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  1. Hi, (This post contains some really gross details so I apologise beforehand.) Even though this is not the first time when such a thing happens to me, I find it very hard to talk about it. But at the same time I find it even harder not to talk about it so here goes. My brother talks almost everyday to his classmate/friend over the phone (they play together and this way they keep each other updated). Let's name the kid 'J'. For some reason this (them two talking) has become a HUGE trigger for me. I mentioned in one of my previous posts how I would have a groinal response each tim
  2. Thank you, @iamwesker. I appreciate your support. (I apologise for not replying sooner.)
  3. You are right, @malina. Thank you.
  4. Well, that's the thing. They're not actually helping me. All they are doing is monitoring my mood. I've only had an appointment with them so far and that was an assessment. The lady I spoke to said she had some general knowledge about OCD but can't actually help me with CBT and ERP; she can only make sure that my mood is okay, I guess.
  5. Hi @malina, @Caramooleperfectly described my situation. I have two more appointments with the Primary Care Team and only when I've completed them, I can contact my therapist again. I'm disappointed because I have to wait again and I'm scared I'm going to be worse without the help I need.
  6. Hi, Today I'm feeling much worse. Last night I started worrying that maybe I behaved inappropriately while helping my brother get ready for school. Sometimes I help him pull up his trousers and usually I feel very anxious when I have to do it. Now I'm thinking that maybe I pulled up too hard once or twice. Also, while thinking about it last night, I had a feeling of excitment and it seemed like I would enjoy helping my brother in a sick way if I had to do it again. I feel like I have a problem of not being able to control my movements when I'm anxious and have direct contact with m
  7. Hi, So as I've said in my lost post I feel like I'm slipping back into my old compulsive behaviours. I find myself thinking and wanting to revisit the past incidents more often now. I also feel like my mood, which was quite good for the past couple of weeks, is getting worse again. I probably know already what I have to do but at the same time I feel like I don't. I'm definitely much better at realising that this is OCD but I still doubt myself and my intentions most of the days. For example, earlier my brother was talking and playing to his friend over the phone while I was in the
  8. Hey @malina, Well, unfortunately, as long as I see someone from the Primary Care Team my therapist can't work with me due to the probability of contradiction between the two different techniques. I have two more appointments with the Primary Care Team (one at the beginning of June and one at the end of June). Only I'm done with them, I can contact my therapist and maybe try therapy again. I just feel really upset because for the past week I've had this weird general feeling - I'm not sure if it is a form of depression but I do have lost my interest in everything, have no/very littl
  9. Thank you very much for this, @MarieJo.
  10. Yes, @Caramoole, I know you are right but I guess this is more than just an intrusive thought, isn't it?
  11. Hi, So I just can't sleep because this is still bothering me: Okay, so I tried to let it go but I still think this is just way too creepy. I saw the same kid when I went to get my brother from school yesterday and I felt so weird about him. All of this makes me sick, I swear.
  12. Thank you so very much, @Caramoole, @OxCD and @Pikachu. I really, really appreciate your help. I know this is very disappointing and I know that I should not be doing it but I feel awful. My brother was talking to his classmate/friend over the phone and when I heard them, I said something out loud thinking that I want the friend to hear me. How and why? What is wrong with me? Why in the world would I want attention from a 9 year old? I'm so annoyed and angry with myself.
  13. Thank you, @Caramoole. I'm really sorry for all the details I wrote earlier, it's all really disgusting. I haven't really seen other people with similar thoughts so I guess that makes it even more disgusting.
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