Sam311

Hi, I’m new to this forum, nice to meet you all I was wondering if anyone had any insight as I’m quite baffled myself. I have had Ocd majority of my life but it was only diagnosed after having my children as I suffered intrusive harm thoughts and had CBT which helped me too lose the intrusive thoughts. I however obsess about my health ( everything’s the big C or a sinister disease) and I will google until the cows come home and my doctor is sick of the sight of me. For a while now though I have been noticing some strange behaviours and I’m unsure as to why I’m getting them. I smoke and I want to quit, but I don’t seem to be able to because I have this constant pattern of counting how many cigarettes I have a day or week, I also do this with glasses of wine and junk food. Each time I try to diet, cut down or abstain with wine or stop smoking I do it for a day and then I’m back to it again.. it’s always the same days, the same amounts etc. So I always drink or smoke 3 days a week same amounts etc or I freak... It’s mentally destroying me as I am fully aware it’s all harmful to my psychical health and I don’t know why I can’t just break these habits like other people do. I have read so many self help books, tried Nrt and been to the dr who just tells me the standard cut down or quit but I cannot seem to break the cycle. It’s like I’m play Russian roulette with my health and I don’t know why because I am the most worried person when it comes to health.. My friends and family are so fed up of hearing my goals because to them I always fail.. is this anything to do with my ocd?

Okay so hi everyone im looking for some advice and im truely stuck So for as long as i can remember my Ocd has focussed around my heath and really bad things happening as strange as it sounds like paranormal things, scary world things and the end of the world stuff. I was always a nervous wreck growing up. i had my children and after all three births i had nasty intrusive thoughts of me losing control and hurting them. Drs did nothing so after the third i paid privately for cbt, that got rid of my intrusive thoughts but two years on im still suffering with the ocd in general.. i literally think of bad stuff all day and obsess by googling and im then overeating, drinking like 3 bottles of wine a week and chainsmoking through fear. And its all in a strange routine throughout the week which im strugling to now break. I got given prozac and it worked for a bit with the therapy but then just stopped. Dr wouldnt up them and just reffered me to talkig therapies which ive not done yet as i felt it would not be as good as cbt. But my cbt therapist moved away so i cant see him no more. As a result im a mess, just wanting to sleep, be alone, irritable with everyone, pushing people away, overating and drinking and treating myself badly. prisoner of my own thoughts ? Im sorry if this post is confusing but i am myself so confused Thanks