incessantblues

Thank you Oli for your reply, that really helped and I feel less alone at least, although I'm very sorry you have to deal with this as well. There seems to be a logic to my thinking however, which makes me feel as if its me thinking these thoughts. For example I'll look at certain pictures of her and my mind will come to the conclusion that I don't find her attractive. This is unusual because before this obsession began I actually never had thoughts like these, I found her very beautiful and still at times do when the thoughts are less powerful. Its this uncertainty that's killing me, and I feel absolutely awful because of it. I'm having the thought that I'm superior in looks, and that others think so too, its so unlike me to think this and deep down I don't even think so. Can OCD convince you someone is ugly even when part of you knows you don't think so?

I should also add that I don't care about appearances. I hate my own and I don't judge others. As I said I think she's very beautiful. Its the doubt that's killing me, and I'm not sure if its OCD or just me thinking these thoughts. Can OCD make you call people names without actually meaning it?

Hi all. This is related to my last post, which if you haven't read then I encourage you to because it will give you an insight into what's happening now. Basically I'm going on a trip to America where I'll be meeting a close friend of mine, and I've started having intrusive thoughts about her in regards of her appearance. The thought popped into my head earlier that others would think she doesn't deserve me because I'm handsome and she's not attractive (which is unusual because I have body dysmorphic disorder). This thought made me feel like the worst person alive and caused me severe anxiety, and I feel like I don't deserve her company. I actually think she's very pretty but every time I remind myself of that this doubt pops into my head and I call her ugly or not attractive. I honestly feel like I've committed murder, I feel horrible and its ruined my entire trip. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Hi all, I'm new to this website. My name is Jamie and I'm 21 years old, and I suffer from OCD in the form of intrusive thoughts. There are a range of topics my intrusive thoughts come in but right now they're in the form of criticising people, and more specifically my friend. I'm going on a trip to America with her next week and I've been criticising her appearance in my head, thinking she is ugly. I'm not sure if its me thinking these thoughts or if its the OCD, and the uncertainty is killing me and its making me feel as if I don't deserve her company and that she wouldn't want to be with me if she knew what I was thinking. The reason I think it might be me thinking these thoughts is because there seems to be some rational thinking behind them, whereas OCD is irrational. Basically I had a memory where I was with school mates and we were walking behind this girl, and she turned around and my school mates said they thought she looked pretty from behind rather than from the front. I then thought if this was my friend and she turned around, would they say the same thing, and my mind told me yes they would. I also had the thought would the people I know want to kiss her (a really unusual thought), and my mind told me no because she's ugly. I also have thoughts of her being pretty and that was my first impression of her. I did look at her pictures when we met however (I met her online) and I saw some old ones and thought I didn't like her hair colour in them, and one photo in particular where she was wearing her swimsuit and you could see a small amount of fat on her tummy, and my mind gave me the memory that I thought she was ugly in these pictures, but I'm not sure if its a false memory. I know this is probably difficult to understand and is pretty unusual, but please can someone help me, I don't want my trip to be ruined. I had to go to the doctor to get my anxiety meds increased because it was making me so anxious. Thank you for taking the time to read this!