Kcbell92

No I just got a gift I meant in that sense

It’s a long story but to shorten it, I met a friend that was from a dating app and we aren’t in a “relationship” but friendly. They came back to Around where I live and wanted to meetup and spend time. Being they were away from home for a few months and just came back, we planned to meet two days ago. But they texted me they got Covid and told me the day before testing and the day of testing and then told me that they think they got it from there family and we’re still talking and having good chats and I just worried that they wanted to flake on me so they lied, tho Covid is brutal here in Long Island New York. We mainly text don’t really talk on phone. I think they care about me but I’m worried that they 1- lied about Covid to like I said avoid hanging out last minute, despite excited talks before that. 2- are using me now for attention and a little money given in the past, tho not much at all over many many months because of what the old “friend” did $40,000.00 in 8 months. 3- don’t care about me because there lying they had Covid last minute to not hangout and use me

I’ve come to a realization that personally I’m probably not going to guaranteed reach exactly $10,000.00 net in one year, maybe but maybe not especially since my relapse a couple weeks ago. But, however, I do know that I’ll net something solid in that time and anyway, it’s okay if it takes maybe a few months to a year longer, as long as you have enough in life, even if it’s a little tighter then you thought. I’m only going to be 30 in July, so if it takes till let’s say Christmas time 2023 to rebuild half of what I gave away, so be it, as long as I have Enough to live and enjoy my life with

Yes I have the CBT doctor and he knows and helped me ban myself from the online ones too. But I do need to move on from my issues of being used and gambling too bc I am letting it control myself so much. Even without gambling the $1500 let’s say I would only have $6-7k instead of like $5k or so leftover it’s not a huge thing

Ive been doing vastly better mentally, I did unfortunately have a little setback with my gambling. I played $1500, most of my last check and most of my Christmas bonus. So, I am now counting on more work overtime again after successfully IP banning myself from online casinos, and now I’m freaking out because I didn’t hear back from my scheduling manager again and other workers were put on shifts I asked him about and I’m worrying yet again That they are not going to give me anymore overtime ever again and I will never reach like my $10,000.00 rebuilt by dec 2022, and only max get like $4-5k built up by that time

I did have a decent Christmas thankfully

I started meds again two days ago and I know for a fact it’ll take much longer to truely take effect. Point is. I think I’m to co depandant with friends. I met someone new and no, there isn’t really any money invovled and we’re friends but a lot of times they don’t text back or a lot and they even told me they don’t text a lot. I feel bc of my job and co dependancy I’m too glued to me phone and counting on every text and call. And I now saw in instragram they are friends with another person not related to the $40,000.00 that played me in other ways and now I’m drawing these comparisons that they are close friends and that my new friend will do what a former person I knew for a short time did to me

And I do know vallium addiction so I take them very moderately sometimes hide them away so I know I can’t take them much

I have been taking vallium and abilify since I was a young teenager, I’m now 29 gonna be 30 in July 2022, I just was off them for several months as I had that issue with gambling and a friend using me for all that money as I said before. I’m gonna solidly Stay in them

I have begun to take my meds again (abilify and Luvox, occasionally vallium ) in order to combat and help me with my ocd worries

I’m going back on my meds tmr

It’s all good, I heard from him and I’m starting to put it behind me, with my ocd meds starting December 24

I made my appointment for my meds tomorrow 2 Pm. So I’ll be back on them by Thursday. Also I came to a realistic conclusion that so what if I don’t get much overtime. I’ll stlll have like $7000-9000 in net worth maybe more already anyway. It’s less but it isn’t a destructive lifestyle

I think I’m best off waiting till Thursday personally. I’m gonna try to just wait it out then by Thursday afternoon text and maybe say that “I got carried away earlier this week, I understand you can’t put the schedules in to far ahead of time” and leave it at that. I don’t see him being angry at me for the texting 3 times in a day plus time span right now

Just now, someone told me texting him those couple times may not make him want to do anything for me anymore and I’m all nervous that it’s a fact. And I’m trying to just look at my own reassurance why that isn’t true