John_Lennon

I have been monitoring my blood pressure because this issue is recently giving me a lot of stress/grief. As of 01h27, my blood pressure readings in succession were: 1) 161/97 2) 151/84 3) 154/92 4) 144/83 5) 158/91 I already take 10 mg Lisonipril. I have been on blood pressure medication since 2016. This incessant topic is causing me so much hardship. I have lost a lot of interest in my hobbies already. I can barely concentrate on my language books anymore.

A big problem that I have is that I cannot stop comparing myself to other people. It is almost an inbed habit that I just cannot stop. Like right now, when I read your message, I am comparing myself to you. Since you found a relationship at 26, I compare myself to you and think that since I am 30, you are normal and I am abnormal, since you got a relationship at 26, yet I am 30 and still have not found out. And then I spiral downwards into this negative thinking. I have also seen on fora and on various websites that how a guy like me at 30 who has zero relationship and sexual experience basically is a lost cause--that women will never want such a loser, and that people in general will just berate and make fun of such a guy for the rest of his life. I feel like this is what awaits me in the present and future (since it already has happened). I have seen on other fora how women say that anyone over basically age 25 with no relationships/sex is more or less undateable. This really hurts to see. I feel physically sick when I think about it. It makes me want to vomit, and that is not an exaggeration. Yes, I am dealing with a lot, I keep getting viral infections each time I ruminate about this stuff since my immune system declines badly when I am under severe stress and ruminations. I feel like, yes, everyone is putting a lot of pressure on dating. I feel like I am the only one in my social groups that has never had a relationship nor sex. True, I do know some males who are in their mid-30s who are also virgins with no girlfriends. However, they also suffer from depression and other problems due to their situation. None of them are happy, similar to me. I have been on dates before, but it was clear that none of the women were compatible with me. And I have a really bad associating with dating because 100% of the dates that I have been on have been seriously unpleasant. As in, humiliating, degrading and just so unpleasant that they have been traumatising. But I have to date to have a relationship, that is kind of a necessary step. I just feel so hopeless, since nothing is coming to fruition, no matter how hard and how much I try different things. I feel as if I am just stuck in a hole.

The last time that I ruminated this badly over this issue was 2015 when I was age 26. I lost my appetite from the ruminations and spiraling deprssion that I went from weighing 80 kg (12 st 10 lb) to 55 kg (8 st 8 lb). It is not as bad now as like that, but it is still not good. Probably second worse after 2015. I have diagnosed OCD from a previous doctor almost 10 years ago, plus as well now from the doctor that I had switched to a few years ago. I would not mind trying therapy (just the talking part). But I live in USA, and with a bad health insurance plan. Since mental health is not covered, I think that sessions last that I checked were over the equivalent of ₤100, clearly not reasonable. So I just do self-help.

I always think of the comments that I have received, not only about my awkwardness and weirdness, but also my ugliness. Obviously, it hurts a lot more when women call me ugly than if a man calls me ugly. Perhaps I am being hard on myself, but as I said, around every 40 seconds of each minute that I am awake I think about this. Sharing common goals and stuff has not been something that has been given importance, no matter how much I think that it should be, at least in my experience. I wish that I had experienced seeing that, but that causes my ruminations since I see the contrary, then wonder over and over if I will be single for years or for life. Each ten seconds sometimes I think, "Am I doomed to remain single?" It is like I cannot rest from thinking about it. I have a lot of OCD about hypochondria and that stuff, but eventually my mind rests. With this issue, though, it just keeps going on and on. I have tried online dating since 2015, on apps like Bumble, OKCupid, etc. The usual ones. I have never met any women in person from any app. I also usually get only 1-2 likes per month. I am not sure what other ways there are to even end up in a position to get dates.

I feel like since I have already been rejected multiple times for never having had a girlfriend or never having had sex, due to a combination of focussing on university, anxiety, social awkwardness, plus Asperger's, that this affects me more and more since none of the women whom I have met in the past several years wants someone who "lacks experience". It feels hopeless because it is like job applications--they want people with experience, but how do you get experience if they do not hire you? Same with dating. Yes, mental issues such as social anxiety are definitely the culprit as well. I have zero friends and never have had a girlfriend, and I have terrible social anxiety. When I am anxious, my awkwardness goes up by a lot. And yes, I cannot stand to look in the mirror because I hate myself so much. Well, that is theoretically ideal, but of the few dates that I have been on, 100% of the women considered me weird for the above reasons: lacking experience plus awkward and odd. There is not much that I can do to improve, since I was like this since birth. And where I am I do not seem to meet anyone that is more empathetic or compassionate.

Hello everyone. I have had moderate to severe OCD since birth. I had turned 30 a couple months ago, and still single with no girlfriend, plus being still a virgin. On and off for most of my 20s I kept ruminating about this topic. But since Christmas, which I spent completely alone, the ruminations have increased a lot. I probably think about how I am a failure due to being single/virgin at least 40 seconds of every minute that I am awake. These ruminations threw me into a depressive state in which I currently find myself. As expected, the constant ruminations and feeling of despair and failure caused my immune system to get destroyed. This usually happens when I keep thinking over and over about something, and causes my body excess stress. On New Year's Eve, I caught some sort of nasal viral infection, which I still have. I have been trying to avoid ruminating about being a single/virgin 30 year old male, since it affects my physical health as well--in addition to Pure O ruminations messing up my immune system, I was also diagnosed with chronic hypertension at the age of 26 mostly because of stress--but I still keep ruminating and fell into a bad depression. Numerous failures in dating and romance has just caused the ruminations to increase. Does anyone ruminate about something similar to this? This really feels like hell.