Rexx

I keep trying to mouth words without actually saying anything out loud to try and “feel” what it’d be like to not hear my own voice. This is going to get to a point where I start feeling insane, tired all day, crying at everything I get a chance to cry at. Feeling suicidal, SRGH IVE BEEN HERE BEFORE

And I know being on here isn’t ideal for me. I’ve avoided the site for weeks but I gave in again...

Thanks for the advice. I guess I do use these tips you have given me on a daily basis and it actually felt like I had gotten better with coping with it.. then it all boiled down to one stupid mistake. A compulsion. That’s how I got this thought in my head. Usually if I do a silly compulsion a ridiculous thought will spawn after but they usually just come anyway... It feels like everything I’ve learnt has gone straight into the trash!!! I’m ****** that I sat there and actually gave in to a stupid compulsion something what I brushed off for weeks! Why the hell did I do it? I’ve just destroyed myself

I have tried... believe me I try so hard and I’ve been doing good for weeks. This thought is honestly the worst one I’ve had and the last time I got this bad it cost me my relationship and I spent months inside. I can’t tell myself it is normal to hear yourself because I also have “it’s not normal to hear yourself, you shouldn’t be able to hear your own voice,” in my head too then I try to imagine or remember how it would feel to not hear my own voice and every scenario seems weird and stupid. It has to be OCD because how can I not come to a conclusion here? How can I NOT remember if I should or shouldn’t be able to hear my own voice!!!!!

I messed myself up again! I can’t even remember what I did!!? I have this thought about hearing my own voice... I keep telling myself it’s not normal to hear your own voice when you speak but then another part of me says it’s nonsense and that if I couldn’t hear myself speak it would be weird and how would I be able to tell how loud or quiet I’m speaking ??

Thanks for the reply means a lot.

It never ends

If I could be different I would, I hate living like this. But I think a part of me deep down likes to drag this on or the sake of it.. I don’t even realise how ****** I am. No matter how much I think I have this thing nailed down.... I don’t. I never win

Just do this to myself always confused never knowing if I did anything or not... If I say I didn’t do anything... I’ll tell myself I did... then it’s a battle between myself I basically just do it to myself and it sucks

I struggle more with accepting I have a problem and that these thoughts ARE normal for the time being. I struggle with just not caring because I care so much...

Stuck in limbo... I keep doing this to myself over and over and over. I can’t even play a video game for more than 30 minutes because my mind is too occupied on stupid ****. And every time I retry I mess it all up again, even when there’s absolutely no reason for me to mess up, I mess up. I make a big fuss out of everything. I know exactly what’s going on but all I can do is just lay here and deal with it like I do all day long.

Haven't posted in a while because I feel like it's a compulsion of some sort... been a really bad week (can't even remember exactly how many days) mainly because I'm staying inside. Had a thought about making my wrists bigger, I tried hard to push on but then I got a thought about my arms being too long then pretty much instantly thought I had made them smaller... now I'm stuck and feel like ****

Been an okay couple of days. Got a thought that I smashed my heels on the bathtub and they have somehow become disfigured .... it feels like I'm drowning again.. these thoughts why...

Just woke up. I have the energy to actually type what I wanted to yesterday. I was getting dressed to go outside and whilst I was putting my jeans on I had a mental compulsion to check the tag on the back of the pants even though I knew it was a tag I thought it needed to be checked again... so I did... but I regretted it straight away. I let this beat me up for hours and I then started to think I stretched my groin and it’s become lower as the jeans I wear have a low crotch and I couldn’t stop thinking about how the crotch didn’t feel right... now I can’t remmeber if I did or not... I just do it to musrlf

No matter how much I try it’s like the past days, weeks or months don’t mean anything... even just the past few days feel worthless and non existent, it’s almost like I never went through all these hideous fantasies when it’s right there in front of me to read. I would tell you it’s worth it too... but then I don’t know what I’d be telling you what’s worth fighting for? Now I think I’m fine.. what if I don’t have ocd