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Cora

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    21
  • Joined

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About Cora

  • Birthday 06/08/1998

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    POCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    UK

Recent Profile Visitors

114 profile views
  1. Thank you so much, @dksea! And everyone else who replied to my posts. You are all very nice and kind people!
  2. Thank you very much for all your replies. I really appreciate it. I don't even know what to say. I'm very confused because everything seems very real. My body (and my mind too) responds strongly to my thoughts. I even had inappropriate thoughts that were my own. And I agreed with them... All this has gone way too far... And the fact that the kiss I gave my brother was inappropriate makes me feel so guilty. And I am guilty. I don't know what to do. I just want to die. Or disappear. I'm sorry for this text. It makes no sense.
  3. Thank you everyone for taking time to reply! My concern is that what I felt in that moment was more like (sexual) attraction (I know, terrible!) than simple sibling love. And that I only kissed him as a response of that attraction. I know there's nothing I can do now, and that posting here won't help but I feel like I have to confess this.
  4. I feel very bad about this... I really don't know what to do... it's like all I want is to confess this to everyone... even the police... My OCD, if it is OCD, is very weird. I get too many sensations in my body, and not even groinal responses, just sensations. And feelings too. Very real feelings. It's very different from how it all started. I feel like I need to be punished for every thing I've done, thought and felt. Especially for the fact that sometimes it feels like I can't control myself, and that I would act on my thoughts. Or would want to act on them.
  5. But I can't let it go... I'm sure that the kiss (on the cheek) was with bad intentions. It's not like it's a false memory. And I only started thinking about it 2 days ago. I think I tried to trick myself into believing that didn't happen... I'm so messed up...
  6. Also, it's like I've lost all the love feelings I used to have for my brother...
  7. I want to apologise beforehand to everyone who's reading this... I am diagnosed with OCD. However, I struggle very much with believing that what I have is indeed OCD. There was a period of two weeks or so when I would get real strong feelings and emotions towards my brother. I didn't want them. But they were there. And they were very much similar to the ones I have for my boyfriend... One Saturday, about a month ago, I was helping him (my brother) to get ready for a walk in the park (with dad). And I kissed and hugged him (right now, as I'm typing this, it feels like I'm saying this only so you can think I'm a nice person... I'm sorry...). However, I think because of the strong and weird feelings the kiss was with bad intention. And this would mean I abused him... I'm so sorry for this but as I was trying to fall asleep I kept thinking about it, and how bad what happened is... I really don't know what to do...
  8. I understand. Thank you for your reply. And I apologise if I offended anyone with my latest post.
  9. I know that what I'm going to say will sound weird and probably won't make much sense ... but I have to ask something... Do people who've read this post (this includes both people who replied and who didn't) think that I have something more than OCD, such as inclination to pedophilia, or a combination of both? I know this is a weird question to ask, and probably selfish too, but I feel that I didn't get many replies because people think that I am a terrible person, and therefore I don't deserve help. Thank you.
  10. Yes, I understand. It's true, I want it to be OCD. And I started to act like it's OCD. But it feels like a big fat lie. My mind has been changed and whenever I think (or see) of children I get a very weird sensation in my body. Don't think I can describe it. I don't think I'll ever be able to see children as I used to see them before all this.
  11. I guess no one is replying because there is nothing that can be done...
  12. Also, I'm really scared that I molested my brother because there were 3 weird physical contacts between us, one of them leading to really strong sensations in my body. The worst part is I think I enjoyed those sensations... And sometimes when I think about that I think I still enjoy it. Whenever I watch programs and news about people molesting children I feel guilty, and feel like I should go to prison...
  13. Hi, I know I've posted before and I really appreciate all the replies and answers I received. I don't really know the aim of this post... but here goes... I really feel that this is not OCD, and maybe it was at some point, but now it's just paedophilia. I will never be able to look at kids in a normal way. I can't get over the fact that I was distressed because I couldn't act on my thoughts/urges. I live with 7 years old brother, and all my thoughts are about molesting him. These thoughts rarely come with anxiety, it's either no emotion or excitement combined with weird sensations. I know I need help. But I'm pretty sure it's not for OCD. And I'm really sorry for my boyfriend. Because he believes I am nice person. I wish I could break up with him, because he deserves someone normal. Whenever I think about us having kids, all I can think about is me doing something bad to them. And I'm really sorry for my parents, too. They think I'm a good daughter and sister. But they don't know who I actually am. Two months ago or so I was 85% convinced that it was OCD (even though I wasn't diagnosed at that time)… now I'm 100% convinced it's paedophilia. I don't really know what to do...
  14. Thank you so much for your answers. It did help a bit.
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