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Emm33

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  1. I'll try to make this quick... Bit of backstory: I have what I believe may be the 'intrusive thought' type of OCD. Where these evil thoughts come into my brain that I know aren't me, so I make myself believe I have to basically rethink/perform the situation over and over again either in my mind and/or physically until it goes away or until I get it 'right'. Sometimes that can take ages and it's so annoying. And then it just happens all over again in a few minutes anyway. Like for example, I may walk through a doorway and think something negative, so I'll have to walk through that door way again and again until it goes away. Anyway, Lately I've been having trouble with my vision. Well not necessarily trouble with seeing things but... it's hard to explain, although I suspect my OCD is the cause of it. It's like I almost think that what I see isn't right, that I'm perhaps 'hallucinating', so I have to stare at certain things for ages until I am satisfied with knowing that what I'm seeing is correct. I have to double check things all the time too. I don't know, it's hard to explain. For example, every night I check that our gas oven knobs are turned off. I have to stare at them for minutes back and forth because, as I mentioned above, I seem to believe that what I'm seeing is false. I look at them once and see that they're off, and then find myself still looking at them for the 5th time making sure they're still off even though I know nobody has touched them. This also applies to reading things, for example if I'm ordering something online I have to re check multiple times that I've entered my details in correctly, back and forth back and forth. This may not seem like a bad thing, but I know I do it way longer than normal people do. Also I don't know if this has anything to do with OCD, but another annoying and uncontrollable thing I do is having to always look behind me when I walk somewhere due to thinking that I've dropped something. I have to look behind me like every 30 secs. Well anyway I'd really appreciate some advice and just to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar because it's driving me crazy and I just want it all to stop for good. I forget what it feels like to just have a clear and comfortable mind. I'm also scared because I'll be going for my license soon and I don't know how I'll go driving a car. Will I be so focused on my OCD and making sure I'm driving correctly that I end up hitting someone or something?! I know I'm being silly I'm just over it all tbh. Thanks for reading.
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