I have suffered from anxiety, O.C.D, intrusive thoughts, for a long time now with periods where it gets much better and periods where it gets so bad I feel its never going to go away.
I'm writing now, sitting at work, having now had this specific worry since Sunday evening. I have a cat, I've had her for 10-11 years, I have had so much pleasure out of having her and have always loved cats. But I worry a lot about general dirtyness and usually my anxiety is about keeping myself clean, washing my hands excessively and showering twice a day - which I know is not too excessive but it is the extreme need to do it which I have always found the problem. Anyway, just recently I have been staying in house, subletting a room in a shared space with 3 others and I have my cat in the house too. Its a mixture or certain people's attitudes towards my cat and other comments about cats being unhygenic that I have began in the last 5 days or so to 'take in' and to question whether my cat is dirty and the anxiety this already creates is bad as it becomes something I think is going to become 'a worry' 'a thing' or something I need to get rid of. SO - since Sunday night i have been thinking that perhaps my cat is dirty, that other people in the house shut their doors at night so therefore 'I am unusual or something', 'I am wrong' I should not have the cat in my room, 'I need to get rid of her' etc etc
Its made me anxious, having her on my bed, having her there. But I have not had this before, not like this. I usually take pleasure in her being there, when she curls up next to me. But now, I seem to be creating this whole issue around it, because of what other people have said. I am desperately tired. I am sure some people would say don't let her in my room, this is mad though, if anyone knows OCD it is not the answer; to act on the feeling??
I literally feel like I can not go on like this, having not slept properly with this awful tension in my body, in my whole being, its hell. I am reaching out, hoping that connecting with others will help. Thank you
