Maximus2019

@Veryblue I see.

@Hdigtts @howard @Simonsky Thank you for your responses. @Veryblue I specifically explained that the thought itself did not feel like an OCD thought. My point was that the feeling excessive guilt part of it (it was a thought that I never had any intent of acting out on) and thinking this would ruin my relationship may be OCD, and that seems confirmed by other users.

@Simonsky Thank you. Lol about the anniversary joke. I think we've all had bad thoughts which if carried out would be a crime, but having the thought alone is not enough to warrant punishment. I had thoughts when I was younger about harming my parents.Typically this would happen after they punished me. It makes me feel bad thinking back since I love my parents. I think most of us have bad and good in us, and that's what thoughts like this shows, but we can choose to develop the good in us and let that win over the bad.

@Simonsky thanks this is helpful. The problem in my case is that the thought was more than just a fleeting intrusive thought. I spent several minutes on it and was getting enjoyment from the idea. I know some people with ocd get things like fleeting thoughts of inappropriate sexual contact, but this was more than that. The thoughts I had were more comparable to the thoughts we’ve all had (I think) about harming someone we think wronged us (like a thought of beating someone up). Can these thoughts be treated like OCD? If not, can they still he excused based on the fact that they are just thoughts, and that there is a big difference between thinking something and doing it or attempting to do it? Thanks

There is a woman I am in a relationship with, and at one point I thought she might leave me and was just using me. I was sitting in a theatre listening to a symphony and enjoying it, and all of a sudden, I imagined myself alone with her and violating her. Unfortunately, I enjoyed the thought and at the moment could even see myself doing that if there would be no legal consequences. Soon after the thought I felt guilty for having it. Shortly after that we made plans to meet that week and I felt even more guilty. Now I don't know if I deserve to be with her, and if this lack of confidence might cause the relationship to actually end. Please help.

Thanks so much Snowbear. So you are saying that this lost “brick” is unnecessary because there are enough other bricks to complete the building?

Better thanks! Now wondering about another issue that I posted about this morning.

There is a woman I just met at a cafe and we exchanged numbers and later went on one date. I hadn’t heard from her for a while, then she messaged me late in the day. I had something in mind to say to her the next day which I thought was inspiring and likely to spark emotions. I didn’t write it down though and forgot what it was that I wanted to say. Now I feel like I need to remember, and I can’t say anything else of interest to her unless I remember what I was going to say. This is hurting my chances with her. Please help. Thanks

I appreciate it. I did not mean to say that I am a danger to myself.

I did something very stupid- despite warnings from many people not to do it, and despite promising myself not to. There is a woman from Brazil who once a week cleans in the building where I work. She doesn't clean the part where I work, but I am assuming someone renting another space hired her, or the owner of the building did. Last year I tried to make a connection with her, but it didn't work out. Then, a few months ago, I started a conversation with her, and this time she showed mutual interest. She gave me her number and we began a texting communication for a few weeks. It turns out she was recently separated from her husband and has a 2 year old and 5 year old son. When I tried to make plans to meet up she texted me a few days later and abruptly ended things by saying she reunited with her husband. I held off on texting her but then a few weeks later I couldn't resist and texted to see how she was doing. I then got OCD that what if her husband saw my text and harmed her out of jealousy. I was thinking that because it's a macho culture, this may have happened. Please keep in mind it's my OCD talking here regarding the culture, and I the healthy part of my mind realizes that there is a wide variety of temperaments among men there like anywhere. So, anyway, I got great advice about how not to reach out to her when she's in an uncertain relationship status. So, I held off for a month. Things were going well, and I was focused on work. Then, one evening, about two weeks ago, I walk into the glass door and see her standing facing me, with sweat pants and a t shirt half open so I could see her belly. We talked for a while, exchanged pleasantries, and I said bye. I asked how were things with her husband, and she said "eh". I could tell she was not in a good relationship. After I left I tried to resist but couldn't, and invited her up to my office to have some water. We did, and then after talking for a bit the tension was too high and I tried to kiss her. I didn't touch her or even come close, I just asked if we could. She said no, and that she only wanted to be friends, and then left. Mistake number two: I called her an hour later. Now I realized her husband had control of her phone. He said "who is calling" in broken english, and I apologized and said that someone left cleaning equipment at the building. I know what I did was morally wrong- even if it did not put her in immediate danger, I risked complicating her family situation further. I tried to be physical with her when she was in a vulnerable state. I wasn't planning it. It's just that she was on my mind for so long before, and, being able to finally see her again, not knowing if I ever would, I felt it was maybe my last chance to seize on the moment. I am now well past the point of understanding not to communicate with her while she's still married and trying to figure things out. What I need now is health advice related to these symptoms that I'm having, that have been stopping me from living and preventing me from helping people with the work I normally do. The symptoms are: I keeping asking myself if he killed her. I try to think what the chances of it having happened are. He answered the phone, and he's clearly jealous if he has control of her phone. There seems to have been a high level of conflict between them already. I googled today the number of murders per year in the city where I live to try and figure out how likely it is that he murdered her. To make matters worse, the following facts are making me think that there is a real possibility he did: 1)I didn't see her in the building last Thursday, the day she normally works, (although I wasn't here at the time she normally comes), 2) I tried calling her from another number today just to hear her voice to see if she was alive. No one picked up. She isn’t due to be back in the building for another 3 days from now. I will be torching myself until then to get confirmation that she's alive, but if she doesn't show up then my symptoms will only worsen. Also, she usually comes at around 7 in the evening, and usually I am gone by then, so I’d have to stay late to see if she comes which is another compulsion I think? There is another single girl, who is single and studying psychology, who I made a genuine connection with recently, but I can't even text her because of all this guilt I have. I began talking to her at a café that I like to go to about once a week, and I have never approached a woman to talk to there before. She said she admired that I did a brave thing. We then had a great date a few days later. I may lose her while I am obsessing about whether or not the lady from my building was killed. I feel like I don't deserve a relationship anyway if I put someone in danger like I did. I also feel like I deserve the compulsions I am having. OCD makes sure we are not happy or productive. Please help. Thanks

Thanks Lynz. I appreciate your help. Sorry to you and Caramoole and DRS1 for the frequent messages trying to gain 100% certainty about the situation. I am seeing a therapist and will raise this issue during our next meeting.

I appreciate your help and Caramoole's as well. I just hope you read the whole post (it's only a few paragraphs) because there may be some details in there that could affect whether or not this is a real concern. I'm laughing at myself here but this is a serious issue for me. Thanks

Thanks. What did you mean by "There is nothing doubt filling about compulsive reassurance long term."? Is it not a legitimate concern that her husband sees the text and harms her, especially since it is a very strict culture? I saw a movie a few years ago where a Brazilian man kills his wife in a horrible manner after she cheated on him, and remembering that scene isn't helping me much here.

Thanks Caramoole. I see a therapist once a month. I would appreciate if you read the rest of the post and let me know your thoughts. The first paragraph doesn’t explain the substance of the issue. Until Saturday I haven’t posted here in months so your advice here would really help. Thanks

I met a woman who works in the same building as me last year. I spoke to her the same day we met and tried to get to know her but it didn't go anywhere. She only works there once in a while, so I didn't see her again until a month ago. This time I approached her again and started a conversation and asked for her number. She gave it to me and we continued a texting conversation for a few weeks. She's from Brazil, and she told me she was divorced with two children - 2 and 5 years old. About a week later I asked her to go for a walk on a Saturday. Three days later she responds with an apology for replying late, and tells me that she can't meet anymore because she reunited with her husband. I told her (part jokingly) that this is a drama and I thought she was divorced. She then sends me a long text saying she wasn't lying (I probably misunderstood her initially- or she may have just said she was separated but not divorced). She told me that she wanted me to believe her. She said she was going to give things a final chance with her husband. Based on the length of her text and the things she said I felt she wanted to keep things open with us, or at least keep a relationship between us an option incase she got separated again. All I told her is that life is complicated, and I think she is doing the right thing to give it another try with her husband. I decided not to pursue her anymore since I didn't want to break up her family and cause suffering. She liked my final message and that was that. Last night, though, after two weeks or so of not messaging her, I was feeling the urge to talk to her again. I felt like me not texting her was just putting myself under restraint and I wanted to feel free. I thought marriage shouldn't be a prison anyway and she should be able to make her own choice. So I texted her asking how the situation was with her husband. I was hoping that this wouldn't cause a problem for her, but still took the risk. I can see she hadn't blocked my number, but she hasn't responded yet to my text (and part of me hopes she doesn't). Now I feel guilty that I texted her knowing she's married and knowing it was a Saturday night and her husband could've been right next to her. I'm thinking things like what if her husband kills her or attacks her or the children. Brazil seems to have a culture where men can get harsh in a situation like that, but it might just be a stereotype/prejudice or maybe just my ocd playing into it. Or, to a lesser extreme, what if the family breaks up again because he sees his wife has been texting another man? She had told me, prior to them getting back together, that they were living separately, but I assume from her recent texts that they started to live together again. Are my worries legit? Btw I don’t plan on pursuing this woman anymore- at least not while she’s married or in an undecided situation. My main issue now is the ocd thoughts about the harm I may have already caused. Thanks!