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WilliamBnixon

Bulletin Board User
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  1. Someone please help it's really getting to me
  2. It's just when I started watching this video I said to my self jeez these girls look quite young. But it didn't bother me untilater with the what if. I'm young I'm 23 so my testorone is high so I watch porn on a regular basis. So Monday this week just gone I watched a porn video that day too, so I checked the person's profile and they say they are 18, but they posted the video just over a year ago. So they must of been 17 in that video. It's illegal to watch someone under the age of 18. I didn't know they were under 18 because on pornhub.com website they say you can only put videos on if your 18 and they get checked but obviously they don't check them I feel disgusted because I didn't know because they look older on the video, I feel awful and scared. I did get help with cbt but this new topic is horrible and feels horrible and stronger than the others I have suffered with.
  3. Its making me feel like I'm a pedophile or pervert but I don't find young people attractive I'm totally against It.
  4. Hello everyone I do suffer from ocd. I have suffered badly from rocd, hocd and checking alot. Recently its turned to pocd I think. It's started off when I was watching pornography on a licenced website pornhub.com. I watched this one video and the girls looked quite young but it didn't concern me to much at the time. Later on I had this thought come into my head saying what if they were under 18. So I checked if they were18 and over and they were. 24 and 18. But now my mind is making me beielve that I didn't care about if they were younger while I was watching it at the time . But I was concerned after obviously. I wouldnt watch anything which is illegal for example child porn because that is disgusting. The website says they don't put anything on there which is under the age of 18 but its making me doubt everything because it could be lying. Is this pocd starting? - There's so much guilt feeling at the moment. P
  5. thats why i went out and had some drinks because i know avoidance is another compulsion , but obviously i had a bit too much and now on medication it didnt mix well i dont think and made me have blurry moments . my girlfriend can have blank moments and she can just brush them off . but i have them and its like OCD attacks me on that moment because , when im sober and hugged someone it makes me think ive kissed them but because i was blackout drunk at some points , it mkaes me think well who knows this time you cant remember you deffiently done it . i confessed everything to my partner last night and was crying so much it hurts me so bad to think like this
  6. feels like ive ruined everything and been unloyal to my girlfriend . she understands me , and reassured me last night but it has made me feel worse today . makes me feel like i need to break up with her because , i have no recollection of what happened on the night , because if anything did happen i wouldnt know thats whats killing me
  7. this time im not allowing my self to create scenarios in my head . like false memories and stuff . , this time it feels more like paranoia because i was blackout drunk at some points , and i have nothing to check . because normally , on a night out i only have a few drinks and get a ocd thought after ive hugged someone and id have a voice in my head either 10 minutes or a day after saying did you kiss her or what if you kiss her ect . but because i was blackout drunk at some points this time it has put my mind into a deep hole and made me think i have gone out of my way to cheat on my partner . this time it is getting me down , i feel like ive hit rock bottom . Im seeing my therapist tommrow going to explain everything but feels like nothing is going to work .
  8. its hit me now , ive started to do the what ifs . theres parts of the night what i don;t remember and its gone straight to , what if you kissed someone you wont know this time because you were blackout drunk .
  9. I suffer from cheating ocd , in the past i would go out drinking and not remember some parts of the night and would create false memories and would convince my self i have cheated on my partner . i calmed down the drinking and would still happen if i had one or two drinks it would still happen , so i stopped drinking altogether . then it got really serious and i would go out and not drink and still convince i cheated . so OCD ruined my social life , i stopped going out and became miserable . I recently started CBT and ERP therapy . been doing it for a month now and feel alot better , stop most of my OCD checking for handbreaks , doors , light switches , windows , hobs ect . which was such a bad habit which took alot of my time up. ERP taught me to live with the uncertainty , and i don't check any the list above anymore . like i said at the start cheating ocd is my biggest obsession . So i done a big thing last night i went out and drunk some alcohol and some moments of the night are fuzzy and cant remember , so my mind went straight away to what if you cheated and you cant remember ? i just shaked it off and said to my self in my head , well all of the previous times i thought this happened , i never cheated so go away . i feel more confident in my self to shake things of off and live with the uncertainty . What i hate about ocd is it tries to attack what you care about because i love my girlfriend so much . To anyone who has gone through the same situation , does this sound like i'm coping with OCD alot abetter now , much appreciated , william .
  10. Its my OCD , Maybe its Reassurance and Wanting to get other peoples opinions . im sorry that its my third time posting but i just like to get help by other people like you who understand
  11. Thanks for the reply Taurean , i just dont understand it , it feels like i cant hug female friends anymore with out thinking i have kissed them and cheated on my partner . this obsession has always happened when i have got into a relationship . I have recently started cbt and takign sertraline . The biggest thing i have done is told my current partner i adore and trust about my problem and she is amazing and understands . just really draining .
  12. I would be anywhere on the street , it mostly happens in a club .( I do not drink alcohol . ) My ocd always flares up when i hug Lady , It seems to be like a saftey/checking habit . 10 minutes after i have hugged a female i have a voice in my head saying "did you just kiss her , or did we just kiss" ? it confuses me because its like , you can't just forget you kissed someone ? its quite annoying because i actually message the person , and they always say what the hell , no you didnt . i have stopped this compulsion now by messaging the person now because ive learnt it worsens the thought . this OCD habit only happens when im in a Relationship . i love my girlfriend so much it seems i do this because i dont want to hurt and ruin our relatuionship ? , Has anyone experienced this ? i do have OCD most checking , for example doors , lights , taps and handbreak , ect ! much appreciated william .
  13. i know but how can hugging a girl make a voice go in my head saying did we just kiss 10 mins later ? it just scares me . why does this always happen .im sorry i keep going on but its really draining me
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