My girlfriend knows I have OCD, but since my fears are currently based on my relationship I would really rather die than tell her about the contents of the thoughts I have. I can't bear to hurt her. The thought of having to tell her any of it breaks my heart. OCD warps my view of knowing what's right and wrong in terms of how much information I owe her, does it make me a bad person to hide such thoughts from her? I feel like I must be deceiving her. I know I'll have these thoughts for the rest of my life. They ruin every relationship I'm in. And considering the thoughts are a huge part of my life, doesn't that make me an evil terrible person to hide this from her? All I feel is numb and tired. And I realize it must be a compulsion to want to tell her but a part of me is also like, someone without OCD would think their partner ought to know something so big. I just don't know what's the genuine right thing to do here because I'm swamped with anxiety, I have no idea whether keeping these thoughts make me an evil deceiver or not. I never seem to "know" anything either, I feel an empty void inside of me even when I'm not obsessing, if I were to ask myself something I'll never know the answer.
My girlfriend knows I have OCD, but since my fears are currently based on my relationship I would really rather die than tell her about the contents of the thoughts I have. I can't bear to hurt her. The thought of having to tell her any of it breaks my heart. OCD warps my view of knowing what's right and wrong in terms of how much information I owe her, does it make me a bad person to hide such thoughts from her? I feel like I must be deceiving her. I know I'll have these thoughts for the rest of my life. They ruin every relationship I'm in. And considering the thoughts are a huge part of my life, doesn't that make me an evil terrible person to hide this from her? All I feel is numb and tired. And I realize it must be a compulsion to want to tell her but a part of me is also like, someone without OCD would think their partner ought to know something so big. I just don't know what's the genuine right thing to do here because I'm swamped with anxiety, I have no idea whether keeping these thoughts make me an evil deceiver or not. I never seem to "know" anything either, I feel an empty void inside of me even when I'm not obsessing, if I were to ask myself something I'll never know the answer.