Kcbell92

Sorry I just saw this now. But, I’m not chasing now. I’m letting this friend reach out to me if they want to replan, but @snowbear someone else who’s good with me on this told me that it’s probably not good to focus that this friend and everyone else if they cancel and don’t get right back to me when I expect to replan and only talk about other things. It’s not good to immediately focus that they are absolutely out to mentally hurt me to not want to do anything with me and not tell me and it’s not good to think they’ll do it and all others would do it, even if I accept it as that bc of what the one from years ago with the CP did to me

What do you think @snowbear

I decided to see other very close friends this weekend and spent Saturday with them. Didn’t even think of the other friend not coming through until now. But I am relaxing and telling myself “even if the other friend doesn’t request off by the end of this week and doesn’t come through as they said may 12, they should be keeping me updated on the requesting off, but if they do not do that, and I don’t hear anything from them let’s say within another month or so after that, then I guess they don’t want to come through and maybe if they do reach out and want to do so, I’ll consider seeing them then, but if they don’t come through the second time if it’s planned, that’s when I’ll straight out just end the connection with them and won’t do anything more with them.” and “maybe the one friend decided they didn’t want to see me and come through or maybe the one who was apparently sick didn’t want to see me and my family member, and maybe it was a made up story that the friend was sick and maybe the friend just acted like they were excited for me and let me uptalk the planned event, and maybe it is connected to why they Didn’t answer the phone the next day bc they didn’t want to talk to my family member and they made up that they overslept and maybe it’s also why they still talked to me the next day about replanning to make it easier on them to just talk to me and not my family member to avoid having to act like they cared to my family member and just act like they cared to me. And maybe they did just let me text them about keeping me updated about replanning and like when I said about “is it better if you just let me know when you request off” or “sorry if I’m asking and repeating a lot about coming through and spending time” and they just said “that sounds good” and “it’s fine I repeat myself to” and leaving it at that, and still having conversations with me off topic, bc they don’t want to come through but don’t want to tell me bc there afraid and again, even if all of that regards that they don’t want to come Through and see me and don’t want to tell me, and even if that’s why they don’t let me know next week if they requested off for May 12 and don’t let me know if we can go may 12, and then don’t even answer me about it or at all and a couple months pass at least. I’ll accept that they don’t want to come through either way and I’ll do things by myself or with the couple close friends I have I still deal with. And I’ll accept that they did do to me what the friend from years ago I previously mentioned did, but that just bc the friend years ago strung me along and just bc the newer friend may have done the same thing and didn’t want to see me, doesn’t mean any new people I meet will do that and doesn’t mean that any people I have in my life will do that to me

I appreciate ur support and direction with this. I just can’t stop ruminating that the friends like I keep saying even tho they still reach out to me, and talk. But haven’t let me know if and when there gonna request off to confirm for May 12, or if they’ll have to back it up or not do it at all. That there only reaching out to me to seem nice to avoid having to tell me they don’t want to do anything with me bc there afraid to tell me. And that’s also why they said that the one friend got sick to avoid having to tell me that they didn’t want to go with me and my family member and didn’t want to tell me and that obviously that’s why they didn’t answer the next day when they said they would talk to my family member at 11 am and only texted me hours later when they knew my family member wasnt there and that’s why they called the next day to seem like they want to spend time and because they don’t want to talk to my family member and feel worse that they can’t come through and don’t want to tell me and bc there afraid, so they just answered when they knew my family member wasn’t there to talk nicely to me and seem interested in wanting to re connect to avoid telling me they don’t want to see me bc there afraid

And the reason besides making up the story of the other friend being sick and then telling me i can call them 11 am the next day to speak to the family member, but not answering until later on when I wasn’t with the family member (probably because they didn’t want to sound like they wanted to go but didn’t want to go to the family member) and making up to me that they overslept because I’m sure that at least one of them didn’t want to go and didn’t want to see if not me, then my family member, and again didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to go and just act like they want to go still bc there afraid to say they don’t wanna go, and there still talking to me to seem nice and seem like they wanna go and seem interested in requesting another day off but actually not want to do that bc they don’t want to come through and don’t want to tell me

@snowbear I am convinced on that it’s too obvious that they made up that the one of the two friends was sick bc they didn’t want to go maybe if not regarding me, then regarding the family member. Bc why would they tell me I can call the next day at 11 am to speak to the family member, just to not answer and know the family member wouldn’t be around In a few hours and then call me then unless they didn’t want to speak to the family member bc they didn’t want to go and didn’t want to feel guilty talking to the family member acting like they wanted to go and not actually want to go and it’s just easier to talk to me after Alone and seem like they wanted to go but didn’t want to go and didn’t want to tell me.

I feel I have to have people come through and come through as scheduled Always, or else I’ll feel there always going to do to me what the friend from the past did as I said, and I feel it’s only and always my plans that are ruined and I feel that once someone cancelled like i said and then said the other friend was sick and I think they made up the other friend was sick in order to avoid having to spend time with me or maybe my family member mainly, and not wanting to tell me they don’t want to spend time, because they are afraid and because they said they would let me call them with my family member around the next day at 11 am, and didn’t answer and got back to me later when they knew the family member wasn’t around. Bc they don’t want to talk to the family member because they don’t want to feel guilty on themselves not wanting to go and acting like they wanted to go to my family member and that it’ll be easier just to talk to me and act like they wanted to go to just me, and that if they don’t let me know if they requested off for May 12 in another week, or they tell me to back up the day more. That they don’t want to come through and at best will make a plan and cancel last minute, because everyone loves to make sure they do this to me

I feel I cannot accept to do something alone or without others that it was planned with if they cancel or don’t reschedule or especially if I realize they weren’t honest with why they cancelled

@snowbear well I told them just to let me know when they request off, but we’ve spoken a little on and off since but they haven’t answered everything I’ve responded with and haven’t told me they requested off yet or when there gonna request off. I’m convinced they won’t come through like the ones in my past I mentioned and they’ll continue to still talk and act nice and talk like they wanna go maybe and let me uptalk the excitement of the days and then cancel last minute with excuses or not even get back to me at all about coming through and then I’ll be mentally destroyed that they must have made up the story that the other friend was sick because the one friend didn’t tell the other my family member was going until last minute and the one friend didn’t feel like having me pick them up after the other friend was sick, and that it all relates to the story being made up about the sickness because the one friend said I can call them with the family member around me 11 am the next day and didn’t answer but the reason they answered hours later and the next day is because they wanted to avoid speaking to my family member bc they didn’t want to go and didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to go and just talk to me like they want to go bc there afraid to tell me they don’t want to go. And that’s why they aren’t answering about requesting off and aren’t responding to everything I say and I can’t take it anymore

@snowbear I just have such a hard time trusting or believing anyone, especially when plans are cancelled like last week. They haven’t yet told me they requested off for the May 12 day and it’s 2 weeks notice. Now I’m gonna absolutely freak out in every way if they don’t request off number 1, or they tell me to back the day up. Or don’t mention about taking off anytime soon. I’ll be convinced that they were making up the story that the other friend was sick, because they didn’t want to go, whether because my family member was going or because they just didn’t want to go. And bc how they didn’t answer me the next day when they said they would and answered later and said they overslept

Can I please get help wit this

I just feel bc of the reasons I mentioned, that this friend now is absolutely not wanting to spend time, and what happened as I mentioned with the cancellation 3 hours before and how they said they would talk to my family member at a certain time the next day and they didn’t answer and texted me back later apologizing and calling me the next day to talk, bc it’s easier to talk when they don’t have to talk to my Family member bc they didn’t want to go, and didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to go and are afraid. So I think there all connected in proof they don’t want to go and don’t want to tell me they don’t want to go, and I see major similarities to my friend from the past as I mentioned him bailing out and then sometimes getting back to me and letting me talk about things and bailing out

I really need help handling this in my mind and not focusing there absolutely gonna do to me what the other friend did and that the similarities and connections are there to all I said they said and did after the plans were cancelled to that they’ll do exactly what the other friend did. Please help!! @snowbear @PolarBear

Well I had plans with someone I talk to but haven’t seen In a couple years, we planned on a restaurant hangout Saturday and they called me like 3 hours before and they sounded very upset and said the friend that was supposed to drive them was coughing and sneezing and didn’t tell them Right away bc they kept a commitment, and the friend who called me said they yelled at them and they kept apologizing, and they said they’ll look to reschedule maybe like May 12. And I asked if I could call them the next day around 11 am for them to say hey to my family member that was gonna go with me. I tried calling and they didn’t answer me at the time but texted me later that there sorry they didn’t respond. But they called me the next day to talk and mention about the replanned day and to chat, and we’ve spoken a little the last couple days. Now I’m focusing that they didn’t want to go and made up the story that the friend was sick and that they made up the conversation and maybe they also didn’t want my family member to go, and that they are only talking to me nicely sometimes and keeping in touch and mentioning another replanning day because they didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to do anything with me and they were afraid to tell me, so they just acted as if they want to see me and do things with me and talk nice to me, and continue to just last minute cancel on me with excuses each time. the reason I’m saying that is because I’ve had a couple people affect me, and one in particular who I’ve mentioned here before, who after the first few months I was friendly with them. Constantly telling me they wanted to do things, letting me uptalk the planned events and then suddenly constantly either cancelling on me last minute with excuses, or showing up 3-5 hours late or not showing up at all. Then after me and my family used to reach out to him, he’ll eventually answer and seem interested in doing things again and then talk to me about other things and then when the time came cancel with excuses or Come 3-5 hours late or not show up at all and repeat repeat again and again. i also think that on top of thinking the friend now cancelled last minute and made up the story and that it’s true bc they avoided calling me when they said they would the next day to talk to the family member and Just answered me later and said they overslept and that they called me the next day to talk about other things too and answer me about other things too, but don’t want to see me at all and don’t want to tell me bc there afraid to tell me. Now I think on top of that they won’t reschedule a day despite saying they’ll look to take off the day and that they may say they have to do it later in the month and that they won’t want to do it at all, or maybe even that they’ll reschedule and talk about the fun of the day and let me talk about it, just in order to not tell me they don’t want to go bc there afraid and they’ll discuss other things then cancel with excuses each time and repeat the cycle like that old friend did dozens of times

@howard I appreciate your direction with what your saying. I’ve always struggled with trying to hold onto friends, even those who downgraded me bc I felt obligated to be there for them. But with a friend like the one I mentioned, he did have seizures until like age 9, I met him when he was like 11. We used to spend a lot of time and go places and do things and talk more often until like 2020. But, again. He does reach out for small talk. I think he has kinda a hard time expressing or explaining things bc of his issues. But most importantly I feel he’s doing this to affect me like the other two did