Hi all,
Thank you in advance for reading this. I've never been diagnosed with OCD or even considered that it's an issue for me. I have had issues with anxiety throughout my life (and I guess anxiety is somewhat linked to OCD in some respects anyway).
Basically, I seem to find myself ruminating quite a bit about different things. It's almost as if I will obsess over something (e.g. an issue or problem) for a few days, then I will forget about it, and then just when I'm feeling good my mind will find something else to obsess about, and that new thing will take over my mind for a few days.
I feel embarrassed discussing this next issue which is currently bothering me, but for this I need some reassurance, as I don't know if it's just my mind telling me it's an issue or if it's genuinely something I should be concerned about.
Basically about 6 months ago I was on a porn website (a large trusted site) and stumbled on a video where the scenario was a school/teacher setting. Anyway, I didn't think much of it, but then I started stressing for no apparent reason that I was going to get into trouble for clicking on a video which had this scenario as a plot - even though the pornstars were clearly of a legal age. I know in my head this is completely illogical as the video had thousands of views and it is literally just a script/story, but I suddenly thought 'what if people monitoring my internet usage think that's what I'm into'.
Anyway, I soon forgot about it, but then the other day (months later) it popped into my head again, and I recently started getting anxious that I was being monitored, and that I can't look at anything remotely non-PG on the internet for fear of being arrested or something. The trouble is, I know I haven't done anything wrong or looked at anything I shouldn't, but I started googling things like 'Can you be arrested for your google searches' and 'Is it illegal to look at certain things online'. I know that I haven't done anything wrong, but now the issue is that I feel like I am going to get into trouble for googling these things - as in I will get arrested for searching for those things on Google because it looks like I've done something wrong. I know it's not illegal to search Google for that, but as I did it a few times and looked at different peoples stories on forums, I started to think 'what if the police see my Google searches and think I've done something'?
I'm not entirely sure why I'm going through this period of anxiety - perhaps its because I've just started a family and it's a massive change/stressful period, plus I don't want to lose them - but I know I need to get a hold of these obsessive thoughts. The only trouble is - I'm not sure if these are obsessive thoughts, or if Googling those things could actually get me into trouble - and that is what is causing my anxiety.
I would really appreciate any input here - so thank you for reading.
