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Everything posted by Summer9173

  1. You’ll get there I promise 💖 A couple of months ago, I was in the darkest place Ive ever been, but it doesn’t last. I found the more frustrated I got at the OCD and anxiety, the more it stayed. The more I wanted it to go away and forever leave me, it stayed and got stronger. Now, I see it as just another person getting on and off a bus which I’m driving. Some people (intrusive thoughts) unfortunately stay longer and are horrible, but they eventually get off (they fade.) The book Brain Lock helped me so much too, I believe in you xx
  2. I was diagnosed with this the psychiatrist at my local CMHT, I wasn’t completely truthful about my symptoms (so I didn’t say anything about the harm thoughts out of fear they’d lock me up) etc, they then wrongly diagnosed me with OCPD I’m going to ask for a re-referral for sure now I know more that it’s safe to tell people xx
  3. Thank you everybody, I find myself habituating to the fear a lot more as I still have my Dad in the house, however he’s working an overnight shift tonight and I feel absolutely sick to my stomach to be at home on my own, I don’t want to be on my own I’m so scared what if I hurt somebody
  4. Everything your saying is the OCD harm thoughts i’ve experienced myself many times too, please no your not alone 💖 ERP has been my biggest friend my therapist said to me people with OCD have a hypersensitivity to danger, so when I keep getting these type of thoughts I try to say to myself thank you OCD gremlin you see if my thoughts have changed but I still don’t do it, sort of like it’s my brains way of checking if I’m still a good person? So we cut that cycle immediately!! The OCD-UK online zoom support groups help me massively and there weekly i really recommend them
  5. Hello everybody, It seems like I can’t escape people talking about the new Jeffrey Dhamer (I think that’s his name) new murder documentary on Netflix. It’s such a trigger for me even typing that out, a lady in work mentioned that he had a lot of mental health disorders including ‘OCD like me.’ She joked about it and I went into the staff toilet to cry because it scared me so much she said that. People in work keep talking about the show and it’s making me feel extremely on edge and uneasy. There going into so much detail about it and my OCD is flarring up over it. I obviously won’t go into detail of the story, but I’m not sure if anybody has seen the show or heard of the real-story behind it, I just keep reminding myself that Netflix is highly dramatised? I feel sick by the detail there going in it’s so unfair
  6. Hi @malina thank you for your kind reply I haven’t thrown them away yet, I’ve still managed to go in the kitchen, however I feel extremely anxious regardless of everything. I think it’s the idea of being isolated and on my own without anywhere to run and nobody knowing I have OCD. I’ve heard some people say they love living alone with harm OCD as they get the thoughts around people, however with me I think I use my family as a safety behaviour? I feel like I’m flooding the fear this week rather than doing the slow gradual technique of cbt, I don’t know if it’s making me feel worse or better?
  7. I do this quite a lot @snowbearand it’s very annoying I think this stems more from OCD, when I was younger I went on a school trip for a week were certain things happened and we wasn’t allowed to contact home, safe to say it did leave me traumatised and I was extremely anxious for a very long time after. I think this is something I’d like to discuss with my therapist now, as I have a fear of being away from home now due to my experience, as well as an anxious style attachment from my mum which is pretty embarrassing to say as I’m 20 but I’m aware I use her as a safety behaviour, so I know this is good exposure even though I’m riddled with anxiety and feel the derealisation coming and going a lot. Despite it all, I am currently at work I’m doing quite well and I’m very proud of myself xx
  8. So it’s the first night and I’m really struggling, my mind is overwhelmed by the OCD, I’ve become quite good at separating it but because I’m at home alone I’m really struggling with fear, work helped today and was a good distraction, it’s more the anxiety feeling I’m struggling with though, I hope I sleep ok tonight
  9. I needed to hear this, thank you so much 💕 currently feel so sick with nerves I hope this week goes okay for me too
  10. Im currently in work feeling a little bit better, I just need to keep myself distracted but I’ve got this 💕 I think I use my mum as a big safety behaviour even though she doesn’t understand my ocd xx
  11. Good morning everybody so todays the day….. I didn’t have to much of a good sleep last night, but I need to get up for work now which I’m dreading. Hopefully I can do this xx
  12. I agree I’m definitely going to take this situation like training they’ll be back on Sunday too, I’ve got this!! I keep trying to push away the scared feelings, but I need to remember that it’s okay to be scared, the more I push it away the more it’ll get worse. I’m struggling to sleep tonight out of the worry, but by separating it as ocd and seeing it for what it is (a medical condition, which is treatable with exposures and I’m doing that) with erp I’m just worried that This is ‘flooding’ the fear and that it’ll make it worse maybe?
  13. Thank you @northpaul I agree I think because I’ve had quite rubbish responses from helplines I’m quite reluctant now, but anxiety Uk has always been a good one. It’s hitting me now that there going to be in another country, I know I can get through this week and that I’ll be okay, I’m just so scared because in my head I’m thinking ‘your going to hurt somebody and nobody will be there to stop you’ 😞
  14. Thankyou @NotRock I’m really struggling today, I hate the idea of my mum and younger brother being so far away from home. I struggle with harm ocd so I’m my head it’s like, if I’m away from my mum I’ll hurt somebody? It makes no sense I know just like how ocd doesn’t make sense, I just hate the ocd urges it’s like an overwhelming urge to hurt somebody I hate even typing that I’d rather be hurt myself over a stranger being hurt
  15. Thank you so much !! @NotRock definitely having a tough morning anxiety wise for sure it’s really hitting me now and I feel so scared
  16. Hi everybody, I thought I’d share my little anxious minds racing thoughts…. I have a big exposure coming up soon, it’s probably one of the biggest exposures to date🥺 So my mum, my brother, my Nan and my Grandad are all going to Spain this Monday for 1 week, I’ll be at home with my Dad but I’m absolutely terrified and I don’t know why? My mum and my brother are my safe space as silly as that sounds, so the idea of them being so far away is just terrifying, My initial reaction to them going away was = hide all the knives in the house, no throw them away!! But that will me the reaction that something is actually wrong = feeding my OCD, so guys I’m not going to hide them or throw them away, I’ve got this. I may come to the forums a little bit more than usual this upcoming week if that’s okay for support, I’m super anxious but at the same time I’m ready to prove my OCD wrong xx
  17. Oh that is amazing well done!! We’re all so proud of you !!
  18. @Smithy29 Thank you so much, safe to say I’m very glad I did stick it out as I did end up having a wonderful time I’m glad I made this thread to look back on in similar situations now too, safe to say I was quite happy when we’d had our dinner and they took the knife away 😂😂 but….. had a very lovely night after the initial OCD panic overall
  19. So I’m here and my Nan’s just been given a steak knife I feel so scared as it’s so busy in here and we’re sitting upstairs I’m going to stick it out and try to enjoy my food I just feel so scared
  20. What I want to do is replace these places I’ve attached bad memories too, with new happy memories. New memory = going for a lovely dinner with my amazing grandparents it will be okay, I know I’ve got this
  21. I’m so scared for this exposure, it’s Sir Henry’s in Essex so a very small place, I’m just so scared
  22. Hello everybody, So tonight, I’m going for a meal with my Nan and Grandad to somewhere my OCD was really bad and my brother had terrible psychosis xx I’m so so scared to go there in case I get bad flashbacks, when I went there, the bad intrusive thoughts about knives started so it relates to terrible memories. I’m so scared to do this exposure, but I just keep thinking about the lovely food and that it will be okay xx
  23. This happened to my brother, not the OCD heightened way of what you described, the total opposite in fact - I’ll try and say this in the least reassuring way of course, but I’ve had this theme myself. My brother (who suffered with psychosis a couple of months back) was completely unaware he was unwell, if anything, he was convinced and he convinced everybody else he was completely fine. He got sectioned against his will and you know what happened? He got looked after amazingly the nurses loved him, he took medication and did therapy in there, he now knows how to cope he was in there for 2 months and let’s just say he loved it!! As strange as that sounds but he did, had all the nurses running around for him haha. I used to have this fear before it happened to my brother, my therapist said it’ll be highly unlikely someone as aware as me because of my ocd would experience those symptoms anyway, because I’m too aware! I don’t know if that makes you see things in a different light? I know it won’t get rid of the thoughts, but ocd loves to dramatise, let’s call it Boris Johnson (sorry to the Boris lovers)
  24. @Just A I’m so sorry your ocd has made you feel this way please talk to somebody, anybody, let us know your okay too 💝 I’ve been in the same position with my ocd a couple of months ago, I know it doesn’t feel like it at the time, but the moment you stop battling these thoughts Is the moment you’ll start to get better gradually
  25. Hello everybody, I’m currently writing this on my little assignment writing break Who would’ve thought I’d be 4/5 months into my new job? As a HR apprentice? Ready to finish my first assignment on time? Not me that’s for sure!! But I did it and I’m very proud At the beginning of the year, I was in such a bad place OCD and Depression wise I could barely get out of bed, now I’m getting out of bed everyday going into work full-time! I thought I’d share a little win, yesterday I went to a spa! I had a facial and I managed to ‘be in the moment’ like my therapist has taught me, + being in a pool with loads of strangers!! Even though I did well, I still managed to discourage myself by saying ‘yes, but this spa was close to home + your mum works there’ but it was a small yet big step aye However, next Monday, my mum and my brother are going abroad for a week - I feel absolutely sick already it’s like my brain has already said ‘your going to have a really bad time with your OCD. As bad as this sounds, my mum is my ‘safety behaviour’, so maybe this is a good thing, but I sort of feel like it’s flooding myself with the fear and I’m absolutely terrified yes my dad will still be at home, but my grandparents who live over the road are also going so I do feel really terrified about being away from them xx I’m hoping I’ll be okay, I’m aware I’m already catastrophising but I just want the next 2 weeks to be over 💕does anybody else find the lead up to things is also a lot worse then actually doing it?
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