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moon

Bulletin Board User
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  1. Thank you so much for the reply!!! Yes I have been thinking about it for the past couple of weeks after I looked into it but I’m scared about talking to my mum about it and wouldn’t know what to say if I called for an appointment of some sorts.. a question on your feedback when you said never mind the meat didn’t you mean that isn’t a symptom of ocd? I understand that ocd is a big contaminator if the mind and I really do want to grey help I’ve been concerned about my mental health for a while now.
  2. hello, I'm 18 and have had growing concerns for myself about what the heck is going on with me and am i going crazy because i didn't understand why i was feeling certain ways. i looked into old and i feel like i fit some of the categories but I'm scared to ask family members about it. (I'm sorry this got long) so i have smaller things which impact me less but are still on a day to day basis pretty much. when I'm writing or drawing sometimes i have a super strong urge to correct my writing even though its fine, so i wanna make a line look a particular way and i normally can't stop until it feels right. but in exams this means i can waste so much time just going over my writing to make sure i can move on. also sometimes i feel like i can only write in capitals or lowercase and i can't change to the other one because its just wrong, or i think of something and i have to add it to my sentence no matter what even if its not needed, and i feel like i can't move on unless i do. when I'm reading i have to read it exactly how its written even if there are mistakes in the grammar or words written wrong. Ive tried reading a corrected version in my head but i always find i have to go back and re read it the way it was. (i don't know if these would count as ocd but again I'm in the unknown so would rather check than not say) i didn't know this was something not normal but my whole life i have relied completely on emotional pull and response. for example: if i suddenly have the urge to touch, hold, see, feel something then i have to i can't control it it just completely takes over and thats pretty much all i can focus on, and if i can't then i get anxious and don't feel comfortable in the situation anymore. Sometimes its okay though if I'm distracted by something else but i still feel it. a smaller example is choosing paper or art books in class. I have to pick the book that i have emotional response with, and this is the same with other everyday things. on a more extreme level: i have become a worryingly strict vegetarian, I'm so paranoid about having meat contaminated with my food that sometimes i just want to avoid food altogether. People don't know how bad it is because I'm worried they'll judge me but I'm scared of breathing in fricking particles in the air of meat which is just ridiculous really but i can't help it. Last night at a party was one of the worst times so far. My friend has made sure everything was cooked in a different oven and make sure it was all separate and i was happy to eat it but then the thought crossed my head that they may not have washed their hands before touching the veggie stuff and the meat and i freaked out inside. It was all i could think about and then i decided i couldn't eat it anymore just in case. I have had a problem for the past 4 ish months with feeling like i loose a large amount of control over the right side of my body especially my hand and leg and the right side of my head just has this feeling that i can't describe. I had that again after i freaked out and it lasts for a long time. (that feeling happens very often and mostly when i get stressed/nervous/worried. Im in a relationship and my partner who eats meat and has helped quite a bit but i still feel like it hasn't got much better. i knew they had had meat and i was holding their hand just really really needed to wash it because of meat on my hands and when cleaning them i got the feeling of not wanting to stop washing and burning it off with hot water (this hasn't happened before) they had to stop me in the end. and i feel really bad about making them paranoid and i just want it all to go away. Being vegetarian should be a choice not a fear and that is why it had become now. (though i know i still never want meat it should still be a choice for me). LAST ONE IM SORRY. THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOUR READING ALL THIS. Going back to feeling like i don't have proper control over my right side, i had starting having the urges to hit/punch myself when i get stressed and worried/nervous or sometimes just randomly. It happens a lot and i try to control it to make sure i don't but i feel like i also don't want to stop the urge and just let it happen. One time i has hitting my hand for 3 hours and in my head i just wanted my hand to be black with bruises. Ive also had feelings of walking front of cars and just walking out on the roads and this came around the same time. Its a strange mix of having to urge to hurt myself whilst i don't actually want to. so this is the end of my ramble and my possibly ocd related problems if you've read to the end thank you a lot and a response would be super super helpful i appreciate anything really.
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