Hal

This is when you need to dig deep and try not to fall back into using compulsions to ease the anxiety...try and sit with the feelings rather than... .....It may not have felt like it but you did have a choice whether to research or not (a compulsion) it wasn’t something that automatically happened, it’s a habit as much as anything and one you really need to work harder at breaking. Back on the old horse today keep going with focusing on other things, hopefully the weather’s good where you are and you can make the most of it while it lasts and really engage in your surroundings rather than work.

Lily, lily, lily, you’re using the forum to perform a compulsion again, you need to try and break this loop. Refuse to get drawn into any debate about what your intentions were. You know the best thing you could do right now? Cuddle your dog, give your sister a hug too while you’re at and let whatever the thoughts that pop up do their thing w/o engaging with them.  You need to do this lily, come on kick some OCD butt, why should your dog or sister be deprived of your affection? 

It really will help to immerse yourself in something. Let the thoughts and feelings come and go and when you find yourself wanting to figure out what they might mean gently refocus on your work again. Good luck

What plans have you got for today DK?

Putting to one side you’ve received far more advice than simply suggesting seeing your doctor, if the CBT hasn’t helped so far you have to try it again from another therapist. Sometimes the first course of treatment doesn’t help everyone for a variety of reasons, but please don’t throw the baby out with the bath water based on that experience.

So, what can you do to change this? Because you can, right this minute you could decide to implement the advice you’ve been given here. Yes it’s difficult but at some point you’re going to have actually do the hard graft, why wait?

I’m not sure it’s a case of uncalled for behaviour DK, you’ve never been abusive or aggressive at any stage....but you’re right inasmuch that the way you were posting wasn’t helpful to yourself and that’s what we’ve been trying hard to help you understand. I have to admit I was within a whisker to locking the thread a couple of times but I was hoping you would make the decision to change tack yourself rather than making the decision for you. Moving on though, are you going to make an appointment with your GP?

I agree, and please also have a think about seeing your GP for a referral DK...yep, I know I must sound like the proverbial broken old record but it’s vital you start CBT with a trained therapist to help you. You managed not to post until yesterday evening, can you work on Sputnik’s suggestion by gradually extending that? I know it may not initially be easy but it is something I hope you can gradually work at. Support’s always going to be available here for you, but to feel the benefits of the advice and support you’ve had you need to give yourself a fair chance and rely a bit less on our thoughts and build up more confidence in your own capabilities to steer yourself through those tricky moments when the doubts and anxiety strike. Take that leap DK, you can do this

Sounds like a good plan to me. Maybe break it up with other stuff you enjoy doing though, I really think it will help you.

It’s so important that you understand all this suffering and torment you’re going through DK can end if you make the decision to change how you’re dealing with these doubts, thoughts and feelings....unless you do I’m sorry to say you’re going to continue feeling this awful. You have all the information now, can you start trying to put it into practice in spite of the doubts? Why not try an experiment over the weekend...whenever you feel the urge to research stories around incest or a lack of feelings, to ruminate or post here hits...pause, refuse on all fronts and then get busy on focusing on something else. I think you’ll find if you do the thoughts will lose some of their power and you won’t feel so consumed by it all. We need to try to help you take this step DK, as Polar commented earlier on your thread the time for reassurance should really be coming to an end now after years of using the forum...just by trying to assure someone they have OCD can over time eventually become a form of reassurance in itself and isn’t helpful. What kind of stuff could you do over the weekend that would help you refocus?

That’s probably because you’ve spent so much time visiting/reading them you’ve habituated to the anxiety DK....don’t fall into the trap of misinterpreting it as a sign of anything else. I know others have already asked you this, but will you consider seeing your GP for a referral? You don’t have to go into great detail with them if you don’t want to, just be honest with them about how anxious you feel and how much the thoughts are upsetting you. If they’re an old dinosaur and reticent about helping you (other than prescribing medication) hold your ground and maybe mention the charity along with the NICE guidelines and that should help you on the road to CBT. With the best will in the world we really want to help you but you do need to start making the necessary changes to help yourself now...will you see your GP and take some time out to review the advice you’ve been given over the time you’ve used the forum?

Hi don’t know, I’m sorry you’re feeling lost and struggling so much at the moment, this is one cruel disorder isn’t it. Just out of interest have you gotten hold of any self help books geared towards overcoming OCD? I really think it will help you to maybe take some quiet time to have a read about how OCD works. At the moment you’re putting the cart before the horse desperately trying to work out for sure if you have OCD, that’s never going to work out for you I’m afraid. I’ve seen many people try doing the same, sometimes for years without reaching any sudden realisation and they never will because that approach just doesn’t work. Please please please don’t join that group and spend the next few years or longer staying stuck...the only way to beat this thing is to take a leap of faith (despite the doubts) and implement today the advice you’ve been given here. I know it’s hard but we’ve all been there and we all just have to do it. Only by treating what you’re experiencing as OCD will you gradually get flashes of insight this is OCD, and see it for what is, a load of lies and rubbish. You owe it to yourself to make that decision. Life doesn’t have to be this painful for you, you can be free of this mental anguish so long as you choose to change how you’re dealing with it. OCD takes so much, it can make us feel we’re so powerless, but you aren’t...your choice is a powerful one and one that’s going to ensure you have years ahead of you getting what you want out of your life rather than spending it fruitlessly living with the disorder. I know that’s probably come across as a bit of rallying cry for going into battle and in a way it is....I know you must feel worn down by it all but you must dig deep and change tack now.

I’m sorry Phil but I’m going to lock the thread in a minute, just for a short while. Can I make a suggestion though... get off the laptop or mobile for the rest of today and immerse yourself in a good film, meet up with a couple of mates and have a pint, go for a walk before dinner....anything that’s going to help you shift gears and get a different perspective. As I say, I or one of the team will re-open this for you, but please in the meantime do what will help you, so no ruminating about the plunger, your watch....let the thoughts just be there and focus on your surroundings if you go for a walk or really work at engaging in the storyline of the film. On with those show the OCD what you’ve got.

It’s not about pestering or forcing it’s about holding you’re ground and pushing to receive what you’re entitled to and deserve through the NHS. Why not get in touch with Ashley, I’m sure the charity could help out with some advocacy on your behalf?

You really need to fight that decision if that’s the case, but hasn’t the situation changed? I thought you weren’t seeing anyone privately at the moment. Make that call Phil, I’m sure your GP would be able to back you up or if necessary the charity can.....no more ifs or buts.