Jump to content

paulfoel

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    146
  • Joined

  • Last visited

1 Follower

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Well so far so good. We sat him down and said he can use whats left but how about we try no spray afterwards - just hand gel. We explained that its not really working wth cutting down gradually and it was not cleve what he did (which he agrees). He shrugged his shoulders and said yes ok then. So far so good. We've told him to come and talk to us if he has problems....
  2. Problem is today its the spray tomorrow its going to be something else. This is what we're finding - he has no boundaries and will do what he feels what he needs to do regardless of the effects on anyone else.
  3. Exactly. It was more like anti-bac spray rather than proper bleach but thats not the point. Its not for spraying on people and its definitely not for spraying on 5 year olds clothes etc. We've told him its just not acceptable and very bad what he did. We said we'll help him and support in any way we can to get through this but we can't let him be a danger to others. Told him he could be in real trouble if his sister goes to school today and says "my big brother squirted me with bleach". Can only imagine what the teachers reaction would be - could end up with social services getting involved. Alas, this is not the first time we've had an "incident" where quite frankly the safety and wellbeing of another member of the family has been affected. Hes not been so bad recently but, in the past, he has been violent with me. That was a worry and hes also lost his temper with his little sister once or twice (no violence luckily). We told him exactly what CAMHS told us to do if things got worse which was phone the police and have him arrested. We also told him that if social services ever got involved that may not go the way he wanted it especially if there was any danger to his little sister. As with everything, it went in one ear and out the other and he didnt seem to take it on board at all. Its almost as if he does not comprehend the possible disastrous results of his actions and decides if he feels hes got to do something hes got to do it. He once completely blocked the toilet on a plane even though we'd told him to be careful because of misuse (he will chuck loads and loads of toilet roll down). At the time they didnt know it was him - it was out of action for the rest of the flight 5 hours (can't imagine they were too pleased) but I can imagine there being serious consequences for doing this sort of thing but he just shrugged his shoulder and said oh well. We go to stay in villa on holiday and tell him please be careful because we'll get charged for plumber callout. Can guarantee within a day the toilet is blocked! This year we went away there was a toilet plunger and we gave it to him and said there we go. He wasnt happy. As you can imagine we never stay anywhere too long with just one toilet! In a way this incident was worse than the violence. Losing your temper I can get - its something that needs to be worked on. I was out the garden but yesterday this took place in downstairs bathroom. He actually ran upstairs to get the spray then hijacked her as she came out so he had thought about doing it. Tried to explain to him that he knows its not right and, despite him having issues, he really cannot endanger others.
  4. Yes know what you mean. If you don't me asking how long ago was this? i.e. is it recent thinking or far back in time? :-) Primary thing is to ensure everyone is safe. At times, with some of his behaviour its get close to the critical mark sometimes. As I said, we've tried the gradual approach along with the CAMHS people. Got nowhere partly because of their uselessness and partly because son just does not want to bother cutting down. I guess its easier to continue as it is. Yes he is taking Sertraline - 100mg I think.
  5. Yes ideally. BUT we've tried this for the last two years and its got nowhere to be honest. Completely useless CAMHS are.
  6. How far do you take this? I understand how you shouldn't enable a sufferer but how far do you take this? Isn't there a risk of stopping something dead causing lots of stress? You might see my other post about 14 year old son and his use of antibac spray/hand gel. Its been ongoing for 2 years+ and we thought we'd give him to space to work through with professional support. But nothing has changed and he seems happy to carry on as normal because he can. Also, its having an effect on the rest of the family now with his misuse. Should be stop the enabling dead? i.e. No more anti-bac spray from now on. Part of me is thinking well nothing has changed so far when we gave him space and I can't see anything changing in the future, along with the safety issues hes caused, so its something we have to try. Another part is thinking if we stop "cold turkey" is that going to make things worse and cause major stress for him?
  7. Not even sure where to start with this one.... Found out today hes been squirting his 5 year old sister with disinfectant spray when she comes out of the toilet. Really don't know what to say or what to do. She said to us today "X squirted bleach on me because I wasn't clean". Having an antibac spray is one of his things - he likes to spray the toilet to ensure its clean. But if hes going to misuse it then, might stress him a lot, but surely we've got to take it away from him? Obviously, apart from the possible harmful effect of spraying this on her (after all its not meant to go on people), its the fact that he now projects a lot onto others. Hes like a typical teenager - filthy dirty as is his bedroom etc but he seems to focus on others in the family. Hes done a lot of things to the detriment of others in the family recently. I dread to think of what will happen if she goes to school and tells one of her teachers. The social will be around in a flash! Hes been seeing CAMHS for over a year. Complete waste of time they are. Also he pretty much refuses to engage and I dont think has made ANY effort at all to help himself or even try anything the CAMHS people have suggested. At wits end now. Any suggestions?
  8. Its nuts. We've paid for two visits to the psych - £200 a go. As soon as GP gets report they just do as he says. Hes been good about it and said "look you don't need to pay ask CAMHS to review his meds from now on". We asked CAMHS last time if they're own psych could take a look and just do med review (after all the initial hard work is done!). They actually said no theres no need for him to see a psych just. OMFG - they guy we saw is one of the experts in the country on teenage mental issues (which is why he gets to charge £200 I guess) and he says medication is appropriate. And its working for son. Yet CAMHS think they know best. Honestly, I could throttle someone at CAMHS sometimes!
  9. OK, so after last weeks violent incident thought we'd try something else.Son was banned from his PC and mobile but it didn't seem to do any good - he was even sneaking back on. Apart from that hes been pretty good the last week, and is finally making an effort with some of the charts the counsellor has asked him to fill out. Not brilliant but its a start. So we decided to try a difference approach. We sat him down and made sure he understood. We praised him that things had improved and he was trying and also for his behaviour. We said there are stil things to improve on but we were willing to give him a chance. We said, he can have his phone back, and have 3 hours a day on his PC. BUT, and we wrote this down there were some basic rules which he agreed were fair. We said if rules were broken then PC/mobile would be removed for at time again. He moaned a bit about the 3 hour limit but agreed he understood and it was fair. These included:- - Mobile stays downstairs at night to resist the temptation of playing games after hes supposed to be in bed. - He continues with the forms and also reads the books we've bought him. - No attempting to "forget" how long hes been on PC and exceeding the time - No sneakily attempting to use mobile/PC after hes gone to bed in the middle of night. Guess what - less than 24 hours later wife goes upstaris at midnight. Hes in bed playing games on his phone. I just don;t understand how he thinks hes going to get away with it. Please someone tell me if the approach is right or wrong?
  10. Thanks Lost. The thing I don't understand is it doesn't seem to bother him. Its just one of those things it seems to him. No hassles just got to do it. Its more like a bit of an inconvenience to him interrupting PC gaming time more than anything else. There is not any sign of any anxiety with him - his whole attitude seems to be "I can spend x amount in the bathroom if I want to". He likes to use hand gel (a lot of it!) and so if we go out he takes it with him. Mostly. But then he often forgets it or can't be bothered to take it. I just don't understand that - if you really felt you needed the hand gel then surely you'd be obsessively making sure you took it with you? We've learned to give him space and not cause arguments over his behaviours. The arguments now seem to be about his attitude at the moment which we find hard to fathom. Big problem now is not so much his behaviours its his total obsession with seeing nothing else other than his PC. I guess this might be Aspergers related? He just doesn't see consequences or think about the future etc and has no interest at all in doing anything else. We banned him from PC and mobile - then caught him with the phone, next day hes asking if he can have his PC back, we tell him no, last night we catch him on his PC at 1am. Nothing to do with OCD here of course but failure to follow rules/consequences. I probably should have called the police - its not the 1st time (but thats another story). I'm sure if the police turned up and arrested him etc he'd be VERY VERY upset In the past when he was younger he was always like this. Very cheeky kid. One time his mother was going out and told him off about something - not even that bad. He just can't seem to help mouthing off. Of course, because he couldnt stop himself and wait 5 minutes until she'd gone out he lost his PC for the weekend. It just seemed strange. Of course biggest problem is his violence. Any attempt to tell him off about anything (90% of the time not OCD related) results in possible violence. And he just does not see it as a problem at all. The fact that we very nearly called the police and had him removed last week does not appear to have made any difference....I probably should have called the police - its not the 1st time (but thats another story). I'm sure if the police turned up and arrested him etc he'd be VERY VERY upset. But since the incident happened he does not seem to worry/stress or be anxious that this might happen i.e it all kicks off again and we call the police this time. I imagine this aspergers related? I would be really upset if I'd done something that meant someone might call the police on me, and I'd be stressed about trying to make sure it didn't happen or take steps to make sure I didnt do the same thing. Son seems not to care at all.
  11. Thanks wonderer. Beginning to realise that - no matter how bad things are it isnt going to sink in with him - not his fault. At the moment like I said, we've taken his PC and mobile off him - not working at all. He still doesnt seem interested. Thinking about trying to focus on the positives hes achieved and giving him limited access back? I just dont know. On the other hand, it seems like he can continue on with no consequences..... (maybe not the right approach though). He hasnt helped himself by one day finding his phone and using it (we caught him) and then yesterday we caught him on his PC at 1am! He knows he was banned so did this behind our backs.... Is this sort of behaviour related to his issues or just bad behaviour? Its difficult to know what to do for the best.
  12. Yes I've since read about "masking". Seems to make sense - thats exactly like him. I don't know about not showing emotions. He gets angry VERY quickly. He was very upset after the last outbreak as well. Trouble is its literally days later and he thinks it all forgotten about. I know he needs routine but I just wish I could get through to him to at least think about things a little and understand how things are. I've seen loads of kids forums for ASD etc but hes just not interested. I dont understand that. Surely thats a safe way of speaking to other people with no need for face to face. Its almost sometimes as if hes denying there is a problem.
  13. Yes it is an option. Last time I looked it was near enough £1000 for this though which is a lot. If he does get diagnosed what would change though? I don't want to pay £1000 just to get a label on it. Yes nightmare getting it done on the NHS. CAMHS are dealing with OCD but the Aspergers is different they say. Even school is dragging its feet sending the forms in.
  14. My son seems different (to me at least anyway). Hes got his compulsions etc but he doesn't seem to get stressed about it at all. He just seems to accept it as "oh well this is the way it is then". He will literally spend hours playing PC games, go to the bathroom/shower for an hour, then back on his PC. Easy as pie. At home hes in the comfort zone because he can do this. He does not get stressed about it, he does not have any fears. Its just the way things need to be done in his head. (This is the counsellor telling us - shes explored this with him). What he will not do is anything else. Not because it stresses him but because he can't be bothered (his words). Its almost as if you'd come back in 20 years time, and he'd still be doing the same day in day out. As far as hes concerned thats it.
  15. His behaviour is getting worse. Yesterday he sneeked his mobile phone out that we;d taken off him and I caught him on it at 1am. Today caught him on his PC when hes knows hes banned from it. Looks like this is whats been happening - when we go out hes on his PC. Now we have no choice but to physically remove the items. Tonight then hes kicked off big time - shouting, screaming, etc. No provocation nothing just did not like the answer I gave him when I said no he can't have his PC back just yet. I praised him for making some effort (although I know hes made not much effort) but told him he needed to try and follow up on some of the things counsellor had told him and that he didn't need any more distractions. Its as if 5 days ago when he punched me in the face didnt happen. His attitude is all "its so unfair you're all picking on me and always accuse me of lying". Pointed out that he'd gone behind out back but he just grunts and can't explain that. At the moment, we just can't seem to get through to him. Strange thing is he has NO problems at all at school - he managed just fine. We've mentioned in the past to his teachers and they look at us as if we're talking about a different kid. Really don't understand this at all how school doesn't have a problem but at home hes a nightmare. He just is not interested. Book I bought him remains unread. Hes not interested in going on forums for teens with Aspergers etc. Not at all. Is this still OCD/Aspergers especially showing no signs at all at school or are we seeing elements of bad behaviour here also?
×
×
  • Create New...