,” as if I’m causing trouble on purpose!!!!! I would really appreciate any advice on how to handle this. I’m feeling completely stuck, and I’m really upset that my mental health struggles are making me feel like an inconvenience, especially when I work for an NHS trust. I don’t know what to do. Work gives me a purpose, I’ve found the routine has saved my life, it’s helped my OCD so much, I can’t imagine not working now, but unfortunately, I think I’m going to be left without any other choice. if anybody has any advice on how I should handle this in the best way possible, I would really appreciate it, thank you.

I am neurodivergent myself and when even the smallest thing in my routine is messed with, I end up having an absolutely horrible meltdown or becoming too overstimulated! Thank you for sharing this post @snowbear with my ADHD personally, I’ve also found it to be quite useful in terms of some of my ERP exposures. As I am very impulsive with certain things, by being impulsive has allowed me to go ‘all in’ with certain exposures that are higher up on my exposure hierarchy. However, this can be frustrating when you’re trying to stick to one exposure at a time on the hierarchy - as my mind loves to jump to other things and cannot stick to the ‘one thing at a time’.

Thanks guys xxx I have been feeling a little bit better now, just really really overstimulated and overwhelmed. I know this is crossing over to ADHD and OCD together territory, but I stopped my Elvanse ADHD medication the morning I was sick and didn’t continue it and my OCD has strangely increased too, as well as my low mood and overstimulated self. I’m hoping it passes, but this evening all I can describe it is that I feel as though how I felt when I came off Sertraline? I will be okay, but really feeling it tonight. I hate having to be strong all of the time, I know so many people will relate to that.

This made me really emotional to read (in a good way! ), thank you so much Terry 123, you’re so right on that one, the sun will shine again. It’s horrible when you’re stuck in a huge rumination cycle and can mentally feel the impending doom feeling constantly. I am usually ok with vomiting once, or even twice, as I always feel better straight after. But I’ve never had it so bad where I’m vomiting every 20 mins to half an hour, from 7pm - 4am. My body is just physically exhausted, especially from the strain your body is under when being sick. I have my therapy session tomorrow, so this is something I’m going to discuss, especially latching things onto past trauma and feeling alone and scared. But I’ll be ok. it’s just nice to be back on the forums again and even though I feel absolutely horrific at the moment, I have missed the community. If I didn’t have OCD, I wouldn’t know about the forums or the support groups where I’ve learnt so so much.

Thank you @Mini, how have you been? It’s been quite a while since I’ve come back on the Forums, but I must admit, it is lovely knowing we’re all still here supporting each other. I don’t know what I’d do without this forum sometimes, it really has gotten me through the worst times. I think where I’ve latched severe vomiting onto the situation last time I was really unwell (before I knew what OCD properly was and was in A&E for it), my brain has automatically gone = danger. It has been a tough evening but I’m just making myself a slightly warm bath. I think maybe this is something I need to work on, I can’t keep latching when I’m unwell to that time I had to go to A&E for my OCD.

@ocdjonesy Thank you so much, you’ve always been there for me on the forums and it is something I will always appreciate. I had a nap around 2 hours ago and I’m feeling a tad bit better now, my fever and body aches have also gone down a lot too.That’s the thing with the Norovirus, the symptoms come on so quickly, but they don’t seem to linger massively either to my surprise. I don’t have Emetaphobia, but the repeated projectile vomiting throughout it the night really scared me. Luckily, I do have my therapy session tomorrow, so maybe there are other unresolved issues that stem from when I’m unwell and it’s out of my control (mostly because I know I won’t have the support or somebody to just look after me while I am poorly, I am that person.)

Thank you @gael, that is really kind of you and I do really appreciate your reply. One thing I’ve missed about the forums is how supportive we all are as a community, especially when somebody is at crisis point. I think it was the vomiting from last night and the fact it was absolutely awful, that is what has traumatised me the most. I have never ever had such long bouts of repeated, painful vomiting throughout the night like that. I know that is unfortunately, the Norovirus for you, but towards the morning, with barely any sleep, my brain and body is just physically and mentally exhausted. I was also straining so much that I’m in a lot of physical pain too. I think I’m going to try and get another nap now. I’m also having my electrolytes sachet in water to help with the dehydration as I think that’s probably making it a lot worse.

Thank you so much @ocdjonesy, I really needed to hear that today (not in a reassuring way), it’s just the last time I was sick like that, I ended up in A&E on my own and it was really traumatic. And then again last night, I was repeatedly vomiting on my own again and my body and brain I think has just gone into shock because of past trauma - which has heightened my OCD because that is what OCD loves to do. I also have ADHD, so in times like this I am really not very good with regulating my emotions either - which is just another knock on effect to the OCD. I also usually take a diazepam very very sparingly, once in a blue moon when situations like this occur, so I feel guilty for saying this but I did take one when I was having a breakdown, just to calm me down for now. I have also made myself an Electrolytes powder drink as I feel really dehydrated too, but I really do appreciate you getting back to me straight away @ocdjonesy, I really needed that reply to ground me.

I just had a massive crying breakdown I just feel so scared I’m so sorry, it’s just brought back a lot of traumatic memories back

Hi everyone, I just really need someone to talk too. I apologie if my grammar here isn’t the best, I just feel absolutely traumatised and my anxiety is really bad too. Last night, I began to feel really nauseous, but I didn’t really think much of it until I began to vomit repeatedly throughout the night - I am pretty sure it must have been around 11 times throughout the night. I couldn’t even keep water in my system, as I would just vomit it back up. I also had (and excuse my TMI), bowel issues at the same time. I felt so alone, as my mum just kept on saying for me to not go anywhere near here when I understand and that is fine, but I just need a hug. In 2021, the last time I had a similar episode of vomiting I actually began to hallucinate and I was terrified for my mum to leave my side. I just want to cry because I feel like that now I feel so scared. I didn’t get a good night sleep either, I’m in a lot of pain and I just want my partner, but he’s also got what I’ve currently got too (the Norovirus). I’m aware that I’m probably quite dehydrated, I just feel so scared because it’s brought back a lot of memories and it was at around a very similar time of year too. My Harm OCD is also really heightened, I just don’t know what to do. I’m sorry, I just feel so scared, I think it was the repeated vomitting throughout the night that for some reason has really triggered me so much and I don’t know why? I also wasn’t able to take one of my Pregabalin doses last night too due to the severe vomiting. I just need a big hug , I was doing so well and now I feel like how I did right at the beginning of my OCD journey after what happened to me. I feel like when this happens i go into vulnerable child mode and i feel traumatised. I don’t even have emetophobia?

It’s really awful isn’t it, watching a real life case and then comparing it to yourself because of OCD. I try to remind myself that stuff like that happens in exceptionally rare circumstances and that my OCD would put me on the complete other side of that spectrum of horrible/gory murderers etc.