runawaythoughts

Hi all, As part of my therapy for my OCD, my therapist is doing a behavioural intervention with me in the form of a survey which asks people if they've ever had certain kinds of intrusive thoughts. Just as a warning, the survey asks about thoughts you may have had about harming others and on the nature of the p theme ( I hate writing out the full word). The survey is also only relevant to those who are or have ever been in a relationship. My therapist would be the one who has access to the survey results and it's 100% anonymous but I can share the results if it would benefit others. The link is: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/9X3FRWX Thanks very much to anyone who feels able to help out, it really means a lot to me.

I totally get what your saying and I try this. I but sometimes I find when I try not to focus on thoughts i think about them even more

I think thats the toughest part, trying not to ruminate, which in turn not only leads to fixating on the thoughts but them evolving into something worse

Does anyone else's thoughts make you think not just how things might look visually or what might happen, but also more about how things would feel ? I'm currently going through a really horrible spike in pocd and there is a thought I just can't shake and it's how something would feel. I hate it so much. I don't want to know, but it's like my brain won't settle down. At one point it made me almost Google something about basic anatomy to try and get some sort of answer but I stopped myself as I really didn't want to know. I hate this so much and just constantly feel physically sick all the time. But I'm curious as to whether people just think things in purely visual terms of if other senses get caught up as well ?

Not everyone. People have gothic and alternative weddings that are far from the norm and they look amazing ! Who wants to look like everyone else ? Fitting the norm is boring

The wedding is your and your brides day. It's for you both to enjoy and not to please everyone else. You wear what YOU want to wear and not what you think you should or what your OCD bully you into. Make your day the way you want it and not what other people want to see.

Ahh I see what you mean. Thanks for clarifying and yeah that does make a lot of sense. Again I think the bully analogy is a good way to look at it. Thanks again for your support. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate it. It just helps shed a bit of light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

Hi Paradoxer, I think I'm a little confused by your double negative "try not not 'embrace'". I'm not too sure if you mean embrace the thoughts as if they are nothing but thoughts or actively avoid them (which I'm told can make the thoughts if you actively try not to think about them). Sorry if I've just completely mis -understood !!

Hi PolarBear. Thank you for your reply. I've seen a lot of peoplenin these types of forums talk about 'choice and it's something I'm still trying to process. I understand what it means....But applying it and being able to is still a new concept to me. I like your analogy of it being a bully though, that's rather fitting and relatable to how in daily life we can choose to ignore others nasty remarks.

Hi Paradoxer Thanks for taking the time to reply. I do try and see them as just thoughts but they are just so horrific. The OCD makes me doubt if they are just thoughts and tries to make me think I must like them or else why would I think them? It's also that their so vivid not just in the images but in the imagining of feelings. It just makes me skin crawl

Hi I'm just so desperate for someone to talk to who might remotely understand the below. I'm really at my witts end. I feel sick all the time, my anxiety is through the roof and I just can't keep doing this anymore, I really can't. I have suicidal thoughts most of the time now and feel so alone For a long time since my OCD started I've had this thing where when I'm thinking about an object e.g. a coke can, a pencil, a spray bottle etc. it will sometimes imagine how it feels on my crotch area. I would never put these items against or even in me but my mind will just imagine how it feels down there. I don't know why and I hate it so much. That alone is bad enough to keep dealing with as it's so weird but I also have pocd which I remember first came about when I first thought how anyone could do anything sexual with a young child, it just made no sense to me as I'm sure it doesn't to the majority of people. It instantly however, brought on a barage of thoughts of a young persons fingers going into genitals. Again, I'd like to stress this is something I would never do and whenever these thoughts come up I want to throw up. I hate how my OCD will look at a young person and then come up with these horrible sexual images of them touching genitals and imaging how it might feel. It just makes me so sick. Does anyone at all relate or understand this ? This just isn't who I am as a person but these thoughts are literally killing me !

Thanks skullpops

I know what you mean. I don't want to think these things as they cause so much distress. But can it still be "the ocd" even when it really feels like I'M the one who brought it up the thought in the first place (even though I'd probably never have thought it if OCD hadn't started it all off)?

Does anyone find that sometimes they think horrible things BEFORE their OCD does? It's hard to explain but I feel that I'm so used to my head being filled with the horrible images ( I have pocd ) that OCD plagues me, with that now it sometimes feels like I'm doing it's job for it. So as an example. I would see something and OCD would latch onto it and make a horrible scene out of it. But now I might see the same thing and it's almost like " oh look OCD, wouldn't you normally look and this and show me this horrible graphic image / thought. Guess I beat you to it this time". It's horrible as now it feels like the thoughts are coming from me and I want them there when I don't and they make me incredibly anxious and upset and I just feel physically sick.

Did you find anything in particular helpful with this ? I've not been diagnosed or received help but I am hoping to talk about it with my GP at the end of the month