mchmis26

I wasn’t using alcohol I just happened to have a glass the problem is at my work and that’s an issue

This is ****** i need to rant working today, been having this regular come in every day whom i serve and we're very friendly. brain is trying to make me convinced im into him even though im talking to someone rn collegue kept winking at me to suggest im into him what if i am he's cute but what if i not into the guy im talking to i dont want to go to work tomorrow im sorry i couldn't format this better, im feeling so ******* anxious right now, and all of my friends are bust so i need a distraction i dont know what to do im so ******* stressed been having more gender related thoughts too narcissism is fading out but still there yeah, this formatting is ****** im sorry kinda drunk too. i want this to go away ad i dont want to go to work tomorrow i know reassurance is bad but please i need something i need a distraction

Hey, thank you so much for this reply! I am considering ringing back to book an appointment, though since then I’ve turned 18 so may need to find another service. I guess I’m just tired of having to explain everything again, like to me this is terrifying and horrible but when I tell someone I either sound crazy or my problem doesn’t sound too bad. Let’s just say, when your old therapist tells you to take a bath and meditate and your GP suggests LGBT services for your SO intrusive thinking you believe that your thoughts are true. I remember during two weeks of severe intrusive thoughts which left me up and panicking during the night and barely eating, I’d take boiling hot baths every morning. I guess it helped because of the temperature. Idk where I’m going with this, but it helped. I’ll give therapy another go in the near future hopefully. Thank you so much ?

Hey guys, To start, I don’t have OCD but I’m trying to get tested. I was just wondering, does anyone else try to rationalise their intrusive thoughts by showing them you don’t care? For example: ” You’re a narcissist” ”That’s a mental illness so it’s fine I can get treated for that” ”you’re gay and in denial” ”that’s fine if I am I’ll love who I do” - not always effective if you’re already in to someone of the opposite sex “you have terminal cancer” ”I’ll just wait and if I die I die” These things help but not for too long. There are times when I think “you are literally just a thought, you don’t mean anything” and 80% of the time it gives me intense relief. If I’m not so lucky it’ll argue back even more with evidence. I guess I wanted a reason to come back here without asking for reassurance. Right now I’m struggling with the covert narcissist and gay in denial intrusive thought combo. Yeah it’s getting really difficult. Didn’t call to book a therapy assessment in the end because I don’t think they’ll help, same as last time. Don’t know if I will again tbh. Nobody takes me seriously. anyway what a ramble hope all is ok with you guys

I’m definitely a narcissist. I searched up for some hope and it adds up everything, so many people have told me I’m not but I just know. I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore to be fairly honest I just want to live and not double check my motives every time I do or think something of/to others. My friendships, romantic interests, family what if I’m just using them. I’m self obsessed, love my birthdays and answering questions about myself, hate when people cry because there’s no reason to and even if someone does something small that I dislike I begin to dislike the person. And so much more. I always thought it was ocd because of my themes around sexuality and gender. Idk. Ahh.

I guess I came across wrong, diagnosis or not seeing a professional would help me to understand myself. I keep being brushed off which is making me feel like what I’m experiencing is normal. I need answers rather than a diagnosis and whether it’s in that form or not I need some form of help.

@BigDave @Mike68 @PolarBear @MrStar I want to thank you guys so much for the support. This is the only place I feel I can talk about my thoughts as they vary in taboo and makes me seem like a terrible person out loud. I’m trying not to fight the voice in my head but I know I can’t keep putting off getting help and insisting there is something wrong. Do you guys have any tips on getting yourself a diagnosis even if that means being firm sometimes? Im honestly so, so grateful for you guys’ insight, I hope you’re all well.

I have so many times to try and reassure myself that I’m not a bad person. I haven’t been taken seriously by anyone I’ve spoken to in the medical field, my GP and old therapist told me my intrusive thoughts were normal for everyone and I need to meditate and keep reassuring myself. I’m a goddamn mess and nobody believes me. This website is my only form of support. But then again, what if? You know?

That’s true. I’m not diagnosed but I’ve realised most of my obsessions came from seeing a topic on tv (cancer, “evil” personality disorders or sexuality etc) and would run with it. Today has been a mix of reassurance in my mind and sudden bursts of “hey (m/n) remember you’re a narcissist) whenever I’m alone or undistracted. But I feel like I’m using it to be in denial. What I’ve done in the past, the things that go through my mind and how manipulative I can be ,and I hate to admit that but I have to to give you guys an idea about how it may not be just ocd, just justifies that I am one. It all matches up and I’m scared, but why I’m scared is probably narcissistic in itself. I must be really frustrating you guys with my stubbornness to believe you, and I really really appreciate the support and advice and wisdom you have both given me but right now I fully believe I have npd and I’m not normal. That’s where I am right now, I don’t know if it’ll pass like my episode on my sexual/gender identity which also felt real but for now I am convinced. Could be ocd, could be autism as I’ve been suspecting I have for a while due to my feelings of understanding and empathy and fitting in. But that does not change the fact that I’m most likely a narcissist. I don’t know anymore to be fairly honest. I just needed to vent somewhere.

Thank you for sharing this, it’s really giving me hope. It’s just that my thinking lines up with npd and I believe I’m scared to have it because people will leave me which is an npd trait. It’s proving really hard to convince myself otherwise.

But there are some self aware ones. I’m just convinced at this point, everything matches up. I really appreciate your response but I don’t feel normal. I want to be but I’m so, so convinced. I keep testing myself and my empathy and I’m about to give up.

I always thought my new obsessions over myself being a covert narcissist were related to undiagnosed OCD. But I think I actually might be a narcissist. And I’m feeling like I should just accept it. Ive been looking at articles on it for the past hour and I can’t find anything telling me I’m not. The symptoms match. I know this is unrelated to narcissism but I don’t know where else to go with this information. I have to keep it to myself. I just want to be normal. I don’t want to hurt anyone but there’s always a “what if you’re saying that just to keep people around”. I want to live normally and have no ulterior motive. I’m ******.

Thank you, same to you man

Hey! It’s terrifying, I’m generally a nice person but I’m pretty sure I do it to appear nice or get something. I want to not be one so bad but it’s always what if what if what if. It’s really hitting hard

Hey guys it’s 7am and thoughts have started up. im writing this because I need to get it out there I can’t stop them it’s scaring me. Ive had thoughts tell me I’m a covert narcissist now and every good thing I do I’m made to believe it was for show and now I believe that. I genuinely believe I’m a bad person and they’re telling me now I’m writing this to exaggerate and cover up the fact I’m a bad person. I just needed this off my chest I don’t know what to do I’m being told I’m a bad person after everything I throw back at it i don’t want them to get as strong as last time please I don’t know what to do theyre trying to stop me from making this post to prove I’m not a selfish narcissist I just want to live my life i can’t stop them I just needed to rant, I don’t know what to do